2022: You Tried it, But We Had Time

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio. What's up You're doing? Uh, Welcome back to Jay dot Ilva podcast. I am here with my sister friends. You know at this point who they are. You know, I'm gonna be real clear with you about who they are to me, these two women here, It's not really an everyday occurrence when you meet two women that can lift you. Like Seriously, I'm no like John. You know what I'm saying. I am no like John. Whatever I'm saying. The truth is when you have some women, um that some friends, Let's be real clear, some friends that can lift your spirits, that can check you and hold you accountable, that can love you through that accountability, who can be real honest with you, patient with you, like super thoughtful loving that that kind of thing goes a long long way, especially in a year like two. I'm going to shout out age of great danceler you like st Clair. You know that's right, That's right, That's right man, that's you know, that's us. It's like, no, no, seriously, this this. I have had some really good conversations with both of you this year offline listen that I feel like are just so indicative of the type of relationship that we have built through this medium. So we I don't feel like we're the same women to each other prior. I feel like this has opened up something between us that is I don't know, like I feel like it's like another layer. I have not come out of this experience with you all the same that I went into it, the cry all the time. WI. What I'm saying is that this is the kind of friendship that that takes years. You know, you don't just you don't just jump and rush on this type of thing here. You know, there were years that we all knew each other, but this is, uh, I mean we know each other. Yes, this is this was this was a level up. Wow, it was a boost. I say, it's a booster. Yeah, for sure, booster you know, even stronger. Yeah. It rounded that thing out, It gave it details, It put the shellac on the thing like it did a lot. It did a lot. Thank you jad Ettle podcast, because this has been really something because baby, um, first of all, I got KOVID twice. I don't know about anybody else listeners, but that that second time getting COVID, I I don't know. I was like, well, lord, has a good time, and I thank you. I thank you for all the good times that I had right here, ub room, sound like, don't even speaking. Don't you better? I know better, trust me when I tell you, y'all, I know better. But I felt so bad and it just seemed like it was um everywhere for my whole body, my whole you know, Psyche. I was like, no, this thinks and then how about this, Jill? Would you have ever thought that? After that? That's something else would have crept up on our ass. I call it the r G s r CV had that too. Write all the listen in my life, it was always the RBG, the Red Black Men Rain, But we got this whole other thing. Yeah, what the hell. But let me tell you. Two was the year of me getting COVID. To me two years no COVID on Jude Teeth Nikel. I had it on New Year's Eve shoot, So I brought in two in isolation. Yeah, I did you know? It was a vaccinated COVID for me. I'm like, I'm just grateful because I was vaccinated. Because y'all know a couple of years ago, the year before, we were seeing people really like we think like Jill. Imagine you thought she was going through it, but without any corparation or vaccination or anything like I can't even imagine. I started twenty two in January and got coked it and I ended in December with COVID. So this year, like, I feel like that's definitely a sign. You know. Um, I'm out here looking for signs and omens and remarkable things that that are a part of the journey of this here existence, you know what I'm saying, And I feel like that is one of them. Like, I still I'm not quite sure, but I do know that one no punk on on many many levels. Financially when No Punk I had to deal with some things that I was like, oh no, um, I'm gonna have to sue some people. I hate that, but I have to fock everybody ignoring some things because financially, I'm like, we're gonna deal with I definitely had to let some people go to but the awareness awareness and to let some people go yeah and that, And it still doesn't feel right. It still doesn't like it hurts, but it's also necessary because we're not going any further than this where there is a maybe in a few years or whatever, but not now. And there's no need to to sit there and try to um pull the thing apart unless there's an understanding on both sides, and that just isn't. There's not. There's a friend who does not know who I am, and I can't continue to explain my soul. You don't get it, then you don't get it, and that you know this was you don't so Yeah that that that little musical moment did a thing for the girlies, for the growing as girlies. Yes, and yes, everybody, I'm everybody, everybode you know. It's it's very Really, do you have a a moment, a musical moment that speaks to everybody? Yeah, everybody. And you gotta give it up to Beyonce for that mean us a moment. She gave us a moment. Yes, comfortable in my skin? Wow, oh god, don't do it. I am stopping skinny year of what kinda forever? It's too much. And King, the woman King did things for me. I ain't gonna hold you up. My back got straighter. We're watching the woman King tears that I didn't know we're waiting for me. I did. I cried a good hard one to that that whole mother daughter relationship. How powerful that