Sex, Love, & Recovery Coaching Series | Couples Therapy & How To Let Go of Resentment From Cheating

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome to the Dr. Erin podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth, your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin. Dr. Divinity. I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are and I believe in you. Together we're awakening the world.

Welcome back my friends. I am super psyched for this caller coming in one because we just chatted for just a moment before she came in, and I think that what I'm starting to recognize with the callers coming in for this series is the healing begins when we say Yes. So the minute that you even apply to come on this podcast, there's something that knows there's going to be a shift in the subconscious soul level and the healing begins. And sometimes healing doesn't always look like we want to look. Sometimes it brings up extra emotions, sometimes it brings up triggers out in the world. But what I know is that whatever is coming up is ready to be healed. So I'm super excited. So welcome. The next caller is Joanna and she is in from Roosevelt, New York 46 and is having what we would consider in the traditional human world, codependency and dysfunctional out picturing into relationship. And you wrote Letting go and allowing myself to be free in the new version of myself. So hi Jawana. Welcome, welcome, welcome. How are you?

Speaker 2 (01:40):

I'm great. How are you?

Speaker 1 (01:43):

You look stunning. First of all, I just want to say that thank you. You look absolutely gorgeous and thank you much for being courageous and vulnerable and just want to just fully receive your heart. What's going on?

Speaker 2 (01:56):

Letting go of resentment is where I'm at. I was married for almost 20 years and in choosing me I had to let that go and I still hold onto some of the resentment of it. Things come up no matter how much I try to clear the energy of it, I guess as much as he tries to be a friend, I push it back and I'm not able to receive even a olive branch or, yeah, that's where I'm at right now.

Speaker 1 (02:29):

Thank you. So I just want to get my head around the whole situation just so I can fully say you guys are divorced now, do you have children together?

Speaker 2 (02:36):

Two? Yes. Okay,

Speaker 1 (02:37):

Cool. And do you mind me asking, was there cheating? What really went down?

Speaker 2 (02:44):

Yeah, it was, there was infidelity on and then it was on both parts. I got angry and retaliated with infidelity and yeah, it was not nice. It wasn't really nice. One of the things was me just, I guess waking up to me. I wasn't happy either. So when I found out that there was infidelity, I'm like, well, I'm not happy, so why don't I make myself happy? And it became a selfish head on, but I knew we needed to separate because that was one thing I always said was I didn't want to lose the love. I know we genuinely love each other, but we were at a place where we weren't making each other happy anymore at all. And we like to say it was too good people, but just not good for each other. And I felt there was a great understanding. And then I feel like once the divorce and we've had trials and things afterwards that I just feel like I'm not supported in and the more I get more self-awareness, I know it's me not feeling supported.

Speaker 1 (03:55):

Yes, thank gosh. Right. I mean, so one, I just want to recognize you and your ex-husband. I want to recognize you guys are in a divine partnership in this lifetime of great teachers for each other. So I do know that there is a marriage at a soul level between the two of you guys that whether we sign the contracted divorce out here in the world, that when we have children with somebody, we are married in spiritual realm and that there's nowhere to run but to heal. So I want to congratulate you for being here and recognizing not just to point the finger but saying, Hey, what's really going on here? Yes. So I really want to acknowledge you. As we adult, we start adulting up. Our children start to see us growing up, and I'm like, damn, who do I want to be as a mom? And I want to be that person that reflects that I'm fully in my empowered state no longer pointing the finger at their parent because we know that's one of the worst things we can do for our children is to talk bad about their parent. And the more we can revere them, the more we can become peace within ourselves, the more we can be whole and holy as a family. Great. Okay, so let's do this thing. Let's do this thing. So I don't just believe, I know that all of life is bringing us back home meaning to God's source within meaning to no longer sin, which what does sin mean from a metaphysical and new thought perspective? Sin means missing the mark. Sin means placing our power outside of ourselves. So your ex-husband is the universe putting you through a masterclass for you to finally graduate to no longer point the finger to an outside source. Yeah. So resentment, how does resentment create a, you're a divine, powerful goddess, queen, creator, and how do we create resentment? We create resentment. It's all emotional mastery, right? Resentment is basically wanting things to be different than they are or wanting them to have been different than they are and putting something in that way. You could call it frustration, you could call it resentment, you can call it animosity, whatever it is, it's the consideration that something is in your way of what you want to create. Resentment is expectations not being met by an external source, right? So we know that the first step of all this is recognizing how we created it.

