Oct. 28, 2020

The Only Self-help You Will Ever Need

The Only self help you will ever need



          We are all tired of self-help books that we read and relate to, but there are no progression instructions. Just some mumbo jumbo bull shit, and at the end of the book, all we really have is a man or woman we idolize and wish we were in their shoes. They seem so eager to trade us places, right? I mean, they kicked life's ass once I am sure they can do it again. I hate self-help books. I love how inspiring they can be. I hate how they never give a direction to go once you've read the book and are ready to do the work. They leave you stuck, and your left spinning in a circle like ok. Who do I call? Who do I write to? Ummm, hello, why did you just leave me hanging? But they do give us the motivation to get started. Let's rename to motivational self-help books, however…

Thus, they can tell us how to think. The authors can tell us what to believe and what to change, but there is never a straightforward way to get started. What is the first step? A week after we are done reading that book, we are more depressed and ashamed of ourselves and almost embarrassed. We went to the self-help world anyway. We had already bragged to Stuck up Sue at work, which just works for fun because she was born and married into money but secretly hates her life just like everyone else. Then John, who has seemed like he's has had it together since Kindergarten. Which makes us all wonder in the back of our minds if he is an alien because John truly loves his life. We are envious of him. Back to the bragging, you already bragged, and now you have to admit your done reading the book.  The book that is leaving you more confused than you were before you started reading the damn thing. It's ok, ladies and gents. I am on the same damn train, and I am screaming the same damn thing. Dear author, can you please add a freaking chapter called step one, the real step one.  This chapter comes after all the pep talk on how to blah blah. I want a full-blown instruction manual on how to get started. I'll do the work. Just tell me where to start, please, and thank you…. next. All the LOLs aside, I am serious, and I know I am not alone. I have since found a better answer but still looking for one from the gurus themselves because surely it must be more comfortable than the words that woke me. The words that shook me to my core and gave me shaken baby syndrome. 

Loving yourself enough to know you got to do something different to save yourself. Learning how to decide who you are and what kind of person you are or want to be. Coming from a six-time suicide attempt survivor, it really is as easy as I'm about to let you in on. It's no secret; it's just weapons. Most of us spend a lifetime trying to learn. We are not our illness or disorder. We are not unlovable or unworthy because someone makes us feel that way or tells us these things. We are beautiful, and we deserve the best we just must remind ourselves what the best is and means for us. Three weeks ago, I allowed the world to make me feel as if the only way to end all the bad things happening to me and my emotional pain was by putting a gun to my chin and blowing my own brains out. Never again will I allow another person to make me feel this way no matter what is going on or how unfairly life is treating me. 

The few tools and the understanding you're not alone will change your life. It changed my life in just five days. Don't get me wrong, I still have emotions, and I even know there are days I will cry but never like before. Never again will I feel pain so intensely that I want to cut my own heart out just to get the suffering to go away. Never again will I cry a million tears for someone who doesn't deserve one of them. Never again will I stop following my dreams because someone else makes me feel stupid for having them. I will follow my dreams, accomplish my goals, be somebody in this world, help others get through the pain, and show them more to life than an emotion we choose to feel. The sooner you dive into the book, the sooner you will understand me as an author and guide a better, more mindful life. 

Drum roll, please, if you will…. It's all a choice. We get to choose whether we allow people to let us hurt this way. We enable people to come into our lives, make us feel like complete garbage, and then leave us a bigger mess than the day we met them. Did you hear me, though? This is me shouting, we allow this. We can also not allow this. That is the secret. Also, lust is the emotional rush we get during the honeymoon phase. This is perfect, and we will be together forever without problems fairytale bullshit that we all by now known as bullshit. Love is a commitment and a choice. Every day, you wake up choosing to love your wife, husband, and yes, even your own spawn. We choose to love our children. How crazy is that? Therefore some people abuse and kill their children. They decided not to wake up every day and love and raise them. Mind blown, I know. We need feelings and emotions to keep us humble and real but remember this when you feel like you can't go on because someone hurt, you can choose how long that pain lasts or even thinks it's worth carrying. We give other people the power to control us with feelings we can choose to have or not to have. 

We allow people to take our happiness from us, or if you are anything like me, you may not even know what happiness really is. I'm just now trying to figure that out for myself. As I look back, trying to understand the moments I thought I was happy, I wonder if I had been happy or content. I chose to be content with what was instead of pushing and choosing me and what I wanted. I let go of my hopes and dreams and what I truly wanted to support someone else or do as they expected of me. This got so bad I recently found myself asking for permission for everything. This was so intense it was like a child standing there asking her parent to breathe. I am thirty-two years old. I don't need permission to do anything. I can break the damn law if that's the road I wanted to take without anybody's damn permission. Yes, that's right, you don't need your husband, wife, S/o, your parents, or whoever you seek that approval from permission to do a dang thing.

Go do it. Feel how liberating it can be. Go have dinner by yourself and go shopping all day long. Who cares if it's just window shopping? Go do it. You deserve a break and time to reflect on what you've been choosing to let other people do to you and make you feel. Go for once in your selfless life you've been living go live for you. Do not let other people make you choose between life and death. Do not die by your own hands because someone else made you feel like you can't measure up. You get to choose who you want to be and how tall you walk. It's all in the power of choice.