was. Baby. I needed that. I needed that and didn't know I needed it. So I'm real grateful for the new is it heard? And I'm grateful for the things seen and the things felt, because um, this was this was I mean, we we ended off the year with with twitch that was life. Like you know that it's these highs and lows, baby, this this these highs and lows. But I think also to like one thing the last few years has taught us is you know, the fragility of life and the fragility of just the human spirit that we have to We talk about how strong the human spirit is. We do talk about that, but I think we found out is that it also is a thing that needs to be nurtured. It's a thing that needs that cannot just expect for it to just show up as itself and it's full glory just because right, it has to be a thing that we feed on a consistent basis, and it has to be a thing that we demand be acknowledged in all of the spaces that we take up. So it's like we're not used to I mean, these this past year in particular help me understand that my my spirit has to be fed in all the places where my body shows up. Oh so if I'm in that place, if I'm physically in that place, I need to demand and not be afraid that it feeds my spirit and then it does not drain it. And if in fact it drains it to no fault to my own or anyone else's that I'm intentional about, you know, reigniting that and and nurturing it and and and taking care of it the same way I would if I was physically tired, even I was physically pained, you know what I'm saying. M hmm, more real talk after the break. I've learned in this year, um, particularly that there is a there is a direct connection between how I feel physically and how I feel, you know, spiritually and emotionally and mentally, like like these things are connected clearly. Yeah, I don't think it's an accident. I don't think there any accidents anyway. No, I like, I don't know. If I didn't, I didn't didn't tell the rest of you all listening. But you know, definitely went through a series of weeks where I was um, it started to feel like an attack because it was like one thing after another, like, um, I had a flood in my house. Um, that was not pleasant. I got COVID and that clearly was not what I was looking for. Shivers and sweats and fevers and um, dizziness and dreams, my goodness, crazy, wild, vivid dreams outs of those um. And then right after I finished with COVID, I got I woke up in my eyes were swollen almost shut. I'm like, okay, alright, alright, alright, what in the what in the heat? Hall? And then and then on top of that, right after the eyes started to get better, my cycle comes and she ain't no punk even that's well, all right, don't you love it when it's like that. It's when it gets like that's when you get That's when you start doing the crazy laugh. Yeah, that's all you can do, but laughter where you'd be like, He'll be like, I'm just going to laugh at this moment because you wow God. And from there, yeah, I think that the thing is have been flow thing that we learned that the quality of our lives is not really about these constantly being in these great moments, but just how we flow through all the moments. Do we have a strategy about the way that we flow through the way that life presents itself because everyone here has experienced some amazing ship and some really jacked up stuff, almost not just in tandem, but simultaneously. Hey, you can be in a moment and joy. Yo. I'm sorry, But on that note, do y'all realize that on the weekend. And I'm just gonna say this because I know he don't listen. On the weekend, I got my five broys out that my my boyfriend became a grandfather. Listen to me the same speak to us about it. I got twenty five boys removed. My boy friend became a grandfather. He was running between hospitals. See, that's that, That's that of a level. That's what I'm talking about. Like, So, I just in this moment as y'all talking, I'm thinking to myself, wanted I didn't think that. I didn't think I had anything profound to say on this note as y'all were speaking so profoundly, and I was like, well, I think that I have learned to uh, to follow God's path and have faith and not always react um and the most obvious or the ways that you would have previously, you know, to fully open yourself up. So in all these journeys this year, it's just it's just interested in having this conversation. I just talked to girlfriend off the ledge because she she missed a flight to come home to see her family, and I was like, but you was frantic. You hadn't eat until you would have got on that flight, and you wouldn't have had anything to eat, and you wouldn't have been five hours and you would be so fucked up, and your your nerves would be bad, and you're bad would be your back would be sucked up and all these things. And I was like, sometimes you just gotta have faith in God's decisions that he makes for you. That seems like it's the end of the world, but it's actually just a different aspect of what you're supposed to be doing. Like just it's not the end. So that's that we can kind of meant that from me in this this journey, like I'm just taking his lead, her league whomemberous lead I'm riding. Yeah, I'm gonna just be healthy in the path. You know, I'm out here, And it suggests to everybody. You probably read it before, you know, if you're listening to Jay dot Ill. You probably haven't. If you haven't, um, grab it, pick it up. I would really suggest everybody to read The Alchemist again. Go back in. Okay, go back and read it