May 25, 2022
Ain't no party like a J.ill Party
Jill, Aja, and Laiya are back together, in person, a few days after Jill’s 50th birthday party. They talk about celebrating yourself, knowing yourself, and knowing your worth. Jill reflects on life as a quinquagenarian and breaks down what you need for a successful party. For more info on throwing parties visit https://www.thebalancesmb.com/. Call 866-HEY-JILL and leave us a message with your comments on this episode!
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00:00:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio. What's up, good people? It is such a pleasure to be alive today. This is Jay dot Ill the podcast, and I am here. We may seek your friend, Aja Graden Danceler. Hello, Hello, Hello, and the lovely liah sank Cloud. We outside outside. Listen, Hey girl, I'm telling you we're actually together. Okay, the first time ever we have been zooming and what else, what's the other? Riverside and riversiding, streaming, streams and streaming. We've been streaming doing the podcast this entire time, and this is the first time we're actually here looking at each other in the face. I was staring at y'all like I'm just sitting here like hi. Like when we're on the zoom, I'm staring at you while I'm talking to you. So like now I'm like, hi, you're actually in the flesh. In the flesh. It is good. It's very good special friend friend touching and we're touching and agreeing on this uh podcast today. J dot Elgo podcast. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, friends. We're talking about we're talking about a couple of things. It's it's normally layered. Our conversations are normally layered, and so, first of all, as you may have noticed, we don't gossip, not that we think that we're superior than anybody or or that, which is it just doesn't. It's enough of it. It's out there for the group text something. Yes, let me get my ship together, start talking about Yeah, but it's really just an ugly thing. You just want to chill on that in general, because you know how things go around. Yes, and there's there's plenty of that. This is different, j got El. The podcast is a different situation. For those of you are new to this podcast, it is three friends, three sister friends grown as sister friends, haven't grown as conversations about this existence, about this life, honey. And if you don't know that we are really about the living portion of it, not the existing, come on the Yes, it is. It's not about this daily the grind. Yes, that's a part of it, but it's also find enjoy in the little things that the things that matter to us as human beings and as women and and as black women. Yep, yep, yep, all that. Yeah, my sister says at all time, that's the one you know, human if we're human out here. This is not intended to be gossip. I'm going to say that I saw too, just like the rest of the world. Um, we saw the whole situation. Aation with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. Well, there was one particular thing that I noticed. Uh. Will was talking about a a birthday party that they had planned for Jada, um, a forty birthday party, and how he had gone three years, you know, making up things to do for her birthday party. And her comment was that, Um, and this is not a quote, but you know, I think I'm pretty closed that it was a ridiculous example. I think of his ego rather than a party for her. Now I saw online and people were talking about that and they were like, you know, he threw her a party, and that she's so ungrateful. Let me tell you something, friends, I am a person who's had two birthday parties thrown for me. Both of them were both they were intended to be surprised. The first one I wasn't clearly I didn't know. So I dressed to go to a movie. Okay, addressed to go. I had on cut off sweatpans, high it's a late night. Really, what it was you know, I had cut off sweatpants and what else, like I don't know, like a T shirt, had on, no makeup, you know. And I got there and everybody you know. Of course the surprised and I was so happy to see everybody was also thoughtful. However, it wasn't fully thoughtful. I wasn't dressed for a party, and I felt I didn't feel great all night long. That everybody dressed up they looked so beautiful, and that was where I wasn't considered. The next time someone threw me a birthday party, they and I don't. I'm check Just check your check where you are to see if you feel like that is ungrateful, because well we'll get back to that. Just check check where you are and see if you feel like that's ungrateful. The next time the party was thrown me, I had my picture on the side of a building, um, and there were people there that I had to introduce myself to. There were videos from celebrities um talking about me, and that was very nice and all that, but where were my my friends? Like the celebrities that were chosen to say something, we're my friends, but it wasn't a mixture their friends friends too, but it wasn't a mixture of my my friend right. They were all celebrities, and it felt and it felt intentional. It felt intentionally. It felt like it was not you for me or about me, right, because because you were proxy in that moment exactly. So when she said what she said about that being a ridiculous example of his ego, I felt that because sometimes you can have or people will throw you a party that is really not about you if they know you like jazz, but they're playing blues all night with the fud, like what's happening. That's just a metaphor of it all. But like, so, knowing what I know, I threw myself a fiftieth birthday. But she did many please let us tell all about this party. Go ahead, tut us, go ahead, just let us look. I don't know. It's just beautiful. It was. It was beautiful, was wordiful. Act. I hired Sharia Barlow, that's first of all, because I knew that I was exceptionally busy. I knew I wanted a party. I knew what my budget was. Um, I knew what I wanted my party to feel like. Because I had that I wanted it to feel like me. I didn't want any pretentiousness that was important to me, Like I don't want my friends to show up, the people that love me, my friends and family, to show up and feel like I'm on some celebrity ship because I've never been. That's not my thing, you know. I want my people to see the humanity, you know, like they know me, they know me, so anything else would have been weird. I'll say that it would have been really weird for my people to come to my party and it was all like, you know, you can't talk to yah, the pulling together of worlds, and it turns into being not about you at all at all. It turns out being how am I managing all these different and taking a thousand pictures? I didn't allow cameras um in my party because I just didn't want to spend my entire evening posing, you know, with with and and and maybe I'll regret that later. Maybe I'll regret that. I'll probably try to find another way to to manage the whole picture thing lateral about that, yeah, but like and in in in the outside world, for lack of a better like reference in the outside world, like the that happened and at a special event is a thing people probably expect. But because that's kind of a part of our work in that way, it's hard for a moment like that to not feel like labor. And on your birthday, like you don't want anything to remind you of your labor, Like who does nobody If for some reason, like mail sorting was about was a part of social interaction, people who work for the post Office are not going to do that portion of the party. They're like, I'm good, I'm mail sword all day. Right, y'all can mail sword for fun if you want to write. But as for me, I'm good, exactly. Matter of fact, I don't even say male tonight. Don't even say male or sort? How about that? How about that? Exactly that? So so I didn't I didn't want that more real talk. After the break, I went to another party. When I was at the Oscars, I went to the oscar Um pause for applause, Thank your car less or anyone is wondering why I didn't sing, it's because I didn't come as a singer to the Oscars. Listen. I would trying to tell everybody that was asking me, let's try out all my friends. I was like hide god cown did the thing and she ain't even gonna sing. Everybody else it was a whole quiet she could have said. I was like, this is a pimp. She did a high cool and she rolled the funk out. Okay, she's also a poet. Leave her alone that I wrote, thank you very much. I just feel like, okay, you are you are a master vocalist. Okay, but you're also an actress. And that was the world where you were existing as your actress. So I didn't do feel good. So this is what this is. It's it's a beautiful kind of assertion of identity and that lets you know, yes, you know, to let you know that when I'm in these spaces, this is it's it's it's a compartmentalizing my creativity. But I like it. Yes, one thing is not the other, the other is not the other. The other one is not the other one. This is such a good lesson for so many people outside of yourself. I don't think you understand, but most people in this world do more than one thing. Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying, And that's just I'm that's Oh I wish I could have happened this low motion which you just one thing is not the other, the other is not the other, the other one is not the other one, and and and and from from a business point of view, also to just as everyone understands, like in the entertainment industry, people expect you to be diverse, but I think they have to understand that what being diverse also comes with um multiple kinds of values depending on where they are located. And so I think that's important to remember that. You know, in the gray words of Fat Joe, yesterday's price is not today's price. Other and the that other room's price is not this room's price. Based on who I am in said room cool is what I said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I wouldn't. I want to be treated differently as a writer. You know, there's different requirements for me as a writer. There's different requirements for me as an actor required as a singer, you know what I mean. So I think that what happens is that you throw all the stuff together and you can lose the values of each thing. Because when I'm made a crazy hodgepodge, it's crazy is not the word, but it could could be confusing, a confusing hodge podge of what you are that that out of you that yeah, that or your skill sets exactly and those prices that skim that skims the bag don't need to skim the bag. I just got the holy ghost of something. I just tell us about this feeling. What's going on over there and there? No, I just are we talking parties. We're talking parties were parties, but I didn't just I got the ghost. But I you know, j il, you get it in weird ways and it hits all. It hits. I'm like, I'm trying to grow up and were growing up and I'm just getting lessons lately, a lot and ever. Oh so I appreciate, thank you. That was just that was I'm sorry party. No, don't be sorry. This is what this thing is about. Like you know, I'm telling you know, while we're sitting here together, she's got tears in her eyes, and I'm starting to tear up myself. I would really like to understand what that is about. Is that is that too much or can we can move on? Well, if it's too much, then this then it's too much and we'll come. I'll touch on it briefly, just on the sense of like wearing multiple hats and like what you said about everything needing to be compartmentalizing, individualizing, it's just different me myself. I've always wanted the freedom to really be a creative and the things that come with it. But every time I've been a lot of the X the opportunity to be a creative, I also have to be a practical thinker. You know, I eat like he produces all shows that or as a producer in some kind of way on all shows that she's on. And that's not just podcast. That's like my life and radio as well, you know. But I think that I've always envied and my father. My father is a creative and I always tease him about this. I said, you know, He's like, I'm a creative. I'm allowed to think like this. I'm a creative. I'm allowed to talk like this. You know, I can be as U And I'm like, man, what's that like not to you know, have a have to be practical. What's it like to just be free in that way? And what's it like not to have to be concerned with other people's movements because you you know, as a as a producer. And again this is not in the podcast. Basic just in a podcast based been in a radio space, like you are responsible for people, so it's hard to get out of that way of thought and always and you think of yourself last because you are the least important real person in the room to the majority of people. I'm sorry, I'm crying. I'm looking at Amber. I produced it as we're talking about it, and you know, and so um line in that line and understanding you know who you are and stuff. But at a certain points, as I've been you know, I've been working for a while in my life. Uh I think I don't know. As it is weekend. In the last couple of days, I was like, you know, you what you said, like you gotta know your power and your value and all these different disciplines too, and each of them are different and require different things. It's just it goes back to value and worth and stuff too. So I'm just you know, I'm I'm forty something years old, and sometimes it's just still shocking that I'm learning stuff. But I'm glad that I'm learning from y'all. You know, we're in here. I tell Asia all the time, I was like, yo, in the world that I live in, like in my podcast space, like when it comes to this show right here, this is the only opportunity I have to be free when it comes to loving great that's all about Philly people. You know, we WeLive were tourism, you know what we do, and I live, I work with me. It's just this is let me just say this. Let me say this. I'm gonna say if I'm gonna say this to you because I don't want you all to miss what I is really talking about here, Like what she's talking about is too too really important things. Number one, how Jill really spoke about earlier about how listen, I do multiple things and so I can't allow you to lump my ship together as if they don't have an individual set of values. And I think for l yeah, it's coming to it is really kind of coming into the understanding that you don't have to come into a workspace being a catch all. You know, come on the first side of things. It's like, how many things can I get out of you? And rather than you kind of deciding what your what your strengths are and then creating a space for each of those strengths to exist and create their own value. And so many black women find themselves in this position where it's like who they are is based on how many things they can put in the bag and present to their employer. Oh you want me, because not only can I do the job I came to do, but I can do these other three people's jobs too. And there's a dog whistle also to black women that makes them do it anyway, because it's not really an option. There's an unspoken rule that you have to present yourself this way in order for YouTube, then get said gig, and then all of the way to being a woman being black keeping that gig, excelling at that gig when you're trying to excel at four different gigs. I can bring home the baking exactly, you know what I mean. It's a presentation, you know, and that presentation eventually eats away at a person over time. You know what I'm saying. While you're here, you also sing us a song? And while you're here, can you also write us a poem? And could you also cook us some some chitlands? You know? Could you also bring my hair? Could you also? You know, all of these things are valuable, every little part of you, you know, it's exceptionally valuable. So Um, you have to treat it as such and remember that. So the price, like you said, you know, it's not the same as yesterday, and it should be different for all of your skill sets. Yes, there's a reason why. I don't know if some of you are watching my show on Hulu and and b T Plus, and I think it's also on Showtime maybe a few other places as well. It's called The First Wives Club. We just wrapped our third season. Um, so that's happening. But if you'll notice on the show, when I play Hazel, I don't sing. I don't use my voice for Hazel. Um. And I don't do that because it's a series number one, so that means that it is going to be a continuing thing. Um. And too because Hazel don't sound like me. I'm not Hazel. I can't give Hazel Jill Scott because Jill Scott in in the building when Hazel is on set. That's what I'm saying on camera. She's not you know, I'm not married or or to to Nigel. You know, I'm not running Ladies First Record label that that is these all this is fictitious, you know, but my my voice is real and it belongs to me, and I've spent twenty years, twenty plus years, you know, creating a space for a said voice around the world. So I can't just give it to some you know, a fictitious character that I love funk with Hazel, but I can't give her that. But that's that's a master lesson there for for a lot of people, Like it's a multidiscipline folk and just kind of really navigating and moving throughout that world because there's certain decisions might not even occur to you, like, oh yeah, I gotta separate these, you know what I'm saying. I think a lot of times, you know, and particularly people in creative business, you know, we get fed the exposure, lie so much expose. This is an exposure and as it's like it's it's you know, job whistle for devalue in a lot you know period, we all know, and we also wanted to go to the second thing that like you was talking about, wait before you move on, damn that exposure thing. The guys of exposure. Wow, because that's right. So many people will hit you will it's exposure, but you have to be mindful of what it is, what it's for, and what is it for the person who told you it was exposure. It is your It is your life, your creativity, your skill set. So what is that exposure for? Is this for your greater good? Is this for your greater and that Please believe everything as a price. So at the end of the day, your exposure is going to cost you money. And I don't know depending on where you are in the spectrum of artists or creatives and what you do and how much you get paid or not there. It's some of this is just simple mask. Am I gonna benefit from it? And this is gonna cost me X y and Z to do it? Am I gonna be looking back like, yo, I spend X amount of dollars to do that and I didn't even get me this deliverable. Say a lot of