How Are We?

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Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot M, a production of I Heart Radio. Hello, Everything Bad? How are you doing? Welcome to Jay dot IL the podcast. I'm here with my sister friends Lah st Clair Hello, and Agia Grad and Danceller Hello. Yeah. My name is Joe Scott, and today we're talking about having support support systems because can't nobody do it by themselves? God darn it, nobody nowhere, not ever. No, I'm telling you right now, I'm so grateful for my best friend in the world. We have been friends for who how old am my name for? We've been friends for forty seven years? Yeah, I know right, she still looks twelve though she looks twelve. Shout out to her jeans. But my my best friend of moment for being beautiful when you know somebody, since you were small, since your foundation. That's beautiful, isn't it? Older? Yes, isn't it. I'm super blessed man for because she really doesn't care about what I'm doing. She only cares about how I'm doing. Come on, yeah, that kind of love. You know, I don't care you wanna you wanna what? Oh? That's cool, You're going to see who? That's what's up? Anyway? So right, how's right? How's your how's your head is right? How's your head in your heart? Are you feeling all right? You know, is anything like scary to you? Or are you? Are you at peace with stuff in your life? You know? That's that is what matters, really, really, really, I love that kind of support. I you guys have that kind of support. Yeah, I feel like, for the most part in my life, I can never look back and say nobody supported me. If I did that, I would literally probably be drawn and quartered by the dozens of people who have had my back over the years. So I I can. I can honestly say that there has always been a good amount of support in my life, from family to professionally, to my friends and things of that nature. So I really should be further along in life that way. I can just kind of hold no, seriously, I I can actually hold myself accountable for the ways in which I've not moved forward because it is definitely not because of lack of support. Gang, which is probably why I pile on so many responsibilities because I think I can handle it. But yeah, I've had a best friend since since birth. We like to joke and say we've been friends since birth because our mothers were best friends in school. So our mothers knew each other when they were thirteen, and then they grew up and grown and they had us. And her mother is the first name in my baby book. Her mother was the first gift I received, and then she gifted me with her bestie. Look at that I was. I was sitting here listening to y'all y'all talking, I was thinking, I think I have a whole polyamorous support life system. When it comes to like you have the foundation of your parents. However, I've always had whatever they whatever that they could not feel. There's always been something for that, and I'm grateful in that sense. And then life continues in that way, right like if you continue to leave your life that way, that means that it's and you never let people go unless they have harmed you and done wrong. Always have these gaps where people just feel, these gaps that you need, you know what I mean. It's very interesting from a mentorship situation. I got mentors in my life, you know, because my parents weren't didn't come from necessarily the business that I'm in, and to to physical I got medical support in my life. I got doctors and field gaps, you know what I mean. Just I feel like life physically, in career wise, I would be no body if not for the support around me. I really feel like that. Yeah, it keeps you, It keeps you grounded because you know, a lot of people I don't know, I won't say a lot of people, but some people really feel like they're islands, you know, like they've done it all by themselves. But it's it's like it's like the film industry for me, like when you walk in, if the camera people don't show up, what is why are you there? What it is? Where? If if the lighting people, if the lighting folks aren't there, you know before from the janitorial proof right there, if it wasn't for the team, if your child care provider don't show up on time. Girls, it's all these things. But I do think that there's a lot to be said about tribe building, you know. I think, yeah, everybody, he can, everybody can kind of speak to the benefits of having support, but it's it's it's a little more intentional I think sometimes, and we give ourselves credit for that. You may start out in a situation like having a certain kind of you know parent situation, or you might stumble upon a friend and you guys connect. But as you get older, you start to be a little bit more intentional about how you build your supports. And I have to say that's something that I've had to learn is i've gotten older. It's just how to open that up. Because sometimes you can find yourself a situation where you have a lot of people, but you may not have the right people. Hey, you know what I mean, Or you just have people to understand their limitations and their specialties. It comes to point in your life when you also have to understand about the people around you, Like, all right, now, I know that I can't talk to this person about building a beautiful relationship, however, and I know this person loves me, and I can talk to them about other things. Man, even with having it's about using and I don't know, utilizing the same deal. You know, the people that that you have around you in the right ways. Yeah, that's us all, Yeah, absolutely, Because I think what happens is that if you're if you're maintaining relationships and nurturing those relationships, then they take on different things at different times in your life, you know what I mean? I always like to um, and we talked about this a couple of times on the show. UM maybe we did or not. I don't even remember. Maybe we did offline, but I just remember an interaction that I had with Jill early on that was like super nurturing. Like I was at the Lily in New York and my boobs were about to explode because I had left my child for the night and I had milk. The milk was like my boobs were like rocks and they were hurting, and I had like to hide in another part of the club and Jill was in there and I was just like, might to turn to night, this might baby, and like she was like oh, And I was like, I started crying and I will never forget this. I don't you probably don't even remember, but you started crying with me. I'll never forget that. I was like, and we knew each other, but we didn't like no know each other, Like we knew each other, but we weren't like friends at that point. We just kind of knew each other from around and I was just