again. It's um, I haven't. I will give me. You know, I've never felt like the Bible was like a completed work. You know, I don't think that any of the religious books are completed works. I think that they continue. You know, I probably have said this before, but you know, I feel like there's a there should be a book of Whitney. You know, this this young person, this woman that came to this planet and could sing like a bird. She could stop time with this voice that nothing but a bell and anointed just and when I say that, I don't mean any particular religiousness, I just mean the kind of voice that stops, stops everything else, so you have to stop, and you know, you have to pay through it. And her having in existence where she could not be all of who she was. These are these are these are Bible stories, the stories Michael, this little boy who had all of this talent, amazing talents. That's what I really feel is happening. There. There miracles all the time, and there are people who represent so much more than just there outward talent. You know, you've got somebody like Michael Jackson, the Book of Michael. You know, he's just lonely, super talented little boy with a lot of pressure on his back, a lot You know clearly these things. If you're not grounded, you know, if you don't have people around you to tell you know, you know you're you're headed in the wrong direction. You need a break. You know that that life is not just about how much you're taking in, you know, um and and giving out. That there's something in between that you cannot move forward, you cannot move without some level of But I think also to like what you're saying. What what's really resonated with me about what you're saying is that there is value in the of the experience of others, and that there's parable and the lived experience of others, and that if we can come into this knowing of listening to each other as a sacred act, so listening to each other's lived experiences and what we were watching and listening to how people experience the world, that we can remind ourselves of our own humanity and we can be tied to the spirit of God and that we can be tied into our own purpose without a feeling of isolation, because it's the isolation that kills you, not just the physical isolation, but the mental and emotional isolation that says, I am only experiencing this. I am the person who is in pain. I am the person who is feeling this thing. And that that's that feeling of that no one else can understand. Is that moment where you begin to separate yourself from the parable of others. And that's where I feel like we are all So what I'm getting from you, that's the day that we that our lives are our sacred text quick, quicker intellectual note. I just want to let everybody know that The Alchemist is available on audiobook, and UM, you're not stupid, guys. Parable is a simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson. Age is really smart, she said. She she I don't go to college, but just just I don't know. She is like, we don't use that in regular conversation, but we knew the book Parable the Sower. I know. Yeah, I'll tell you. We really sit here as students, and um, all the time, I have no shame in my game. Who don't smith? So let's you know. Sometimes they're they're sometimes they're not. I get tone tied, just like the somebody else I'm just saying, ages is about that? Can I ask you all a question? I'm sorry it's a total rabbit hole, but it is question. We're talking about Octavia Butler Kindred. Anyone, I'm ready, anyone listen. I'm only an episode seven, okay, And I want to tell you guys something I don't tell me. Don't tell me, don't spoilers. We don't do spoilers. I've I'll say this to you. I am a person who does not tire of stories of narratives that come out of the experience of formally enslaved or enslaved people. Whether it is a true story, whether it is one out of the imagination of someone, I don't tire of that. I'm fine with it. I want other stories. We talked about this this year, we talked about having more diversity. One thing I will say about my experience with Kindred is that because even with Octavia's work is so weighty as a as an author, that this this, watching this, it's I feel like I've had to pace myself. That's what I'm a person who will just take it. Give me me, give me, give me. I want to see till I want to see a man. It's a patient. I want to see all the Lord. Girl, you know I'm that person. I'm that girl. I'm good. Let's tell me, tell me the things. But I have had to pace myself through this. So I just want to put that out there, just like I've enjoyed it. I have got I love some of the updates. So if you've read the book and you're ready for a more kind of modern take or current, not modern, but current take on some of the elements of the book, I'm here for it. But girl may be but yes to Kindred and yes to me not even knowing again, and I've said this on the on the show, I didn't even know about the book until after we did the group. I started on wild Seats, so this is all kind of me and said, oh, is your group named after the doctor Octavia Butler book. I'm like, no, and it just sent me and she's my favorite. So I ever said that to me. But for any of you who don't know, Ki Octavia Butler is the writer of this this um of several books, and she's science fiction and she's she's writing black science fiction. It's it's absolutely fantastic. Just like with most science fiction, she hits the head, um, she hits the nail on