Oct. 2, 2024

Who won the debate? JD Vance Tim Walz VP Debate recap

Show Notes
Transcript

Does Margaret Brennan not understand how English works?

Is Tim Walz friends with school shooters?

Let's unpack the debate before Brennan tells us our time is up.

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Callaroga Shark Media from New York City, where Edward R.

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Murrow is rolling over in his grave. This is ballot Patrick.

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I'm sorry, your time is up. We have a lot

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of things to get to. Also, Murrow was cremated, so

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your joke didn't work.

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Yes, I know, my time is up.

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That's why I came to a complete stop and ended

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a complete thought on a down inflection. Patrick, your time

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is up. We have a lot of things to get to.

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Let's hit this well, well, well, looks like we just

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witnessed a unicorn in American politics, a normal debate. I know,

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I'm as shocked as you are. It's like watching two

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Midwestern dads argue over the best way to grill bratwurst.

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JD Vance and Tim Walls decided to play nice for

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a change. No name calling, no hair pulling, just good

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old fashioned policy disagreements. It's like they forgot they were

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supposed to be in a political cage match. Vance even

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pronounced Kamala Harris's name correctly. I guess someone finally gave

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him a lesson. And Walls he was so nervous at

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the start, I thought he might ask for a hall pass.

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But don't worry, folks, they still managed to throw some shade.

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Vance kept hitting Harris on border security like it was

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a pinata at a birthday party. Meanwhile, Walls went after

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Trump on abortion rights with all the subtlety of a

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bull in.

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A china shop.

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When Walls asked Vance if Trump lost the twenty twenty election,

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Vance dodged that question faster than a cat avoiding a bath.

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I'm focused on the future, he said, yeah, and I'm

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focused on winning the lottery. But that doesn't mean it's

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gonna happen. But the real showstopper they actually shook hands

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at the end.

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I know, I know.

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I had to check if pigs were flying too. It's

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like they forgot they were supposed to hate each other

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for our entertainment. Stephen cole Bear said these two men

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were both a heartbeat away from being interesting this evening.

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Jimmy Fallon added tonight's debate had no studio audience, not

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for fairness. They just couldn't get anyone to go. Michael Costa,

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hosting The Daily Show, said, on paper, they have a

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lot in common. They're both Midwestern dads, they both have

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military backgrounds, they both hate Donald Trump and Jimmy Kimmel said, JD.

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Vance hasn't been under a microscope like this since his

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wife asked him why the couch was so sticky. As

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for the fact checking QR code, which didn't work for

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a long period, Kimmel said, I love that CBS thinks

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their viewers know how to use a QR code.

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Their newest show is Mattlocke.

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The ring masters were none other than CBS's dynamic duo

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Nora O'Donnell and Margaret Brennan. I haven't seen this much

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biased since my uncle Larry judged The Family Chili cook

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Off after three beers. How many times did Margaret scold

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Vance that his time was up after he had come

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to a complete stop on a down inflection. But the

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real showstopper Vance getting his mic cut off faster than

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a karaoke singer butchering Bohemian Rhapsody. He was fact checking

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the faces and CBS decided, now we can't have that

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kind of truth telling on our airwaves. Check our broken

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QR code. CNN's Abby Phillip dropped the bomb that Walls

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lacked preparation and execution.

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Ouch.

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That's like saying a surgeon showed up to the operating

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room with a butter knife and a Surgery for Dummies book.

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ABC's Lindsay Davis went for the jugular, comparing Wall's performance

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to Biden's CNN debate disaster. That's like comparing a belly

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flop to the Titanic. Both are disasters, but one's just

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a bit more historic. But the real singer Wall's accidentally

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declaring he's become friends with school shooters.

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I haven't seen a gaff that.

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Bad since well since the last time Biden opened his mouth.

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Meanwhile, JD.

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Vance is being hailed as the second coming of Cicero.