like, yo, this is the set in a nightclub with me and cry with me about my baby. And that always made me understand that there was just a certain space that you will always kind of occupy and even you know, and you just have always kind of been that person. So I was like, even so like sometimes people start out at a certain place and you think it's one thing, and then because that that that relationship is nurtured and cared for throughout the years, it becomes other things as you move down the pike. So I think sometimes we just have to be patient, and I understand that people can play so many different roles in our lives and we just don't even know what what role they're gonna play. It's gotta be open to the way that we like care for certain things and that and that gets tricky because again me and Jill were talking about this offline, knowing exactly when people don't fit. They might start out as a person that you think, Okay, this is cool, and then you get to a certain point and you're like, oh wow, time for the audit. Yeah, it's time about the situation. Maybe this is not working, you know what I mean. It's just it's it's interesting how that happens. And really, at the age that we are and we're looking at each of us twenty five plus years and whatever the work that we've done, you know, twenty five plus years being adults, you know, and we know some things that we didn't know when we were young and when we started our tribe building back in the day. So now we're looking at the situation like when we started this tribe, girl, and I'm grateful this tribe has lasted. Yes, this thing has lasted a lot, doesn't, So let's let's separate. First of all, let me say that I do not remember crying in the club. Did you did? But you probably did. I probably did. Like there's nothing like I don't have no babies, and that milk out like I'm so sorry you hurt my teddy, hurt for yr titty because and plus that I really wanted a baby. So I was just like, uh, you know, I definitely know that. So that's a part of it. I'm sure. Oh a job. I'm hugging you from afar. Hugging you from afar. See when you too good of somebody that lasts, when you, when you, when you genuinely love on somebody, you don't know what type of impact you make it on their life. You just don't. That's why you do well. To people because you don't even know how that's going to come back for you later, you know what I'm saying, Like, I just think that's that's some real you know, even if we had never connected on another level, that would have been significant to me regardless, you know what I'm saying. So we're blessed. We're talking about support. But listen here, let's let's let's do this thing in categories. Because you got you've got support with friendships, and then you have support in business. That's you know, because ultimately the support you have in business, there are typically people that you're paying or paying you. Yeah, right right, yeah, so that complicates the support. Now it shows up that complicated support. I'll say this about my executive assistant. Um, we've known each other since we were in the fourth grade and yeah, Alexi though, yeah, yeah, yeah. We went to Greenfield Elementary together and we went to a girl's high together too. Yeah. Part of ways, Um, you know, life, people growing. And we reconnected at a funeral and wow, that was oh god, nineteen years ago. We reconnected at a funeral and she was working in a hospice. You know, she was over it, you know, because it's it's a very very hard job. Shout out to everybody that works at a hospice, knowing that all the good you do is ultimately gonna in one way, just one You know that that takes a lot of love and compassion. So she was telling me about her job and that she was just kind of it was taxing spiritually and mentally and every every way it was taxing. And um, I thought about it, and I was like, Wow, she could take care of somebody, you know that is on their way out to the next place, Like, she could probably deal with my ass, she could probably deal with me. And in the beginning she she agreed, I love I love the way you thought about that rocket. I mean, because there's a certain level of compassion and kindness that that's involved, you know, with with dealing with the artists too. So I was like here on this moment, because I'm like, but Jil, they're dying. You ain't got Yeah, but I'm still a person. So I was like, maybe she could, you know, work with me. So we started working together. At first, it was uncomfortable because she kept saying she kept calling me dear and honey, and I was like, ah, I don't, I don't like it. I don't like this dear Hunt business, but then I got used to it. I'm so glad that we kind of just kept kept going because it turns out now that we're the same age. But when she calls me hunt or dear, now I feel so grounded, no matter what situation we're in, if if we're on a set or you know, on the in the stage of any kind, when she says, are you okay, dear, I feel loved. I feel considered. You know, you need some mortar Hunt, you know. I'm like, it's it's so loving. Yes, we have a business relationship and and um, you know, ultimately there are checks to be signed by by me, but to have her particular kind of energy, especially when sometimes I feel like I'm out in the world by myself, you know, like I'm out here by myself, you know, everybody looking at me, but I'm by myself, or I'm in here by myself, you know, just to have that kind of support that is so considered, it's so considered ring of me. It's like it's everything, like I really don't go too many places, you know, with without her, you know. And and then there's Lance you know, Lance t um no, Philly all day. We've been together for a long time. That's like a brother to me. I love Lands with all of my heart. He's he doesn't have a particular job. Lance's job is. His job is like a guy Friday, Like I can ask Lands for a zebra and a pickle and He'll be like, all right, I'll be right back. You know, It's like and that's and that's that's what Lance does. He go get me a zebra and a pickle. You know, I don't. I don't really like to go too many places without Lands either. So like when choosing employees, your support your working support system, you have to one choose people who are who can actually do the job, you know, that are competent to do the gig, and also care if you can find somebody that cares about you, you know, as a human being, that is everything in this big, bad world. Baby. You know that that does take time. But it's also about connection. You know. Alexis and I had known each other for a long time and that was a part of it which felt comfortable. Lance and I did not know each other very well, and when I met him, he looked he reminded me of my mother's ex husband, who