the head quite often, and it's really kind of scary. Yes, it is very like prophetesseness on page um, even in the level of fiction. I would I would absolutely get involved with some of Otavia Butler. Yeah, she definitely has a way of centering black women and alternates, alternative universes and alternate spaces and then having special powers things like that. So I feel like it shout out to Mallory Johnson because I think as an actress it's quite brave to not only do Kindred the Woman King, And there's one other thing that she did this year and I was like, oh, she's blacking at the funk out. Oh yeah, Mallory was to play the daughter and woman King Jill. She's also the star of Kindred. I believe she seems to be English, but we won't say so. We don't know. We have to speak on the things we know. All we know, Yeah, but what if we are right? That would be funny though, right, I kind of I mean just giving a little you already know I what does she st Okay, I'm not I don't know. I'm gonna find the girl Google Google. We'll circle back. We'll still circle it on thattor like so this, you know, as people to talk about getting ready for the following year, and you know, having a mantra or a mottel or something. Um, I don't. I think, I don't know that I have a mantray just yet. But I will say that I am definitely going to focus on my physical health because this last this last couple of months was like bang bang bang bang bang, bitch, you ain't doing something right and you need to So, UM, I got a I got a couple of good ideas where that labs. Um. I don't necessarily want to tell you that, but I'm I'm going to focus on these things and try to get to another side. I am going to get you will. I'm glad you came to that. I didn't even think about that as the possibility. I'm proud of your friend. Listen. I I just really believe that, you know, we don't we literally walk by faith. Literally, I don't. I don't know if that helps anybody but I believe that, and maybe there's some areas where I need to reconnect in that in that space. And I've really enjoyed my relationship, which all of my whole life, I've really enjoyed it. And you know, it's not a given, it's a gift, and I'm going to dig in yet again, but for the greater of me, and I'm glad that I'm starting with the Alchemist again. It reads different these you know, six years later since the last time I read it. It reads different like, uh yeah, so um getting get involved in that Alchemist and let's talk about it. Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back. I feel like for me is going to be the year of I don't know, you know what I'm saying, Like, it's like, I love that you all. It's it's a great source of pride and kindness. And when you all speak about that, you think you feel that I'm smarter, intelligent, or you know whatever. The different many many beautiful things that you have said about me. And so I think this year is gonna be about me just kind of being open to things that I do not know, but specifically things I don't know about myself and like I feel like that's gonna be my energy. But I really want to spend this year meeting every experience as if I don't have anything to bring to it, Like I just want to meet every experience like just open and just kind of coming with love, and because I want to know what it feels like to just be present and just kind of be president in my full kind of you know it just welcoming everything with love. And my granddaughter really helped me see that that's what I wanted to do with this coming year, because it's just like, yeah, like every way that I that I approached that was like I had my mom and my ear like just go with love, like go with that, you know. And I know that sounds a little bit. It might feel flighty to some people or it might feel like, oh, that's cute, but like I don't think we always approach things with that. We approach things with a lot of different baggage. We approach things with a lot of different expectations and a whole lot of things, whether it be our personal relationships and parenting or our work or whatever we do. And I just have I don't think I have given all the things in my life that same attention that I gave that, I got so many people who responded to me about that, how I spoke about it publicly and privately, And now I'm understanding that if that was something that impacted other people and me so much, this is how I have to this. I have to approach my whole life. And I said that I didn't before. I just want to be intentional this time about it. Like everything that I'm approach is going to be in that space where I don't have to I don't. All I have to do is focus on feeling that and bringing that love to the space I want to be in. So that's kind of like, you know, I don't. I don't want to sound like I said. You know, we're quite an instance girl, But that's just about to say you're trying not to sound neo soul. I got trying to like like a hand. You're trying not to sound like a head. It sound like a head because I know that that's what that you created, that movement. You was a part of them. So I mean, it's just where I'm at, Like I'm serious, because I just, you know, too many times I feel like i'm that person that goes into something like, Okay, let's look at it, let's analyze it, let's figure out what the next step is. Bam bam bam bam. Right, I'm not interested. I just want to come in as the purest former age in every room without knowing the history. But I don't know in the history, without