Oct. 14, 2024

Why your 'Me Time' is going to be Trump Blocked plus Hombres con Harris

Show Notes
Transcript

Kamala Harris fumbled Trump’s virtues and juggled immigration questions like a pro at a Univision town hall. Meanwhile, JD Vance cracked collapse jokes, ate bugs, and threw in some red meat. Plus, don’t miss the cringe-worthy “Hombres con Harris” campaign—because nothing says “Latino outreach” like catchy slogans. Finally, enjoy your alone time before Trump pops up in the middle of one of those videos.

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Calaroga Shark media.

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From Las Vegas, where Vice President Kamala Harris is trying

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to walk a tightrope finer than Trump's combover.

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This is ballad, That's right, tombres Ken Harris, are you serious?

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Let's hit this.

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Harris was at a Univision town hall in Las Vegas,

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and let me tell you, it was quite the balancing act.

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There she was faced with a tearful voter asking about

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undocumented immigrants living and dying in the shadows. Harris, in

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true politician fashion, managed to express sympathy while pivoting faster

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than a salsa dancer to talk about border security. It's

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like she's trying to hug you with one arm while

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pushing you away with the other. And when it came

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to naming three virtues of Donald Trump, yeah, someone wasted

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their question on that. Harris stumbled more than a rookie

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on Dancing with the Stars. She managed to squeeze out

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one his love for his family, I guess, ability to

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turn any situation into a lawsuit, and unparalleled skill it self.

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Tanning didn't make the cut, but let's not forget the

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real star of the show, the hambres Con. Harris campaign,

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because nothing says I understand the Latino community quite like

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a catchy alliteration dreamed up in a campaign strategy meeting. Meanwhile,

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Trump's team is probably cooking up their own version Wuchacho's

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conmaga anyone at least that one is catchy. Maybe jd

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Vance could go with Montenero's commentiras throw that one into

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Google Translate. I can't explain all the jokes. The polls

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are tighter than the buffet options at Marra a Lago

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these days. With Harris struggling to maintain the Latino support

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that Biden had, it looks like we've got ourselves a real.

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Teleprompter gate on our hands. Move over Watergate.

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There's a new scandal in town, and it's all about

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whether Kamala Harris can read or not. So there's our

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VP trying to connect with Latino voters at a Univision

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town hall when suddenly, gasp, a mysterious screen appear. Republicans

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immediately jumped on this faster than Trump on a poorly

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secured phone call. She's reading the horror, they cried, clutching

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their pearls and maga hats.

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But wait, the plot thickens.

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The events moderator Enrique Otzevedo swoops in to save the day.

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It was just my intro and a timer, he says,

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a likely story, Enrique.

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Next you'll be telling us that politicians sometimes prepare for interviews.

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Meanwhile. JD.

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Vance is probably sitting at home furiously practicing his Spanish

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pronunciation of no teleprompter achi amigos.

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For his next rally. JD.

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Vance had a town hall of his own. So there's

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Vance chatting it up with Danika Patrick. Suddenly, someone in

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the crowd goes down faster than Vance's approval rating in

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a room full of fact checkers. As Vance spoke, someone

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shrieked and fell down. The crowd gasped As the Ohio

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senator rushed over to them. He decided to make light

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of it, saying, Kamala Harris built this platform behind us,

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and the crowd goes wild. Stand ovation for a joke

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about someone collapsing. Stay classy, North Carolina. But wait, there's more.

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Vance and Patrick start talking about eating bugs, because that's

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what real Americans care about, right, Not healthcare or the economy,

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but whether their leaders have sampled crickets. Vance admits to

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trying them, then immediately backtracks faster than Trump reversing a

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tweet eat red meat. He cries, probably while frantically googling

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how to appeal to my base one hundred and one. Meanwhile,

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the polls are tighter than Vance's grip on reality. Trump's

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odds are up, but Harris is leading in the suburbs.

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I guess the soccer moms aren't buying what Vance is selling.