I did not like at all, So I was like, nah, I ain't this dude. He looked like that agger, but he's that Alexis formula could have went a total different way, and a lot of people, I feel like in a lot of artists and other people's lives. Sometimes it does when you bring up somebody that, yeah, Alexis is my dad has never done a job, she's my fifth assist. Then what I mean, definitely, I definitely went through some folk that I was like, why are you here? What is your purpose? Because it's supersedes mine. You're right, it could have gone the whole opposite way. Like even with like assistance in the past, like I've not done well with it, Like I multitask a lot, and sometimes I don't leave anything for that person to do. I have actually never really connected with another person in that particular you know job. And also too, because I work with my husband and we have such an intimate relationship, having somebody around all the time sometimes feels like an intrusion. I know that sounds wild, but that's that's something that we've we struggle within the past in terms of having somebody around all the time. So What typically happens is that people kind of do multiple things. And we've had some great support, you know, over the years with that, maybe someone who was doing my hair, my hair stylist, or my stylist Charles Gregory, and you know, people who were just down for the crown, you know what i mean, Like we we had things going on, and because you know, we were always working on like these small budgets and we were always working from the muscle, it always really did us a great deal of service to have professionally people around who believed in what you were doing, but that have multiple talents that yeah, like willing to like one minute they were like helping you pick out clothes. In the next minute they're running the merchandise table, you know, and that that that is fortunate and unfortunate, but it's like when you have that hustle mentality. And one thing I've always loved about Philly is that I've always come in contact with people like this who they knew exactly, They know exactly where your headspace is, they know what needs to be done. They know it's five things that need to be done and it's three people, and we don't have time to be worried about that. So I think that you know, being specific about like what your needs are really helps you to kind of curate your space. When you're lucky enough, Sometimes some people just come around and they know how to jump in there. But when you're really trying to decide or really think about what kind of professional help you need and support you need, it's great when people can do a lot and they don't mind and they're ready, we'll be back after their break. You know whose relationship I always found fascinating and admirable just from what I know, because mind you, I do not know these two men individually are all they're they're totally celebrities and very rich men. But Maverick Carter and Lebron James, let's talk about that relationship with best friends when you brought together one of you is really excelling and you want the other one to be with you, and you even you even take the time out to pay for that person's education the better to run your business and then both the ship. Like I think that is just the from from the outside looking and I'm like, yeah, that's that's some beautiful friendship support ship right there. What I'm saying, like we're making each other better as a continuous making each other better situation, because Maverick Carter has definitely added to Lebron's right. It's it's it's investment in any other person, you know. But there's also got to be a trust factor there that is beyond beyond, you know, because so many times when people have money, you know, when when they have money or they have celebrity or they have influence, people can make assumptions about what they should or shouldn't do in terms of support from that end of things, So like we're we're here talking about how others support us, but then people's expectations as to how we should support them, you know, And so in that situation, it's like, you know, not knowing the specifics of their relationship, you have to at least deduce that there's a great deal of trust. Yes everything I mean, and even from Maverick side, knowing that you've got a best friend that's rising it's probably gonna be a super millionaire, and not just taking that for granted, but figuring out how can I add to this brand? Like what can I bring like boom, what can I bring to the table right right, right? How can I become how can I become a resource? Yes? That is that is a support system. Dude. I ain't watch Space Jam yet, but I know it's banging. But sometimes you actually see that happen with people who are married to each other so like and so not not me, I for team where we do the same thing. But I'm talking about like, you know, somebody like the lebron in some instances you see that person be the wife. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, like you know I would look at like that, like like like what happened with Tracy Emmonds. M h Yeah. So you know you have like your mate who comes in there and just says, okay, listen, I see how we can work this. It's lovely that you write these songs. That's let's produce some movies. Yeah, let's expand this brand. So vision, So vision is important too, Yes, but that only works when when the other person can do these things. Yeah, when you can actually do these things, then yeah, that's great. Or you have the drive to want to do these things. Therefore you want to get whatever education that you need to get to make you better. Right now, you know what I mean? Right right? Yeah, out of here? If you can't tell me what to do, then you can't tell me what right. But if you can, okay, you can, that's the that's the thing, right. I'm pretty sure that Mavery didn't feel I hard to present, like strongly giving his opinions on major money moves until he had something under his beltil he got a certain education, until he thinks he made this business dealing was like, all right, now, I think I can say something. And and also knowing your lane, like Lebron's lane at the time was basketball. That's your lane. You kill that, you do that. I'm here, rob Ryan, but I'm gonna learn about this money. So not only will we not be broke, you know, or struggling, but we're also going to be able to expand this empire and diversify the empire. That's what's up. Listen, Sean G and I have been together for a long, long, long long time. Our friendship is really incredible. Our first conversation is always how are we? How are we? You know? That is the most important part. Not a lot of managers. He's not a manager. He's really my my business partner. But