knowing the context, without knowing none of that movie. Then yes, heavy is the more you know, the heavier against listen. I feel I feel like that every day especially, this show has not helped in that journey, Honey, you don't think I think. I mean it has. Okay, it has in a way because we have we have we have a show with the NAP Ministry, so yes, we have. We have talked about ways of rest and relaxation, what it looks like. But however, we have given a lot of context, context of things that we may have previously looked at. Its simple little things. And I have I've been accused of times of just like exactly what Agent said. I've been accused of just not letting it happen. Why you got to give the context to history? And I'm like, but don't you But you don't want to know before well, I think context of history is good. It's just about what we do with it. Do we allow that thing to be the source of an anxiety for us? Do we allow that? Yeah? I think that really it's fine to have context. It's just have context, but be open, you know what I mean, because there's always more to have. That's why it goes back to what literally what Jill said, listening and being open to the stories of other people, of these people's life experience, the sacred text that is other people's experience. You know, the Book of Whitney, But I look at the Book of Jail. I've learned from the Book of Jail, just literally gay of us a whole word just now about her experience and the duality of life, you know what I'm saying. To to have two completely different birthing experiences, the birthing of a new life, you know, and that happened in two different places, and for her to have a man who was experiencing in two different ways, how you were to receive him, how he was to receive you. Life didn't change a little bit from hearing that. I don't I challenge anyone listening to the podcast today to act like that did not resonate with you. And just so you know, just to add another layer, my man is a beautiful, amazing stepfather, so that will give you another layer. Okay, he is not a biological father. So yeah, you know, you write the book. The books. The books are thick, and your your book is stick to Asia. And I'm happy to share. And I'm happy to share because at the end of I that's another thing that I feel for is except in the own kind of the beauty of my own experience and owning that it is a beautiful experience. It's a beautiful freaking life, and it's a beautiful it absolutely can be like realizing. Okay, ums, anxiety has been quite a big thing in Yeah, you know, and because um, all of a sudden, the whole world changed on everyone's from coming outside getting dressed, coming outside was now gives your anxiety because for a year, you don't have to do it like TikTok, the like TikTok. And the old lady she was like, get somebody else to do it. Yeah. Girl goes up to an older lady in the grocery store. She says, excuse me, ma'am, could you record me real quick? She said, huh, And he said, excuse me, ma'am, could you record me real quick? And she looked at her said get somebody and that gets somebody else to do it. Resonated with beat y'all. That's that's I'm taking that. Get somebody else to do it. Yes, Sometimes you just you don't gotta say no, it's okay. You know we've had this conversation before that you're going to have to say no about something and be okay with it. You know, I gotta take to take the good, to take the bad. Huh, you take the both the day you have? What? Okay? Hes y'all. Apologies to my girl, Mallory Johnson. She is from San Diego and a Juliard graduate. Zo zoo ahead, I'm here and I'm there everywhere. I love to hear it, I love to see it. Yes, yes, So here's here's my question for you guys. What can kick rocks and stay there? Raggedy ass in? We can you stay your assid COVID go somewhere, go somewhere and bury yourself? Yo. I looked to run them down like Trump. I don't think we're gonna I think we're done with you and twenty so we're done with you. I think there. Everybody's done with you. Your Republicans too, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think. Bam, bamn. I'm sorry to So this is per history's walk upo yourself. What you think you? Um? I am? What? What? What could go forever? What could kick rocks? And um? Somebody telling me about my goddamn uterus? Tell me what I can do with with it. I'm listen, don't tell me what to do my service. Let's all of us, you mean all of us, all of us? Of course I do yes, yes, yes, yeah, Oh don't do that. Don't do that. It's not your place. It's just not ever. Stop Stop having meetings in the middle of night about women. A stop. Why are you still talking? I don't understand where are you still talking? That's actually something's gonna have to work on. Listen, speaking of coochies, I want them to too, seriously, y'all, Oh my god, can we to stop? Can stop enough? It's been enough. It's kind of world unless we're gonna get into some of these penises like what would that's that's equalize this situation take away some of its Salista, what are we doing one something. I'm just yeah, I'm sorry. You know what, I'm real tired of what can kick rocks? What could kick rocks for me? Please please read and invest in a simple Google search. Like seriously, i am tired of people on Angela Bassett's Internet posting on numeral social media platforms without reading a single solitary bit of information on the thing that they want to pontificate. And I'm tired of them reposting ridiculous crap that they could