Speaker 2 (06:26):

Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 (06:32):

The biggest lie with our exes is this. I'm going to tell you one of my personal stories I was not married to, but I was engaged to somebody that lied, cheated and was very narcissistic, abusive and things like that. And when we finally went our separate ways, I suffered greatly and I was like, how can I love this man? After everything he did. In fact, I don't love him. And I kept telling myself, I don't love him. He's bad, he's wrong. He did this, he did that. And the thing that finally made it begin to heal is when I admitted that I still loved him because love is truth. That doesn't mean we don't hold people accountable, but the truth will set us free. So let's just go there for a minute. What are you wanting to create for yourself in your life or in the past that you thought he was standing in the way of you creating that?

Speaker 2 (07:20):

Well, I guess that's me now. So everything, my job I, 23 years I left that and I started my own business. I went to school for massage therapy. I'm in school getting my master's in the healing arts, Chinese medicine. Beautiful.

Speaker 1 (07:37):

Beautiful.

Speaker 2 (07:38):

So being a healer is my path. And I remember going into massage school and what if that doesn't work for us? It doesn't work for him. And I said, I just feel like this is more of a calling than anything else. So moving forward in that and in my business right now is the best version of myself that I see now.

Speaker 1 (08:01):

Great. Great. Okay. So it sounds like you're coming to a place where you're really stepping into your empowerment, really, truly. Right? So we need to do some amends, meaning forgiving. Forgiveness is not about forgiving them necessarily. It's releasing us from being the effect of them.

Speaker 2 (08:20):

Okay,

Speaker 1 (08:21):

I'll say that one more time. Forgiveness is not about forgiving them per se, it's about releasing us from being the effect of them. So where do you still feel like you're the effect of him?

Speaker 2 (08:33):

Where do I feel that I'm the effect? So when you say the effect meaning affected by him.

Speaker 1 (08:39):

Yes, correct. Exactly.

Speaker 2 (08:41):

Okay. The most, I guess when I get the texts, he'll still text me or stuff like that, and I want to be able to receive them in a happy place, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 (08:52):

Great. Okay. I'm going to just read this little, let's see if I can find this right here. Yeah, there's a few things here. Before I get to that, I want to read one of the most traditional quote that recovery says every single day. And it's something that you may want to consider saying to yourself in your morning practice when you're meditating, when you're working out, when you get that text that comes through, okay? And I'm going to read it, okay? It's a very, very well known quote, okay? It's a prayer. God grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I'm going to say it again, God, not toman in the sky per se, whatever your God is the God's source within is what would be my God, okay? God, grant me the courage to accept the things people, places, circumstances that I cannot change. I cannot change when he texts me, whatever, the courage to change the things can. How I can change is I can change how I perceive that, how I respond to that, how I put boundaries on him, whatever that may be, and the wisdom to know the difference. There is one source of suffering, and the source of suffering is wanting people, places in life to be different than they are. And when we fully accept people as they are, whether we want them to be that way or not, we have choice. Someone can be a jerk or whatever. They'd be jerking, they'd be doing whatever right now, who do I want to be? Again, he's your master, he's your guru. He's pushing and prodding and seeing if you have mastered this masterclass or not, and you're like, damn, I see what you're doing right now. I got you. Thank you for showing me who I really am. I get to rise in my queen right now. I am not going to be the fact of you, okay? And I'm literally going to take the higher plane right now

Speaker 2 (10:40):

Every time I get that choice,

Speaker 1 (10:42):

Every time over and over until you graduate.