a lot of for won't grasp that I have to live in order to create. They don't grasp it. They're like, okay, so so what's the next thing. Okay, we're about to do the next thing. And that is one of the things that frustrated me most about this industry. It was constant like Okay, what's next, what's next? On now, we're gonna do what? What? What? And I was like, I just don't live like that. I need to take a walk, yo, Like I really need to go somewhere and lay in the body of water, like you with it's so much. I feel crazy and overwhelmed, and and it's making me not do something or not want to do something that I really love doing. Where is the balance? But everybody in your life, Jill, if you know, they're all they've been there for over twenty years something with that, you know what I mean? There's something you know I thought I just thought about that. I was like, I wonder how many times a celebrity manager has poached you or celebrity this another person? I could be your assistant, you know, you know what I mean. Like, but it's value in the foundation you created. Interested because I understand what makes me happy. You know what makes me joyful, and I want the people around me to understand that too. So it tickles me when I hear Alexis and Lands fussing about what I'm not gonna like. She ain't gonna like this ship. They just pusn't it cousin, and going back and forth about it, and it just tickles me so much because I feel so loved right and knowing that they know two people that know, so yeah, let them go ahead and figure it out, because either way they're gonna be right. And when they don't know, and when they don't know, because even after all of these years, that happens too, I have to write a memo and send Listen, I gotta communicate. I gotta let you know where I'm at because maybe something has changed. I don't dig that anymore. You know, we're going through so many different uh stages. You know, from a woman that I'm vegan, next time Presbyterian, you know, next I'm only vegetarian. You know what I mean? Just those simple things that are that are important for the people around you to work to to know. So as you're as you're compiling your support system and business, you really have to remind yourself to communicate with your people where are you what do you want? How do you want it? Because it changes from you know, not the moment to moment, but it's been a long time, you know, and if your if your goal is longevity, if that's what you're trying to get to, you know, a long career, then you have to just be upfront about what it is that you want, you know, that is that's the I think that's a big part of the goal, you know. I think it's interesting too because that that that professional support. And this has been really key for me is my peers, you know, having good relationships with my peers who really understand it, like who work quote unquote for you. They can observe you, but they're not living it. And one of the things that's been really good is that opportunity to really have peer support, you know, where they can kind of give you advice, they can tell you what their experience is, particularly if they're willing to be really truthful and transparent, which I know that can be really difficult in this business where people don't want to tell you, like you know, I don't want to tell you how much they get paid. They don't want to tell you what their experience was with a certain thing, but when you do have a good group of folks that's willing to be open with you, it can really help you move forward. And I just think you know that community is everything and that never people want to ask about that some more. I was about to say, Asia, can you expand on that because you were living and working a musician in a different way, and I think that people would like really benefit off and hearing that y'all got a community like that. Oh yeah, we do, and and that's one of the things that I feel like even lends to how we all got started. Because people I've been on panels before and they're like, well, what advice do you give new artists. I was like, well, I would say, your communities to your left and your right. It's not above you. A lot of times people are always looking for a person to give them an opportunity and don't realize that the biggest opportunity is what they can build with people who are common minded. And I feel like that's the story of the way that a lot of us got started. So yeah, this is how we looked at each other as resources to one another instead of oh, here's somebody's gonna give me an opportunity, so when one person was in one place, they could speak about the other person, but then they may have gotten a deal and you can be like, oh, well, this person wants to sign me, what do you think? Or this is this is this tour I want to go on. What do you think about this promoter? What do you think about X, Y and Z? And I've had different levels of those kind of conversations with other artists on going up until literally today. So you know, I have to shout out so many I mean I could shout out so many artis recently, well recently recently, I had an absolutely amazing app talk with Jane Baylor. Gene Baylor called me and was like, listen, I had these things on my mind and I've been observing how you infanteen were moving, and I just wanted to share some things with you. And she really shared not only a vision that she felt would work with us, but she just talked about what she saw and how she saw us moving and how she, you know, how she felt like we were doing. And I just appreciated it so much because it gave me such a boost. And it wasn't like I called her and asked her a question. She just felt it on her heart and shared it, and I have carried that with me. I even went back to that conversation recently, and since I've done so much that was on that list, and like I said that, it was like real love mixed in with a professional know how. So it's not even just that she loves me, but that and she loves us, is that she does this work and been doing this work for decades. So it's like I can trust that what she's saying to me has, you know, has wisdom behind it, you know what I mean. Um. I had had a conversation with Fonte, you know, when I was moving into the space of doing podcasts and just kind of he was really really helpful to me and trying to you know, just telling me what to expect and you know, you know, and that was really great, you know. Um. I've had conversations with, oh gosh, so many people like around touring. I've had conversation with Avery, with Lettacy, with our sign, you know, and even when and let me just say this, when my mother passed away, my peers were amazing. Okay, my peers were amazing. People called, they checked, they did things for me. You know