Gray Hair Where????

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Speaker 1: Welcome to jay Dot in a production of I Heart Radio. What's Up Everybody? It is your friendly neighborhood Jill Scott and I'm here with my cohorts Lia Sinclair. Hellllo, I'm the Fantastic Age a great and dance jamming on the one, Jemmy jiving on the splint Jimmy, baby, Baby, I'm sorry, I'm done, baby. I don't know what to say. Oh perfect, right? Oh? What was what was rudy sound? It was Chris was I don't know what to say. Wasn't there an animal sound that she had a Oh yes, it was a zebra or jirette? I don't remember that. As you could tell, we all grew up on the Kasby Show. Yeah, yeah, we call that the Hustables post the rest. I'm just joking, Yeah, the Huxtables. We grew up on the Hunstables. Such a great show man. It really was, and it still is, Like I can't even front. I absolutely get some parenting lessons every time I watch it. My kids are now watching it. Wait a minute, I still use the one about the stake on the trash? Can lid tell me that one? Okay? So when Denise what no, no, not Denise. When Vanessa or Dad bricky, and when she first brought dad No home, she didn't tell them that he was nine thousand years old and she brought the situation was so jankie. The way she did what she did, and that that the father was like, right. The father was like, Okay, do you like a good steak? He talking to Dadness. He's like yeah, he said, let me say, I just I just made you a perfect steak, little potatoes, little onions on it. It's beautiful. He's like, you ready to eat it? He's I'm sure ready to eat it. He was like, so I go and I take a trash can lead and I put that beautiful steak on that trash can lead. Now do you want to eat it? He said, no, sir, I don't. He said. Now that's how she brought you in here on the trash can leave. Oh lest see, yes, come on, it doesn't matter if it's good. If you're bringing in here on a trash can lead. Hollella presentation, baby want I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't need it. So you guys know that there are a lot of young people, a lot of kids that that did not getting a chance to see the Cosby Show. You know they're or they're not watching the Huxtable Family. No, girl, No, I think that's even another generation because you've got you know, young young ones. Like let's say, like my kid, you know who's eleving and he watches the Cosby showing my nine year old he watches it too. That's my nephew. For all of you who are in my biz wiz, they both watch it. But because we introduced it to him, you know, just like our parents introduced us to oh Man, oh Man, Gomer Pile. That was my grandmother's show. Yeah, my grandmother liked that Gomer. It's a sweetheart. He just he don't mean any harm. She just say what other old shows? Let me think, was I introduced to, oh the Lawrence Welk Show. That may be a Philadelphia thing, but my grandmother and I would watch it often. It was one of those shows where all the music was like la la la, la la, and they had they had pink gowns that would flow in the little wind, and they had an orchestra. Every now and then there'd be bubbles, you know that that kind of thing. Yeah, I don't know if I I didn't really watch TV too much with my grandmother. I want to say she probably did watch old people's stuff, like you know, murder she wrote or something like that. But but my mother was really deeply into the beginning of those hour long dramas. So she watched st Elsewhere, and she watched thirty something and all of those shows that the beginning of. Yeah, well she wasn't into those. That's so weird, Like she just did not watch any of that. Dallas or my mom didn't watch any of that, So I missed that. My sister was a little more into it. But I don't know, tryd a weird upbringing. We we can't forget about the soap operas because that was something that was like, these are the days of our lives. I mean, that was serious. My sister used to tape all my children. She would like, record my children, will come on? Can I tell y'all to this day? As like a radio girl. One of my favorite opportunities was to interview the man that plays Victor Newman and the woman that plays Catherine from Young and the Restless. When I tell you he and he speaks just like, how is your mother? Oh my god? Victor newman in my life, sir. I've been with you all my life, Sir, leather Jacket. I know you're mad, sir. I just I feel that this whole conversation is indicative of exactly what we came here to talk about, which is the fact that we are oldest friend. I mean, I noticed that I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. Apparently, if you were born after nineteen eighty, you have no idea what the hell we're talking about. Yeah, they got TV Land. Well now they don't put them all them shows on tv Land. Now you're stuned older. They don't even come on no more Nicko Knight. It doesn't nickod Knight. Where is that coming over? Wo wow? Okay, because this is the kid that I gave birth to. Love to remind me, he pats me on my back slowly and goes, oh, so old you You asked you old? Asked? Oh? He gives me all the time. I'm like, well what, because I'm the one that's like, well, wait a minute, I'm supposed to log into the where to come? Well, why don't they just say that that's normally what I end up saying. Why don't that just say that it's like, well you calling up hold up the um, come and fix the uh fix the internet? So not not working? Kids, They're being like, my mom thinks I'm a genius and I just basically switched the HB in my court. My mom is telling her friends I fixed TVs. I called Jack mcgoffer. That's all too. Can I defend us for a second, because I have to always remind people of the era that we have grown up in. We grew up in an era where in high school the internet came into fruition. Okay, right in high school there was a deeper and then all of a sudden, we fastened forward to cell phones. Like the level of swiftness. That's it's like no other generation. I talked, me and my dad talked about this all the time because he's like, oh, I no, you know about all this. I'm like, Daddy, I have to strive to keep up too. It's always something new, and it's always I don't updates. I don't like when they change my phone. How dare you? How dare you? And now you're going to switch it up? The stuff that I had is gone? Where is it? The cloud? The cloud? We're not talking about the cloud. Let's not talk. I don't want to talk to you. Young people don't even know. Young people don't even understand the clouds. So I mean young person about that, they'd be like, I don't know what it is and I don't know how to get nothing out of it, So there you go. I remember when I was young, I thought that that we invented everything, like our generation, like we invented everything. These old people don't know anything about anything we've we we created it all. They weren't even screwing until we started screwing, Like, how is that even possible? How is it? I know that I used to think that we were super like enlightened. I definitely used to think of my parents as being like that. They're old school, was, you know, just unaware, even though I felt we were tapping into, particularly around like their pro blackness. I felt like we were tapping into that, but I felt like a hip hop like we had took it to the next level, like we took we took pro black to the world, like so dumb and not even understanding at all what was the black panther party? Right? I was like, I couldn't even think that Asian, my parents were taking me to Marchian, so I could never have even been as well. No, I'm just saying I didn't understand kind of global implications of it all. Of course, I knew that the Black Panthers existed, like I'm talking about, Like we grew up seeing hip hop then being celebrated all over the world public enemy being like in Germany, in Germany, you know what I'm saying. Like, so for me, I'm thinking, oh, well, we took this thing on the world tour, and they grew up seeing jazz explode all over the place and the blues become a part of most