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Maybe he should try offering them some crickets. It looks

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like JD. Vance has found his new favorite bedtime story,

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and it's all about how Donald Trump's comedy routine is

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apparently the key to world peace.

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Who knew so?

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Vance is out here telling us that Trump's ability to

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crack jokes about Kim Jong Wund's waistline is the pinnacle

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of form and policy. I guess in Vance's world, the

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Cuban missile crisis could have been solved with a few

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Yomama jokes. He's painting a picture of Trump as some

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kind of diplomatic Rodney Dangerfield, insulting his way to world peace.

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Next thing, you know, Vance will be telling us that

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Trump prevented World War three by offering putin.

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A tick tack.

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And let's not forget the punchline of this whole routine.

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Vance has been trotting out this story like it's his

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greatest hit. I haven't seen someone milk a joke this

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hard since well since Trump's last press conference.

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But hey, why stop there?

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Maybe next time Vance can regale us with tales of

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Trump solving the Middle East crisis with a rousing game

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of pull my finger. Well, well, well, folks, it looks

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like Barack Obama's back, our former president, fresh from his

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twelve million dollar Martha's Vineyard estate. Because nothing says man

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of the people quite like an island mansion, swooped into

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Pittsburgh to give some voters a stern talking to a

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some black voters aren't as excited about Kamala Harris as

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they were about him, Obama said, we have not yet

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seen the same kinds of energy and turnout in all

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corners of our neighborhoods and communities as we saw when

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I was running. Now, I also want to say that

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that seems to be more pronounced with the brothers. So

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if you don't mind, just for a second, I've got

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to speak to you all and say that when you

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have a choice, that is this clean, When On the

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one hand, you have somebody who grew up like you,

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went to college with you understands the struggles and the

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pain and joy that comes from those experiences. Obama's message,

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listen up, fellas, if you're not voting for Kamala, it

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must be because you can't handle a woman president, because

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clearly there couldn't possibly be any other reason. Right, It's

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not like voters might care about, Oh, I don't know

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policies or qualifications or anything trivial like that. This comes

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hot on the heels of Biden's twenty twenty classic if

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you don't vote for me, you ain't black. I guess

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the Democratic strategy for winning black votes is now just

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telling black people they're not black enough if they don't

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fall in line. Meanwhile, the Republicans are having a field day.

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Vernon Jones, who switched from Democrat to Republican faster than

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you can say political opportunism, is accusing Obama of black

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men's plaining. I didn't know that was a word, but

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I'm sure it'll be in the dictionary by next week.

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And let's not forget Trump's team reminding everyone that Obama

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flew in from his fancy estate as if don took

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the bus in from Queen's. So there you have it, folks.

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The race for the presidency has now become a race

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to see who can patronize voters the fastest. May the

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best condescender win. And just when things couldn't get any worse,

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Slate reports that if you watch porn in a swing

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state in the final two weeks of the election, there's

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a solid chance you might see an ad that starts

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with a woman enjoying herself on a bed before Donald

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Trump appears over her.

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Yikes.

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Then you get a warning that Trump's Project twenty twenty

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five will ban this video conclude by telling the viewer

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enjoy while you can. Yeah, don't worry. That image of

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Trump killed off my enthusiasm in a hurry. I can

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just imagine the brainstorming session. How do we reach young

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male voters.

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I've got it.

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Let's jock block them with Trump's face. Talk about a moodkiller.

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Nothing says get out and vote quite like the Donald

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popping up in the middle of your private time. It's

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like a public service announcement and a cold shower all

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in one. I've got to hand it to these guys.

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Oh wait, let me rephrase that these guys found a

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way to make politics sexy, or rather to make sexy

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things political. It's like they're trying to create a Pavlovian

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response see adult content, think election. So remember, folks, next

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time you're fact checking your favorite websites, you might just

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get a civics lesson too, talk about multitasking. Portions of

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today's program were made with the help of AI, naked ladies,

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and maybe even Don Rickles, who even knows