Nov. 22, 2024

Why did Matt Gaetz pull out?

Show Notes
Transcript

Matt Gaetz has withdrawn as Trump’s attorney general pick.

Melania is planning to NOT live at the White House, we assume because that's where Donald is going to be.

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Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where you're not gonna

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see millenia. This is valid?

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What no over the top disco beds? What the hell

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was that show yesterday?

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Man? World War three can't come soon enough?

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At least then we'll have something to talk about, like

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General Hogan's battle plans.

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What you're gonna do when America runs wild? What you're

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gonna do? Let's hit this.

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In a story that really isn't fun at all once

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you get into the details. Matt Gates just pulled out

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of consideration for Trump's Attorney general faster than a teenager

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ditching prom with someone who just got braces. Not that

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Matt knows anything about teenagers. I guess he figured being

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Trump's top lawyer wasn't worth having. That Ethics Committee report

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dropped like a mixtape nobody asked for. The House Ethics

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Committee is supposed to vote on December fifth, which coincidentally

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is also the expiration date on most of the committee

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Republican's spines. The chairman, Michael Guest, says he has reservations

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about releasing the report because it's not finished, though his

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staff says it would take about two hours to complete

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two hours. That's less time than it takes Matt Gates

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to style his hair into that trademark corrupt Kennedy. Look, folks,

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let me tell you about young Donald Trump's first love,

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and no it wasn't his own reflection. Back in eighty four,

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Trump was so bored with real estate he bought a

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football team in a league that had about as much

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staying power as his NDAs. He called it acute play,

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which coincidentally is also what his hairstylist calls that thing

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on his head. Now he's eyeing RFK Stadium in DC,

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probably because it's the only thing in Washington that's been

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around longer than Mitch McConnell. The stadium's been sitting there

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so long it's got its own demolition live stream.

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That's right. It's basically the Big Brother House for concrete.

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And get this.

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Mayor Bowser wants a new stadium there, which is being

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blocked by Senator Mike Lee from Utah, who's suddenly worried

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about government spending. That's like a Kardashian being concerned about overexposure.

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Then there's Senator Danes from Montana fighting over the old

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team logo because apparently that's what Montana senators do when

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they're not whatever it is Montana senators usually do. Trump

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might actually help DC get this deal done, which would

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be his first successful real estate venture in decades. He's

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against Youngkin in Virginia because, let's face it, there's only

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room for one Republican with questionable hair in this story.

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And he's opposing Maryland because well, at this point, he's

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probably just filling out his states to annoy Bingo card

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And I know you're thinking it. You got to imagine

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Trump would want to change the commanders back to their

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old name. And I don't mean Washington football team. It

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looks like Malania Trump is taking working from home to

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a whole new level by working from a completely different state.

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That's right, She's decided to skip the whole first lady thing,

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this time arounding her the first presidential spouse to say

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been there, decorated, that got the controversial jacket. Instead of

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moving back to DC, she'll be splitting her time between

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Florida and New York. I guess after those blood red

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Christmas trees in twenty eighteen, even the White House ghosts

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were like, maybe we.

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Should see other people.

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And speaking of Christmas, remember when she was caught on

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tape saying who gives a bleep about Christmas stuff? Well,

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looks like she's finally found a solution to that problem.

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Just don't show up.

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It's like calling in sick to your company's holiday party,

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except the company is America. She even turned down Jill

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Biden's traditional White House tea invitation. Her team said it's

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because the FBI went through her underwear drawer at mar

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A Lago, though to be fair, that drawer probably hasn't

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been opened since twenty sixteen.

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Anyway.

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The funniest part Trump had to pay her six figures

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just to show up at one of his fundraisers. That's right,

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the guy famous for saying you're fired had to give

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his wife a signing bonus just to stand next to him.

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You know things are weird when your spouse would rather

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live in Manhattan then in a literal palace with a

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full staff. It's like turning down a stay at the

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Four Seasons to live in Well, okay, it's still Manhattan,

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but you get the point. So here we are about

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to have our first long distance first lady, though, let's

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be honest, after those red Christmas trees, maybe a little

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distance from the White House Decorator's Office.

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Isn't such a bad thing.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of

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AI Parody Laws and the Washington Football Team, although based

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on the one star review one of you jerks left,

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maybe we're being made with the help of Aaron Rodgers

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and the Jets.

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No wonder this show sucks. See you Monday.