google and realize is wrong, stupid and dumb. I'm sorry, Please do it. I love y'all. Please don't be wilfully stupid. I believe. I ain't gonna lock to you. I belie that Black Friday was about selling black people. I did sense to me because because why not? Because why not? Everything else is such bullshit. I'm gonna go buy me and that because of being in the black that that was a long time ago. But I felt that I believe before blindly, but blindly I jumped. I was like, yep, that's saying I've done it myself. What I'm saying is that I'm not above it. I'm telling you I've learned, I've experienced it. I felt the dumbness of believing some craft that I saw and had to google it, and yes, just do it first, look it up, first, first post before you post. That's what that's what you're actually supposed to do. Read it, read god, do a quick Google search. I felt mighty dumb when you learned about the black and the and the thing I feel. I felt madded. No, well, I got wanted. I think y'all row with. I was gonna say, I think we can have are these powers that be that give microphones to people who have clear mental illness? Um, I would like us to reframe these mental illness conversations and maybe take care of it before we give them a mic. I don't know something there's something there where people just I don't And I know others would say stop having behind mental illness. That probably to kick rocks, But I really don't know what that looks like because we still acknowledge your mental illness. Well, like I said, it's all about again engaging and the things that interest you. Something. If you see something that doesn't this, don't settle right with me? Engage with that thing. Child Read an article, read a book, and a book. When you read an article, in the book, then go find a book in the article that actually is on the other side of that opinion too. Don't just read things that validate your own bias. Know someone else. I want you or if you're not, then don't worry about it so much about it. Don't say nothing, don't stay quiet. That's how that conne things connected like that. You see how that connected about solutions around here? We stay dumb, stay quiet. That is wow. That could hide it. So if we would not have the situation because when the man said he didn't read books ten years ago, yes, And when the poor baby said he thought the earth was flat, bless him. Wait a minute, Wait a minute, but what about the argument that there are no dumb questions? There were no questions asked, the only questions there was not one. I don't want the people to stop asking questions. And you can ask the questions and you don't really have interest in that thing. Maybe you don't answer the questions. Maybe saying we don't ask no backhanded questions, don't ask a question that you don't want to answer. For that, you're just trying to cause the problem. Because one thing that these young children know about is they know about this special word that came came to the public forefront in ass lighting. These young people know when you gas lighting them. So stop asking questions you don't really want to know the answer to, because you're trying to make somebody look dumb or crazy. No, that's gaslight. You just gave at Oh that is a definition, you know some people. I think it's you know, there's there's also the love bombing gaslighting portion. Those two lived together. What's that? Oh, you're so wonderful, You're just the best that ever happened. I think I think the overarching thing is leave the narcissism in two mm hmm, leave it mm hmm. Drop it off, shut up, drop it off, drop it off. Okay, oh boy, take it to get a big mac and drop it off. Okay. The intentional desire to do harm to somebody, Uh, without giving me any level of trouble. Let it go. Stop it's me. You are the mean. That's very means. Stop it, stop it, cut it out. Yeah, more conversation after the break. Stop making money off of other people's paying at least what I'll give it some of it back the money people's mobility. Stop trying to teach people stop, Stop stop putting out, stop giving wife classes. M m hmmm mm hmmm. Stop writing books on relationships when you ten minutes into your marriage. Stop being a relationship expert the same reason. Stop listening to people you don't even know, really like, sincerely, and when I say that when it comes to marriage and things like that, and you're like listening to me, I know, I'm divorced twice. Um, I only consider ones. Really the other was it was it was, it was we don't talk about in the midst um. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I truly believe this with all sincerity. You want to be around, you want to have a happy relationship with somebody, Be around happy people. Please, come on, go find some couples that actually like each other, that laugh at each other, that kiss with their eyes closed, you know, that help each other out. They get mad at each other, but they can still find a way to laugh and enjoy one another. You know, break down, you know, as you break down this list, it's gonna be one body. But yes, people listen like wait a minute, oh wait, no, oh wait, no, okay, I know that one couple that I met, we hang around them, hang around them. As as as the the old head in these marital streets. I'm with Jill. I would only add one amendment, go it in just being around happy people period. Many I'm just saying, if you're trying to emulate a relationship, oh no, if you're trying to emulate a relationship, because there are elements