July 7, 2021

Lost

Lost

Not won, or claimed; ruined or destroyed physically or morally; hopelessly unattainable; or in the case of DTF: not appreciated or understood.


Not won, or claimed; ruined or destroyed physically or morally; hopelessly unattainable; or in the case of DTF: not appreciated or understood. 

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About UsWhat happens when you take three people,  put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed? 

Down To Folk is manufactured by M.A.S.S.K. The Ministry of Augmented Something Something, and a K. 

**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction.  The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers.  No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**  

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Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:08.509 Good morning, afternoon or good evening. I am Lloyd Warrington and you are 2 00:00:08.550 --> 00:00:14.550 listening to another episode of down to folk. This episode absolutely contains dark humor 3 00:00:14.869 --> 00:00:19.829 and horrific scenarios. If you are listening with children, I give up. 4 00:00:20.910 --> 00:00:35.380 Welcome to down to folk. Good luck. So far back, people could 5 00:00:35.380 --> 00:00:41.329 hardly remember when lived in arrogant hair who boasted of his other worldly speed. 6 00:00:42.729 --> 00:00:47.409 He was indeed quick as lightning and would regale them with his incredible feats, 7 00:00:47.850 --> 00:00:54.320 of his maneuverability and sleek athleticism. Though he was greatly admired for his prowess, 8 00:00:55.159 --> 00:01:00.399 the other animals of the village began to roll their eyes, gathered at 9 00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:04.030 the local watering hole and listening once more to his boasts. Set The crow, 10 00:01:04.790 --> 00:01:08.030 you're a liar, hair I can fly faster than you can run. 11 00:01:10.189 --> 00:01:15.510 The animals chuckled heartily and began to heckle the hair at setuble race, barked 12 00:01:15.549 --> 00:01:22.019 the dog. The whole fairy and feathery and leathery throng moved out into the 13 00:01:22.099 --> 00:01:26.980 open air. Do you see those trees? Asked Crow. We race to 14 00:01:27.060 --> 00:01:34.129 them as quickly as possible. Mother bear will be the judge. Mother bear 15 00:01:34.170 --> 00:01:38.890 lumbered towards the other side of the clearing, turning and raising on her mighty 16 00:01:38.930 --> 00:01:44.730 hind legs, reaching tree like for the sky. Go, she shouted. 17 00:01:45.930 --> 00:01:49.519 Each competitor was determined. Looks took off an a jolt towards the old bear. 18 00:01:51.640 --> 00:01:56.200 It appeared almost neck and neck, until hair, with a final burst, 19 00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:02.670 leapt past mother bear. She shrugged. Hair is the winner. Crow 20 00:02:02.750 --> 00:02:07.349 grumbled but settled to the ground to pull up a worm he'd noticed in the 21 00:02:07.390 --> 00:02:12.870 audience. It screamed in abject horror, but nobody knows what worm scream sound 22 00:02:12.949 --> 00:02:16.460 like, so they took little notice of the brutal murder. Crow's going to 23 00:02:16.539 --> 00:02:21.900 crow, you know. Hair puffed out his chest and asked if any other 24 00:02:21.939 --> 00:02:25.060 animals cared to bring forth the challenge. A minnow poked her head from the 25 00:02:25.139 --> 00:02:30.289 bordering stream. I will race you down this stream to those large jagged rocks 26 00:02:30.569 --> 00:02:35.889 below the Rickety Bridge. The first to pass the dead boy's head winds. 27 00:02:37.009 --> 00:02:42.569 The animals, surprised by her tiny Gusto, nodded in approval and once again 28 00:02:42.770 --> 00:02:46.800 the course was set, with mother bear posting up by the obliterated child. 29 00:02:47.719 --> 00:02:53.199 Once more, she raised up and shouted go. Hair beat the tiny minnow 30 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:58.439 even in a race down stream, which, coincidentally, was not an accident. 31 00:02:59.270 --> 00:03:02.949 The Minnow was small and brave but pretty prone to cheating. She'd been 32 00:03:02.990 --> 00:03:07.509 in, forgive me, hot water with the fets before for tax fraud. 