Nov. 13, 2024

Weiner Jokes

Show Notes
Transcript

Anthony Weiner is considering a return to politics.

Yale starts a Beyonce class.

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Callaroga Shark media from Washington, d C. Where Wiener jokes

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are back. This is ballad. That's right.

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We have a set of stories today that just scream

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how the Democrats totally understand what went wrong last week

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and totally get it and won't make the same mistakes again.

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Let's hit this well, folks.

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Looks like we've got ourselves a new flavor of Vice

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president cooking up in DC.

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And his name is JD.

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Vance, or, as some Republicans are already calling him, Prime

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Minister Vance, because apparently, when you're the running mate of

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a seventy eight year old who can't run again, you

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get promoted from backup dancer to co star pretty quick.

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At the ripe old age of forty, Vance is positioning

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himself to be the most powerful VP since Dick Cheney,

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you know, the guy who had so many offices in

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Washington he basically turned the White House.

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Into a we work.

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And speaking of Cheney, Republicans are saying, while Dick's power

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came from experience, comes from being Trump's air presumptive, which

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is political speak for next in line for the Maga throne.

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Maybe someday JD's daughter can help a Democrat candidate get

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trounced in the polls. Trump's already bragging about how Vance

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obliterates the media, calling him feisty like he's describing his

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favorite pit bull. One Republican strategist suggested Trump might just

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focus on Head of State functions while Vance runs the show.

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You know, like Trump's going to turn into the Queen

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of England, just waving at people and cutting ribbons while

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Vance does all the actual governing. Well, folks, guess who's

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trying to rise again in politics. Anthony Weener wants to

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make a comeback, which is probably the worst possible choice

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of words I could have used there. The guy's name

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is literally Weiener, and somehow that's still not the most

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embarrassing thing about his political career. Inspired by Trump's return

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to the White House, the King of inappropriate DMS thinks

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it's time for his own political resurrection, because apparently, when

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Trump's drain the swamp, Weiener heard pop your head back

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up again. No, not like that, well, maybe like that,

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I hope not. If you don't remember Wiener either, you

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need to date more or google his name and sex scandal. Plus,

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his name is Wiener, which let's be honest makes this

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story funnier. Wiener, who's gone from sending questionable picks to

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hosting a radio show talk about a downgrade in broadcasting,

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says he's wrestling with it, which, let's be honest, is

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probably the first time he's shown restraint before making a decision,

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and let's make sure by it he met wrestling with

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politics and not something in his pants. His reasoning, Democrats

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are coming to knife fights carrying library books. I don't

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know what's more concerning that he thinks this is a

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good metaphor or that he's still allowed within five hundred

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feet of a library. Also, a good thick book is

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a good way to block a knife. Plus you can

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hit someone over the head with one. The sixty year

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old Democrat seems to think voters will forget about his

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digital footprint, and let's not for get his twenty thirteen

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mayoral campaign. He finished fifth in the Democratic primary, which

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is like coming in last in a race you shouldn't

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have been running in the first place. Maybe he should

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have gone on Joe Rogan's podcast, It's good to see

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the coastal elite Democrats got the message from the voters.

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Yale University is about to get crazy in love with academia.

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That's right, the institution that gave us five US presidents

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is now giving us Beyonce makes history one hundred and one.

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I guess when they say for all the single ladies,

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they meant single credit courses. Professor Daphne Brooks, who probably

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has the most enviable syllabus in higher education right now,

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is teaching this class after years of planning because nothing

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says ivy League education quite like analyzing why Queen Bay

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told everyone to put their hands up. The course will

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examine everything from her self titled album to Cowboy Carter. Finally,

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a chance to write your thesis on why these records

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Gonna break is actually a metaphor for deconstructive patriarchal systems.

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And here I thought getting a PhD meant reading dusty

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old books. But Yale isn't alone in this pop culture,

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Professor Party. Universities across the country are turning billboard charts

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into required reading. We've got Taylor Swift Studies at Harvard.

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I guess they're never ever getting back together with traditional curricula.

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And now Beyonce's got more college courses than Grammy nominations.

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The best part.

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While some students are studying quantum physics, others will be

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analyzing whether Single Ladies was really about quantum entanglement all along.

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And somewhere a parent is writing a sixty thousand dollars

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tuition check while their kid explains how formation relates to

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black feminist theory.

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Maybe one of these schools might.

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Want to try a class called happy Meals are sixteen dollars. Well, folks,

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looks like Mara a Lago has turned into the world's

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fanciest job fair. Trump's Florida Palace has become such a

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hot spot for transition planning that it makes the DM

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look organized. And trust me, that's saying something. And by

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transition planning, I don't mean that. That's DNC headquarters, not

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mar A Lago. CNN took a look inside the Golden Palace.

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Picture this.

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It's like a reality show where everyone's trying to be

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the next press secretary. People are literally walking up to

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Trump advisors going hey, I'm gonna be press secretary. Meanwhile

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the advisors are like, sir, this is a Wendy's I

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mean mar A Lago. The membership situation is wilder than

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a Florida retirement community. During Bingo night, people are actually

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trying to bribe their way in. Members are getting offered

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cash just to bring random folks as guests.

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It's gotten so crazy that some people.

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Don't even remember which members smuggled them in, which is

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exactly what you want in a presidential transition.

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Right and get this, Elon Musk has basically moved in.

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He's there so often they might as well rename it

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mars A Lago SNL.

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You can steal that one too.

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The best part Trump's dinner table is roped off, but

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that doesn't stop people from trying to pitch him ideas

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between bites of his well done steak.

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It's like a medieval.

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Court where instead of jesters, you've got wanna be cabinet

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members doing their best pick me dance.

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Security experts are calling it a nightmare, which.

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Is probably the nicest way of saying, who needs classified

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documents when you can just evesdrop over the soup course

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a reminder that this entire show is parody, so stop

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getting so upset at the jokes, a lot of which

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were written with the help of AI.

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You're mad at a computer.

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You sound crazier than my ex girlfriend Norma who is

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upset that I joked I wanted to date Cheryl Hines.

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I don't want to date Cheryl Hines. I want to

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marry Cheryl Hines.