you can take from happy people and the way that they relate not only to themselves, to their friends and their workspaces that are directly related to how you can take those same habits and apply them into your relationship. I'm doing this empathy, happiness, love, These are things that are too big, too big to be relegated to only showing up in a certain way. And I maintain that the things that I feel like have helped my relationship very rarely have just come have come from other married couples, have come from people who I have seen who are jail. You're only presenting into the world as the as their best selves. That's how I look at Betty White. Come on, you know, I didn't know what that was last the year before I always said I didn't. I didn't know Betty White, but she seemed to be a very happy individual. However, she did not have some of the things that most Americans say that it takes to make you a happy individual. So and that would be maybe a husband and some kids and you know the things, the same kids. But I ain't gonna lie to y'all. The women I know that don't have children, their skin look good the rest when they want to, they well rested. They ain't got no diabetes like no, no, they might. I'm sorry. I I'm saying, well, I take that back. That was not that was not responsible, but it was a little bit. But I'm saying, they look goody good. They feel. We think the same about y'all. We we we just I feel like one day there needs to be a conference. It needs to be a meetings of the same goals and the Marrits ladies, you know, just to make sure we're constantly on the up and up, communicating and knowing that the grass is greener and not greener. Yes, that we can tell each other the truth about the truth. That's fair. I think that you're absolutely right on that. Agent. It's not just about married couples because at the end and the beginning, in the middle of the day, um, it's life is not all about being tied to one person. It's not all. That's not an entire existence, not enough for everybody, you know, since we're all individuals and we're all living these individual lives that are amazingly connected somehow, some way. Because I want to tell the girls, like, let's leave, let's leave this in Let's stop being worried about being chosen, because I see so much of that. It's a hard job, and you're right right of that energy. Choose choose yourself. You don't choose yourself, baby, And let's stop pretending that everybody's choice it's the same as your choice. That it looks like your choice. That chooses oneself can look a lot of ways. Choosing oneself doesn't have to mean choosing to be single. It could be anything. I just say, stop, let's stop worrying about being chosen in every aspect of our lives, not just in relationships. Let's not worry about being chosen. Somebody I read somewhere that somebody said real confidence is humility. I love that because confidence is something that you don't have to announce when you come into the room. It's just a thing that's a part of your person. That's what I'm gonna tell people when they say, stand up humility A humility, girl, it's quiet, it's joy joyous confidence. You made a joyous person come to add to your your list. That kind of goes with this. I was gonna say, y'all stop perceiving life by social media. This is the year that we watched they can and have like five children by the end of this year. He's saying, I'm overstretched, I'm tired. I don't know how I can do this. So girl, Yeah, but we kind of we saw that coming up. Now we do. But I'm just saying from it's just it's just interesting. I A lot of people see perception, and I'm like, the reality is you get snapshot to people's life, and the functionality of things is a whole another work piece. You don't get to see the work, not hardly any of it really, unless that's you know, somebody's gig, and even then you have to question it because you're not seeing the time never never, and if anything didn't show it that it was losing twitch. Yeah. You know, like everybody's gonna say, seems so happy, he seems so content and successful. It's part of his job to see that way too. Like, which is a hard job in itself. Any time, any time, I will say this, for us as entertainers, we become experts as at being on. Yes, they become experts at being on. We become experts at being agreeable when the time is necessary and right. One of the things I do want to speak about in terms of the twitch situations, as I have watched people one by one who were actually close to him because I was a fan. Okay, that's a different kind of connection. But as I start to watch people kind of come out of, you know, one by one express their feelings about him. This was a person who absolutely had so much value in the world to so many beautiful creatives to which he lent not only his talents but his wisdom and love to them. And they speak about this, But one of the things we have to remember is that for all of us, as we're in the world trying to be these people that we to be right. We want to master our craft. I want to help other people. We want people to love us. We want to be loved, accepted, useful, productive, that if we're not turning that love and that attention on ourselves and we are not saying to ourselves that we're worthy the things that we're working towards. It doesn't really matter at the end of the day. And I don't know what his actual struggles were. They could be chemical, it could who knows. I don't know what his struggles were, But I don't