people's vernacular in some way, shape or form. You know, they grew up and well the music grew up with them. Every generation there's something different, like then these are Okay, I was about to say it, these young young people as you're listening to this, young people, know that we are your aunties. I am, I am, I'm playing sister. I'm a sister, big sister. Okay, Lie is your big sister, agent as well can be your big sister. I'm a whole I've been I've been an auntie since I was twenty two, So I just grew into my auntie status. It's fine with me. I've been waiting for this. Only thing is that I know that it gets a little deep when I'm out in a hole grown up. It's like, hey, Hunty, I'm like, wait, miss, how many years? How many years have you had your license? Because if that license is more than a decade old, I'm not your auntie. Wait. I told you all the lesson that I had to learn off of Mary J. Blige right now has lap me in my face. Oh, I say, like ten, maybe thirteen years ago, back when I was a little younger, and I was on the morning show with Mony Love, and we're talking to Mary J. Blige on the phone and I called her miss Mary m I I I, I called her Mismary and and it wasn't and and and you know she and of course she responded accordingly and said I thought this interview was with Mony Love. Um. But uh, circle back to now. I mean we we we we've made up since then, we had a whole thing. I say, I'm sorry. I said, she came to the station a year later. Whatever we made up talk to that was good. But the full circle of it all is is that now someone can do that to me, yeah, young people, because I don't know what else. Hey, listen, a little ship. You're a little technically you little who was technically young to us? Can we discuss that? What's the cap? Okay, I'm gonna go with twenty three and under twenty four and under it's young, Okay, I like that, that's fairy. I might happy you with two years. I'm gonna go twenty one and just you know, just yeah, but even twenty two is still mad young. And twenty three years to twenty four and now you're talking because next year you're gonna be twenty five, you know, So I'm gonna say twenty four is like official, you're still you're still a young buck. I feel like you're basing that on one is acceptable to look at a young fellow. I don't know. In my mind, I was going, yeah, I mean that's diggy. I can yeah. First of all, I have a twenty one year old son. I'm sorry, terrible. On five, I'm sorry, from the from the router to the tutor. Do you understand me? From the router to the tutor. Don't show up at my house on the trash cantly assist because I want you to know something you still mean? Okay. My girlfriend says she came home one day and a whole year old was sitting in her living room. Her son was about sixteen and seventeen years old. She said, what do you want with him? She's like, Oh, we're just friends and we're spending time together. She was like, listen, I don't want you to get anything confused. If by chance you are to have sex with my son and and you are to get pregnant, I need you to know he has nothing. He has absolutely nothing. Everything you see around you with mine, and I wouldn't share it with your old ass, not one second. I would not do it. Be clear, I will not be comfortable with you coming around. I will not be comfortable with any part of it. And I just might file for a junction to keep your ass away from my kid. Well, at sixteen, she's all the way illegal for what she's doing. What So number one. All that whole speech was lovely. I enjoy did but I need you to understand. Do y'all remember how when you was in junior high school and the girls would just start wind mill in their arms. Yeah, and they would just start fighting, And I'm stopping there wouldn't be time for no um for no speech. No. And y'all know I love a speech. You know that I love it, Yes, yes, but what I will not do is speech. You you're coming here to my under age. You're getting wind milt. The mistake is that you don't bring them home, because don't bring them home. However, I will say this, don't listen. As we get older, we are hypocrites because when your girlfriend want to mess, what you'd be like? Girl? Yes, girl, girl, come girl, get that to it. You all what no, old man. And when you was a teenager and you was dating that dude that might have been in this winning he was dead wrong. However, alright that data, twenty year old you did. No, I don't think I did. If my mother had windmill them, he would have. That's all I'm saying. I can't remember, I'm thinking, but I'm old now, so my memory is slipping. I'm still blaming on the weed. I can't blame it on age yet. Yeah that's fair enough too. But you know you've been smoking weed for a long time, you know what I mean, So that that definitely adds to the to the memory loss. It's been a long it's been there, it is. Yeah, my grandmother's my hero. Would y'all date somebody significantly younger than you as a cat? As a cat says a cat, like you know, rubbish the cat the man. But but you know, one second thought, I'm sorry, Yo, you're right. I was answering with the wrong. You're right. I'm sorry, you right, the cat, You're right. I'm sorry. I wouldn't do date nobody younger. You're right. I'm sorry, you're right. I think y'all talk to ship because I'm telling you I know people who have dainty younger men and they were not a headache to talk to. It depends on the person. I mean, I got my boyfriend by five years, but you know he's still a grown as man. Yeah five years. But like you ain't going you ain't going into like the early thirst. No, no, ma'am, What am I gonna do? I mean, I mean not configure out what to do. I'm just saying that I don't. I'm beyond that at this point, Like you know, I'm beyond it. I might entertain it for a second, but I don't think. I don't. Plus, when you think use I'm a younger man, you really just think it's kind of usually from a physical perspective of you can get you a nice man of age. They got the stammina of us something and is other thirdiest, baby you winning, And that's what I'm doing over here, Holle, that's my plan. Amen. Applause of blood. Okay, So think about I have a matching old person at my house. Well that's what's up you guys. You guys are not is old. The team is old. He was also born old as I worked. Believe, both born elderly people. And this is really what has attracted us to each other over a period of years is that even when we were in our early twenties. My daughter calls it, he's the pop pop and I have the Nana energy. So it's it's that kind of thing. I think we both had that as young people. So it's just kind of metched together over the years. It works out. Yeah. I Mean, like I said, I've really been waiting for this time my whole life. Now, what I didn't know was that there was going to be miraculous gray hairs appearing spontaneously just just you know, just because I I don't know, I didn't get enough sleep or wake up with a new gray hair, Like, what are you doing? Honey? I don't know? Womnute? I want of minded my business? The next I white headed. I'm for real something. What's happening? Is this what's happening? Yeah? But can't we have a real honest conversation because we can't offer some knowledge in this area. Because let me tell you something. That first time that you see that first grade down in that bottom area section, it's a moment. It's a moment, let me tell you, because you don't know. I was taking in front of my husband who was getting gray and his beard, and I was like, well, you know, I mean you got with a little young one. You know. So I'm all in his face about it. He was just like, um ma'am you have gray hair. I was like, no, I do not. He was. He said, you just can't see it, says, I don't know you like that nigga? Like girl had to go get a mirror out. I was like, show it. It was terrible. I did some things with my cell phone. Let's just say. I had to go and delete it all. He was like, here's the receipts is lay down on your back. Let me show you because if you don't know, you don't know. Even