times in creative spaces, we don't worry about these deliberables, you know what I'm saying, and that that might save you damn life sometimes because it's like some stuff ain't worth it. It It might look good on a photo. Oh I went to this place, but people don't know that cost you eight thousand dollars to do that. This is the reason why a lot of people are not necessarily going to the award shows because they cost money. Friends, you know, you have to fly there. You gotta you gotta get people gotta don't. You gotta get away to get to the award. You have to buy have to get somebody to do your make up, or you could do it yourself. I mean what I'm saying, you could. You have to get some clothes, whether you hire a stylist to get them for you or you have to go shopping yourself. You have to get those nails done, you know, because it is a presentation of yourself. So you try to make the best prison. And here's here's the here's the gag. You have to buy a ticket. You can get a free ticket maybe two for an award, so if you're nominated, but if you're not nominated, then you have to buy your ticket, which is nine of the people who are present. Yeah, I need that for I didn't know that for every while. So they're saying it's exposure, but you there's there's other things you know to do. Maybe you should show up at that jam session. Maybe you should go to the roots jam session, you know and spend your you know, thirty forty bucks or whatever they cost. Or maybe you know, just show up there and be there, you know, maybe try to be in those rooms and not necessarily at that show. It's not to just the shows. I'm just saying, it's just a process. It is a process, and and the point, you know, at the end of the day, it's just that as we're moving through the world and making our decisions and deciding like, Okay, how am I going to navigate this kind of business space and for me? What does it mean for me? How do people view me? You know? And I wanted to kind of backtrack a little bit to what LIKEA was talking about, because the other part of what she was talking about, aside from the valuing of your of your different skill sets, is also like who you're in a workspace with and how do they perceive your value and how does that those things work? And so for and being in in a male kind of dominated space and being able and really it's kind of a beautiful thing because like you can kind of speak to all of these different kind of spaces, right, So to be in a really male dominated space and um to try to assert not only what you know for yourself but your own particular value, it's really really you know, it's like warfare. So when you're when you're considering your your your value and your individuality, um, and being respectful of yourself, respectful of who you are. I think you know, I transition. But here we go. This is where you start your party. Oh, this is where you star. You have to consider yourself like that. You have to consider yourself. Okay, So you're you're thinking about what is it that you love. I love to dance, so I needed a dance floor and I needed a great DJ. In fact, for this particular party, I had to right, so I needed that. I picked my favorite DJ, which happened to be DJ l Boogie, who also happens to be my my first husband. Um, that's Lazelle, everybody, Lazelle spun. He was the DJ at my fiftieth birthday party. Thank god. Wasn't he dope? He was? Wasn't he dope? For really? They know that, Like, like, Lazelle been a DJ in Philly for decades and we don't want a lot of parts. I was just trying to make me, you know, but but it just it gave a whole new feeling of relief and nostalgia, like which I said to Ji, I was like, you think that party was just for you, child, some shoulders went down and relief it was. It was and and just the like I was telling you, like the nostalgia of seeing people you haven't seen a really long time, and it was just really good. I mean, I know it was for you and you were, but you really gave us all a gift because that was the plan. You gave us a gift. That was the plan. Interacting with one another, to laughing and smiling and dancing with each other, all of that was great. And the special wa to put this out here. I did fully bust my ass. Oh yeah I did. I think you're back, was stirring when I felt so this is what happened, right, someone has spilled a drink on the right in front of Lazelle. Okay, him to the side, and as soon as I touched the water, and he picked me up so fast. It's so funny. I don't think picked you up. My husband, bless him, bless him. He was like, ye'll not see my wife so fast that I had picked dresser, so my my dress din't even get dirty. He picked me up so fast. He was like, I said, Oh, I'm the girl who fell at the party. He was like, that's okay. He was like, it's okay, let's just keep dancing. I said, okay, and so shann I did and she blew some whistles. I love flowers. There were so many flowers and they were fabulous. They were gorgeous. Okay. I love of exposed brick because it makes it makes me feel Yes, it makes me feel like city. Yeah, so that. I love cheese steaks, and I love drinking. We had Lechi Martinez dropped Martiniz. Those are my things, those are my drinks. So you know, I wanted to make sure we had a way to soak up all the alcohol. So there was cheese steaks. We had a cheese steaks truck. You had to be there in order to truly understand Philly was represented and how beautiful and how practical as well, Like I wanted to make sure that everybody had a good time. I had a very very lovely garden of portion. Uh. They were all kinds of vegetation. Yea beautiful vegetation or thank you aromatic if you will. Was blessed. Okay, it was. It was completely blessed. All night long. I was so grateful for that funnel cake, Rita's water rice mango, cherry, lemon and p and pean apple because she ain't cheat because you know, usually it just be cherry and lemon, right, or cherry and blue. The balloon's orange is my favorite color. Um, so it was. It was soft orange and white. Enjoyed the balloons and orange and white gave me like cream sickle happiness. Happiness. Yes. See. The thing is when you're when you're talking about, um, something for yourself, you actually have to consider yourself who you are and sit down with how long did it take you to figure out elements that you had to have? Like how did you do that? Um? It took me. It took me a while because at first, Sharia Barlow, the party planner, she was like, um, you know what, what exactly do you want? And I was like, well, I know I want to day. So start with the things that you know that. You know, if you're somebody who likes to swim or being water, they start there. You know. If you're like if someone who likes to be on a beach or something like that, start there and then work your way around the rest of it. Um, I know that I miss um a certain time in my life being in Philadelphia, you know, going to pen parties, going to temple parties, dancing all night to jazzy Jeff, spinning at um at at Central High. Like, it was a lot of things that I loved about that time, and I wanted to experience it again. So, um, you have to consider yourself when you're planning a party for yourself. Right, what do you like to eat? I love cheese steaks. I'm from Philly. I'm always gonna love cheese steaks. It is water do all. And I also know it soaks up the alcohol. You know. I love funnel cakes. So we had a funnel called Cake Truck is Reda's water Ice. That was but yeah, they had caramel, they had at chocolate strawberry. Um, it was so young. Everybody was walking around humming, especially because there was all that beautiful vegetation. I was just about to say the garden. So many good vibes. Oh so so many kinds of vegetation as well. Yeah, I mean just in vegetation for any kind of person, you know, like whatever you how you feel you vegetation. Yeah, it was it was that so it was a grown ass. It was a grown ass horny grown party where my you know, my knees hurt right now. I don't know when that's gonna stop. But I was reminded that I'm no longer twenty four, you know. Um, so I was. I'm just saying, a dance all night long. Yeah, you should be able to dance a fifty all night long. Well that's fine, thanks, but you know we're dealing with the hell you awake now that's what. Now, that's a different thing, and that's the only reason that you haven't this knee. I'm sorry, Sometimes knees just go out. This is true. I'm just my mother's spirit is coming out in me, and I'm like, ladies, as we get older, we must continue to upkeep this so they lets the times go out and you actually are working it out preventing these things. You are so correct, but you're not about to, you know, save our lives with this movie. So you know, well, yeah, there's there's a lot going on to the to the Jill Scott of it all. At the moment, we're gonna take a quick break and then it we'll be right back. It really wasn't Jill Scott's party. It was my party, and I don't know if you guys will ever understand what I'm saying when I say that, how do I get it? I mean the people that are listening right now, Okay, I mean them, y'all know me. So it's it's like, there is a there is a portion of myself, and I hope of yourself that you value so much, that you love so much above your station, above your quote unquote class, above how much money is in your bank