Oct. 23, 2024

Was the Kamala Harris Town Hall scripted?

Show Notes
Transcript

Oops, did Maria Shriver blow the lid on a Harris secret?

Jimmy Kimmel takes shots at Trump (shocker)

Cheryl Hines should just date a younger guy with his own podcast.

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Callaroga Shark media from Michigan, where you can't ask Kamala

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Harris a question that wasn't already planned.

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This is ballant, that's right, and you wonder how this

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woman is about to lose to a guy who can't even.

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Tie a tie to the right length. Let's hit this.

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Welcome back to Democracy Theater, where tonight's performance of town

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Hall the Musical stars Kamala Harris with special guest Liz

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Cheney and stage direction by Maria Shriver. You know it's

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going to be a real grassroots moment when the first

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line is sorry, we have predetermined questions. That's like going

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to a restaurant and the waiter saying, don't worry about

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the menu, We've predetermined what you're eating. The highlight came

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when an actual Michigan voter tried to ask a question,

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you know, like in a real town hall, and got

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shut down faster than Trump's Twitter account. Shreiver basically said,

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don't worry, I'll ask the questions that might be in

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your head, because apparently she's not just a moderator also

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a mind reader. The whole thing was so scripted they

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might as well have called it Hamilton II. The Harris

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edition three whole questions in an hour. That's fewer questions

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than Trump has pending court cases. Social media had a

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field day, with one user calling it a stage production,

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which isn't fair. Most stage productions at least try to

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maintain the illusion of spontaneity. This was more like a

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PowerPoint presentation with better lighting. And then there's Shreiver tweeting

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about country over party after basically running a political infomercial.

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That's like claiming your Instagram filters are truth over photoshop.

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The Harris campaign didn't respond to requests for comment, probably

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because their responses are still being predetermined. So Laura Trump

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went on The Breakfast Club and claims she's never heard

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Donald Trump say anything racist, which is either the greatest

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testament to noise canceling headphones in history or proof that

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selective hearing runs in the Trump family. When confronted about

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Trump's history with the Central Park five and his rental

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Discriminate Nation lawsuit, Laura pulled the classic they settled that defense,

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you know, because nothing says totally innocent like paying money

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to make a problem go away. That's basically Trump's entire

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business model. Then she dropped the buddy had black Friend's

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card faster than Trump drops former allies under a bus,

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Jesse Jackson, the Rainbow Coalition. They stayed rent free in

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his building. Yeah, and I'm sure the surveillance cameras were

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complimentary too. The highlight came when Charlemagne straight up laughed

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at her claim. Lara got offended, asking why it was funny.

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Charlemagne hit back with people act like there's no such

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thing as Google. It looks like we've got ourselves a

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real Hollywood showdown between the Donald and Jimmy Kimmel, And

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let me tell you, it's got more plot twists than

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a soap opera written by a bunch of caffeinated squirrels.

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Trump's out here claiming he was on Kimmel's show more

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times than he's had hamburgers. Meanwhile, Kimmel's keeping count like

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he's tallying up Trump's legal troubles three times Donald three,

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Trump spinning a yarn about Kimmel greeting him on the

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sidewalk like some kind of late night valet.

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Oh, sir, can I bring you in? Yeah?

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And I'm sure kim will also shined your shoes and

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called you your orangeness, right, Kimmel's response, the only time

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he's been on the sidewalk for Trump was to water

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his Hollywood star talk about a golden shower of truth.

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Jimmy's not having it, he fired back, and I quote,

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We've been on almost twenty two years. You've been on

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three times, Mike. The situation from Jersey Shore has been

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on more times than you. But wait, there's more. Trump's

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spinning tales about Kimmel greeting him on the sidewalk like

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some kind of starstruck fanboy. Jimmy's response, and by every

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time he means no times, he loves telling this made

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up story. Never did I ever stand on the sidewalk

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to greet Donald Trump or any guest. And then, because

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why stop there, Kimmel added this little gem, The only

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time I've ever walked out on the sidewalk for Donald

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Trump was to urinate on it star on the Walk

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of Fame. Welcome to another episode of Trump says the

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quiet part loud. So there's Trump at a town hall

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getting asked about organic food access and somehow manages to

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turn it into a comment about RFK Junior being into

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women things, which, given the recent headlines about Kennedy and

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a certain reporter is like bringing matches to a gender

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reveal party unnecessarily explosive. Trump praising Kennedy for health food

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advocacy is rich coming from a guy whose idea of

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farmed a table is the drive.

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From McDonald's to the White House.

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It's like Colonel Sanders giving a ted talk about veganism.

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Trump's solution to food inequality put Bobby Kennedy in charge,

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because nothing says urban food access like having two rich

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guys who've never cooked their own meals solved the problem.

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That's like asking Pete Davidson for retirement planning advice. But

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the real kicker was Trump's promise you'll be healthier four

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years from now than you are now, Coming from a

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man who thinks the human body is like a battery

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with finite energy. That's about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.

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Let's check in on my future girlfriend, Cheryl Hines. It

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looks like Cheryl is out here doing her best impression

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of a politician's spouse, smiling through gritted teeth and wearing

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her wedding ring like it's.

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A pair of cement shoes.

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Cheryl was spotted at the Groundlingk's fiftieth anniversary bash, probably

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wishing she could improve her way out of her current

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situation faster than you can say. RFK Junior alleged personal relationship.

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When asked how she was doing, Hines hit us with

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the classic I'm feeling good, yeah, and I'm feeling like

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I could win an Olympic gold medal in mental gymnastics.

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Our gal Cheryl also mentioned she's feeling peaceful about the

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upcoming election.

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I guess she hasn't heard about the Civil War. Peaceful

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like the calm before a storm.

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Either way, she's counting down the days like a kid

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waiting for summer vacation or in this case, waiting for

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the political circus to pack up its tent and leave town.

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But let's not forget the real star of the show,

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the ground Links Heinz credits the improv group for changing

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her career. Well, honey, looks like those improv skills are

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coming in handy now. Nothing says roll with the punches

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quite like smiling for the cameras while your husband's alleged

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personal relationship is splashed across the headlines. Meanwhile, RFK Junior

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is out here begging her not to file for divorce.

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Sounds like someone's trying to improve their way out of

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the doghouse. Maybe he should take a class at the

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ground Links. I hear they're great at teaching people how

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to think on their feet. So here's to Cheryl Hines folks,

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proving that sometimes the best way to deal with life's

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lemons is to put on your best fake smile, slap

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on that wedding ring, and pretend you're starring in the

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world's most awkward improv show. Break a leg, Cheryl, preferably

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not your husband's. And Cheryl, remember that Arnold Palmer and

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I have two things in common. Both of us have

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big putters, and neither of us is sleeping with Olivia Nouzi.

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Portions of today's show were made with the help of AI.

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The entire thing was scripted just like a Kamala Harris

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town hall