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The New York Times, Ross Douthatt called it the most

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successful Republican debate performance of this century. Easy there, Ross,

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let's not get carried away. We've still got seventy six

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years left in this century. The Atlantics David from said

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Vance went home with Walls wallet. Well, yeah, sure, but

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how did he do in the debate? But my favorite

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take Rachel Maddow's Olympic level mental gymnastics, basically saying, sure,

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Vance was better at debating, but Walls won. That's like saying,

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sure the other team scored more points, but we had

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better uniforms. Walls, who, if we are to take his

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word is friends with school shooters, claimed he misspoke about

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being in Hong Kong during the Tianamen Square protests.

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Misspoke.

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That's like saying you misspoke when you told your wife

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you were working late, but you were actually at the casino.

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Oops. But don't worry, folks.

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Walls insists he was in Hong Kong and China during

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the protests, just not when he said he was, or

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where he said he was, or doing what he said

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he was doing. Now, let's talk about walls magical mystery

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tour of China. He's been there thirty times. No, wait,

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dozens and dozens of times. Actually, hold on, it's more

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like fifteen times. Yes.

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In politics, math is as flexible as the truth.

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And get this, Walls and his wife got married on

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the anniversary of the Tianamen Square massacre because he wanted

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to have a date.

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He'll always remember. Nothing says romance like commemorating a brutal crackdown.

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Am I right?

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Meanwhile, the Republicans are having a field day. They're calling

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him Tiana Men team. I guess Beijing Biden was already

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taken and now we've got House Republicans digging into Walls

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China connections faster than you can say trade war. But

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let's not forget folks, this isn't the first time Walls

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has had to backtrack. Remember when he said he handled

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assault weapons in war, turns out he meant in call

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of duty. And when he suggested they used IVF, well

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that was just another oopsie. Donald Trump decided the vice

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presidential debate needed a bit more Trump, because why let

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the actual candidates have all the fun. Our former tweeter

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in chief relegated to his own social media playground, truth

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Social decided to play armchair quarterback for the debate, and

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boy did he come out swinging first in his crosshairs.

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Good old Tim Walls. Trump's got to be in his

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bonnet about Walls taking notes. Apparently, in Trump's world, writing

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things down is a sign of weakness.

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Who knew?

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He claimed Walls needs those notes to keep his brain intact.

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I guess Trump prefers his brain scrambled, not notes scrambled.

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But Trump wasn't done, Oh no, he declared Walls obviously

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not very bright. Coming from the guy who thought Greenland

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was for sale, that's well, that's something, And what's a

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Trump commentary without some media bashing. He took aim at

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the CBS moderators Nora O'Donnell and Margaret Brennan, branding them

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extremely biased. Shocker, I know, Trump accusing the media of

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bias is about as surprising as a politician kissing babies.

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Meanwhile, JD.

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Vance got the Trump stamp of approval, steady and strong.

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Trump called him I guess in Trump's book that translates

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to agrees with me and doesn't take too many notes.

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Seems the Democrats decided to turn Madison Square Garden into

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their personal anti Vance billboard because nothing says vote for

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Us like interrupting tourists trying to find their way to

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the Knicks game. These fancy new digital ads are all

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about cheering on tim walls while painting JD. Vance as

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the poster boy for Project twenty twenty five. Now, for

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those of you who haven't been following along at home,

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Project twenty twenty five is not a sci fi movie

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about time traveling conservatives.

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It's actually a set of policy.

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Proposals that Democrats find about as appealing as a root

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canal performed by a squirrel. These ads come with a

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QR code because Apparently nothing gets voters fired up like

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whipping out their phones and scanning a code in the

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middle of Penn Station. I'm sure that won't cause any

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pedestrian pile ups at all. Now, let's talk about Rosemary Boglan,

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the DNC's resident wordsmith. She's out here calling Vance the

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least liked VP candidate in modern American history.

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Ouch.

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She even threw in that he's weird. Yeah, we knew

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that already, Rosemary. They're calling Walls coach Walls. Maybe coach

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Walls will take over the Jets, or maybe the Jets

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game plan will be made with the help of AI.

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Like portions of today's podcast, I'm sorry, Mac, your time

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is up. We have other things to get to