account or stocks and bonds, or how many houses you have, or what kind of jewelry or bags you carry. There that there's something that's sacred to you about you, that part, that part right there, And that's what I celebrated at my party. You know, I'm a quinn Quadrainarian now, y'all. So I won't be fifty one or fifty two or fifty four. I will be a quin Quadnarian until I'm no longer a quin quadnarian. Yes, if you if you have any questions about what that quinn Quadrainarian is, it is spelled exactly like it sounds, and you're welcome to look that up. So you know what I am as I go forward. You know, quinny quinny, I love it. But that's what you should celebrate when you have a party. You know. I did make it a point, you know, like I said earlier, I did make it a point to not have cameras there because I just wanted to live in the moment, and so often we don't do that. I was in all all night, just all and how beautiful and classy and fun and easy, you know, the just great vibes all night long, and people I love showed up. And I'm from all over the world, from all over the world, they showed up. Like, man, what a good feeling you had to light so sexy. I couldn't see everybody, but I didn't see everybody, but I saw. I mean, well, you know, you know, I saw all the folks that I had my hey moment with, you know, like you know, like I saw quite quite a few hades throughout the night. But I just was happy to see how happy you were, because really you could see it all over your face, like you was just in la la land the whole night, and like every time I would just catch your face if even like at one point we're all dancing, but then other times when I went to see you from across the way or just looking to see what you were doing. It's like wow, like she's really enjoying herself very much, so very much. So Yeah, I've you know, I've had people, like I said, I've had people do things for Jill Scott and it's it's very much appreciated. But there's something that hits different when it's when it's specifically for me and you know that it is. Yes, and you can sit in the knowing of that. That's really important. But I feel like also to like what you said to this, really I want people to remember you can only do that if you spend some time thinking about who you are, what what what it is you like, because before you know it, if you're not clear on that, it's very difficult to have the people in your life understand it too. Knock knock, knocker, who's there. Here's the message, Um, you are not the caricature that you've created for yourself. You are not that you could never be that baby. It's it's that's a that's a jailb friends, that's a part of your job that you've that you've created. You know, that's every Instagram picture of of pure bliss When twelve minutes ago you were really ready to punch somebody in the face and the mouth right right, and the whole teeth right. And that's right. You know when this or one part of your room is clean where you took this picture, but the rest of it it's in complete disarray because you're having a real moment in life. Yes, the real is, because it's all it's it's a it's a life that people are living. It's a life you're trying to live. It's like, and I do think it's easy to lean into the unreal of things because it doesn't require any kind of real work for the self. Come on, It's like, I'm just gonna chill and just be this because this is easy and I don't have to really and this is what they think of me. I'm just gonna relax into that. But you know that that kind of deep and i'll use your word, sacred self work is really going to be key to enjoying a certain set time period of your life because you can only know what you know after you know, being a quin quadtionary and you can you know what I'm saying, like you want to benefit from having lived those years. In order to do that, you have to be committed to that sacred self work that you really aren't ever, you're not really even ready to do until you've gotten to this point in your life. There's honeyest levels levels to this thing, and we're all still growing and learning and processing. Some processing happens really fast, and some of it takes its sweet slow molasses ass time. I was waiting for slow molasses ass that you know there is some of it takes that, and it's important to have that. I promise you, good people, The last thing I want to do is beat now. The caricature of Jill Scott. It did not create. I didn't do that. That wasn't That wasn't my bag. I never wanted to participate in the caricature never, But it happens. It happens, and it happens because people assume, you know that, they think that you're away. And I tried. I definitely have tried over the years. I remember saying something in a live concert, you know about um sometimes you gotta whoop some ass, you know, like they're like all thinking that I'm all peace and and uh you know, um slowers and incense. I like all that ship, but I also like m M A fighting very very much. And I also am very handy with my pistol. Okay, the listeners know, yeah, these are the new the new media. Look the we're talking about what we usually talk about and we end up here. Yeah, it's always about being the all of yourself. Yeah, I'm sorry, and I love sacred self. I love this sacred this this concept. But came out, Thank you father, it came out, you know what I mean. But I appreciate that because these are the things that we have to hold on. We can get so caught up in, you know, the imaging of ourselves. Most photos are photoshop friends, you know what I'm saying. But even that applies to people are not in this industry because people people create an imagery or a cacature talking about people outside. I am I'm talking to you. Yeah, I'm talking to you to me, ain't Trevor right, David, I'm definitely talking today. Yeah, yeah, we're talking exactly to you. There. We're all people, all of us, and we're what we've figured out. We're sharing with you. And somebody get me to some game. The last night and the last couple of nights, somebody in her sixties was showing me some some ways to move and I was like, well, thank you, God, bless you. It doesn't stop. We don't really land on who we are. It's just an ongoing process, you know. And that's okay. It's okay. Don't define yourself so hard that you can't get out that box. My goodness, we talked about these boxes. Go back, y'all an episode, don't don't it, don't write it that's going. What did I see today? Lord London said something about did you guys see that? And she said, uh, oh, I don't want to mess this up. She said, um, I think it was something like worrying about the river, be the water, not the rocks, something like that, something like that, and I thought it was so powerful. It makes sense because you know what makes those rocks smooth over time, Water makes them smoother. So the water is the thing that causes the change, doesn't react to the change, and the water is ever flowing indeed, because that's what this thing is. We we we we're moving as long as we're live, changing shape, be flowing in, change in shape. I'm so grateful to be fifty years old. I'm so grateful to be a quin quadrainarian. I'm so grateful to have the kind of friends that genuinely loved me and know who I am. I'm so grateful for that that they, you know, whenever they come up across some kind of rumor or something, because these things occur um most of the time, they don't even bother bringing my phone because they better because they know me already know I tried that once. You know it's meant about a couple of decade friendship. Don't think I ain't tried it. Y'all work so you live. So grateful to to continue to grow, So grateful for the smooth and the rough. Uh. This is Jay dot Ill the podcast and we outside, we outside, We're in your house to thank you so much for listening. I love you. How do you Eat an Elephant? One? By? It time? Hi there, listeners. This is Amber, the producer of season two of j dot Ogle podcast. You'll hear from me from time to time on the show. It's almost the end of our first episode of the season, and as our day one listeners know, it's time for our how do you Eat an Elephant? Segment for our new listeners. If you're not familiar, the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time. It means if you have something in front of you that seems like this insurmountable task, instead of being overwhelmed, what you can do is break it down bite by bite. So this is the part of the show where I'll share some resources. We talk about a lot of big layer topics on the show and want to provide you with a bite of information to take with you, hopefully help you navigate eating your own elephants. Today, I've got two bites for you. Jill talked about the process of planning her birthday party and the importance of finding a great party planner. So I want to share this article from the Balance md dot com about the steps to finding the perfect party planner for you. It gets into everything from interview questions, to budgets, to think eames, all of that, so I'll link that in our show notes. The second bite I have for you is how to spell coin quadrainari in are you ready? Q u I N q u A G E N A R I A N And if you didn't quite catch that, that spelling will also be in the show notes. Hi, if you have comments on something we said in this episode called eight six six. Hey do if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four three nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episod. So thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il. The podcast j dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio. What's up, good people? It is such a pleasure to be alive today. This is Jay dot Ill the podcast, and I am here. We may seek your friend, Aja Graden Danceler. Hello, Hello, Hello, and the lovely liah sank Cloud. We outside outside. Listen, Hey girl, I'm telling you we're actually together. Okay, the first time ever we have been zooming and what else, what's the other? Riverside and riversiding, streaming, streams and streaming. We've been streaming doing the podcast this entire time, and this is the first time we're actually here looking at each other in the face. I was staring at y'all like I'm just sitting here like hi. Like when we're on the zoom, I'm staring at you while I'm talking to you. So like now I'm like, hi, you're actually in the flesh. In the flesh. It is good. It's very good special friend friend touching and we're touching and agreeing on this uh podcast today. J dot Elgo podcast. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, friends. We're talking about we're talking about a couple of things. It's it's normally layered. Our conversations are normally layered, and so, first of all, as you may have noticed, we don't gossip, not that we think that we're superior than anybody or or that, which is it just doesn't. It's enough of it. It's out there for the group text something. Yes, let me get my ship together, start talking about Yeah, but it's really just an ugly thing. You just want to chill on that in general, because you know how things go around. Yes, and there's there's plenty of that. This is different, j got El. The podcast is a different situation. For those of you are new to this podcast, it is three friends, three sister friends grown as sister friends, haven't grown as conversations about this existence, about this life, honey. And if you don't know that we are really about the living portion of it, not the existing, come on the Yes, it is. It's not about this daily the grind. Yes, that's a part of it, but it's also find enjoy in the little things that the things that matter to us as human beings and as women and and as black women. Yep, yep, yep, all that. Yeah, my sister says at all time, that's the one you know, human if we're human out here. This is not intended to be gossip. I'm going to say that I saw too, just like the rest of the world. Um, we saw the whole situation. Aation with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. Well, there was one particular thing that I noticed. Uh. Will was talking about a a birthday party that they had planned for Jada, um, a forty birthday party, and how he had gone three years, you know, making up things to do for her birthday party. And her comment was that, Um, and this is not a quote, but you know, I think I'm pretty closed that it was a ridiculous example. I think of his ego rather than a party for her. Now I saw online and people were talking about that and they were like, you know, he threw her a party, and that she's so ungrateful. Let me tell you something, friends, I am a person who's had two birthday parties thrown for me. Both of them were both they were intended to be surprised. The first one I wasn't clearly I didn't know. So I dressed to go to a movie. Okay, addressed to go. I had on cut off sweatpans, high it's a late night. Really, what it was you know, I had cut off sweatpants and what else, like I don't know, like a T shirt, had on, no makeup, you know. And I got there and everybody you know. Of course the surprised and I was so happy to see everybody was also thoughtful. However, it wasn't fully thoughtful. I wasn't dressed for a party, and I felt I didn't feel great all night long. That everybody dressed up they looked so beautiful, and that was where I wasn't considered. The next time someone threw me a birthday party, they and I don't. I'm check Just check your check where you are to see if you feel like that is ungrateful, because well we'll get back to that. Just check check where you are and see if you feel like that's ungrateful. The next time the party was thrown me, I had my picture on the side of a building, um, and there were people there that I had to introduce myself to. There were videos from celebrities um talking about me, and that was very nice and all that, but where were my my friends? Like the celebrities that were chosen to say something, we're my friends, but it wasn't a mixture their friends friends too, but it wasn't a mixture of my my friend right. They were all celebrities, and it felt and it felt intentional. It felt intentionally. It felt like it was not you for me or about me, right, because because you were proxy in that moment exactly. So when she said what she said about that being a ridiculous example of his ego, I felt that because sometimes you can have or people will throw you a party that is really not about you if they know you like jazz, but they're playing blues all night with the fud, like what's happening. That's just a metaphor of it all. But like, so, knowing what I know, I threw myself a fiftieth birthday. But she did many please let us tell all about this party. Go ahead, tut us, go ahead, just let us look. I don't know. It's just beautiful. It was. It was beautiful, was wordiful. Act. I hired Sharia Barlow, that's first of all, because I knew that I was exceptionally busy. I knew I wanted a party. I knew what my budget was. Um, I knew what I wanted my party to feel like. Because I had that I wanted it to feel like me. I didn't want any pretentiousness that was important to me, Like I don't want my friends to show up, the people that love me, my friends and family, to show up and feel like I'm on some celebrity ship because I've never been. That's not my thing, you know. I want my people to see the humanity, you know, like they know me, they know me, so anything else would have been weird. I'll say that it would have been really weird for my people to come to my party and it was all like, you know, you can't talk to yah, the pulling together of worlds, and it turns into being not about you at all at all. It turns out being how am I managing all these different and taking a thousand pictures? I didn't allow cameras um in my party because I just didn't want to spend my entire evening posing, you know, with with and and and maybe I'll regret that later. Maybe I'll regret that. I'll probably try to find another way to to manage the whole picture thing lateral about that, yeah, but like and in in in the outside world, for lack of a better like reference in the outside world, like the that happened and at a special event is a thing people probably expect. But because that's kind of a part of our work in that way, it's hard for a moment like that to not feel like labor. And on your birthday, like you don't want anything to remind you of your labor, Like who does nobody If for some reason, like mail sorting was about was a part of social interaction, people who work for the post Office are not going to do that portion of the party. They're like, I'm good, I'm mail sword all day. Right, y'all can mail sword for fun if you want to write. But as for me, I'm good, exactly. Matter of fact, I don't even say male tonight. Don't even say male or sort? How about that? How about that? Exactly that? So so I didn't I didn't want that more real talk. After the break, I went to another party. When I was at the Oscars, I went to the oscar Um pause for applause, Thank your car less or anyone is wondering why I didn't sing, it's because I didn't come as a singer to the Oscars. Listen. I would trying to tell everybody that was asking me, let's try out all my friends. I was like hide god cown did the thing and she ain't even gonna sing. Everybody else it was a whole quiet she could have said. I was like, this is a pimp. She did a high cool and she rolled the funk out. Okay, she's also a poet. Leave her alone that I wrote, thank you very much. I just feel like, okay, you are you are a master vocalist. Okay, but you're also an actress. And that was the world where you were existing as your actress. So I didn't do feel good. So this is what this is. It's it's a beautiful kind of assertion of identity and that lets you know, yes, you know, to let you know that when I'm in these spaces, this is it's it's it's a compartmentalizing my creativity. But I like it. Yes, one thing is not the other, the other is not the other. The other one is not the other one. This is such a good lesson for so many people outside of yourself. I don't think you understand, but most people in this world do more than one thing. Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying, And that's just I'm that's Oh I wish I could have happened this low motion which you just one thing is not the other, the other is not the other, the other one is not the other one, and and and and from from a business point of view, also to just as everyone understands, like in the entertainment industry, people expect you to be diverse, but I think they have to understand that what being diverse also comes with um multiple kinds of values depending on where they are located. And so I think that's important to remember that. You know, in the gray words of Fat Joe, yesterday's price is not today's price. Other and the that other room's price is not this room's price. Based on who I am in said room cool is what I said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I wouldn't. I want to be treated differently as a writer. You know, there's different requirements for me as a writer. There's different requirements for me as an actor required as a singer, you know what I mean. So I think that what happens is that you throw all the stuff together and you can lose the values of each thing. Because when I'm made a crazy hodgepodge, it's crazy is not the word, but it could could be confusing, a confusing hodge podge of what you are that that out of you that yeah, that or your skill sets exactly and those prices that skim that skims the bag don't need to skim the bag. I just got the holy ghost of something. I just tell us about this feeling. What's going on over there and there? No, I just are we talking parties. We're talking parties were parties, but I didn't just I got the ghost. But I you know, j il, you get it in weird ways and it hits all. It hits. I'm like, I'm trying to grow up and were growing up and I'm just getting lessons lately, a lot and ever. Oh so I appreciate, thank you. That was just that was I'm sorry party. No, don't be sorry. This is what this thing is about. Like you know, I'm telling you know, while we're sitting here together, she's got tears in her eyes, and I'm starting to tear up myself. I would really like to understand what that is about. Is that is that too much or can we can move on? Well, if it's too much, then this then it's too much and we'll come. I'll touch on it briefly, just on the sense of like wearing multiple hats and like what you said about everything needing to be compartmentalizing, individualizing, it's just different me myself. I've always wanted the freedom to really be a creative and the things that come with it. But every time I've been a lot of the X the opportunity to be a creative, I also have to be a practical thinker. You know, I eat like he produces all shows that or as a producer in some kind of way on all shows that she's on. And that's not just podcast. That's like my life and radio as well, you know. But I think that I've always envied and my father. My father is a creative and I always tease him about this. I said, you know, He's like, I'm a creative. I'm allowed to think like this. I'm a creative. I'm allowed to talk like this. You know, I can be as U And I'm like, man, what's that like not to you know, have a have to be practical. What's it like to just be free in that way? And what's it like not to have to be concerned with other people's movements because you you know, as a as a producer. And again this is not in the podcast. Basic just in a podcast based been in a radio space, like you are responsible for people, so it's hard to get out of that way of thought and always and you think of yourself last because you are the least important real person in the room to the majority of people. I'm sorry, I'm crying. I'm looking at Amber. I produced it as we're talking about it, and you know, and so um line in that line and understanding you know who you are and stuff. But at a certain points, as I've been you know, I've been working for a while in my life. Uh I think I don't know. As it is weekend. In the last couple of days, I was like, you know, you what you said, like you gotta know your power and your value and all these different disciplines too, and each of them are different and require different things. It's just it goes back to value and worth and stuff too. So I'm just you know, I'm I'm forty something years old, and sometimes it's just still shocking that I'm learning stuff. But I'm glad that I'm learning from y'all. You know, we're in here. I tell Asia all the time, I was like, yo, in the world that I live in, like in my podcast space, like when it comes to this show right here, this is the only opportunity I have to be free when it comes to loving great that's all about Philly people. You know, we WeLive were tourism, you know what we do, and I live, I work with me. It's just this is let me just say this. Let me say this. I'm gonna say if I'm gonna say this to you because I don't want you all to miss what I is really talking about here, Like what she's talking about is too too really important things. Number one, how Jill really spoke about earlier about how listen, I do multiple things and so I can't allow you to lump my ship together as if they don't have an individual set of values. And I think for l yeah, it's coming to it is really kind of coming into the understanding that you don't have to come into a workspace being a catch all. You know, come on the first side of things. It's like, how many things can I get out of you? And rather than you kind of deciding what your what your strengths are and then creating a space for each of those strengths to exist and create their own value. And so many black women find themselves in this position where it's like who they are is based on how many things they can put in the bag and present to their employer. Oh you want me, because not only can I do the job I came to do, but I can do these other three people's jobs too. And there's a dog whistle also to black women that makes them do it anyway, because it's not really an option. There's an unspoken rule that you have to present yourself this way in order for YouTube, then get said gig, and then all of the way to being a woman being black keeping that gig, excelling at that gig when you're trying to excel at four different gigs. I can bring home the baking exactly, you know what I mean. It's a presentation, you know, and that presentation eventually eats away at a person over time. You know what I'm saying. While you're here, you also sing us a song? And while you're here, can you also write us a poem? And could you also cook us some some chitlands? You know? Could you also bring my hair? Could you also? You know, all of these things are valuable, every little part of you, you know, it's exceptionally valuable. So Um, you have to treat it as such and remember that. So the price, like you said, you know, it's not the same as yesterday, and it should be different for all of your skill sets. Yes, there's a reason why. I don't know if some of you are watching my show on Hulu and and b T Plus, and I think it's also on Showtime maybe a few other places as well. It's called The First Wives Club. We just wrapped our third season. Um, so that's happening. But if you'll notice on the show, when I play Hazel, I don't sing. I don't use my voice for Hazel. Um. And I don't do that because it's a series number one, so that means that it is going to be a continuing thing. Um. And too because Hazel don't sound like me. I'm not Hazel. I can't give Hazel Jill Scott because Jill Scott in in the building when Hazel is on set. That's what I'm saying on camera. She's not you know, I'm not married or or to to Nigel. You know, I'm not running Ladies First Record label that that is these all this is fictitious, you know, but my my voice is real and it belongs to me, and I've spent twenty years, twenty plus years, you know, creating a space for a said voice around the world. So I can't just give it to some you know, a fictitious character that I love funk with Hazel, but I can't give her that. But that's that's a master lesson there for for a lot of people, Like it's a multidiscipline folk and just kind of really navigating and moving throughout that world because there's certain decisions might not even occur to you, like, oh yeah, I gotta separate these, you know what I'm saying. I think a lot of times, you know, and particularly people in creative business, you know, we get fed the exposure, lie so much expose. This is an exposure and as it's like it's it's you know, job whistle for devalue in a lot you know period, we all know, and we also wanted to go to the second thing that like you was talking about, wait before you move on, damn that exposure thing. The guys of exposure. Wow, because that's right. So many people will hit you will it's exposure, but you have to be mindful of what it is, what it's for, and what is it for the person who told you it was exposure. It is your It is your life, your creativity, your skill set. So what is that exposure for? Is this for your greater good? Is this for your greater and that Please believe everything as a price. So at the end of the day, your exposure is going to cost you money. And I don't know depending on where you are in the spectrum of artists or creatives and what you do and how much you get paid or not there. It's some of this is just simple mask. Am I gonna benefit from it? And this is gonna cost me X y and Z to do it? Am I gonna be looking back like, yo, I spend X amount of dollars to do that and I didn't even get me this deliverable. Say a lot of times in creative spaces, we don't worry about these deliberables, you know what I'm saying, and that that might save you damn life sometimes because it's like some stuff ain't worth it. It It might look good on a photo. Oh I went to this place, but people don't know that cost you eight thousand