all those things. So professionally, I feel like in my life that my relationships with these people, they all go back twenty years, they all go back, you know, multiple decades, and so those things have been a great support to me, not just professionally, but personally. You know what I'm saying, Well, just let me let me tell you about your husband. Though now I'm sure you I'm sure you know this. Of course, I don't have nothing to do to think about for teen dans like when your mom passed for teen made it a point, and I know that I wasn't the only one on that list. He made text He sent text messages to let us know he did. He sent text messages to let us know that you were in Yes, him, do any kind of love and support you want to send my wife right now? Send it any kinderon and and he was, and he It has been my professional support, having to do this whole thing with somebody. It's it's it's been a major, major blessing. This is an industry that has a language. When your person speaks your work language is a major, major major plus. So I gotta I gotta shout my husband out first and foremost, and forgive me for you know, not doing that from the gate. I'm so used to him. It's like I forget that. That's like a thing, like I'm so used to it. But but but working with him has been the best bounce back and forth between the two of us this entire time. You know, it can be hard, but it has been by far more of a blessing than a challenge by far. But that is rare, honestly, because most people that are married, well yeah, most people that are married in the you know, get into business together. That's a tough road to toe. It's a real rough road to toe. I mean it has it has a lot for you, and it is worth for you know. Ah, well, that's an interesting relationship, right Yance and jay Z thus far, but that's also interesting. They're all interesting. Uh. Yes, there's a trust factor. There is a trust factor. There's a trust and a comfort and I think if you're going to do business with your with your mate, those things have to be in place. And I think it also has to be a bit of a balance in between who benefits from whom. I think sometimes when people come into an established career as a mate and then they become a business partner, It can be a lot trickier than if people build something together. So so if you're yeah, so if you're coming in, if you're coming into something that's already established, obviously, that has all kinds of implications that can become very difficult down the line. When you build something together can be Yeah, but what the a because you actually talked to at least Battery Simpson and they might be the only other couple that may be similar in that way. Did they ever say did she ever say anythink to you about support in that way and how they dealt with it? Yeah, I mean they had an extreme amount of trust for one another. So their story is really at the end of the day, their story is actually really beautiful. He met Valerie Simpson when he was homeless and or houseless is the word the term now, but he's he was homeless at the time and went into a church to get a meal because it was like a suit kitchen in the church. He went to get something to eat and in the and she was practicing music in the sanctuary with several other people, and he heard her and went into the sanctuary. And that is how they met. And feel me like saying you know, you hear a lot of things about all their relationship that when I tell you that that relationship creatively and personally was ordained. What happened between them was something that you you want that and you want that, not for the reasons that people think, like, you know, not for he He would always say, you know, I'm I'm here because I want to be, not because it's a good picture. Listen, And they said tons of stuff like that. They like they they are serious Jim Jim droppers. But again that's how yeah, again, that's how they've met. Okay, they became songwriting partners before they became lovers, So there was a creative and business respect that they had for one another that was already in their connection with one another. So there was kids met, there was respect, there was trust, there was kindness. There was all of that present before they ever became lovers. And they were young, you know what I'm saying, So there was a lot of that president and they went through the Mode Town. I don't know if people understand that they came into Motown as as the new School. So when you had the Holland Doja Hollands, they were the kings of Motown. They came in as the young Bucks. So their business acumen and what they learned and enduring after Motown had already been established. They their whole story is really really interesting. So I don't want to get too deep into it, but their story was really interesting. So once they became a family, they were already family, you know, and see stuff like that makes us think it's possible. That's the bullshit. I'm just joking, it is, you know, and and and and as as they got older, they respected each other as individuals. They gave each other space. There was a lot of different things that happened within that. And again, the magic of the music that they made together, the legacy of that is just massive. Okay. And to the day that he passed away, we went to she did a something called history Makers, and Valerie Simpson said during history Makers, and I'll never forget this, she was being interviewed and she was asked this question and she got quiet and she said, you know what, that's nixt question, And it went over everybody's head in the moment. But I just began to cry because I was like, I knew what she meant. When people interview us, they're just certain things I answer, and certain things he answers, and we're just used to it because it's a rhythm, you know. And then when when she was asked a question, she felt out of place because she was like, that's Nick's question, and he's not here to answer that question, and and and and that you will never be able to tell me nothing about Nick Ashford and Valerie Simpson as a couple and as a team. That is the realist. This is the realist. Excuse me, motherfucker is on the planet for me. You can't tell me about that relationship. Like that's the epitome of support of support connections, you know, don't. I don't want to sound like you know, but it's solid rock, a rock. That's so, it's just all right rock. This love is that's what we got, Okay, honey, don't that is so impressive. That is suching. That's like goals, girl. Here's another. Here's another lyric via via Nick Ashford stand by you. I stand by you like a tree and trying to move me. M damn his words. Listen you he said, he said, I know you would make a man out of a soul that didn't have a goal. Don't don't fall out