know that. I have watched people close to me and myself included, give a lot and leave nothing left for the song I've seen it. I hate it, honestly, honestly, like, just imagine that that success is address. They don't fit everybody the same. The thing got get tailored to you for you. It is just not gonna it's not gonna fall right on everybody, you know, And yeah it doesn't. It doesn't look the same. If if you gain the world but lost your soul, what exactly do you have? It's an empty shell that looks really nice on the outside, and it's not That is not a life that I want for any of you listeners. I don't want that for you. I don't want that for any of us. No, no, no, no. I do feel like I'm proud of the ways that we have evolved in some ways, Like even after the loss of Twitch, I saw so many people clarify things that we've gotten used to sing, oh, this check on your strong friend thing, and people are like, yeah, yeah, but let's take that a step further. Let's not get into the empty responses. Let's get the program responses to things. I'm actually quite proud of us in some ways. And as I've watched not just in two but just in the past couple of years, how we have all pushed ourselves to do better and be better and say, you know what, that's cool, but that's actually not enough, or that's cool, but you have to make sure to remember this. And I think that that's okay. That's part of the evolution of taking people who pushed things further into the next stage. And I had a great conversation with my aunt earlier today, who is a baby boomer, and I told her I really appreciate boomers because boomers are some of the group that first started moving in a different direction than people ahead of them. They were like, enough is the truth, we have to change things. And I appreciate where they're coming from. And I look at us as gen xers, and yes that they they taught us to be brave enough to step outside of the status quo. And and if it's anything that I want to acknowledge in this moment is that I feel that there is something that we have. We took that and we took it as far as we could, and now it's time for us to encourage the next group to take it as far as they can come. I'm proud of the way that that has happened. It has had its fails, but I want us to come out of this year congratulating ourselves for some of the things that we got right. Oh yeah, and the word Look, black men are saying therapy like the barbershop. Let me tell you, it's a feeling. Listen to see. I'm I'm just listening to our children in a different way than ever before, ever before, ever. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. We are challenging ourselves to be more self aware. Yeah, yeah, I love We got vocabulary for it now. But it's worth it. It's worth it. We're worth it every day all day. Come on looking at each other as whole people stop and criticize it and go on, wait a minute, and a person may have been through something. Yeah, Yeah, we're learning, we're learning about kindness taking it with us. In twenty three yeah, I'm gonna read the back of this book for y'all real quick and don't say much, but it says this, to realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation. Okay, that's it. Mm hmm. There's a path that's specifically for you, and it it does not fit anybody else's boxes. Maybe a couple of things that might fit in there. Real good. I don't know. But you are as individual as a rain drop, yours individual. Really you are, really, we'd molect you down to your your your d n A. You're You're amazing and I hope you figured that out. I hope you figured out, and I hope you enjoy it because there's nobody else like you, not even your twin, not even your best friend, not even your sister, your brother. No, no, no, you are you and the life that you want is up for you to design. You can't have it, and I want you to go get it. Happy New Year and bitches road from that COVID Right, it's not a trap. Down out the phone form. Okay, keep your eyes open, keep your eyes open. Bless you. Thanks for listening to Ja Dot Elder podcast. Were alive around here, we are alive peace. How do you eat in of one? By it time? Hey, listeners, it's Amber, the producer. Here was a wild one. Take what you need and leave the rest. Joe mentioned reading The Alchemist again. I second this. It's one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors, and I will be joining her on that journey. If you're interested, I'll drop a link in the show notes. I hope that you end this year in whatever way you need to, and I want to leave you with a really incredible tool a dear friend shared with me recently. It's called the Year Compass. It's his free printable booklet that helps you reflect on the year and plan the next one. It has a set of carefully selected questions and exercises that help you really uncover your own patterns and design the ideal year for yourself. It really helps you to see and learn from your mistakes, celebrate your victories, and set out on a path that you want to walk. All you need is to acquire a few hours in the booklet. I'll drop a link in our show notes. Wishing you all a soft, juicy, abundantly blessed new year. Hi if you have comments on something he said in this episode called eight six six. Hey Jill, if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott presents Jay dot Ill. The podcast Jay dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcast from I heart Radio is at the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.