if you are getting waxed on a regular basis, it doesn't mean that they're not there. It just means that you're pulling them out by the root. That's a torture. But the s they are the stronger ones to pull. You should know that, wow, are the stronger of the hairs. They are always do you know? You notice them? They're prominent, distinct texture and maybe a different texture. But the one that's on my hairline, I'm like trying to push that joker down. I'm like, why do you popping back up? Because it wants to be seen. I have a great eyelash. That's the worst too. My boyfriend got one of them. I didn't know that it was even a thing, like it was even possible, But I have just one. Family doesn't curl with the stuff. Yeah, it's just sitting there though. If you don't, if you don't see it, you don't see it. But then when you see it, you can'tnot see it because it's a gray eyelash. I got another one, y'all. I'm sorry, it just this just happened to me last week. For the first time I have received my first black person. Um. Wiggily mole. Um, it's a wiggly mole. Yeah, we're just just preparing y'all that black people. We gotta do the research. What is it about these moves? You know they often say this thing, Black don't crack. But I'm gonna tell you one thing, and with all the love in my heart, black does not crack. But this show does crease. We'll be back after the break Black creases. But see, this is the thing you gotta stop doing. All. You can't do black ship forever if you want your black not to pray like, Okay, yes you can eat certain foods, but up to a certain point, Like you can't just be eating all our cultural stuff for forever. And honestly, and this is no judgment because obviously I know many of us may do it, but you know, drinking, smoking, all that stuff, you do it for a long period of time, It catches up to It catches up to you. It does. People don't believe in young people, particularly I remember myself. I didn't believe it. I didn't believe any of it. I was like, I think I'm pretty flawless, and I think I'm always going to be this way. And it wasn't so much about being egotistical. I just felt like, this is the way. Oh I've grown into what my body is going to be, and now this is what it is. And with that whole black dunk crack business, like you need to know young women with love, you need to know that you have to take care of this one body that you get. It gets harder as you get older. It's easier for them, though it's easy for them now. I mean like even still with it's interested like you now you even see the T shirts with the process of what you're supposed to do at night with your face cleanser, tuner, seer, rum primer. Then I'm must the rights are in the you know, it's just and mass three times a week. Yeah, and don't forget that there really is genetics, you know. I look at my mother's face every day. I said, old Joyce, you didn't come and set here on on my face. Excuse the language, but that's what it feels like that my mother has just applied herself to my face. And I never like that about my dad. I look at my father like that, dang man, why do you do that? Why would you just park your ass all up in me like it's fine, it's fine. Bottom line is us take good care of yourself. You ain gotta obsess over it, but do what you're supposed to do, like don't be out here while and then complain that. I will say this, though you said all this toner and the blood lad lad people are gonna regret using all this product. Old people did have some things, right, I'm sorry Monana. Every night, put a little bit of vasoline on that face, you feel me. On her feet, put some socks on them, jokers feet was beautiful. Skin was beautiful. The day she passed, skin looked like a baby. But what you're gonna do? My grandmother used dove soap and I remember hating the smell of it. Like even now, well it's not the same anymore because now they have like cucumber dove and you know, cocoa butter dove. But back in the day, like I just thought equates old because I was like, I don't want to use the old people the people soap. Yeah, that's crazy, because I always thought Irish spring was for old men. I was like, I was spring, that's like old man, right, I thought that the white people. Yeah, Irish spring was for white people. What about ivory? Remember the ivory ivory on the babies. I remember as like that. So when you was little, like country where they will wash clothes with it, mm hmm, Like I always looked at ivory as that. The thing with Irish spring that the one time that I saw it, it had dried and cracked, and I thought, why would you want to wash your body? Was a thing that will dry and crack like that. As a little kid, I saw that there was a fundamental problem with Irish spring. But one thing that sometimes our conversations are going to be really deep, there is something really wrong. I agree with you. I agree with you. I wish with all the big boo bite in my household like like you really are, like like does beautifully like you're supposed to wear like a night bra. Young women, let's talk about it right now, Jill. Let's talk about as you get older. This is this life. It's gravity, ship will happen and titties are heavy and whatever miss Aga is about to say, y'all, y'all ignore what she's saying, because what I'm trying to say is you want them titties to sit up? You better listen to miss Jill because I know the age about to come in and bite all this. Yeah, I am, because I personally think if he can't suck your titty while it's under your armpit, he's not for you. Okay, we'll listen. I am. That's fine. But I like to look good in these clothes. And don't you want to look feel good about yourself naked, like you know, like, oh, think they're right here? Oh I feel wonderful about myself naked? Do I look fantastic? It wasn't. I didn't mean to you. I just meant I feel better when they're up and then when they're down. I would like to feel better. Though I came front that I would love to feel better, so I'm in the process of doing that. Ug again. This is the thing with health and physical wellness. As you get older. You don't just arrive somewhere, you know, you don't get off the bus and there you are. I worked really hard for about two years where I just ate right, and I exercised every day, and I rolled my twelve miles and it paid off. It absolutely paid off. But I got tired of that ship. I got tired of that ship and I was hungry. I was hungry, But there's a middle in their jail. It didn't have to be so black. This time, I'm hoping to find the middle because the extreme made me unhappy, because the middle is a lifestyle versus the extreme, which was just a diet. Yes, what's the lifestyle. I've lost a lot of weight a couple different times, you know, in between the children, YadA YadA, And I've seen pictures of myself like, oh that was that was a season. That was a little skinny season I did. And I admit I've done nothing. I've done nothing I have the last couple of years, I have decided to just, I don't know, just do whatever I want. You was on some African dance for a minute. I mean I dance. I mean I'm not I'm not a bump on a log dance, but I don't dance. Sport to lose weight to stay healthful. And that's the lifestyle portion of it, where you find stuff that you really like to do because you really like to do it. I actually really like to play football, but wow, Jill, that's dope. I really enjoy it, but I just don't have too many people to play with. I would love to play pot with you. Oh my god. I don't play any school. I'd rather play him that watch them all day. I play softball, I play basketball like, let's go, let me know when we need to start the team. That's my like for my lifestyle and not for nothing. I will think that California does aid in this. But but a bit like to take a hike. I love a bicycle ride. I mean, I won't lie to you, guys. I love the fact that as a black woman, there's so many different kinds of like healthy lifestyle choices in terms of exercise and food that cater to us as a community. And I think that's great because you