J.ill Loves the Hoes

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot in a production of I Heart Radiors. Okay, what's up with that? Hey, this is the podcast Jake dot Bil. This is Jill Scott with my ladies. Hello, this is a trip Braden's. They know me. You may know me from such places as Kindred, the family soul or your schoolyard. Picking up several of multiple children. Found them. They are six, half of them are almost gone and I'm here with you. J dot il j telling me so happy to have you. Ohow, I don't know whether it goes to the valley or to my bill collector voice which want to read it? Bill collector, bill collector? Oh, yes, you have reached Margaret. Yes, so my name. Oh I just gave my whole government. All right, yeah, I'm like you maybe have that crazy laugh go ahead. You may know me from my mouth is running. I don't have six children and a hit record, but my mouth does its work. Oh that's funny, because look we talk about today, amen, mouth and work work, work from mouth. This is a podcast to spark conversation. That's the point and the goal. Listen, we are talking about sex workers today. M sex. Yeah, talking about sex one right, so interesting now that we use the term sex worker because the point at the end of the day was to think sex should not be work, but yet it is the job choice of many people. Of many people, obviously male, female, all gender, so folks. So a lot of people are getting busy and sometimes even when it's not a job, it's work. I don't know. I feel like if sex is work, then we shouldn't be doing it. That part. I feel like I'm supposed to be free and we're supposed to just enjoy each other and that's it. Yeah, that's it. I don't don't believe in all that. Yes, that operates under the assumption that getting sex or access to sex is easy for people because the maybe they don't have access to just have it on a whim. Everyone's not a sexy and attractive vision. What this sex demand? I don't understand what you mean. This very essential part of life can sometimes be a service that many people are in the market for. That's all I'm gonna say about I think that's a very very mature way to bring this up. Yeah, because some people are paying for the gooch, all the men, and it's not. Honestly, I tell you the truth, I really wanted to start a brothel, but I'm not a fan of prison, so I never did it. But I mean you could do it legal in Vegas, right, Vegas is legal, like the word brothel like that. You can have a brothel legally in and legally yes. Don't you remember the Bunny Farm from Yes? Yes, yes? And also that's all that's ill. That reminds me of Magic Mike too, where Jada Pinkett ran. It's kind of like her version of a brothel for women. Well, it was like a stripper thing. I don't know doing it do, but I wanted to get a brothel for women fo win. I wanted men that did not wear g strings, did not wear thigh highs or hoods on their whole penal situation. You know what it's called the cocksack. Oh you yes, yes I didn't. I'm immediately out, like when I see those things, when meet that stuff, I'm out. I'm no longer interested. You know. I wanted the guys to have like tims and jeans, you know what I mean. I wanted them to have on suits. I wanted them to have a job. I wanted them to be a doctor. You know what they see see they what they this is to be their side hustle, I guess, and way more for the males than our standards are hired to play acter, to play character. Right at the end of the night, when all the ladies have watched some dancing and had some drinks and all of these things, than the men just get naked and they walk around and keep serving drinks and you can pick who you want. I thought it would be so nice because there are a lot of very well off women that really really struggle with finding somebody that they can spend their time with because it's a lot of suckers out here. Another time, Wait, there's a lot of suckers, and you gotta make sure that nobody's got a camera in the room. You gotta make sure, you know, you have to like really really look out for yourself where they're not gonna try to sneak you one. The next thing you know, you got you know you're pregnant or something or sick. You know what I'm saying, right Well, it's like you're basically saying, it's hard to vet these folds. It's hard to know you're doing all of that work ahead of time, particularly with the socialized sexual and encounter for the Like a lot of relationships, it's just a social thing. You serve my needs. I say that, you know, the woman says what she wants and that's exactly what she gets. If she just tender, loving, then that's what she gets. If she wants, you know, something rough and aggressive and dominant, then that's what she gets. Like, I thought it would be such an incredible way to be of service two women. You know, are you confirming there is no sick illuminati Hollywood like escort service, because in my mind, I just thought that that that's going on. You would know. I don't because I mean, I'm totally in the Illuminati or the black loty, whatever y'all call