dollars to do that. This is the reason why a lot of people are not necessarily going to the award shows because they cost money. Friends, you know, you have to fly there. You gotta you gotta get people gotta don't. You gotta get away to get to the award. You have to buy have to get somebody to do your make up, or you could do it yourself. I mean what I'm saying, you could. You have to get some clothes, whether you hire a stylist to get them for you or you have to go shopping yourself. You have to get those nails done, you know, because it is a presentation of yourself. So you try to make the best prison. And here's here's the here's the gag. You have to buy a ticket. You can get a free ticket maybe two for an award, so if you're nominated, but if you're not nominated, then you have to buy your ticket, which is nine of the people who are present. Yeah, I need that for I didn't know that for every while. So they're saying it's exposure, but you there's there's other things you know to do. Maybe you should show up at that jam session. Maybe you should go to the roots jam session, you know and spend your you know, thirty forty bucks or whatever they cost. Or maybe you know, just show up there and be there, you know, maybe try to be in those rooms and not necessarily at that show. It's not to just the shows. I'm just saying, it's just a process. It is a process, and and the point, you know, at the end of the day, it's just that as we're moving through the world and making our decisions and deciding like, Okay, how am I going to navigate this kind of business space and for me? What does it mean for me? How do people view me? You know? And I wanted to kind of backtrack a little bit to what LIKEA was talking about, because the other part of what she was talking about, aside from the valuing of your of your different skill sets, is also like who you're in a workspace with and how do they perceive your value and how does that those things work? And so for and being in in a male kind of dominated space and being able and really it's kind of a beautiful thing because like you can kind of speak to all of these different kind of spaces, right, So to be in a really male dominated space and um to try to assert not only what you know for yourself but your own particular value, it's really really you know, it's like warfare. So when you're when you're considering your your your value and your individuality, um, and being respectful of yourself, respectful of who you are. I think you know, I transition. But here we go. This is where you start your party. Oh, this is where you star. You have to consider yourself like that. You have to consider yourself. Okay, So you're you're thinking about what is it that you love. I love to dance, so I needed a dance floor and I needed a great DJ. In fact, for this particular party, I had to right, so I needed that. I picked my favorite DJ, which happened to be DJ l Boogie, who also happens to be my my first husband. Um, that's Lazelle, everybody, Lazelle spun. He was the DJ at my fiftieth birthday party. Thank god. Wasn't he dope? He was? Wasn't he dope? For really? They know that, Like, like, Lazelle been a DJ in Philly for decades and we don't want a lot of parts. I was just trying to make me, you know, but but it just it gave a whole new feeling of relief and nostalgia, like which I said to Ji, I was like, you think that party was just for you, child, some shoulders went down and relief it was. It was and and just the like I was telling you, like the nostalgia of seeing people you haven't seen a really long time, and it was just really good. I mean, I know it was for you and you were, but you really gave us all a gift because that was the plan. You gave us a gift. That was the plan. Interacting with one another, to laughing and smiling and dancing with each other, all of that was great. And the special wa to put this out here. I did fully bust my ass. Oh yeah I did. I think you're back, was stirring when I felt so this is what happened, right, someone has spilled a drink on the right in front of Lazelle. Okay, him to the side, and as soon as I touched the water, and he picked me up so fast. It's so funny. I don't think picked you up. My husband, bless him, bless him. He was like, ye'll not see my wife so fast that I had picked dresser, so my my dress din't even get dirty. He picked me up so fast. He was like, I said, Oh, I'm the girl who fell at the party. He was like, that's okay. He was like, it's okay, let's just keep dancing. I said, okay, and so shann I did and she blew some whistles. I love flowers. There were so many flowers and they were fabulous. They were gorgeous. Okay. I love of exposed brick because it makes it makes me feel Yes, it makes me feel like city. Yeah, so that. I love cheese steaks, and I love drinking. We had Lechi Martinez dropped Martiniz. Those are my things, those are my drinks. So you know, I wanted to make sure we had a way to soak up all the alcohol. So there was cheese steaks. We had a cheese steaks truck. You had to be there in order to truly understand Philly was represented and how beautiful and how practical as well, Like I wanted to make sure that everybody had a good time. I had a very very lovely garden of portion. Uh. They were all kinds of vegetation. Yea beautiful vegetation or thank you aromatic if you will. Was blessed. Okay, it was. It was completely blessed. All night long. I was so grateful for that funnel cake, Rita's water rice mango, cherry, lemon and p and pean apple because she ain't cheat because you know, usually it just be cherry and lemon, right, or cherry and blue. The balloon's orange is my favorite color. Um, so it was. It was soft orange and white. Enjoyed the balloons and orange and white gave me like cream sickle happiness. Happiness. Yes. See. The thing is when you're when you're talking about, um, something for yourself, you actually have to consider yourself who you are and sit down with how long did it take you to figure out elements that you had to have? Like how did you do that? Um? It took me. It took me a while because at first, Sharia Barlow, the party planner, she was like, um, you know what, what exactly do you want? And I was like, well, I know I want to day. So start with the things that you know that. You know, if you're somebody who likes to swim or being water, they start there. You know. If you're like if someone who likes to be on a beach or something like that, start there and then work your way around the rest of it. Um, I know that I miss um a certain time in my life being in Philadelphia, you know, going to pen parties, going to temple parties, dancing all night to jazzy Jeff, spinning at um at at Central High. Like, it was a lot of things that I loved about that time, and I wanted to experience it again. So, um, you have to consider yourself when you're planning a party for yourself. Right, what do you like to eat? I love cheese steaks. I'm from Philly. I'm always gonna love cheese steaks. It is water do all. And I also know it soaks up the alcohol. You know. I love funnel cakes. So we had a funnel called Cake Truck is Reda's water Ice. That was but yeah, they had caramel, they had at chocolate strawberry. Um, it was so young. Everybody was walking around humming, especially because there was all that beautiful vegetation. I was just about to say the garden. So many good vibes. Oh so so many kinds of vegetation as well. Yeah, I mean just in vegetation for any kind of person, you know, like whatever you how you feel you vegetation. Yeah, it was it was that so it was a grown ass. It was a grown ass horny grown party where my you know, my knees hurt right now. I don't know when that's gonna stop. But I was reminded that I'm no longer twenty four, you know. Um, so I was. I'm just saying, a dance all night long. Yeah, you should be able to dance a fifty all night long. Well that's fine, thanks, but you know we're dealing with the hell you awake now that's what. Now, that's a different thing, and that's the only reason that you haven't this knee. I'm sorry, Sometimes knees just go out. This is true. I'm just my mother's spirit is coming out in me, and I'm like, ladies, as we get older, we must continue to upkeep this so they lets the times go out and you actually are working it out preventing these things. You are so correct, but you're not about to, you know, save our lives with this movie. So you know, well, yeah, there's there's a lot going on to the to the Jill Scott of it all. At the moment, we're gonna take a quick break and then it we'll be right back. It really wasn't Jill Scott's party. It was my party, and I don't know if you guys will ever understand what I'm saying when I say that, how do I get it? I mean the people that are listening right now, Okay, I mean them, y'all know me. So it's it's like, there is a there is a portion of myself, and I hope of yourself that you value so much, that you love so much above your station, above your quote unquote class, above how much money is in your bank account or stocks and bonds, or how many houses you have, or what kind of jewelry or bags you carry. There that there's something that's sacred to you about you, that part, that part right there, And that's what I celebrated at my party. You know, I'm a quinn Quadrainarian now, y'all. So I