33 00:03:08.830 --> 00:03:14.180 Who else, shouted the braggadocious hair. Who else thinks they can beat me? 34 00:03:15.180 --> 00:03:23.300 A humble tortoise stepped forward. I will challenge you, hair. The 35 00:03:23.379 --> 00:03:30.090 audience gasped, some chuckled. Tortoise, were they even native to that? 36 00:03:30.250 --> 00:03:34.689 Platians? I guess that's beside the point. If that's the part of the 37 00:03:34.689 --> 00:03:38.689 story for which you can't suspend disbelief, well, I watch superman turns again, 38 00:03:39.250 --> 00:03:43.159 the bullet bouncing off his eye. Bet Yeah, and then go fuck 39 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:50.120 yourself. Anyway. Hair flashed a devious smile and, his most condescending tone, 40 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.879 laughed and said, okay, Tortoise, what is the race you propose? 41 00:03:54.599 --> 00:04:00.870 As he bounded effortlessly from rock to rock backup stream, the tortoise blinked 42 00:04:00.909 --> 00:04:10.580 slowly. Everything he did was slow. He lifted his front paw hoof what's 43 00:04:10.620 --> 00:04:15.500 that word again? Oh, feet. He lifted his front foot and pointed 44 00:04:15.620 --> 00:04:20.500 to a guillotine in the distance. The animals all gasped. What could he 45 00:04:20.620 --> 00:04:29.889 mean? Tortoise lethargically turned his head back towards the hair. I am willing 46 00:04:30.850 --> 00:04:40.480 to race, but only if you're willing to put your neck on the line. 47 00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:46.519 Hair gulped, but this was no time to back down. Suspiciously he 48 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:56.230 asked, what do you propose, Tortois? We raise from the Guillotine to 49 00:04:56.470 --> 00:05:05.269 the stump, twenty five paces out. Is that all hair? Laughed wildly. 50 00:05:06.620 --> 00:05:15.220 No, you, my friend, must be quick enough to escape the 51 00:05:15.420 --> 00:05:27.569 blade of the Guillotine, which will signal the start of the race. Ooze 52 00:05:27.649 --> 00:05:31.129 and Oz escaped the crowd and they all began to move towards the ominous structure 53 00:05:31.610 --> 00:05:36.480 of which no one knew the origins, nor had ever noticed it, despite 54 00:05:36.519 --> 00:05:41.720 it having been a mere ten frog leaps from the hook watering hole. Kind 55 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:45.279 of a weird oversight, but it turned out to be a pretty handy prop 56 00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.470 in this true recounting of events, Tortoise placed one set of toes in line 57 00:05:49.550 --> 00:05:54.949 with a guillotine hair slipped his head as low to the ground as possible, 58 00:05:55.709 --> 00:06:00.790 neck right in line with the blade. Mother Bear, meanwhile, at the 59 00:06:00.870 --> 00:06:05.300 stump, raised up a final time on her mighty back launches and to a 60 00:06:05.300 --> 00:06:13.379 hushed crowd bellowed drop the blade. The racers set off and the crowd heard 61 00:06:13.459 --> 00:06:18.170 the Chink of the blade. Tortoise was making good progress, as tortoises do, 62 00:06:18.930 --> 00:06:25.009 slow and steady, determined to win the race. Back at the start, 63 00:06:25.050 --> 00:06:30.129 however, Hair's dismembered head and part of his left shoulder lay unblinking on 64 00:06:30.209 --> 00:06:34.560 the ground right in front of the Guillotine. Crow let out a single cackle. 65 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:41.000 Minnow quickly swim away in horror. Several of the throng barfed on the 66 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:46.920 spot. A field mouse furiously began masturbating. He was a weird dude. 67 00:06:47.069 --> 00:06:54.990 Mother bear just licked her lips. Tortoise one that race, just like all 68 00:06:55.029 --> 00:07:00.870 the others he'd won before. Tortoise was a bit of a sociopath. As 69 00:07:00.949 --> 00:07:05.579 he passed mother bear unblinking, they made a quick exchange. She passed him 70 00:07:05.579 --> 00:07:13.420 a sack full of gold coins and he told her he's all yours. Her 71 00:07:13.540 --> 00:07:17.850 Grin was unmistakable as she picked up speech arts or prey. She was a 72 00:07:17.930 --> 00:07:25.170 sadistic old count as tortoise disappeared as suddenly as he'd emerged, and the animals 73 00:07:25.290 --> 00:07:30.920 looked on as mother bear Gord, the lifeless body. Perry, humble farmer, 74 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:34.000 cleared his throat from the back twas the wind shut the fuck up. 75 00:07:34.040 --> 00:07:40.879 Murray. No animal knew whom had said it that. They all nodded knowingly 76 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:54.629 and shuffled away. Let's see, mother bear, when Togo, humble farmer. 