it. There's no service for women, and at least in this Hollywood. I don't mess with nobody, so I don't know what's going on stations. I'm not accusing you. I'm saying, you know, I'm not. No, I didn't feel accused. I'm just telling you what it is. People do my business. Even if there is, I promise you ain't. None of it cared to no Black women that much. I do know exist. It ain't for us. I wonder, yo, did we just I wonder did we find a niche? Do you need a quiet investor? Because if they can give massages and stuff, too likely when the mama got the but the booty. Well, there was a video that was circulating on the internet a while ago. There was a man who was doing this like sensual massage service and he had like a video that was circulating amongst the ladies. Yes, I remember this, and I was thinking to myself, like it wasn't a little much, but hey, when wasn't much for you? When when did too? What was I don't know, like for me, the look of it was awesome, It was like, oh, yes, I would love to be touched in that way. But when I thought about being touched in that way by somebody who I did not know, who I know was also touching multiple other people like that, that was when it just kind of I lost it. But my thing is that's just me, and it's like and also to there's like there's a market out there for that. He was married, so it's not always because of that. Yeah, when you when you just send me from the box that I met in your mind, I just I just mean, because could you really see any other man touching you? Like that anyway, like, regardless of how many that's what I just mean. Wait a minute, So you're saying you don't get massages. I've gotten a massage, but I've never had a massage from a man. Oh that's my favorite. Oh yeah, I haven't had it. But I wanted a firm grip getting deep into the muscle. I really really appreciate that. Well, the best deep tissue massage I ever had was a white lady. I mean, she was off the chain. I don't know where he is. Shout out to Michelle. I don't know where you are in the world. I think he was Jewish. I'm not sure, but he was a mutant. He had pads on the end of his fingers that were like that big, no exaggeration, like they were pads. And when I tell you we would work together, I would. We were a team. I would breathe and he would um. I would get in position so that he could get into the muscles and he would work those mutant fingers. Honey. I left out of there feeling like a gazillion bucks. Okay, was it a deep tissue or what Wasn't we made it up? Well, I thought we made it up. We probably didn't. I thought we made it that I would stretch in the way that I needed and he would go wherever I needed him to go to work into the muscle, so I could be completely specific. He's not finding things. I'm showing him exactly. You know where I'm tight, you know where there's a is he handsome? He was? It was because I mean this, you know, we're talking about sex workers. I don't want you to be too g on me. I'm like, did he No, no, no, no, no, no, no no. I've never had that kind of experience. Let me just say this, when we're talking about well, I mean I I don't I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want that. First, let me say that I have a respect for sex workers and and a fascination that I've had since the first time I saw a prostitute on the street. I was like, what in the world. The fact that she could turn off everything that is so specifically feminine to me, the sense of smell, the oh, the sense of smell. That's a big one for me. Her desire. She doesn't necessarily desire this, it's a job, you know what I mean. Like to be able to turn off everything is like you know your your risk. Not to say I'm not talking about condoms. I'm talking about places. I'm talking about being with somebody that you don't know, that you really really do not know at all. You don't know the name, you don't know this is their car or whatever. You know, you don't know them like to turn off all of your It's like turning on certain instincts for survival, but turning off all of the soft friely ship that we hold on to that matters to us. I find that absolutely fascinating. Well, I don't know if if they let go of the frillly ship more than they have realized. Well this is obviously me not knowing speaking from a place of ignorance, but just in my opinion, possibly that they are more so characterizing and the performance of of femininity quote unquote, because just like strippers, and I mean or um dancers, exotic dancers, that they have to kind of put on a character part of the experience for the person who is, you know, trying to be the John or whatever. Is this fantasy or this moment where where it's like performative intimacy, you know what I'm saying, Where it's not been and not say that some people don't even require that, But I'm just saying like it depends on who the person is, so yeah, I mean also too, obviously you're talking about specific cond of sex worker who's working in the street situation. Yeah, right, right? Rights, interesting, I never thought about that asia