the your age. Somebody better love you that much. That's all I'm gonna say. Somebody better love you that much a man and man. And that ain't support and and trust and love and friendship. I don't know what it is. It's so easy. It's so easy for anybody, I would say, in life and in business to get become bitter because some ship didn't work out. It's it's very easy to do that. But there is there is light. I swear to you, there is like I'm I'm trying not to cry right now. Oh yeah, that feel good. It feels so good if in comparison to everything else. When you know it, it changes your perspective and now you can't go for anything else anything. Yeah. Yeah, more conversation after the break on the non romantic support thing. I would just like to thank you ladies, because it's interesting on this topic. Like I and my whole career has been built on support. It's been built on support of my friendships and my relationships with amazing people. And it just so happened that most of these amazing people I met when I moved to Philadelphia. So I look at y'all and I'm like yeah. I mean it started with one small little radio show about some soul musicot Certiffany Bacon, you know what I mean. He's just going to support my friend in Switzerland and running into this amazing singer from from Philly who has this afro with her new husband. Hey, jam, nice to meet you. But then it just built into bigger things like Jill's got a new brad, I'm get her on the radio show. We gotta promote it. Like you know, Asian Patina doing a baseball They're doing a whole baseball game and it's gonna be need to the support of the community. Well we need to. It's just it's all about my whole life and career is I'm built on it and my goal is to continue to put it out there too, you know what I mean, Like it's a whole you. You give it back, you see, that's what it's all about. And see you give it back, and I just well, yeah, you're deeply community minded. We love you so much. You're deeply community minded. You are always trying to promote other people and what they're doing and utilize your platforms to do that. And that that's saying Cofa, that whole idea of just kind of reaching back and making sure that we take care of each other and all of that. You you live by that, and and for women in this, in this, in this industry, it says a lot and and it speaks against a lot of the stereotypical vibes that people say about the music industry and then particularly about women in it. But girl, you live that, you have always lived that. If I call you and say linny, X, Y and Z, you're on it. But then before we get off the phone, then you'll tell me, oh, well, don't worry, don't forget about this person who you need to try this or you need to you need to look them up because they're doing this. Also, so as you give your always your you know, I'll do this for you, but I also want you to support this other person. Rarely do you say I'll do this for you if you do this for me. So I think people really thinking about, you know, how to support each other is also about thinking about it about the community as a whole, you know what I mean. And I don't want us to get off this conversation without discussing that aspect of it. Because even if every time I support you all. It really is for my people. Anyway, at the end of the day, what is good for my people, and y'all good for my people. So this is so this is, it's all gonna win, win, win. When this is such a joy, you know, it's such a joint having YouTube. Oh god, I'm trying that that al fucking this is the person who said she didn't she didn't remember crying the club. I just want to bring that back. I want to bring that part of the story back. I think I think this is an appropriate time to bring No. You know, I know I'm a crier. I ain't tripping off of that at all. I'm just I was just trying not to so I could complete my dog one thought. I support privileged to know you like you teach me so much about being what I love. I really love being a human being. I think it's awesome. It's so many ups and downs in this thing. It's so much learning, is so much learning and forgiving and re retrying. You know that re up. You know, we're all end up doing that thing. And I listened to you, and you just give me so much inspiration and hope and information and guidance, and I just thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much much. Did the cycle we ever go on? What is you saying? You know what? Yes? Yes? Tina Ferris and I have this joke about us in the future about what we'll be in, be a visa or we'll be in somewhere in the south of France, like remember that time, remember that time, Like we're gonna have so many memories to share with each other because we've you know, we've missed chunks of life together, but we've also shared chunks of life together. And look that support and friendship and you watch, you watch from the friends, You're so excited for each other. I've watched many times from you know, from the outside or just like you know, just looking at you on television, or or or listening to lie or or just knowing what was going on in your life in just thinking yes, like giving you the yes, like you don't even hear yeah, you don't even hear the yes, but it's like a yes, like this is this is that's what we came for, that's what we came to do. That's how you do. You better do it? Yeah, I cannot say this to you that you don't leave about I'm proud of my little commercial. I meant that commercial. I meant that how I meant it. On my side, I thought the same thing when that Walmart commercial came on. Sorry no shade, And I got so many comings like that. But I let's say this too, Like in the in the socials, in the world of the socials, we had so many times where people be talking about old I don't and nobody ain't gonna support you, or the people closer to you're not gonna support you, and this is that and the other. I just want to be clear that that does not always happen, and we don't have to accept that that is true. That sometimes people may not support you in the way that you think that they should at that moment, but you have to be open to that there's always happening on some level. Focus on the people who show up. Don't focus on the people who don't. You focus on the people who don't show up, and you're missing a lot of support and you're not giving them the love that they deserve when you're too focused on those people who don't show up. And you know, and I just want to just put that out there because I see a lot of that on the internet you know what I mean, or you didn't post my thing, or you didn't do this, and it's like, look, listen, it's when you show up in the right time and now. And I was telling this story a million times over. It was a needed and right time that my friend