Speaker 2 (10:46):

Okay? I just, I did, okay. Okay. So it's not an end,

Speaker 1 (10:54):

Never an end. Damn. We're still in this plane. Girl. It's not ended. It has not ended.

Speaker 2 (11:00):

Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 (11:03):

Yes. So all the work is for that divine moment. In that divine moment. When that text come in where you're like, mother effort, who does this guy think he is? Right? Everything we do, our past trauma work, our forgiving of the resentments, our taking back, all the work that we do individually and our inner work is for that divine moment. When that text comes in and we are not triggered as much, we've done a lot more trauma work or we aren't as much charge on it, we have released some of those resentments and we've forgiven and taken back our power. All of that inner work is for that divine moment, right? When that text come in for us to say, I can choose that or I can choose that. Do I want to stay divided and actually make him wrong, or do I want to rise above and create beyond this vicious cycle?

Speaker 2 (11:50):

Okay, I got that. I do have that, yes. So for Thanksgiving that just passed and I am doing the healing work. I really feel like I'm doing the Yeah,

Speaker 1 (12:03):

You are. You're here, girl. I know you are. You wouldn't be showing up here if you weren't.

Speaker 2 (12:07):

So I get a call inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner because my sons were home. My boys are older, they're 20 and 23, and the youngest just February moved in with him. But so I considered it, I considered going to this Thanksgiving dinner and then where I asked, will your mom and everybody be there where I was? But then I get a call the next morning telling me to come that his girlfriend, his new girlfriend will be there. I'm not healed that place yet. Is that something that I should be healing towards? No.

Speaker 1 (12:45):

No one's going to say that. Okay? Part of the work that we do for that divine moment, whether it be someone asking if we want to come to Thanksgiving with their new girlfriend or whether it be sending in that tech, is for us to be in our divine truth, which means this, okay? Our work in our inner work is not only just heal the trauma, it's also to get clear of what our core values are and what our relative truth is in our finances, in relationship, in family and all that. So that, because there's ultimate truth, the truth is you're one with your ex, okay? But in the relative truth, we're not one with our exes. We still to, we basically put boundaries on in order to keep ourselves responsible for our own emotions. So it's not like you should get okay with that. No. Maybe one day you will be okay with that, but what the decision is, is what your relative truth is. Now for you to take responsibility around your emotions. You may want to be okay with it, but you might show up and not be Okay, and you might not be okay, and three years from now you might be like, no problem, I'm fine. The decision is not about what's right or wrong. The decision is for you to stay in your grace and in your power for you to take responsibility around your emotion. If we know universal law works like this, okay, par is peace. If we know how we manifest and we manifest with happiness and ecstasy and that ecstatic enjoyment, we know that it's going to go much better if we're in that vibration. We know that if we go below peace and we're going into sadness, discord, anger, apathy, depression, we know we don't want to create in that realm. So we're buying what they call fear thy Lord. In metaphysics we mean fear thy law, because if we understand how we create, we want to always stay in good frequency. If we have an emotion that brings us down, it's propelling us. I dunno, it's okay. We take it out, it's no problem. So we know that as the goddess that we are, you're a goddess girl. And to stay in that space of creating what we choose to not harm ourselves with putting ourselves in situations that are going to make us not feel good and not be in our truth, we have to be responsible. No one else is responsible for that. He's not responsible for that. No situation's responsible for us. So we make that decision not saying, Hey, that's wrong. You shouldn't have your girlfriend. They're like, Hey, that's awesome that you asked me. I totally appreciate that and I'm taking responsibility for my emotions, and I don't know if I'm quite ready for that, right? It's all good. Thank you for inviting me. But at this point in time, I'm going to check out on this one maybe next year, right?

Speaker 2 (15:22):

Okay. Yep, I got it. Cool.