the difference in the work that the dancer has to do as opposed to an actual and it's not even actual sex. I don't even know is it proper to say protitude, Because everybody's under a sex worker umbrella, right, like strippers management, anybody who works in the sex industry or sex worker paces, right, or even people who who do like movies and stuff like that, or Yeah, so I guess it's all under the same umbrella. But all of it does require some compartmentalized right, I mean, it's all going to require that on some level. So what Jill is saying is that that's pretty freaking fascinating that somebody can actually compartmentalize something that's supposed to be so tightly linked with natural emotion and feelings and things like that that it becomes transaction. Right, But does the dancer have to be more creative than the actual person who's doing the sexual act in that way. I was just curious, if you think about it, because the man who's coming to get the sexual act done is that's what it is. It's that's bam bam bam. But the dancer who is creating and having to it's just it's interesting. It's like I think it's all the same because everybody talks about how they's like a lot of men and women too. They have conversations with sex workers like they sometimes just need to talk. They weren't talking to me. They won't talk to me. I've tried. I've tried many times over the years. I've tried, offered to pay for a conversation, and they will not talk to me. I don't understand. How many times have you done this? How many times have I tried to talk to them? That's that's somebody said, no, yeah, how many times that's and I'm sure it's in different cities. That's I don't understand that, Joe, I don't know. I haven't figured it. I think it's me. They think you are. They probably think I am. I'm not. Though I in no way mean to minimize the risk, because you can absolutely be murdered, and you could absolutely be raped, and you can absolutely catch, you know, some horrible disease that you may or may not be able to cure. Like I still find that fascinating that they would take that risk, you know, for for money and and get this money, and that's the primary focus in gold is to get this money. Like wow, Well, I don't know. To me, I feel like sex is more often transactional in that way and in all forms of life, you know. I remember watching the movie Paris Is Burning and how one of the women in the movie, one of the trans women in the movie, talked about how she would be judged for doing sex work, but that women in the suburbs, if they wanted to get like a new refrigeration, and when they wanted to get something from their husbands, that they might sleep with their husbands to coax them into doing things that they wanted. And so I think what she was trying to say is that sex in our culture is quite often very transactional. Because there seems so overtly transactional that that doesn't mean that that's not part of our overall culture, even down to like marriage. At some point when people were like, oh, here's a dowry. I'm gonna pay you to be able to have sex with this woman to marry her, you know what I'm saying. And so all of these things, sex and our relationship to one another, you know, really does end up being transactional more often than not. I don't know. I've never experienced it. Well, I ain't. Nobody never paid me for the coup to coup. But I'm just saying I'm not I'm not trying. I'm not talking about the part because that I mean, I do mean that too, but the whole idea of the transaction to get something other than my nut, Like I don't know, but well, no, that's not something that I've actually done. But I'm just what she's talking about. His culture. But we damn sure no girlfriends that did. We damn sure have girlfriends that was like, oh, I'm just giving something. I know girls that would having sex trying to get football players, you know, get a baby with a football player. You know. I know, I see what you mean. I see what you mean. Nonetheless, I just find it fascinating so much so that you know, I don't spend a lot of time with a lot of people, but when I'm on tour, you know, I have my my homies, and we'll go and look for the hose. We will. It's fascinating to me watching eye contact, the whole conversation, you know, between a trick and a and a possible you know, lady for the night, that brazen nous I find it. I just want to clap. They're so bold and so just brazen with it, you know, their sexuality, I might get it. Like, I think it's fascinating in a world like this society that can be so toxic and puritan when it comes to sex and sexuality, the fact that they whist all these things away is fascinating to me. I noticed that I wouldn't assume that there are some people who choose absolute who choose who would like to do this work and do it. So I want to make sure that I say that that there are people who choose that right. But then also to the most risky and the most dangerous situations are usually inhabited by people who, on the front end of them being involved in sex work, have been