won't be fifty one or fifty two or fifty four. I will be a quin Quadnarian until I'm no longer a quin quadnarian. Yes, if you if you have any questions about what that quinn Quadrainarian is, it is spelled exactly like it sounds, and you're welcome to look that up. So you know what I am as I go forward. You know, quinny quinny, I love it. But that's what you should celebrate when you have a party. You know. I did make it a point, you know, like I said earlier, I did make it a point to not have cameras there because I just wanted to live in the moment, and so often we don't do that. I was in all all night, just all and how beautiful and classy and fun and easy, you know, the just great vibes all night long, and people I love showed up. And I'm from all over the world, from all over the world, they showed up. Like, man, what a good feeling you had to light so sexy. I couldn't see everybody, but I didn't see everybody, but I saw. I mean, well, you know, you know, I saw all the folks that I had my hey moment with, you know, like you know, like I saw quite quite a few hades throughout the night. But I just was happy to see how happy you were, because really you could see it all over your face, like you was just in la la land the whole night, and like every time I would just catch your face if even like at one point we're all dancing, but then other times when I went to see you from across the way or just looking to see what you were doing. It's like wow, like she's really enjoying herself very much, so very much. So Yeah, I've you know, I've had people, like I said, I've had people do things for Jill Scott and it's it's very much appreciated. But there's something that hits different when it's when it's specifically for me and you know that it is. Yes, and you can sit in the knowing of that. That's really important. But I feel like also to like what you said to this, really I want people to remember you can only do that if you spend some time thinking about who you are, what what what it is you like, because before you know it, if you're not clear on that, it's very difficult to have the people in your life understand it too. Knock knock, knocker, who's there. Here's the message, Um, you are not the caricature that you've created for yourself. You are not that you could never be that baby. It's it's that's a that's a jailb friends, that's a part of your job that you've that you've created. You know, that's every Instagram picture of of pure bliss When twelve minutes ago you were really ready to punch somebody in the face and the mouth right right, and the whole teeth right. And that's right. You know when this or one part of your room is clean where you took this picture, but the rest of it it's in complete disarray because you're having a real moment in life. Yes, the real is, because it's all it's it's a it's a life that people are living. It's a life you're trying to live. It's like, and I do think it's easy to lean into the unreal of things because it doesn't require any kind of real work for the self. Come on, It's like, I'm just gonna chill and just be this because this is easy and I don't have to really and this is what they think of me. I'm just gonna relax into that. But you know that that kind of deep and i'll use your word, sacred self work is really going to be key to enjoying a certain set time period of your life because you can only know what you know after you know, being a quin quadtionary and you can you know what I'm saying, like you want to benefit from having lived those years. In order to do that, you have to be committed to that sacred self work that you really aren't ever, you're not really even ready to do until you've gotten to this point in your life. There's honeyest levels levels to this thing, and we're all still growing and learning and processing. Some processing happens really fast, and some of it takes its sweet slow molasses ass time. I was waiting for slow molasses ass that you know there is some of it takes that, and it's important to have that. I promise you, good people, The last thing I want to do is beat now. The caricature of Jill Scott. It did not create. I didn't do that. That wasn't That wasn't my bag. I never wanted to participate in the caricature never, But it happens. It happens, and it happens because people assume, you know that, they think that you're away. And I tried. I definitely have tried over the years. I remember saying something in a live concert, you know about um sometimes you gotta whoop some ass, you know, like they're like all thinking that I'm all peace and and uh you know, um slowers and incense. I like all that ship, but I also like m M A fighting very very much. And I also am very handy with my pistol. Okay, the listeners know, yeah, these are the new the new media. Look the we're talking about what we usually talk about and we end up here. Yeah, it's always about being the all of yourself. Yeah, I'm sorry, and I love sacred self. I love this sacred this this concept. But came out, Thank you father, it came out, you know what I mean. But I appreciate that because these are the things that we have to hold on. We can get so caught up in, you know, the imaging of ourselves. Most photos are photoshop friends, you know what I'm saying. But even that applies to people are not in this industry because people people create an imagery or a cacature talking about people outside. I am I'm talking to you. Yeah, I'm talking to you to me, ain't Trevor right, David, I'm definitely talking today. Yeah, yeah, we're talking exactly to you. There. We're all people, all of us, and we're what we've figured out. We're sharing with you. And somebody get me to some game. The last night and the last couple of nights, somebody in her sixties was showing me some some ways to move and I was like, well, thank you, God, bless you. It doesn't stop. We don't really land on who we are. It's just an ongoing process, you know. And that's okay. It's okay. Don't define yourself so hard that you can't get out that box. My goodness, we talked about these boxes. Go back, y'all an episode, don't don't it, don't write it that's going. What did I see today? Lord London said something about did you guys see that? And she said, uh, oh, I don't want to mess this up. She said, um, I think it was something like worrying about the river, be the water, not the rocks, something like that, something like that, and I thought it was so powerful. It makes sense because you know what makes those rocks smooth over time, Water makes them smoother. So the water is the thing that causes the change, doesn't react to the change, and the water is ever flowing indeed, because that's what this thing is. We we we we're moving as long as we're live, changing shape, be flowing in, change in shape. I'm so grateful to be fifty years old. I'm so grateful to be a quin quadrainarian. I'm so grateful to have the kind of friends that genuinely loved me and know who I am. I'm so grateful for that that they, you know, whenever they come up across some kind of rumor or something, because these things occur um most of the time, they don't even bother bringing my phone because they better because they know me already know I tried that once. You know it's meant about a couple of decade friendship. Don't think I ain't tried it. Y'all work so you live. So grateful to to continue to grow, So grateful for the smooth and the rough. Uh. This is Jay dot Ill the podcast and we outside, we outside, We're in your house to thank you so much for listening. I love you. How do you Eat an Elephant? One? By? It time? Hi there, listeners. This is Amber, the producer of season two of j dot Ogle podcast. You'll hear from me from time to time on the show. It's almost the end of our first episode of the season, and as our day one listeners know, it's time for our how do you Eat an Elephant? Segment for our new listeners. If you're not familiar, the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time. It means if you have something in front of you that seems like this insurmountable task, instead of being overwhelmed, what you can do is break it down bite by bite. So this is the part of the show where I'll share some resources. We talk about a lot of big layer topics on the show and want to provide you with a bite of information to take with you, hopefully help you navigate eating your own elephants. Today, I've got two bites for you. Jill talked about the process of planning her birthday party and the importance of finding a great party planner. So I want to share this article from the Balance md dot com about the steps to finding the perfect party planner for you. It gets into everything from interview questions, to budgets, to think eames, all of that, so I'll link that in our show notes. The second bite I have for you is how to spell coin quadrainari in are you ready? Q u I N q u A G E N A R I A N And if you didn't quite catch that, that spelling will also be in the show notes. Hi, if you have comments on something we said in this episode called eight six six. Hey do if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four three nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episod. So thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il. The podcast j dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