Jill hit me on the phone and so I need you to do something it And for me that was everything because you could think and have chosen anybody, you feel me, anybody, but you did that. And there are people in the world who might have had different things to say about that. And I'm gonna say then people didn't call me then, people didn't ask me about my children, They didn't ask me about what was going on in my life because they didn't care you feel me. But someone who did have an opportunity and did care, did reach out, did say not only do I support you, but I also want you with me to support me. See these are that's that's that's, that's what the funk I'm talking about under saying show, show improve, show improve you hear me show I couldn't have picked two better people. And mind you, when you did call me, it was the second time you called me in two months. It was a second time. It was the second time, by the way, when you're called it wasn't the first, it was the second. I'm sorry, you'll keep a promise. You gotta keep a promise. Man. It might take me fifteen years to do it. But hey, but it's not even like that. But it's true. It's it might take me, or it might take someone a long time to do what they want to do for or with you, but it's it really is divine intervention. It really is divine timing. And to rush something, to force something and you're only blocking it, you're not moving it. It will be stagnant because you're forcing the thing. A little bit of sugar, it goes a long way. Put that just I mean, listen, I told you that was I feel like it was two years ago when Jill was like, like, if I ever do a I care, so tell me with me. And I was like, okay, we just say And it's just about somebody keeping their words, especially to me, because I'm yeah, I appreciate you, I love you too, and and this is this is by no means the last thing that we should be saying. Um, oh gosh, thank you so much for the support of our Fansy man, do you show up for everything? It may not be all the time, but you show up and your intentions are pure. You believe in what we're doing. You you enjoy it, you share it, you talk about it, you know, you're you're you're sparking conversations in your own household about some conversation that we've sparked, and you are just so so appreciated or every level. Thank you for your genuine, genuine love and support. It's a beautiful thing. God bless you. We'll be right back. Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ill. We love you. We told y'all if y'all left us a message at A six six hey Jill or sent us a voice memo that you might hear yourself on an episode. Well, we don't lie, or at least we try not to. So thanks to everybody who did leave these messages. We are going to give you the last word, a moment when we give our listeners a chance to say how they really feel. Hi. My name is Brenda Guja. I'm a huge fan. My pronouns are she and hers, and I identify as a SIS, gender, non disabled, cast privileged queer South Asian American woman and choreographer and organizer and activists and arts administrator. I just listened. I'm I'm an avid listener. I'm one of your biggest fans. UH. And I can't believe I just said that. All right here we are, UM, I just listen to can I be a quilte And I'm considering notions of ancestral trauma, ancestral and generational um, weights of suffering and of resilience and power, and how that gets passed down through our muscles, through our bones. I'm speaking from a from a from a dance teacher and dance choreographer's perspective as well. How that moves in our bodies, how that moves in our muscles, how that moves into our psyches and then into our children. UM. Really loved the conversation. Uh. I don't like as a South Asian woman. I don't want to be in a box. I don't want to be in aquipse. I don't want to be in a book. I don't want to be anywhere where I am being defined by other people. And at the same time, I want to be everywhere so that I am on the consciousness and My multiplicity is on the consciousness of everybody. UM. I'm just such a big fan and you said there was a hotline, so I gave it a shot. It's a long shot, but here I am. Thanks for all the great work you do, all three of you. UM. You inspire a lot of people, even if you don't know it. UM. Many blessings, Right, good morning, village. My name is Andre J. I'm out of Michigan, and I just wanted to just send so much love and good grace to you women. You have inspired me to continue on doing my podcast, which is called Bulletprooso speaks to podcasts. I shout you out as much as I can, just showing to you as much love as I can, because I'm telling you you have inspired me. You have motivated me. You haven't lift uplifted me and and and continue to encourage me to do better and keep striving for more. The perspectives that you provide on a weekly basis challenged me to think outside of myself for a moment and just looking at it from a different way and laugh at it and and and and cry at it sometimes but nonetheless gain something from it. And I just thank you for having the resilience to all have different items going on in your life and being able to manage them and also educate others to be great people and to be constantly evolving and innovating. And it's just amazing what you ladies have done. I'm forever greatful him, forever thankful. How I could go on this rant for hours just by not only this podcast, how you ladies have inspired me, but your life's work, through your music, through your through your your your your literature, use me, just all the resources and tools that you guys have provided to us over the years. We're we're not we're not worthy of all that, all that good knowledge that you've given. But I just want to thank you, ladies. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you. I hope I ever get the chance to meet you or you know, be involved in the podcast, just to give you love personally, because I mean, I'm telling you, you just don't know what you have done as far as the motivation, the fire that you've put inside of me. And just with this latest episode we're speaking about caregiving, I'm actually experiencing that through life right now. And the fact that you called out all the things that I'm feeling and called out all the things that someone else might be feeling. It's just some of the challenges that comes along with that, but being able to be triumphant through it all and just learning from it and learning our people and learning how to accept the fact that one day the transition will become of all of us, but just being able to cope with it and just live our best lives. I mean, you just could not have touched a piece of my life so directly. I mean I was just in awe. I had to listen to about three or four times because of the