traumatized or somehow isolated from society. And you know, and like talking about Paris is Burnie and the idea that even now that we're just currently talking about violence against trans women, that at inability to find work. If you are a teenager, a runaway boom, you can find work because you're you're not legally an adult. You're probably a runaway because you have dealt with multiple different traumas. If you're a trans person, people are going to discriminate against you, so it's hard to find work. So a lot of times people who get into the most precarious situations around sex work are people who are actually not being serviced or traumatized in other ways. So some of the brazen behavior not to peel back any of the machine from it, but just to say and not to say that they aren't also very much in touch with their own sexuality, but that some of that might just be like an outward coping mechanism based being over sexualized for a long period of time. I don't think that everybody is a victim. Oh no, I don't either know, but I would like to know those numbers, because to be honest, I wouldn't bet against It's funny. Well, I love talking to to Heather Hunter about the kind of stuff, But actually I remember being in a room with her once and interviewing her and talking about how she got into the porn industry. But it was I was in a room of men, and one of my biggest regrets was we asked her the question. She said, I was sexually assaulted. The men got weird and we moved on because men don't want to see that with their porn stars, their sex workers, Like they don't want to know the truth. I don't want to put it on men. Sometimes I just want to say people who enjoyed, I don't want to see those truths. But I don't know, y'all. I kind of think that the majority is leaning on the something happened, something ma right at some point, very possibly. But I will say that Vanessa del Rio in her book Fifty Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior, she said she knew she was going to be a slut when she turned twelve. She was absolutely certain of it. And then she went and pursued that life. Why but but why and what was her upbringing? Like like I just need a mother and a father, a normal existence. If I'm mistaken, I don't. I really don't think I am. But she just wanted the feeling. She wanted to be touched. And to this day, you know, I think of her as like the goat of feminine sexuality. She enjoyed herself, especially a woman of color, right, she enjoyed herself Like I went to the strip club, was my first time, and I just found a spot in the corner and in the dark so that I could see. I'm a writer, you know, I love to see the expression on people's faces. I love to see the women click into working and click off. I was fascinated by that. And some women, some dancers, beguiled and coerced and others got straight naked right immediately. Well, I wanted to co sign what you were saying was because like my daughter told me once that she knew a girl when everybody was asked what they wanted to be, she very confidently said in a room full of other students that she wanted to be an exotic dancer. Now that's she said. She said she wanted to go into into doing that. That's not exactly sex work, but you get my v and under the umbrella, and so she did say that. And I also want to take this moment to acknowledge that again, like just to to coastie what you'll said, is that there are people who choose the many diverse ways that you can be involved in sex work that is safe, that is not dangerous. So that's what I was thinking of the dangerous part of it. So you're right, yes, that are and businesses that are specifically geared towards people of color, right and run by people of coach. So there's not only just people who to be a part of sex work, but people would choose to be a part of sex work that is specifically to us as a community. Which is why earlier when we talked about the gross, I was like, girl, that might be an that might be something that's needed that ain't there, you know what I mean, sort of service women in that way, right, I'm particularly wealthy Black women particularly particularly because we don't do no no cheap pos right, can't spend time with just any old body, you know, you just unfortunately it just can't. That's just sad. I didn't when you said that earlier, Ji, I was like, I said another topic, because I just that whole topic of women, especially in this industry who are excelling of color, and when you look at them, a lot of times they are single, don't have time to get satisfied. And it's a whole sad downward spile if we can't have it all, If we can't have it all, m mmmmm, oh damn well, damn song is silence? Okay, more conversation after this break. I will say I wish that we in this country and I'm like, we're still at a pause as far as like healthcare and taking care of sexual workers when they're like other countries that are really like getting in which I'm like, imagine if we could we had a health care situation like set up for well, I mean usually that happens when