Aug. 6, 2024

We went to the bar before Kamala Harris picked her VP

Show Notes
Transcript

Look Kamala, we sat around all day and we have plenty else to tlak about. Did you see this RFK Bear thing? And Trump went on with a video game streamer?

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Callaroga Shark Media from Philadelphia, where Kamala hadn't picked a

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VP yet before we all went to the bar last night.

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This is ballot. That's right.

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Last I heard she was gonna make her pick by

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Tuesday morning. But for me, I sat around all day

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on Monday and finally gave up and recorded on Monday

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after dinner because I felt like having a few jinglings.

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Let's hit this. Robert F.

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Kennedy Junior, not content with just running for president, has

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decided to share his resume as a bear prankster. That's right, folks,

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Kennedy claims he once placed a dead bear in Central

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Park as a prank. Because nothing says presidential material quite

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like turning New York's favorite park into a bizarre episode

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of when animals attack. Kennedy's story reads like a rejected

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plot from The Hangover. He picks up a dead bear,

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goes falconing as one does, has dinner at Peter Luger's

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with a dead bear in his car, naturally, and then

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decides the lodge. Next step is to stage a bare

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bicycle accident in Central Park. I guess when you're a Kennedy.

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This passes for a normal Tuesday night. But wait, there's more.

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The next day, Kennedy turns on the TV to find helicopters,

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cop cars, and people in hazmat suits investigating his prank.

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It's like he accidentally created the world's worst episode of

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CSI New York. And let's not forget this is the

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same guy who claimed a parasitic worm eight part of

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his brain. I'm starting to think maybe that worm is

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the one running for president. Oh and did I mention

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the barbecue dog photo or was it a goat? Kennedy

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seems to have trouble distinguishing between species. Maybe we should

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be grateful he only put a bear in Central Park

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and not say, a giraffe.

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This whole story is crazy.

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I mean, even my ex girlfriend Norma isn't so crazy

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as to bring a dead bear to Central Park. She

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would just complain about the heat and suggest we stay

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home and watch fifteen episodes of Gilmore Girls. Anyway, let's

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see what else is nuts today other than our Kay

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and Norma. Now we've got Republicans for Harris, a group

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that sounds about as likely as vegans for steakhouses or

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cats for vacuum cleaners. And who's leading this charge? None

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other than Olivia Troy, former advisor to Mike Pence, who's

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now calling on her old boss to endorse Kamala Harris.

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Troy says it would be an amazing dream if Pence

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endorsed Harris. I'm not sure what kind of dreams Troy's

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been having, but I'm pretty sure most Republicans have nightmares

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about this scenario. Meanwhile, Pence is out there caught between

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a Maga Rock and a Harris hard place. He won't

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endorse Trump, but he's not jumping on the Harris bandwagon either.

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It's like he's playing political limbo. How low can you

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go without actually picking a side? Meanwhile, former House Speaker

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Nancy Pelosi, apparently not content with merely not supporting President Biden,

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has decided he needs to be immortalized in stone. That's right, folks.

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She wants to add Biden to Mount Rushmore. Pelosi insists

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Biden is a Mount Rushmore kind of president. I guess

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in her mind, the criteria for getting on Rushmore now

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includes ability to eat ice cream cones and number of

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times you can say come on man in a single speech.

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But don't worry Teddy Roosevelt fans Pelosi generously says, we

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don't need to take him down to make room for Biden. Meanwhile,

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Donald Trump, never wanted to be outdone in the ego department,

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has also mused about being on Rushmore because of course

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he has. I'm surprised he hasn't suggested renaming it Mount

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Trump Moore already. It seems JD Vance's wife, Usha has

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decided to play the role of political translator, turning her

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husband's childless cat ladies comment into a Rosetta stone of

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misunderstanding because nothing says I support struggling parents quite like

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insulting people without kids, right, Usha claims JD's comment was

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just a quip ah, yes, the classic political defense. It

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was just a joke bro in the Vance household zingers

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about childless politicians or what passes for dinner table conversation.

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But wait, there's more.

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Usha insists JD would never, ever, ever want to say

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something to hurt someone who is trying to have a family.

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Well, mission accomplished. He only managed to offend.

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Let's see, childless people, cat owners and anyone with basic

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human empathy nailed it. And let's not forget the victims

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of this feline centric slander. Kamala Harris AOC and Pete

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Buddha Judge. Apparently, in Vance's world, step children don't count

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and adopting kids is just a clever ruse to avoid

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the childless cat lady label. But the real kicker Trump's

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ringing endorsement. He is very family oriented.

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Wow. What a glowing recommendation.

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It's like being called somewhat literate or occasionally hygienic. Trump,

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not content with traditional media, has decided to take his

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message to the cutting edge of journalism a twenty three

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year old video game streamer. Because nothing says presidential quite

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like chatting with someone who probably learned about Watergate from

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a Netflix documentary, Our intrepid interviewer, Aiden Ross showed up

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in a testless cyber truck decorated with an American flag

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and Trump's defiant post assassination attempt photo.

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It's like a fever dream designed by Elon Musk.

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After binge watching The Apprentice, Trump, Ever, the bastion of

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ethical behavior, praised Ross's endorsement as ethical and smart because

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nothing screams unbiased journalism like wearing a MAGA hat and

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telling half a million viewers to vote for your interviewee. Right,

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and let's not forget Trump's economic insights. Apparently the stock

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market is down because of immigrants from mental institutions.

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It's like he's playing economic mad libs.

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Next he'll be blaming the trade deficit on rogue squirrels,

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or the inflation rate on an invasion of unusually tall Canadians.

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So there you have it, folks, Trump's latest pitch to

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young voters. Come for the Rolex, stay for the conspiracy theory.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of AI,

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Like AI must have made up that RFK bear story.

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No way, that's real, right, Well, sadly it was. See

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you with a Harris VP update at some point.