know, and I'm down for it because I want us to live a long time, and we got a lot of things up against us. So I want us to live alone time and live healthy for a long time, you know what I mean. So I want to make sure that's clear. I don't want anybody the way he just said, she don't do nothing. You don't know. I'm working my way through it. I was trying to heal my mind in my heart for a little while. So she put my my body on the back burning. But the body is an important part of that equation. So I just want to make sure put my little disclaimer out there. We always have to throw that in there, that that the body is is super important. For instance, you are pretty much guaranteed to get some kind of arthritis if you're a vertebrae, if you're a vertebrate, if you're dealing, if you're standing with the spine or walking with a spine. A cat's dogs bears like, is a thing I can't You absolutely must fight it. You fight it with tumeric. I'm taking down inflammation. You you fight it with vitamin E oil and flax seed oils to keep things moving. Like you you don't think about this. I used to see my my elder woman down the block. I used to see her and she looks so good to me. She was taking kelp and I was like, I will take kelp too, until I got in there smelled damn kelp, and I was like, I don't think that you're doing a right thing. I think insane because that stinks. I remember going to the health food store my mother and not understanding how you could spend a couple hundred dollars on a small bag of herbs and vitamins and and like fast forward now and my refrigerator. Girl, I never bought me some chlorophyll for these brois. I didn't got me some black sea oil. I didn't got me some milk, the soul and all the other stuff, Jill that you name attack. I got a flax erchia mixed together for my smoothies. Like come on, now, ain't I got flax, I got all that stuff. I got all that stuff. I got all that stuff. And I think, really it's become a more of a common thing. It's become more of a common thing. But again it goes back to those old school ways. We're returning back to old school ways and not being so caught up in you know, what is doing and all this kind of stuff. And so really, as the new elders, I don't know who's talking to she's coming or the rising elders want to have to implement these things so that the younger folks will know what to do, say hey listen, but they'd be knowing honestly, for real, we need to just be focused on our own selves because these young folks they be knowing well and you know, vegetarians and serious about it. They go into therapy. Hello, and I'm glad for all of that. I'm interested in seeing what's gonna happen to all the bodies though. I am interested with you know, so much plastic surgery, like what's gonna happen later and the waste training. I want to see how the waste training turn out. What are you what are you thinking about waste training? I don't know. I've seen some wastes that don't that don't look the ongoings like. It's interesting. I have seen a few wastes in proportion to the rest of their bodies that I'm like, oh that, I wonder if that if you were born like that, because some black women, some women period, but some Black women are born that way. But the mouth that I've seen here lately, it seems like it's a lot and it's no judgment. I just feel like, if you want to be snatched, you want to be snatched. I'm just curing gonna be like, I just curious what it's gonna be like for the body and the long term. And there is such thing as extreme snatching, to be honest with you, because some you know, some of us might pop it on every few months or whatever. But there are some who every day of their lives they have a way straighter on, like that's the thing, and you are yeah, Oh, my girlfriend just told me she's lovet with it the other night because she had to do coming back. But that's a constant swishing up your organs. And you're right, Asia, I do wonder what happens. It's a lot. Can I ask your questions? Have y'all learned anything? I would say, like, obviously, we we think we can teach. But have you learned anything for many of your young bulls? Young bull or young bull? Or does that male or female? Yeah, you're you're young and young, you're young John, whoever? Have you learned anything really good from somebody significantly younger than you? Yeah? Shut up? Like yeah, what she said? I was just I was laughing because I got stuck for a minute, like I hope I have. I'm just trying to remember. I thought you was gonna say something sexual. Always really, Jill, I mean that's why you're my friend. Okay, yes, good answer. I mean you must to own your flowers. So what was you saying? Anyway, Jim, shake your head, that's rights right. Let's say I am in the process of building a studio at home. And I've got a couple of young friends that are like, Okay, this is what you do, this is what you do, and this is what you do. I watched the YouTube thing. I'm trying to do it myself. But I was like, I need, I need to make these phone calls and yeah, that's been helpful. It's funny. You're right. That's only know the young people in my life in a way, like when it comes to text stuff or even like the look of things. I have a challece in my young girl Dorry and Charlie. When Charlie Max daughter, she I toold things at her because she's young and she's in marketing, and I'm like, is this fly still just well have you learned? Oh? I know, ages got a list because you got a household dance from dances too. I learned a lot of stuff, you know what I learned about to get deep tapped out at the jerk, I was like, I'm exhausted. Just Dirk, Dirk. That's that's when I checked out that. Yes, that's when I was like, that is silly. Did you just say no? She didn't say that I was old. My son who was a grown man. He was probably about eleven or twelve. With that, No, I have too many boobs for this dance. Well, I learned. I get to learn dances and stuff like that. But more significant thing that I've learned, I would say it's from my little twenty somethings. I just be thinking that they know how to choose themselves, and that's aspiring to me. I'm like, you know, what's us? Yeah? Yeah, Like they know how to choose themselves, and I have learned. That's been something that I've implemented into my life life. Like I'm like, oh, that's a privilege of youth though, choosing yourself, that's a life lesson that it was a life lesson. But don't you think it gets harder as you get older, only because you are old ass dogs that don't want to do nothing new, and because you have a lot of responsibilities to more than you're right, You're right, you're right, right, Like the older you get, the more can you realize that you're going to have to take care of your parents. I can't deal with this and we're about to do this because I don't. Oh go god, oh god, I can do that. You are now the adults in this situation. Yeah, and that you know. For me, my mom is funny and a trip and sometimes I'm like, how can I chastise her? How can I teach her? And I'm like, but but the reality is, I'm not going to I'm gonna have to eat this one and the next one and the next one after that and the next one after that and have a little attitude and like, oh mom, and now I'm the child moaning and whining to my mother to please be considerate of my ass yes, and and completely that they want. I'm trying. I'm trying. You're gonna get in trouble, so mine, Well, I will say this before I think you're bad joints. I think you're bad. You're bad choice Sally, spank you if I could. Before my my pass, Like I said, she was on her way to move here to Philly, but I was really kind of hype about it because she was living in Atlanta for a long time with my sister. But me and my sister would have played arguments where I could hear them talking in the background and I'd be like, who are you talking to? Don't be talking to my mother like that. She was like girl, you get on this phone and tell your mama. Look, she don't have to learn how to do My sister's biggest argument with my mother used to be