Nov. 9, 2024

Trump's Robot Security Dog

Show Notes
Transcript

We're live from Mar-a-lago where robot dogs are patrolling the grounds. Those loser Democrats probably would have rescued a german shepherd from the dog shelter, but we're all about technology, because we're winners who keep winning.

Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get all our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:09.359
Calaroga Shark Media from mar A Lago where we have

2
00:00:09.400 --> 00:00:13.720
security clearance. This is valid, That's right. The new Trump

3
00:00:13.720 --> 00:00:16.920
era is so great. The slave drivers at Klaroga Shark

4
00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:19.920
Media are only making us do one episode this weekend.

5
00:00:20.679 --> 00:00:23.480
Imagine that a six day work week, not like the

6
00:00:23.559 --> 00:00:27.039
seven we had to do under the Biden Harris administration. Meanwhile,

7
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:30.239
if someone at Crooked Media works more than seventy five minutes,

8
00:00:30.519 --> 00:00:33.280
they get a catered meal and a limo. Think I'm joking,

9
00:00:33.640 --> 00:00:37.560
Google it. Let's hit this mac Davis here coming to

10
00:00:37.600 --> 00:00:40.079
you from mar A Lago, where the dogs are mechanical

11
00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:45.560
and the security clearances are optional. Now, as someone who

12
00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:49.200
has absolutely never made a single joke about Trump's security measures,

13
00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:52.600
not even during that time he stored nuclear secrets next

14
00:00:52.640 --> 00:00:55.159
to the pool towels, let me tell you about this

15
00:00:55.399 --> 00:00:58.759
amazing new addition to Team Trump. They've got this robot

16
00:00:58.840 --> 00:01:01.560
dog patrolling around here on the grounds and it's got

17
00:01:01.840 --> 00:01:04.920
do not pet written on the side, which is honestly

18
00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:07.000
the first time anything at mar A Lago has come

19
00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:10.680
with a warning label. You know, as Trump's number one

20
00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:14.239
supporter since the invention of electricity, I think it's absolutely

21
00:01:14.280 --> 00:01:17.760
brilliant that he's using this Boston Dynamics robot dog. And

22
00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:21.000
let me tell you, this dog is incredibly loyal, just

23
00:01:21.079 --> 00:01:25.480
like Michael Cohen. Wait, bad example, like Mike Pence. No,

24
00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:29.359
not that either, like the rnc's bank account. The Secret

25
00:01:29.439 --> 00:01:33.319
Service says, this mechanical mutt is equipped with surveillance technology

26
00:01:33.400 --> 00:01:37.000
and advanced censors, which is perfect because it can detect

27
00:01:37.079 --> 00:01:40.799
classified documents from up to fifty feet away. Not that

28
00:01:40.840 --> 00:01:44.840
there are any, there never were. And folks, this isn't

29
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:47.920
just any robot dog. This is a seventy five thousand

30
00:01:47.959 --> 00:01:50.560
dollars piece of equipment that's almost as much as a

31
00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:54.599
lifetime membership to Trump University. And just like Trump University,

32
00:01:54.840 --> 00:01:59.079
it's absolutely real and totally worth every penny. Those losers,

33
00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:01.239
the Democrats, probably would have just adopted a dog from

34
00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:04.040
a local shelter. Those guys don't get it and never will.

35
00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:08.719
Oh and this just in. Tonight's screening at the Trump

36
00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:12.000
Theater is Terminator two. It's movie night here at mar

37
00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:17.280
A Lago. Joe Biden remember him? Apparently the voters did.

