July 16, 2025

Vance Ruins Disneyland

Show Notes
Transcript

Once again our team points out Vance didnt ruin anything and its just wordplay and this whole show is parody.

Anyway, Joe Biden defends using an autopen to pardon people—and yes, he threw in some Trump shade while he was at it. Over in Anaheim, Vice President JD Vance visits Disneyland and triggers ride shutdowns, protest signs, and culture war cameos. And in Missouri, a man throws a woman off a boat and leads police on a Fast & Furious-style lake chase because...America.

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Callarogus shark media from Washington, d C. Where Joe Biden forgets.

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This is all his fault. This is ballot well.

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To be fair, he forgets everything. Let's hit this Joe Biden,

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remember him. Don't worry, he doesn't either. I'm Patrick Guttfield.

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I think Biden sat down with the New York Times

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to address Donald Trump's latest conspiracy theory, and this one's

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a doozy. Trump has decided that Biden was too mentally

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unfit to sign his own pardons, so his staff must

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have secretly used an autopen.

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Machine to forge his signature.

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Biden's response, I made every single one of those decisions.

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He then took a little dig at Trump, saying I

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understand why Trump would think that, because obviously I guess

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he doesn't focus much. Biden explained he used the autopen

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because of the sheer volume of cases, which makes sense.

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Have you ever tried to sign your name two thousand times?

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Your hand would fall off? The auto pen is legal.

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Biden said other presidents used it, including Trump. The process,

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according to Biden, was him giving verbal instructions to aids

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who would read out names and get his direct input.

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I was deeply involved. He said, I laid out a strategy.

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Biden also confirmed he granted preemptive partons to family members,

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saying I know how vindictive he is about Trump. All

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that would do is if he went after them is

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run up legal bills. I just know how he operates.

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But Biden wasn't having any of it. They're liars, they

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know it, he said about his critics. They've lied so

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consistently about almost everything they're doing. The best thing they

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can do is try to change the focus.

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What's next?

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Are we going to question whether he could handle a stapler?

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Maybe Biden had his podcast created with the help of

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AI Well folks.

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JD.

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Vance went to Disneyland and somehow managed to make that controversial.

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That's right.

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Vice President Vance tried to take his family to the

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happiest place on Earth, and hundreds of protesters turned out

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to say not Today's splash Mountain. The crowd gathered outside

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the Grand Californian Hotel, waving signs like no family vacation

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while we deal with family separation harsh but to the point.

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One protester told Fox eleven, get the hell out of here.

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We don't want him here, which is basically the Yelp

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review for most political visits to California. The next day,

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Vance and his family hit the park Anyway, hand in hand,

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flanked by Secret Service in cargo shorts. Several rides were

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reportedly shut down to make way for the Vice president's

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vip stroll through Bayou Country. Because nothing says for the

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people like making the people wait ninety extra minutes to

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ride Haunted Mansion. And where did the second family end

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up on Tiana's Bayou Adventure? The new ride that replaced

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Splash Mountain. Yep, the same ride that conservative have been

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grumbling about ever since Disney swapped out Song of the

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South for something less antebellum. Vance apparently is okay riding

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the woke log Flume as long as it's part of

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a tightly secured family itinerary. Orange County officials meanwhile, were like,

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could you not come right now? Supervisor Vicente Sarmiento told

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KTLA that Vance's visit comes at a time when trust

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in government feels fragile. That's politicians speak for, why did

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you have to bring this mess to our turo stand.

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Ice raids have reportedly increased across the region in recent weeks,

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with immigration advocates accusing federal agents of racial profiling in

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Latino neighborhoods. Protesters found it especially rich that while families

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were being torn apart by immigration policy, JD. Vance was

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out enjoying a day with his to sum up Disneyland

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shut down for JD. Vance, People protested, and yes, this

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is how the culture war ends, not with a bang,

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but with a turo and a two hour wait for

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Pirates of the Caribbean. So a Kansas City man decided

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to combine the worst parts of a bad breakup with

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a high speed boat chase and somehow made it even

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worse by doing it while drunk. The skipper allegedly threw

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a woman off his boat at Lake of the Ozarks.

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Then when the water patrol showed up to ask a

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few questions, he figured the best course of action was

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to floor it and lead them on a chase across

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the lake. Now I've been to Lake of the Ozarks.

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It's where people from Missouri go to pretend they're in

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Miami for a weekend. But apparently Peters thought he was

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in some kind of action movie speeding away from the troopers.

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In his twenty twenty three hya Ari Marine boat which,

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by the way, sounds less like a boat and more

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like a sneeze.

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You'd get blessed for.

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The chase ended when the boat master abandoned his boat

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at a dock and tried to escape on foot through

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a neighborhood and into the woods. Because nothing says I'm

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innocent like running through someone's backyard at eight forty five

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at night.

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The troopers caught him anyway.

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Turns out it's hard to hide when you smell like

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a distillery and your eyes look like you've been crying at.

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A Tailor Swift concert.

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When they arrested him, mister boat refused to take a

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breath test, which is always a smart move when you're

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already facing five charges, including boating while intoxicated. They found

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an open alcoholic drink near the driver's seat, which I'm

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sure he was just holding for a friend who definitely exists.

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Portions of today's show were made with the help of

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I Forget Joe, Can you remind me