77 00:07:55.470 --> 00:07:59.939 I guess that's it. Wait, did she just say the sea word? 78 00:08:00.980 --> 00:08:05.420 Nope, she said compt let's check in with Chad and see if that 79 00:08:05.540 --> 00:08:16.769 immersion therapy is still working. This is a composition by the Irish author and 80 00:08:16.970 --> 00:08:28.279 poet Richard Harris. Yes, that Richard Harris. Spring was never waiting for 81 00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:35.360 us. It ran one step ahead as we followed in the dance between the 82 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:43.029 parted pages, and we're pressed in love's hot, fevered iron like a st 83 00:08:43.269 --> 00:08:52.269 riped pair of pants. I will recall the yellow cotton dress foaming like a 84 00:08:52.389 --> 00:09:00.820 wave on the ground around your knees, the birds like tender babies in your 85 00:09:00.899 --> 00:09:07.899 hands, and the old man playing checkers by the trees. There will be 86 00:09:09.059 --> 00:09:13.529 another song for me, for I will sing it. There will be another 87 00:09:13.570 --> 00:09:22.009 dream for me. Someone will bring it. I will drink the wine while 88 00:09:22.049 --> 00:09:28.200 it's warm and never let you catch me looking at the sun, and after 89 00:09:28.200 --> 00:09:37.240 all the loves of my life, you'll still be the one. I will 90 00:09:37.320 --> 00:09:43.990 take my life into my hands and I will use it. I will win 91 00:09:43.190 --> 00:09:50.149 the worship in your eyes and I will lose it. I will have the 92 00:09:50.309 --> 00:09:58.059 things that I desire and my passion flow like rivers through the sky, and 93 00:09:58.299 --> 00:10:05.139 after all the loves of my life, I'll be thinking of you and wondering 94 00:10:05.220 --> 00:10:13.649 why Macarthur's park is melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing flowing 95 00:10:13.850 --> 00:10:22.559 down. Someone left the cake out in the rain and I don't think I 96 00:10:22.679 --> 00:10:30.759 can take it because it took so long to bake it and I'll never have 97 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:46.590 that recipe again. Oh No, something seems so familiar about that story. 98 00:10:46.549 --> 00:10:50.820 By the way, it's about time we got some waterlogged baked goods on this 99 00:10:52.019 --> 00:10:56.980 podcast. Thank you for listening to her. I'm sorry, I almost forgot 100 00:10:56.980 --> 00:11:01.500 about Bridgordan full transparency. I thought that was a bit but I guess I 101 00:11:01.700 --> 00:11:18.960 was wrong. Off to the camp fire we go. DOTTY had a problem 102 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:24.720 with daydreaming. It was such a problem that one day, while cooking a 103 00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:30.799 baked potato, her mind wandered and she burned down her family home. Her 104 00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:33.710 parents were so upset at her absent mindedness that they sent her to live with 105 00:11:33.830 --> 00:11:39.750 her aunt and uncle on a farm in Kansas. DOTTY's aunt thought dotty was 106 00:11:39.789 --> 00:11:43.950 a little touched in the head and was very concerned. The farm was a 107 00:11:43.990 --> 00:11:48.539 dangerous place if you weren't paying attention. Tim One of the farm hands, 108 00:11:48.580 --> 00:11:52.340 had lost his arm in a thresher once while he was dancing to the radio 109 00:11:52.740 --> 00:11:58.820 and now had a metal arm that rusted in the morning. missed. Scotty, 110 00:11:58.139 --> 00:12:03.250 one of the other farm hands, was very slow minded and would often 111 00:12:03.289 --> 00:12:07.370 fall asleep in the corn fields, which was a blessing and a curse as 112 00:12:07.570 --> 00:12:11.129 he kept the crows away, but was almost run over by a tractor. 