it's legal, right, because when it's legal, then you have and I'm ba, I wonder if they Okay, yeah, I'm not saying well, I mean our country's healthcare is is shitty across the board. So I can imagine that for any person, and particularly people of color and particularly women of color, that you're gonna find a massive sparity no matter what their job is, because if you can let if you can let Serena Williams almost die and listen, we all at risk. Word well, listen, I know we all know we already had this where we said that you know, we know that a lot of people don't choose this life. And for all the women and men and uh non binary and everybody else, if you're out there and you are selling your body, you know, to make a living changes up to you. There are a lot of things to do, and I know nothing is necessarily easy. I can say, for myself, being exceptionally broke, that it never crossed my mind that I work construction, that I refurbished furniture, that I was a maid and a poet for fifteen dollars a pop. I know that we are not, you know, the same people, but there are some options that may not make everything great immediately, but can get you away from what you don't want to do, what doesn't feel right in your soul. And to the folks that it feels right in their soul and they're good with being sex workers. I just think you're fascinating. I cannot relate, but I still find it so intriguing that you know how the city is doing based on the prostitutes on the street. That's how you know in Atlantic City they look like they're trying. They got on the bowls, they look like they're trying. It is a Tea series. I say, in Vegas for Lawless, it's that the whole you know, Vegas is full of imagery. And that's how the sex workers there look. They look flawless. It's amazing. Give me another city, jail. What else we're giving them? New York, You're gonna get it raw raw it is so it's zero FUNX giving the whole couchie out walking the street, high heels, purple wig. What you wanna do. That's how you can tell how the city is doing. If you're interested in moving to a new place, I suggest find out where the prostitute stroll and look. Then you'll see how the city is. You'll see how the energy of the city is. I believe that all changing now. Jail though in a COVID American shoot, well, you might be doing some go go fund me for your favorite cities like sex workers, Ain't that all? Yeah? I wonder I want to ask somebody. I see sometimes on Instagram that people are putting their stuff out, like all that stuff, like the whole you know vagina on Instagram, and yeahs see that sometimes occasionally, And yeah, I want to do they make money? Like is that like a sex worker? Well, no, they have like something that they call like only fans, which is not necessarily like specific to sex work, but it is about making money. Yeah, they use it in that way. I don't have an issue with the way any individual uses their body to do whatever it is that they want to do, long as they want to do it. But I do have a particular issue with the way that as a country we just don't support people who are vulnerable and that they have to tack up this work because of that that that pisces me off any job. Eventually you can get good at it, and any job, if you're good at it, then you can find some joy and in doing it. But I do think that you know, it's just indicative when you said, you know how the city is doing when you see the hose, A percent agree because, like I said, when you start seeing who's vulnerable, right, that's my thing, you know, just that that's that's my issue. But again, it's bigger than that. Obviously, as black women, as mothers, as human beings, we worry about people who are vulnerable, But obviously it is bigger than that. And I think as a community we gotta think a little bit more out of the box about that and understand that that it's viable work, and that it's not shameful work, and that it does have its place in the world, and that you know, it is not new either, oh the oldest gig in the world right, and also not a place for boys or others when they they're not being accepted at home like that. I just don't want that to be their first line of defense. That that's what I gotta do. Well, the resource has gotta be there. I think that it truly is about what people want. I think that there's all kinds of colors and all kind of flowers in the garden, and there are some people that unfortunately, oh God bless you have been damaged in some horrible way and this has led you to this place that you are. And then there are others that absolutely know and are clear sighted and support themselves and their families and they love what they do. And those are the ones that I'm really talking about, you know, I'm talking about people who make that decision. And although I think it's cool, what happens when it's your partner that's going to visit a sex worker? How does how does the narrative change? You know? Then I would not like that because we have made an agreement to only be sexual with each other, so that would obviously