Speaker 1 (15:24):

I still feel that you got it. I still feel it. So let's do an affirmative mind treatment. When we pray, again, we're not praying to some man in the sky. We're praying to expand our mini mind, our divided consciousness as expanded as much into our divine mind, into the one mind that has all intelligence, all knowing, omnipotent, luxury, all of it. Okay, opulence. Okay, so what is it that you want to declare for yourself in your embodiment with your ex? And you said, moving on to the new you. Who do you declare yourself to be?

Speaker 2 (16:01):

Who do I declare myself to be? Is a high vibing, high frequency, loving, abundant, successful entrepreneur, author, speaker,

Speaker 1 (16:14):

I already say and so it is. So let's take a deep breath together. I recognize by the power of my word that this goddess absolutely uses her emotions. She doesn't bypass her emotions or pretend that she's high vibe when she's not feeling high vibe, but she uses the emotions to propel her into the truth of who she is, which is absolutely high vibe, empowerment, entrepreneur, absolutely bringing truth globally across all platforms. I recognize the embodiment and the conviction recognizing that whatever she truly desires, which I know is the peace and the joy and the love and the strength and the forgiveness for her to rise into her divinity, her full divinity, and I claim this, it is known as she absolutely shows the F up and win. It is done in the divine mind. It is done, done, done as together we say. And so it means so proud of you.

Speaker 2 (17:09):

Thank you.

Speaker 1 (17:10):

You're going to help so many with this conversation.

Speaker 2 (17:13):

It's a heavy one, but I'm grateful to release it.

Speaker 1 (17:17):

So the prescription as a doctor divinity and not as a traditional doctor, but really is to make sure that you do more and more of your trauma work so that you're not triggered when things come up and that you release those limited beliefs and the limited commands that play out like puppet strings in her life and that you birth your relative truth. Forget what your parents said, forget what the told you. Forget looking at influencers. Forget all of that. What is your truth in the realm of your relationship with money? What's your truth in the realm of relationship? What's your truth in the realm of who you are as a mother? What's the truth of who you are and your expression to bring to the world? I want you to birth your relative truth, and what you do is you notice where you feel good and where you don't feel good, and that will change. Your relative truth will change over time. Okay? So getting your trauma work done, birthing your relative truth in all areas of your life, and then literally making sure you're in a community where you're being able to show up in your daily spiritual practice. So when that text comes in, you're not just reacting, you're having to practice, you're living it, you're breathing it all day long so that you can absolutely respond instead of reacting, knowing from that truth again, just reading it again, a couple of things. I want to stand here. So remember God within, grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. And then I just forgot I wanted to read a couple of things, okay? So just remembering that the ultimate relationship is within that all other relationships are our projection and reflection of our ability or inability to love, okay? And that your identity is creating your beliefs. Your beliefs are creating your thoughts. Your thoughts are creating your feelings. Your feelings are creating emotions, and the emotions are creating the circumstances of life. So anytime the X or anything comes up, it's more about recognizing who am I? Who am I and who do I choose to be regardless of the situation, it's identity. And the truth is, all spiritual work is merging in that true identity of the I am. You are first cause you are the creator. You are one with everything. You're not this mini body, you are not a divided self. You're having the experience through this divided self, but the truth is you are all of it, including your act. And we absolutely knowing in that high frequency of who you are, high vibe is not about one emotion. We're all emotions. High vibe is saying, I'm rising above all emotions. I'm rising above all situations to absolutely claim that I'm a leader, I'm a goddess, and hear me roar. Okay? And you are so that in the bag of chips, by the way,

Speaker 2 (19:57):

I

Speaker 1 (19:57):

Love you so much. So glad to be here with you.

Speaker 2 (20:00):

I love you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (20:03):

Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin podcast. If you're ready to reprogram your subconscious mind, transform your trauma and birth, your soul's calling, or if you're ready to become an accredited, certified spiritual psychology coach and E4 trauma method facilitator, and get trained in spiritual psychology, universal law, intergenerational trauma, work, past life, regression work, metaphysics, and mind, and so much more, go to DrErin.tv if you're receiving value from the show. I would love it if you share it with a friend and give it a five star review. Have a beautiful day, and may you live your truth.