113 00:12:11.169 --> 00:12:16.799 Leonard, the last farm hand, was afraid of everything and would constantly say 114 00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:22.000 be where were the wind to go, whatever that meant. And now her 115 00:12:22.200 --> 00:12:26.279 aunt had to take on dotty. With the four of them, it was 116 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:31.389 like she was running a mental asylum. One day dotty and her dog got 117 00:12:31.470 --> 00:12:33.389 into a heap of trouble with her local neighbor, who threatened to call the 118 00:12:33.429 --> 00:12:39.830 police. DOTTY's aunt was almost to the point of saying go ahead, call 119 00:12:39.950 --> 00:12:43.700 them up on the other three as well, but she was amidwesterner and the 120 00:12:43.740 --> 00:12:48.820 kindness was always the first option. Before dotty's aunt could speak to Dotty, 121 00:12:50.139 --> 00:12:54.340 a huge twister came and destroyed the farm. When the twister had done its 122 00:12:54.340 --> 00:12:58.570 damage, dotty and her dog could not be found. DOTTY's aunt took this 123 00:12:58.769 --> 00:13:03.850 to be a blessing in disguise, but this blessing would be short lived, 124 00:13:03.929 --> 00:13:09.289 because Tim, Scotty and Lennard found dotty face down in a stream five miles 125 00:13:09.330 --> 00:13:13.799 away from the farm. DOTTY's aunt prayed a quick prayer, hoping the young 126 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:18.120 dumb girl was dead, but alas, dotty lived, although she was in 127 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:22.440 a coma of sorts. The three farm hands brought her back to what remained 128 00:13:22.519 --> 00:13:26.789 of the farm, where DOTTY's aunt took care of her. While dotty slept, 129 00:13:28.309 --> 00:13:31.789 each one of the farm hands came in and spoke to her. Scotty 130 00:13:31.909 --> 00:13:37.830 played the radio and sang her song about being smarter. Tim Came In and 131 00:13:37.990 --> 00:13:41.139 oiled his metal arm and spoke to her about how his heart had been broken 132 00:13:41.259 --> 00:13:48.100 by a girl in town. Leonard Visit and told her horribly scary stories about 133 00:13:48.220 --> 00:13:52.019 flying monkeys and green skinned women that he saw at the circus, all while 134 00:13:52.059 --> 00:13:56.490 he wished he could be braver and stay for the last of the show. 135 00:13:56.730 --> 00:14:01.850 DOTTY's aunt was stressed by the whole lot of them and kept telling Dotty to 136 00:14:01.090 --> 00:14:07.049 follow the Golden Road to heaven. One day Tim brought in poppies he had 137 00:14:07.129 --> 00:14:13.120 found in the field. The smell was so noxious that dotty's aunt threw them 138 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:18.080 out the window. Scotty stopped by with a piece of green glass that he 139 00:14:18.279 --> 00:14:22.440 found in a ditch. It's so pretty it's I think it's an emerald and 140 00:14:22.639 --> 00:14:28.429 response dotty's aunt quickly took the glass away and explained to Scotty it would take 141 00:14:28.509 --> 00:14:33.429 a wizard to make that glass into a gem. Leonard Visit Again, but 142 00:14:33.549 --> 00:14:37.870 this time he talked about how scared he was of the WHENDIGO. He became 143 00:14:37.990 --> 00:14:41.779 so frightened that dotty's aunt had to throw water on him to calm him down. 144 00:14:41.460 --> 00:14:45.460 When he was splashed with the water, he yelled, Oh what a 145 00:14:45.620 --> 00:14:50.899 world and quickly ran out of the room. DOTTY's aunt was so distraught dealing 146 00:14:50.940 --> 00:14:54.370 with the unconscious child and the three numb skulls that she prayed every night that 147 00:14:54.529 --> 00:14:58.889 God would take dotty over the rainbow and into his arms. But no such 148 00:14:58.929 --> 00:15:03.009 luck. Dotty hung in there for what seemed like a week. DOTTY's aunt 149 00:15:03.090 --> 00:15:07.200 was beginning to lose her patience with the whole ordeal. She woke one morning 150 00:15:07.240 --> 00:15:13.320 and took dotty's