right, that contract and that sense of the word. Then of course I would have an issue with it. If that wasn't our contract, right, then I would be more concerned with are you have more? Yeah, I would have more concerned about where you chose to get that service, Like it's like, I'm hungry and what service? Right, I'm concerned about whether or not you went to McDonald's or you went you know, like, I don't know. I'm just giving let's proved here, you know what I mean. But I think I think ultimately we're living in a time period where we're more likely to be sexually repressed than not. We're more likely to exclude people from whatever society thinks is respectable, and so I am trying to shift my thinking away from that. So I want more so to think about the facts that we would probably benefit from being more sexually open as opposed to less. And I'm gonna think more about making it easier for people who have to make away when they are isolated from quote quote societal standards, to make a way for themselves, and for that to be absent of shame and judgment. Nothing. That's kind of where my head is. Act nothing is easy, right, Yeah, yeah, you're gonna So even if it were my mate, even if it were my mate, again, if that was a contract we had, I would be trying to or attempting to lean more towards the space where I understand that he may be sexually repressed, or maybe there's something going on that he has to explore about his sexuality. More of them that I would feel like he had violated me in some way. So I'm just trying to shift my thinking from that place. So what I be okay with it? No, because that's not my current contract. But I'm just saying, if I had to consider it, I would be trying to consider it from that space because we're okay with pharmaceutical companies, but we don't like drug dealers exactly right, ex I feel like you can get you know, I guess we'll call it a word. You can get a word from the homeless man on the corner. You can get a word from the dental hygenus. You can get a word from the drug addict running up the street and a singing a song. You know, you can get something that can affirm your life, if you don't look down on other people or think somebody is beneath you or above you for that matter, if you keep a gully and realize that there's two sides, three sides, false sides, eighteen sides plus to every human being without compartmentalizing them and putting people in a box. Yeah, I mean, it takes a lot of foolishness. It takes a lot of the stereotypes off of human beings. We'll be back after the break. We get to know what we're doing, you know, personally, like and a lot of people's personal lives were in their houses a lot, but we don't really know what they're doing doing, you know. So remember that Instagram and all of this is a show. This is a highlight, it's a presentation. It's a highlight reel. Like you said, you know, so, when we're speaking out or were speaking up rather, I like speaking up. Speaking out sounds like it's attacking someone. But speaking up is different. You know, when we're speaking up about young women or young people that go into the sex field, I just want to make sure that we're being balanced. I don't and in fact, I don'tly, I don't know if it is balanced, and I doubt that very much that it's balance. I think a lot of people are in it because they've been damaged, you know, someone has harmed them, you know, in a very real way. So I get that. I do poise because it just provided a different perspective. People don't even understand that that intern can open you up into a house and what a house means and what a mother means. And I just was like, it's just another aspect of life that you everybody needs to be aware of that's not necessarily your life. It's the difference between artists and entertainers. You know, artists live by this code. It's a mandatory presentation of ideas. Entertainers entertained for the purpose of entertainment. It's it's not necessarily a spiritual thing. It's it's a gig, you know. Like right, So You've got some some dancers, some you know, sex workers that are doing this thing as it suits them. They were born to do it. And then there are others you know that trauma. What if, Joe, what if what if we went around into some of these different cities. You actually asked, like some of these sex workers, like what were your dreams? Like? What did you? What was if not for this, I would love to I'm telling you, I've tried occasions, many different countries, many countries to ask. I mean, I've tried. They just don't want to talk to me, not in that way. All right, Well let me let me roll with you. I didn't worked in the strip club. That's how. That's how I got my matriculation into this world. I was like, And it's funny because when Asia talked about her daughter and her friend wanted to be that, I was like, well, I hope that she starts slow and a great way to be introduced into that world is to actually just be a waitress at a strip club. Let me tell you, as a young girl, it is something very interesting. How So just the