impact that it made on me. So, Ladies, I told you this before through social media, but I want to tell you again, thank you so much for taking time out of your lives, your busy lives, to be able to be a vessel for all of us who are still learning, still growing, still loving, and making us become better people and helping us understand so many different areas of life that sometimes we wonder and sometimes that we kind of feel a little bit defeated at. You've given us that strength, and you've given us that courage to keep on pushing and keep on moving, And for that, I am forever grateful. I love you, ladies. I can't wait to see what's next. I know this podcast is definitely going to evolve into something much more, greater and bigger. You deserve a war for it, but I know you're not doing it for that reason. You're doing it strictly form the heart and to pretty much encourage us. And I'm telling you me personally, You've done more than encourage me. You've done more to motivated me. You've pretty much given me a new look on life. And I just thank you, ladies for that. I love you all, Stay safe, talk to you soon. Hi, ladies. My name is Destiny Spella. I UM. I've been in listeners from the beginning and there's so many episodes that I can point on, but this last one from last week therapy versus self care and the praying the pain away. Can I be equipped? Uh? My mom said, I mean, there's so many that you guys have had, but those two in particular, UM have touched me and I you know you are my phone coach, my found coach, my boys coach. From the beginnings. UM been listening to Kendricks the Family Soul the beginning, and I'm so happy to have Layah as a new best friend. I'm calling because I have gone through everything. I'll take it back. You guys on your show has said everything that's happening to me right now in my life. I'm a thirty eight year old single black mother living in Virginia. I carry the mail for the United States Postal Services for the last seven years, and I am going through a coming of age. I would say, UM, real life crisis right now. Admitted my house self into a hospital last month for my mental health and was diagnosed with a major depressive disorder. I had, at the same time broken up with a year long relationship with somebody that I love and have known since two thousand and fourteen. We started dating in during the pandemic and it ended abruptly, and I was grieving this relationship, and that grief brought out so many childhood traumas, so many adulthood traumas, um and obviously the loss of a relationship. UM. I need y'all. I need everything that y'all can feed me on a weekly basis. Y'all are sisters to me, and it's sparked in me m the need to have relationships with women because I have been a guy's girl all my life, and I mean I think a lot of my trauma comes from that. So I love y'all and just know that I will listen to every episode again just to make sure that I am on my stuff. You uplift me, you motivate me. Um. It's almost like laying prostrate and reading the word and praying to God. Um. Those things you guys have all confirmed some things in me that I'd like to change about myself. So I love you guys. Hey, Jim, my name is arka Um. I am referring to the e S an Urgent Care episode as a black Zula in Atlanta and also a fourth year medical students to be residents. I just want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you for shedding light on the black maternal health mortality crisis and giving dulas a spot in your conversation. We are so underrated, unheard of, nobody knows who we are what we do, but week were cordis unsung heroes. I thank you, thank you, thank you, and it's ering Black Maternal Health Week. Oh my gosh, you did it. Y'all did it. Thank you and we're so proud of me. Thank you. Hi, my name is Charlotte. I'm calling a reference to the episode therapy versus self care, and I cannot say thank you enough. Ladies. You don't know how much this episode helped me. More specifically, Joe, when you mentioned your friends just screaming it out and you um embracing her, that was the best because sometimes there aren't words that can soothe your soul. You just need that hug and you need that embrace and it says it all. And Aja, when you mentioned grieving and saying, you know, I wonder if people are tired of hearing about it, I was the same way. And again I understand that there is no limited time. When I want to speak my piece and reference to my mother, I speak it because it's released from me. And I just have to say thank you again, ladies for how having this discussion, because it's much needed. Black women are always supposed to be so strong and uphold themselves all the time, and you proved in the episodes that we have feelings just like the next person, and you have to get row and you have to get to the center of the emotion and just be you. So thank you, hey, you Asian Layah. This is so fearful Philly. Um, I just listened to them what my mama told me episode where you talked about what your parents taught you about sex, and I just wanted to say thank you for your content. Um. I'm raising three young men, and to be honest, I didn't even think about how I was going to speak to them about, you know, them getting older, starting to write girls and and things that they were gonna do when they're thinking about having sex. And so you guys gave me a lot of insight, and I just want to thank you for the work that you're doing. I want to encourage you to uh keep going and just keep blessing us that we do appreciate it. I love you guys, and take care. Hey, Joe, Layah and Asia, I love, love, love your podcast. I listened to you weekly on my long walk day, uh walking through my neighborhood because it's COVID and what else we're gonna do. But I find you guys always smart, irreverent, funny and always joyful. Please keep doing what you're doing. I'm particular like what's on your heart. Have a fantastic day. Came way to hear more from you by hi if you have comments and something we said in this episode called eight six six. Hey, Jill, if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six three nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair and Age Graden Danceller. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by Laya st Clair and me Eves Jeff Cope. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Larenger. No, don't mess with it because you'll hear it. That's what phone watch touching around your face for real? Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like a microphone when you hit on the microphone to see now, that's what I call support. We got you, You got a sege home, That's what I call support. J dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio. 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