your mother calls me at work, oh so child to do stuff that she can do so and I was like, well, okay, all right, don't be talking to my mama like that. I don't do anything for that lady. You know, yeah, we all would. You know, y'all would and have done anything for our mother's But they they even have like an adolescent stage where they're being rebellious because because they want to, because because they can. I'm gonna do what I want saying. And my father will tell you that my parents are eleven years age difference. I'm dealing with seventy and eighty one. And my father is at the point where he was like, dang, I will say some random ship, I will use a word that it's not supposed to be used. But you know what, at this point in my life, because I can, and so it is my job as the elder now literally in the relationship, to be like, take this lightly letter. I know he know, he's all over the place and he's not talking about what we're talking about. Right now. But I'm just don't say nothing, don't correct them, trying not to correct please don't, I gotta. I think it's super important that we show respect to our parents and to our elders. I think that it is it's super important to be respectful to your elders because it's going to be your turn at some point, darling. But I also it's also a balance of keeping them on point. I say to my dad all the time because he'll be like, oh, I'm in trouble or what did I say, blah blah blah, And I'm like, Daddy, I'm just making sure that you understand what we're talking about, even though you're making a joke. And I want to make sure that we are giving your mind all that society that we can give it. That's all that too. It's it's a balance of it all, you know. I mean. Yeah, also to now, and we talked about this before. Now that I'm this age, I see the value so much in the things that they have to say. I want to know about your childhood. I want to know about what did you do and what what was it like? Or what do you know about our family? Like I just recently started digging into my family history a little bit more and things I wish that I had. I mean, now, I talked to my mom a lot, and I know a lot about her personal story, and I think I know a lot of stuff about my nana. But past that, no, So I'm thinking now as I get older, I'm really wanting to know my family stories. I'm really wanting to know these things that I wish my parents were here to shed light on that more. So, like I would say, even now as you're starting to get older, they getting older, So get them to talk and write down, do whatever you can, because you don't want to be trying to look in the nineteen tenths, just trying to get a story, you know what I'm saying. That's why I just a little tit for everybody. I tell my dad to use his voice recorder, Like just record things you have thoughts about family, you wanted, you're thinking about a story, You always got stories in your head just eighty one years, just take your phone out and record it so I can have it. Yeah, I'm glad that I got some of my dad's stories. He is definitely suffering from dementia, So that's another aspect of it, like I'm thinking, now, you know my my since my dad has dementia and high blood pressure. My mother had some level of high blood pressure. Knowing about your people really makes you concentrate on you know, genko beloba, you know, making trying to make sure your mind is still working. And I know that I have a hard time. But I do call that marijuana as well, you know, remembering things. Um. Sometimes I've taken to eating it more so than anything else. But which is good at heart wise, I will say that's good heart, yes, But it all gets deep, it all gets real as you get older. That click clack in your knee, Yeah, that's that pop. You don't know. I could drop it and pop it with the best of them. And no, ma'am, now you just hear it when you pop. Now you just st I have to go slow. I have to go slow. When I did Blackish last year, I wasn't this year. I don't know when which episode. Then you do a couple, I forget, No, I just did one. Yeah. I had a lot of fun, but I was learning how to dance from thee for Team of Robinson, and I used my leg in a way I had been practicing this, you know what I mean. I have been practiced, practicing this, like you know, and for at least three days, and I felt like, all right, I got it. I got it man. At he said, bitch, you ain't got no. And next thing I knew, I was on the floor and I was like, oh, man, like we're supposed to be recording and at least you know, like, I'm so embarrassed. What am I gonna do with this knee that just doesn't like me anymore? And I danced it with the young people. What we had to scale that thing hall all the way down. You you can't even imagine the kind of rapage that was on my knee to shoot that damn Yeah. I was like just like holding it, like oh inside, oh when more take you say okay, I'd be like listen and I love dancing. I'm like, I'm gonna go real hard for about five minutes. Is it a house song? Because the pen on the song, because if you follow me you can get lost perfectly didn't get long, nigger. I'm gonna tell you right, you can get in and wake up and realize that you've been playing yourself. I had I stood up one time we was out of the club. One night we went to this party and he was dad so hard, I mean hard, child hard. I was like, I'm still good. Look at me, look good night, having a good brow on. I was like, bam, bam, bam, bam bam. Went home smiling, had sex. I was like, yes, this was a good night baby. Welcome the next morning. Then looked at my man, I said, we we was in it last night. Put them feet on the ground and stood up out there. Bad ma'am. That body said, ma'am to day today is your day. It better be Sunday because whatever you had planned for today will not happen. You need a hot bath when you start putting episens on your water like your grandmother. Yes, girl, but it happens to the best of us. My my dear friend, Scott Parker is a physical trainer. He is cut to the ninth. Okay, he has been working out for for many, many years. He's a ninja. Okay really really, you'll touch somebody to go like, he got this, he has it. I asked him. I said, so you're working out all the time, so it just stops hurting. He was like, no, I heard every day. I was like oh, that's not like, that's not that's not. The ninja is hurt. The ninja is hurt. Apparently, you know it hurts every day every day. I wanted that's feel like Terry Crews and Arnold Sports Nigger and people like that too. I was supposed you know that it is what it is. It is what it is, but it's harder if you're starting later. So all my young girls, on my young homies, listen, start doing things now, because I don't care how cool you are, or smart you are, or pretty you are. Age happens if you're if you're lucky, if you lucky, age will happen. More conversation after the break. I know y'all have this. Can we just do what did some of the old things that your people used to say. I'd love to start it off, but nothing hurts a duck, but it's Bill h o oh, man, use your head for more than a hat rack. Style will kill you. That was my favorite. I still I use that for myself, I tell you that. And stidm Gonna kill you, ain't gonna put My husband's father did something one time that I thought was really cool. He had written his son a letter and had somebody draw a picture on the top of a car, and my husband had been doing bad in school, and he wrote underneath the car, you're cruising for a bruising Nice. That was that's work. God, I know so many I've gone completely blank. Only my father used to say this though. My dad always had this saying that he would say if you did something really peculiar, he was like, you must be from Virginia. We say that about bad drivers. You must be from Virginia. You must be from Virginia. Yeah. When my grandmother died, all of the grandkids did the top ten. She had ten grandkids in more greats or whatever, but we did a top ten of her sayings at the funeral. Nice, you have never seen no white dirt, have you? That mean