education, I mean, you know, I went to school in Atlanta, so on, so many level was on being eighteen and being in a room and a mega megastruct club full of naked women and the things that you have to deal with, like there the there's a good and the bad. You know, there's a sisterhood element, because there is, it's a sisterhood element if you let it. But then there's another element of you know, clientele. And as a young girl, I was much more revolutionary in mind and hella hella, hella hella, more and more and more black, if you could imagine it, and it was just fascinating to me. I think I got fired once because I asked this this black man. I was like, what is it that you see in this? What cut you that's got you so fascinated? I don't it was. I got fired for that because you were supposed to do that. What I'm saying is I'm glad that I don't know, for some reason as a woman at my age, now I'm glad that I did it. It felt like a matriculation in a way. I've been to a strip club where women were dancing one time, and wow, I know and I hate that that is my reality because I feel like it fits within the box you expect from me. But it's okay. I'll take that because it was actually the truth. It's the truth, so I have to live in that truth. I have to big box for you today. I just want to disclaim her. I have a really big box for you. I also it's freakings in that box, just so you know. I mean here's some other things like okay, as it should be should be. I went one time and my husband was so mortified because I was like, you know, we should go because I've never been. So he's like, well, shoot, I guess let's let's go, because you gotta go at least one time. So we went and just I couldn't. I can't help but befriend women because I love women. So when I went in there, I didn't know what to do with my damn money. So at that point, I was like when the girl was disting, I was like, I was like, yes girl, because I didn't know what else to say because I was like she was copping. So I was like when I congratulate a woman, that's how I do. I was like, yes girl, gas you know, so go ahead, and I was like I was like, oh god, she was like thank you. I was like like, I mean that was the that was the exchange that we had. So it was just like I just to me, it's like anything in life. You go do something and you deserve to be able to do whatever it is that you feel is for you, and it shouldn't feel like there's this wool to it that you have to have this kind of behavior. That's when you talked about the clientele issue. It's like, I do not like this way that we accept abusive behavior or the ways that men can men or women can enter into a space and take on a characterization that means that now this different person in here, and I can treat you differently, which is where your sisterhood forms. So that's what I'm saying, Like, as far as clientele, it's not the it's not the issue or the strip club itself. It's the ways that men have decided certain women are to be treated and respected or lack their rug. And so it's like, nah, bro, if you're a nice guy outside of this freaking door, you don't come in here and live out your you know, f boy fantasies. You just gotta re lax. But yeah, no, you actually, yeah, yeah, it is the point to to live out your fantasies in a way, but not to be disrespect Your fantasy is toxic. You gotta go. And I think that that's fair. I think that not everybody can come, you know what I mean, maybe maybe everybody can come, but not everybody can stay. You know. Usually it's interesting because the stripper stripper. It's a boss in a way as well, right, Like she kind of runs it. I remember like being in a situation being a waitress at the club and being in a private room. He's getting a dance and he puts his hand down my shirt. Right, what's her reaction? Her reaction is you gotta pay her for that peel off and and book. And that's what it was. It's a different governance there. So it was like, yes, and babe, here's take this hundred dollars, baby, okay with this hundred dollars. Yes, I'm fine. I'll just go, you know, doing my emotions in the corner. But yeah, right, right right. But and like I said, and under the rules of the land where you were, she was like, these are the rules, follow them, you know. And so I understand her stepping in and saying, look, I'm not here to debate whether you are morally correct. What I'm telling you is that here are the rules, and she doesn't get paid. Is what we need. We need boundaries, We need to establish what the rules of engagement are. Period. Is that something as a tribunal, as an overall agreement amongst a tribunal, Because like I say, you know, people can come, but not everybody can stay, not everybody will want to. I'm talking about creating rules and boundaries for ship that happens in this life. Meaning, if you have somebody who's being inappropriate with you, or how you deem is inappropriate, you should be able to get your brothers and they should come funck him up. Fair. Yeah, let's say you know and her group of brothers, and I can't wait to