38
00:02:17.719 --> 00:02:20.800
Biden is madder than a caffeinated squirrel in a sock factory,

39
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:24.240
and he's not going quietly into that good night. Turns

40
00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:27.120
out the President isn't thrilled about being blamed for Kamala

41
00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:30.240
Harris's campaign going down faster than Meta's stock price after

42
00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:34.439
a Zuckerberg selfie, and who can blame him? He's watching

43
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:36.680
his party play the blame game like it's their new

44
00:02:36.759 --> 00:02:40.280
national sport. Biden's supporters are quick to point out that

45
00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:43.039
he got eighty one million votes in twenty twenty, while

46
00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:46.759
Harris barely scraped together sixty seven million. That's like bragging

47
00:02:46.800 --> 00:02:49.680
that your Netflix password used to work for fourteen people,

48
00:02:50.400 --> 00:02:53.159
but your cousin could only share it with eight. The

49
00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:56.520
real drama is in Pennsylvania, where Harris lost harder than

50
00:02:56.560 --> 00:02:59.840
me trying to do a CrossFit workout. Biden's probably looking

51
00:02:59.879 --> 00:03:02.280
at those numbers like a dad watching his kid crash

52
00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:05.280
the family car, you know, the one he specifically said

53
00:03:05.319 --> 00:03:08.560
not to drive. And then there's the Obama advisors getting

54
00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:11.120
thrown under the bus, which by the way, is getting

55
00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:14.840
pretty crowded under there. Biden's team is basically saying, these

56
00:03:14.840 --> 00:03:17.439
guys showed up with an Obama playbook that's about as

57
00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:21.759
current as a MySpace profile. Nancy Pelosi hasn't spoken to

58
00:03:21.800 --> 00:03:25.240
Biden since July, which in political terms is like leaving

59
00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:28.840
someone on reed for three months, though in Washington not

60
00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:31.759
talking to someone for four months is practically a Christmas

61
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:35.159
card relationship. Even Simone Biles is getting in on the action,

62
00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:38.280
telling Biden to straighten his back and make things shake,

63
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:43.080
though honestly, at his age, making things shake might require

64
00:03:43.080 --> 00:03:46.879
a doctor's note. And Don Junior, he's out there tweeting

65
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:50.039
that his dad's victory made Biden's day, which is like

66
00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:54.080
saying your ex is thrilled you're dating their nemesis. Technically possible,

67
00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:59.240
but let's be real. Meanwhile, Biden's trying to unite the

68
00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:01.919
party like a sub institute teacher trying to control a

69
00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:05.960
cafeteria food fight. Good luck with that, mister President. At

70
00:04:05.960 --> 00:04:09.280
this point, getting Democrats to agree on anything is like

71
00:04:09.319 --> 00:04:12.400
trying to herd cats who are all running for president.

72
00:04:13.240 --> 00:04:15.479
The New York Times wondered what Harris would do next.

73
00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:18.600
Maybe she'll go on Joe Rogan's podcast. Now that she

74
00:04:18.680 --> 00:04:21.879
will have lots of free time. Option one, she could

75
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:25.000
run again in twenty twenty eight, which would be great

76
00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:28.600
news for my dear friend jd Vance. Option two run

77
00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:31.920
for lower office. There's a Senate seat in Ohio opening up.

78
00:04:32.519 --> 00:04:40.680
You guys could just switch jobs. Let me tell you

79
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:45.040
about this absolutely perfect, wonderful exchange between two of America's

80
00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:49.360
greatest minds, my dear friend Elon Musk, who I've supported

81
00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:52.480
since way before it was cool. And that means Jimmy Kimmel,

82
00:04:52.680 --> 00:04:56.519
who's always picking on the good guys. Now Elon, and

83
00:04:56.560 --> 00:05:00.079
what a brilliant businessman he is, just fantastic at keeping

84
00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:04.000
his companies afloat without any government help whatsoever. Called Kimmel

85
00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:08.279
an insufferable nonsense propaganda puppet, and I have to say,

86
00:05:08.839 --> 00:05:11.120
as someone who has definitely never made a single joke

87
00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:15.000
about any conservative ever, that's just poetry right there. But

88
00:05:15.079 --> 00:05:18.720
then Kimmel, so typical of the mainstream media, had to

89
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:21.319
bring up how Elon's daughter doesn't speak to him anymore,

90
00:05:22.120 --> 00:05:26.360
which is completely unfair, because what successful billionaire has time

91
00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:30.759
for family relationships anyway, That's what Twitter is for. And

92
00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:33.319
speaking of Twitter or X or whatever we're calling it

93
00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:37.240
this week, what a bargain at forty four billion dollars,

94
00:05:37.240 --> 00:05:40.120
such a great investment, almost as great as those self

95
00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:44.199
driving cars that occasionally mistakes stop signs for balloons. But hey,

96
00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:48.000
who hasn't made a few tiny mistakes while revolutionizing transportation.