everything come from black people. You know what's wrong with the black man? What he don't know who he is? Mm hmm, oh, grand come on, Grandma, Come on mom. I can really only remember seven, so I'm man a blank and I know Blue Baby used to say a lot of things. George sounds too blue Babe. I love that her whole name was blue Babe. That was my girl. Y'all got something now too, though, that's the funny part. Like, so now you think as y'all aunties get older, I know my kids have some stuff that I say I should text them right now, you know, Jet it's always he's like, Mom, you're always threatening to kill me. But it's become like an in house joke. Now like all right, watching this is for our kill you kill you, because not for nothing. Mr Huxable was right. I brought you in this world, I take you out. Yeah, that's that one. That's that one right there, Mom, are you're really gonna kill me? It's like, I don't think my mother used to say this to me, but I know there's an old black saying it's like don't don't write a check? Yes, yeah, something like that. M It's always something. But here's the gag of it all. Gag it. We're all going to get older, everybody. If we're blessed and we're lucky, this is what it is. So enjoy your elders, enjoy yourself getting older. But do the work so that you don't hurt later. Okay, yoga at the least listen so you don't. You might hurt anyway, and it might hurt, but it's worth the trip. I went hiking today, I've been sitting here. I can't really feel my knees. Or now, wait a minute, Jill, did you stress before your high, Because that's a tip as we get older. You can't just go do ship now. You got to stretch. You gotta stretch, hydrate and stretch. Going to sleep, God, damn it, stop staying up to the middle of the night. Go to sleep. Tell me that again, because I have not gotten rested in at least three four days, and I hurt. I don't like it. Yeah, I'm not even taking naps anymore. Like I missed my naps. I'm not sleeping. Sleep is one of your beauty treatments, Like that's you gotta treat Like, oh yeah, I remember. People would ask me all the time, like you know, people who are not singers would be like, what do I do too? I lost my voice? What do I do? I'd be like, go to sleep and hopetly and I'll see you in a couple of days and hush out right. People do it. Yeah, if you get an opportunity to be around your elders, try to capture those stories. They have so many to tell and they will benefit your life even if it just makes you laugh or let you in on a part of yourself. I love the life you get even increases. Coming up next on the show, What's on your Heart an occasional segment where we're check in with people we respect about how they're really feeling. Hollow y'all, I think that's somebody calling. That must mean it's time for What's on your Heart? I think we have someone on the line, as they would say back in the day, so kind Yes, as I tell you who's calling? Oh well, jealous, funny you ask? Our next caller actually happens to be a pioneer of sorts, a legend, as you may say, a legend initially in radio. You may know her as the one who created June Black Music Month. Yes, she is a leader in that collective to make that happen for you black people. She is a music advocate. She is an activist. She is also just happens to be one of the few media coaches in the music industry. What does that mean? That mean? Well, I'll let her tell you. Listen. She also just happens to be the reason that keeps your favorite artists from saying dumb ship. There you go. She also happen to read the reason that I am in radio and also my godmother Dianna Williams, and you also may know her as your unsung lady. About that, well, ladies, I first must say thank you Almighty for affording us this opportunity to be to gethers. The first thing, because we are healthy, we are smiling, we are full of energy, and that fuels me so first and foremost, I want to say that. And secondly, I want to say, l jah, I was there at the moment your daddy laid his eyes on Kareema. All right, your daddy came to d C to visit me when he saw ha and you are that result? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes. That's how I got to be the godmother. That's how I got to be the god mama. I love so god mother. Joe wants to know what's on your heart? Yeah, which part of the heart? Okay. I want to talk about caring. I want to talk about self care and caring for others because this has been at the forefront of my life. My eighty seven year young ebulent mother about four months ago called me. She lives in Miami, and she said, baby, I can't do simple things, and she was crying. And my mother is a person who buried two husbands, three brothers, both her parents, and her best friend. And I've never seen her cry or complain or talk about being despondent and none of that negative stuff ever until about four months ago when she called me in desperation and layah, like you, I'm an only child, as you well know, and that is a tremendous responsibility. When you can't call a sister or brother, even if you're arguing with them and you've had issues, it's all on you. And I was a caretaker for my daddy until he made his transition about ten years ago. So with that phone call, the next morning, my daughter was on the first flight out of Philly to Miami and she went to retrieve. We call her Mama Nancy. And so I am now a full time caretaker. And for the first month I did it all by myself, and I was getting worn down, worn down the medications, the doctor's visits, the concern and what has happened during this period of time where my mother and I have developed a rhythm, because I was very quick to say I need help. I can't do this all by myself. I was running a business, you know, dealing with my personal life, and I'm a mother and I'm a nana. But you, ladies, and and those in our listening audience know those who are parents or guardians, caretakers of any sort. The amount of energy that is required to care for a loved one or a person, especially apparent when you're doing it alone, is phenomenal, and so I share with you care. And what I've learned during this period of time is not only that I have to take care of my mother because it is a pleasure and a joy. Sometimes it is frustrating and I become impatient. I find myself walking towards her room sometimes counting. A girlfriend of mine was like ten nine eight, you know, Laval said count, and I was like, okay, because it is challenging. And so I've learned in this process that I must also take care of myself because if you don't care of yourself, you can't take care of your loved one. So I'm doing self care. I'm in the fourth quarter of life and enjoying it. But I have learned so much in the process of bathing my mother, giving her medicine, beating her dressing her, admonishing her. When she's telling me that she's stupid and she can't do that, said, Mama, you're the smartest woman I know. My mama, but she complained New Year's Eve because we did an early New Year's Eve. We did a few shots, a girlfriend came over, then we did some champagne, and when we started nodding off and said, okay, we need to go lay down, my mama said that's the shortest party and started complaining because my mama wanted to do more shots and she really wanted to get down. Yeah, my mother has lived abroad. She was a college professor. She was one of the people who worked on the team for the Hippo laws. When you go to the doctor and you signed the privacy, my mama was one of those people. She started out as a nurse, a little Puerto Rican girl from San Juan, Puerto Rico, and sun threw and her light is dimming and mine was too, and I really have a bright light. She's very bright light. But I caught myself and then talking to Layah, who helped me tremendously because she saw her grand mother transition. Over a period of time, we've all had loved ones. I'm sure we can all think about it, and we've had people close to us who have transitioned. But I'm very focused on living and living the best possible life for my mama and for myself. But in that process, I