see who who these brothers are. You'll never never know, society, you'll never know. We need to make them. I just think that we should have that as a community. You know, have that as as individuals. Do you think that your son and your husband ain't gonna go jack somebody up if they disrespect you? Always go back to tribunals And and I think I think we're probably gonna always go back to tribunals because that's what we need as a community. We really do. You need a village, some people around you that will hold you accountable, that's major, that aren't in your family, that will love you, not judge you because you're supposed to be in a box, but assist you to achieve with the things that you want, and also create a form of protection, reciprocity. Hey, hey, this is what it is. God darn it. We keep pulling ourselves apart. She got straight hair, she got uh good hair, she got uh we she got natural hair. She she she lights skinned, she dark skin. She we keep pulling ourselves apart. She got plastic surgery. She got I mean, I don't want anybody that isn't beneficial to the tribunal, to the forward movement of the individuals around me and the individuals that I touch. I don't want you know what I'm saying. I just want to make sure that we always remember to blame who's to blame? We need that white supremacy. That's the answer. I got it wrong, still, okay, I just want to make sure we always remember who is that fault in public? I say, why people, I'm not certain if there was prostitution in Africa at all, amongst ourselves, amongst ourselves. I started in wrong. You know what I started in wrong? What about the Greeks? Same difference, they neighbors, all the same woman and mythology? Right? Yeah, I mean, listen, that's serious. That that right there is serious. She ain't never lying, but that disconnect is real. Because if you know, we start talking about that, I don't like there wasn't Christians need. So what we're doing it has been brilliant. The way that we've been separated, it's been brilliant. And then we're still doing the same stuff and compartment mentalizing other people all the time. You're supposed to be like this, You're supposed to be like this. Well, this is who you showed us who you were, so that's who you have to be for the rest of your life. I think that people have forgotten that we're all human beings. We're multidimensional. It's not fair. How do you eat an elephant? One by? Hi? Hey everyone, it's Eaves. A producer on the show, Jill mentioned porn and sexuality icon Vanessa del Rio. Her book called Vanessa del Rio Fifty Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior chronicles her life through images, stories, and a DVD documentary. It doesn't seem like the book is easy to get and it's pricey where it's available, So if that's not accessible to you, you can read more about her online, follow her on Twitter, or head to her website Vanessa del Rio dot com. Layah also recommends the Sex Workers Project of the Urban Justice Center based in New York. The organization advocates for the rights of sex workers and for policy change, provides legal services to sex workers and human trafficking survivors, and offers educational materials and workshops for sex workers, service providers and organizations. Even if you're not in New York, you can head to their site to learn more about sex work and the issues the organ is working on, and you can support them or other organizations in your area working to decriminalize sex work and advocate for sex workers rights, even if that just means donating or amplifying their work on social media. You can find more info about the Sex Workers Project at s w P dot urban Justice dot org. I'll drop links in the episode description. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair, and Asia Graden Danceller. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn Gy and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by Layah st Clair and me Eve jeph Coke. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Larenger. Yeah, yeah, I think we should also mention that Maya Angelo herself was a sex worker at one time, and Viola Davis played Fantasia Brino's mother in the Fantasia Barrinos story. I don't understand Asia, make that, make that, make that work? How to look it up? Asia? Looking up? Look it up? How did it connect? It connected? And how did it connect that? We look at Viola Davis as this incredible, amazing actress, and once upon a time she was in a Lifetime story playing Rino's mother. I'm just saying, I order a lot. I don't have any judgment in that statement. Okay, we could cut that out, Okay, okay. Sometimes we go from someplace to get some place, she saying, just because that's where we started. So that's where we got in that, babe, and I knew you was gonna connected. You see what I'm saying, How it all worked out. That's what I'm listen to work constraining demolition. My back is still not right because of it. What you just demolish that metaphor, I'm just saying. J dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.