97
00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:51.839
Now they brought up this old truth social post where

98
00:05:51.839 --> 00:05:55.240
my other dear friend, Donald Trump, who I've supported since birth,

99
00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:58.160
by the way, mentioned something about Elon begging on his

100
00:05:58.240 --> 00:06:01.199
knees at the White House. That's just how real men

101
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:04.639
do business. Nothing weird about that at all. And sure

102
00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:08.720
maybe Elon called ap the associated propaganda, which is honestly

103
00:06:08.759 --> 00:06:11.439
not his best work. But when you're busy running five

104
00:06:11.480 --> 00:06:16.120
companies into the gr I mean toward profitability, who has

105
00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:18.639
time for better zingers. You know what I love most

106
00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:22.199
about this story how it shows that Elon definitely doesn't

107
00:06:22.199 --> 00:06:24.879
spend all day monitoring what people say about him online,

108
00:06:25.399 --> 00:06:28.040
because that would be sad, right, And we know our

109
00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:31.279
favorite rocketman is way too busy for that, posting those

110
00:06:31.399 --> 00:06:35.920
dank memes solving world hunger with his massive wealth. Now,

111
00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:39.160
let me tell you about this absolutely fascinating take from

112
00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:42.639
Seth Myers, who, unlike me, hasn't always been team Trump

113
00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:46.399
since day one. Now, Myers is suggesting that Democrats should

114
00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:49.759
start bragging about their accomplishments like my personal hero Donald

115
00:06:49.800 --> 00:06:53.079
Trump does. And let me tell you, nobody brags better

116
00:06:53.079 --> 00:06:57.040
than Trump. Nobody. He's the Michael Jordan of bragging, if

117
00:06:57.079 --> 00:07:00.680
Michael Jordan had better hair and larger hands. Showed this

118
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:03.600
clip of Obama complaining about Trump putting his name on

119
00:07:03.639 --> 00:07:07.040
those stimulus checks, and I have to say, as someone

120
00:07:07.079 --> 00:07:11.040
who has definitely never criticized Trump's signature size or compared

121
00:07:11.079 --> 00:07:14.279
it to compensating for anything, putting your name on checks

122
00:07:14.360 --> 00:07:17.319
is just good business. I mean, how else will people

123
00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:19.720
know who to thank for their government handouts? I mean,

124
00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:23.439
they're well deserved freedom dollars. And then Meyers suggests they

125
00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:26.879
should have called it Biden Bucks, which honestly would have

126
00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:29.720
been hilarious because Biden probably would have spelled it Bye

127
00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:33.120
Bye bucks. Portions of today's program were made with the

128
00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:35.639
help of AI and this TikTok I'm about to play

129
00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:39.199
see you Monday. So you know how those lids all right,

130
00:07:39.800 --> 00:07:42.040
because this is I just don't speak, okay, So this

131
00:07:42.120 --> 00:07:44.319
is it. So you know how those lids on the

132
00:07:44.439 --> 00:07:47.879
Starbucks cuts. They're white, right, and so if you were lipsick,

133
00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:51.399
they get all over the lid. And so then I

134
00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:54.160
find myself in meetings if I'm the only woman and

135
00:07:54.199 --> 00:07:55.920
that's kind of it. So I keep taking the lid

136
00:07:55.920 --> 00:07:58.120
off and having my cub out so then I don't

137
00:07:58.120 --> 00:08:02.759
have that big lipstick mark. So I said, can we

138
00:08:02.839 --> 00:08:11.680
do something about the color of the land. So that

139
00:08:11.839 --> 00:08:12.839
was that conversation.