know that I must take care of me. So a period of neglect where the pounds started pouring on and just didn't feel healthy and I wasn't, but I caught myself because I have loving people in my inner circle, people who actually cared deeply about me, and they pulled my coat tail and I got so much worthy advice that helped me to get back on track. Two. To recognize that while my mama's life is dimming, it's still shining right, And to revel in the moments that I have with her, because you know, she can very possibly outlive me. She tells me all the time, this is gonna live to be a hundred something, you know, years young. And I remember my really dear friend Gordon Parks. I went to visit him one night. He made dinner for me and we were sitting talking and he said, you know, Dianna, my parents are dead. I've lost a couple of children, My close friends some siblings. I mean, he was just saying, I can't smoke, I can't drive my car, I can't play tennis. He was like, the joys of life were dissipating, and he knew that, but he was like, I'm still here and I'm still living. And so the lesson, in addition to self care, is that we are born, we live, and we will transition. That's the formula. That's I don't know anybody who's beat it. And instead of being afraid of death, let's prepare for it while we are living. And I think that is very important. My mama from the time I was a teenager, every time she would go on a trip, she would say, my will and this is in this draw and it used to drive me crazy because I would have listened. And now I'm doing the same thing with my children. Wills, updating it, power of attorney, power of medical things that many of us neglect while we're living because we don't want to think of death. You stay on me about these things, especially as our only child. Yeah. I set Layah a book not long ago about organizing her life and expressing her will, what does she want, what she does not want? And again not to be morbid. This is not morbidity. This is reality, family, and this is what we must think of as we are living our lives, moving to that transition point because again, my mother could outlive me, but we are prepared for death. Yeah, my mom used to it. We used to shun my mother about that conversation all the time, said that I'm like, no, we don't want to talk about it, you know, but you know she would stop us as say no, we're gonna talk about it today. And I'll tell you, the most beautiful thing about my mother's transition was that there was no question, there were no questions. All of the things had been talked about, All the questions have been answered, and my sister and I our only job was to execute and to find some space to greed. And I promised you that saved me many many many years, probably in therapy and everything else, you know, although I still had to go because I was probably, But the bottom line is that it saved us a lot. So I really appreciate her pressing us talk about it. And you're a right, deta. It is not morbid. It is actually the discussion of life and the preservation of joy and the preservation of peace of mind. Peace of mind is everything you want to be able to have the room to just think about and love on and think of your loved one when they're no longer they're in the physical. That is something that Indigenous people tend to do is prepare for I guess the homegoing. You know, Indigenous people, people of the sun, people of the earth, they tend to do that. And we have fallen away from our traditions when it comes to death. Unfortunately, just for for me not to dampen the moment at all, but I I you know, I care to share the other side of this. My father is alive, but he has dementia, and I do so wish that I knew exactly what it is that he would want. M So as I'm saying that, like, oh, good people, you know we we really do have to be mindful. My god, you're thinking that it's your mom, it's your dad, and they're going to just you know, always be here. But that's not reality at all. And if someone in your family has dementia, you have to start talking to them and preparing while there. Yes, that is super super important, I regretfully, Yeah, Storm, but you're gonna have somebody today though, because not for en Shire. Yeah, because sometimes you have to learn from other people's situations. And you're right. I've been talking to my grandmother about death for years, since I was a little girl. I remember, I said, tell her, Grandmam me when it happens. I need for you to be in my dreams. I need for you to haunt me like we used to have major conversations about like and to this day, that's why I can sit here and talk to her and know that she's always around whenever I call her, you know what I mean, Like, I have an appreciation. And again it goes back to what Diana says to about spending time even in these moments, even the man, I'm gonna tell you my grandmother, I know I was fortunate in our dimension situation, but it turned her into a more joyous person. So I couldn't wait to be around her. I woke up in the morning and I ran to her room, you know what I mean. And so it's just I'm so you know, I'm so advent about caring about your elders and your loved ones, and Jill, You're right, just so now at this point when it's dementia. You just it's the loving up. It's just the loving up and yourself so too. You know, a lot of times we just cannot dictate how those things are gonna go. Father and I had a very complicated relationship. I actually hadn't spoke to my father for two years and was diagnosed with cancer. We hadn't spoken, you know, and I felt very much justified in my decision not to speak. And I think that many people who had known our situation would have agreed with me. The problem is people get cancer and then you don't know how long you've got, you know what I'm saying. So there were things that went unsaid, you know what I'm saying. There were things that happened. But what I've come to understand even about that process losing both my parents two totally different circumstances, right, was that whatever moment there is to kiss that face, to look at it, look at that face. And Jill, I know you understand this because you're an observer. You are a sociologist in the heart, like you be looking at people. My thing is so my thing is that you know, there's that moment where you can look at that person and see them the bone, so you can always remember smile and you start to record in your mind the touch, how the hand feels when they touch you. You know the tone of their voice. You know what I'm saying. So when you think about that voice, you know that voice and you can actually hear it speaking to you. When I get real like a mess, I always try to think of my dad calling my name. And my father used to call me the worst nickname. One on record called me poopy, which is the worst, like you call somebody a baller ship as a nickname. I can hear him cold hey. He would always with the hay first, you know, I can, and that's why joy is replaced with the sung. I don't have any I don't have any regrets. I ain't talked to my dad for two years, but I know that voice. Yeah, I can hear it right now. I asked my blue baby. I said, Blue, are you scared? She said, oh what I said? I said, of dying? She said, oh no, I'm ready. I did a lot, okay, a full life. I love that response, and you know the same applies for my mama. Mama was recently diagnosed with dementia. I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing it. But and she's saying things to me like, now, baby, I hope I never forget you, and you know those kind of things. I'm like, Mama, you will never forget I'm you. Even if you don't call my name, you'll know me, you know. So I think it's important while we are in life to truly live to your mother, to your grandmother's, to your father, to to your grandmother Layah, who I knew, and I will tell you her going home service was a joyful occasion and and and even when we got the news of her actual transition, yeah, we shed some tears, but we also reveled in the fact that we had the opportunity, the