pillow and placed it over dotty's face, muttering to herself there's 151 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:18.080 no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like 152 00:15:18.360 --> 00:15:22.669 home. and rather than being smothered to death, dotty woke with a jolt 153 00:15:22.710 --> 00:15:26.549 and dotty's at quickly slid the pillow behind dotty's head and called for the farm 154 00:15:26.590 --> 00:15:31.190 hands. Dotty then regaled them all with a strange story and pointed to each 155 00:15:31.230 --> 00:15:35.740 of the farm hands, stating that they had each been there. They all 156 00:15:35.899 --> 00:15:39.259 laughed and laughed, except for Dotty's aunt, who grew ever more concerned by 157 00:15:39.259 --> 00:15:45.460 her niece's story and was worried that if her story got out, people would 158 00:15:45.500 --> 00:15:50.370 think their whole family was nuttier than if Christmas fruit cake. It so happened 159 00:15:50.450 --> 00:15:54.529 that that morning dotty's uncle, a humble farmer, had called a local chicken 160 00:15:54.649 --> 00:15:58.850 breeder, Lyman F bomb, to come take a look at his brood. 161 00:15:58.889 --> 00:16:04.360 Mr Bam also joined in the excitement when dotty awoke and was there for the 162 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:10.879 whole retelling of dotty's adventures. Mister Baumb then went home that night and wrote 163 00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:14.720 the whole story down and became a very rich man from the stories of a 164 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:21.230 dumb, comatos child's imagination. What happened to Dotty, dotty's aunt and uncle 165 00:16:21.509 --> 00:16:26.909 in the farm hand? Well, I don't know. I'm sure they're all 166 00:16:26.029 --> 00:16:30.710 dead now, and I'm pretty sure dotty's aunt was super pissed that she missed 167 00:16:30.710 --> 00:16:34.860 the opportunity to become rich and famous, but that is a story for another 168 00:16:34.980 --> 00:16:44.940 time. Thank you for listening to down to folk. This episode was mostly 169 00:16:45.019 --> 00:16:49.169 written and performed by Aeriel chant and Brajordan. You know, the Holy Trinity 170 00:16:49.250 --> 00:16:55.450 of Blah. Distribution is still provided by the POD fix network. At pod 171 00:16:55.529 --> 00:17:00.730 fix network DOT COM. We are at d t f stories across social media 172 00:17:00.889 --> 00:17:06.240 and our website is d t f stories do coom. Support for this show 173 00:17:06.359 --> 00:17:10.880 comes from listeners like you. Visit D T F STORIES DOT COM. Slash 174 00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:15.789 support for more information. On behalf of the Ministry of augmented something, something 175 00:17:17.109 --> 00:17:23.150 and a K. until next week, Warrington, out you've been listening to 176 00:17:23.230 --> 00:17:27.430 a podcast of the podfix network. Discover more audible gems like this at pod 177 00:17:27.589 --> 00:17:32.819 fix networkcom. Make sure to catch up to the minute networks and Aigan's by 178 00:17:32.900 --> 00:17:37.700 following at pod fix on twitter, official underscore pod fix on Instagram, at 179 00:17:37.779 --> 00:17:41.259 pod fix network on Facebook, and make sure to subscribe to pod fix presents, 180 00:17:41.380 --> 00:17:45.809 wherever you choose to find podcasts the pod fix network. Artist own them. 181 00:17:45.849 --> 00:18:02.079 Love Dana. Where he's chat to? Yeah, he's it down in 182 00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:04.200 a basement. And why, pray tell, is it in the basement? 183 00:18:04.599 --> 00:18:08.799 Well, Yo, Mosso Kubasa took him down in a basement. Please retrieve 184 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:14.869 chat to for me so I can update his firmware. Yeah, Musoku basis. 185 00:18:15.069 --> 00:18:18.910 I can go dino basement. Last I checked, Lloyd Warrington runs the 186 00:18:18.990 --> 00:18:22.670 show here, not Richard Cup a SA. Go now, all there will 187 00:18:22.710 --> 00:18:27.500 be consequences. Yeah, yes, Sir mess her warrant. I'll go, 188 00:18:27.900 --> 00:18:49.250 I'll go get I'll go get a Charobat. I told you not to come 189 00:18:49.329 --> here.