blessing to share time with this bright light, north star, force of nature woman, your grandmother law, Yeah, which is what she was, and she passed it to your mamma, and it's in you and for generations to come. So you know, again, not to be down. And even with some tears in my eyes, say, it's made me resolve to live life more. How about that. That's where I am and that's what's on my heart. Come on, So we just have to be present and we have to be prepared and we must stay positive because what we are experiencing this moment, it's a gift. Life is a gift, and living is what we give ourselves. Living is what we give to ourselves. Because you have a choice whether to live or not to live. I choose life. So what do you do? How about that? And and I don't mean to deflect, I'm just trying to prepare. What does one do if your parents is unkind to you while they're ill. I I've seen it. I've been around family members that throw the poop on the walls and custom out like dogs. And the preparation for that level of patience and forgiveness what if you don't have it? Great point. I love this point here because that first month where I had nobody helping me and my mother was complaining, she was threatening to go back to Miami, and I was at my wits end. I literally called a girlfriend and said, can you hook me up at the hotel? I need to I need sleep. I felt like I wasn't sleeping. I remember one of the early podcasts, you know, Julie, you were talking about you gotta get your rest, you got to and I wasn't getting my rest. So I was at my worst, and you know, at that point, I called a Yeah, I talked to Layah. I said, I need patience. I have none of my big flaws among many others, is in patience. I am not the most patient person. And so here my mother was cursing at me. I felt like I was being emotionally abused. I really did. And here I'm taking care of her, making sure she's fed me, the medicines everything. You know. I cried. I talked to some good friends, I prayed everything, and then I said I need help. That's the answer. And I got the help that I needed. It made all the difference. It was just me and her in this house all day, me, you know, and it was wearing me down, and and her poor baby. I mean, my mother loves me implicitly, patrinsically adores me. I'm her only child and she has devoted her life to me. Now my turn to do it for her. But the help Jill made the difference. It just terrifies me. Yeah, I'm tough in a lot of ways, but that's okay. And that's okay. When people are mean to me, I tend to get the funk away from them. When it's dementia is not about you. When it's dementia, it's not about you. Help come on, talk about it. So you have to step outside your egos what you're talking about doing. That's why I like really real talk. Like right now, I am reading Mindfulness, this book about becoming supernatural, anything that's gonna fortify and strengthen me. I'm reading everything from Herman hess An author too. Yeah. I am taking in nourishment, I'm taking along showers, I'm lighting my candles, um doing things that are gonna keep me centered and calm and peaceful and optimistic because that is the very nature of my character. So yeah, I know this is and you know what's interesting. Let me tell you when we were talking about what's on my heart earlier today, I was reading about them Missutra and self pleasure, and I'm gonna go from a pleasure to you know, because it's all literally And I was like, okay, am i gonna tell Asia and Jill and li Yah about this great book with diagrams. Oh though I was looking at because you know, hey, pleasure is part of life. Serious, Come on, what was on my heart and mind about an hour two ago, A real good multiple here, that that calming in a that peace spirit. Yes Bee, a blanket over your spiritual mindt doing. Oh man, what a life? What a life? What a pleasure, what a privilege to live it? And the idea that you can help somebody transition in a beautiful way is both terror fine to me and such an immense privilege. My god, m m mmmmmm. I need Joey Salas to just live and be happy and joyful as long as possible. Don't fret, don't worry, don't live in the press. I mean, I'm saying, be prepared, but still be be living. That's why I said, you have life, but you're responsible for the living part. And if you're not living, that's really on you, because why you're wasting the gift. You're wasting the time, and that's not cool. And then you've got people like my mama, who, like I said, who could live for She always say she could do that, that's very possible, and I could raise up out of here. But you know what, that's what I want to say. I'm learning to no longer fear death, and I'm also preparing if, in fact, it happens to my mother or my children or damble. You know, me and Diana are now having conversations about when she passed, and she's already given me stuff and whatnot, and that's difficult to I mean, it's not difficult to take the art work that she's given me, but it's difficult to have those conversations. Yeah, but you know I'm having them, and it gave me joy to be able to give you something that you liked and I owned, rather than you need die and you have to get it when I died, get it. While I'm happy that you have what I want you well, some of what I want you to do. I mean, you know when I have you know, not Yes, she got some stuffy ladies and gentlemen. Is super important to gather your village, gather like minded individuals, gather people that love your stinking as that will be there for you in the dark times, in your confusion, in your happiness and peace. It is super important to do these things because everybody needs somebody, and with our elders, they're gonna need us. They're gonna need us. Can I just say this one last thing. I am a proud board member of the National Museum of African American Music in Nashville, Tennessee, across the street from the original Rymann Auditorium. The Grand Old operate in the heart of Nashville, Tennessee, and we did our ribbon cutting recently, and the museum is open to receive the community. So I know we're in this pandemic. But when things start to open up, you can still join the museum. You can go to Black Music Museum dot org and you can support the museum until you're able to come physically and see this grand institution. Damn, don't know how to do it, y'all. I'll tell you that woman know how that's done. I'm not as classy, but you know, is it still trying than Thank you so much for being here. The fantastic, gorgeous silver fi Ya. How do you eat an elephant? One by? It time? Hey, everyone in the producer eaves here and this time the resource is simple. It's your grandparents. And if you don't have grandparents, who you can go to. The resource can be other elders in your life. They really are a well spring of knowledge and wisdom. And like everyone said in this episode, we're on this earth for a limited time by design. Who better to turn to for guidance on getting older than the elders we know, love and care for. We can take the opportun tunity to listen to and learn from them while we have the chance. There is no single blueprint for getting older and caring for others as they age, but we can look to people who have been through life and are still living in all right. Until next time, Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot L. We'll catch up with you next time, jeez. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair, and Age Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn Ji and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by La sink Player and me Eve Jeff Cope. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Loranger. Yeah yeah, and then putting an S on the back of everything as well, the counts, the fun my mother does that, I don't want you, she does, k marks she does, and our elders they also say stuff like well, my mom in particular she says, oh look at that. That is just perfect, all perfect perfect. J dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio. 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