Feb. 5, 2025

Trump's Plans to take over Gaza, obliterate Iran and Why the Super Bowl Just Got WAY More Complicated!

Show Notes
Transcript

Today's absolutely bonkers headlines: Trump leaves instructions to OBLITERATE an entire country if he's taken out (totally normal presidential behavior), the CIA offers to PAY its entire workforce to quit (because who needs spies anyway?), and the Super Bowl becomes a three-ring circus as Trump becomes the first sitting president to attend! Plus: Trump's wild plan to turn Gaza into the "Middle East Riviera" (because what war zone doesn't need a beach club?). Join Patrick Gutfield for the most insane news day of 2025 so far!

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Caalaroga Shark media from the Trump Hotel and Casino and Gaza.

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This is ballot, that's right. By the time Trump's done

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annexing stuff, we're gonna need a bigger flag. Let's hit this.

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In a move that has world leaders scratching their heads,

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Former President Trump announced his bold new vision for Gaza

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this week, and by bold, I mean completely detached from reality.

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At a press conference with Israeli Prime Minister Netan Yahoo,

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Trump casually suggested that the United States should just take

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over Gaza. Yes, you heard that right now. For those

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who haven't been following the situation, Gaza is currently a

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war torn territory where tens of thousands of Palestinians are

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trying to rebuild their shattered homes after fifteen months of

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devastating conflict. But Trump has a different idea. He wants

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to turn it into what he calls the Riviera of

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the Middle East. Reporters pointed out that Palestinians are actively

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returning to rebuild their homes in Gaza. Trump waved it off,

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saying why would they want to return The place has

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been hell? A reporter had to explain to him, because

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it's their home. But wait, There's more. Trump wasn't done

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making announcements about the region. He also teased that he'll

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have some big news about the West Bank in the

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next four weeks. Meanwhile, his potential UN ambassador pick Elis Stephonic,

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is already claiming Israel has a biblical right to annex

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the territory, and Senator Tom Cotton is pushing the legislation

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to rename the West Bank as Judea and Samaria. In

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all official documents. The response Saudi Arabia and other Arab

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nations are firmly against it. Democratic senators are calling it

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crazy and dangerous, and even Republican senators are speed walking

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away from reporters trying to ask them about it. Trump

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has apparently left instructions for Iran to be obliterated if

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they assassinate him. You know, just normal press ssidential stuff. Hey,

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if I die, nukeom like leaving a passive aggressive note

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on your roommate's leftovers in the fridge, but with nuclear implications. Now,

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let me paint the scene here. Trump's in the Oval

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office casually signing some executive orders when he drops this

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bombshell to reporters. He's basically telling Iran if you take

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me out, I've got a dead man switch that'll make

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sure there's nothing left of your country, which is definitely

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a normal thing for a president to say, right up

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there with ask not what your country can do for you,

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And the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

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The best part, even if Iron did try something, Vice

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President JD. Vance wouldn't actually have to follow these instructions.

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That's right. Trump's revenge plan has about as much legal

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authority as my aunt's chain email threatening bad luck if

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you don't forward it to ten people. Well, this is

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quite the story coming out of Langley today. The CIA,

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you know, that quiet little office complex in Virginia where

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people definitely don't spy on each other, is now offering

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its entire workforce a chance to quit their jobs for

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eight months of pay. It's like a corporate severance package,

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except instead of leaving with a box of office supplies,

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you're leaving with state secrets. CIA director John Ratcliffe apparently

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woke up one morning and thought, you know what would

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make America safer? Letting all our intelligence officers take an

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extended paid vacation forever. This comes after Trump has repeatedly

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claimed CIA officers are part of the deep state, which

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makes sense because nothing says draining the swamp like paying

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experience intelligence professionals to leave during a time of global tension.

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The really interesting part they're telling everyone they can apply

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for this buyout, but plot twist, not everyone will actually

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be allowed to take it. That's right. It's the government

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equivalent of telling your kids they can have whatever they

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want at the toy store, but only if they can

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reach it from their car seat. And here's the kicker.

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If agents don't take this generous offer to quit their jobs,

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they might get laid off anyway. The administration is planning

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what they're calling reductions in force, which sounds much nicer

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than we're firing everyone who didn't take the hint and

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quit voluntarily. Ratcliffe did tell CIA officers during his confirmation,

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if this sounds like what you signed up for, buckle up.

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If it doesn't find a new line of work, though

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I don't think anyone expected find a new line of

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work to become official CIA policy quite so. Literally, So,

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here's a story that combines America's two favorite pastimes, football

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and making everything about politics. Donald Trump has announced he's

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going to the Super Bowl this Sunday, making him the

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first sitting president to attend the Big Game. Because apparently

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what the Super Bowl really needed was more security in drama. Now,

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you might think, hey, presidents love photo ops at sporting events.

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How has this never happened before? Well, it turns out

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only three vice presidents have ever attended the Super Bowl.

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Al Gore watched the Cowboys win in ninety four, Bush

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saw the forty nine Ers in eighty two, and Spiro

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Agnew caught the Colts game in seventy one, you know,

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back when tickets probably cost less than your house. This

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also means the Caesars Superdome security team has to figure

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out how to protect both the President and Taylor Swift

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at the same time, which honestly sounds like the plot

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of a movie Nicholas Cage turned down. Trump's also doing

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a pregame interview with Brett Baer on Fox News. This

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breaks a three year drought of presidential Super Bowl interviews

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after Biden ghosted both Fox News and CBS. Though, to

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be fair, watching presidents do Super Bowl interviews is about

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as exciting as watching the Pro Bowl. So if you're

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heading to New Orleans for the game, pack your patients

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between the regular Super Bowl Security residential detail and whatever

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squad of agents is protecting Taylor Swift, it might take

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you until next year's Super Bowl just to get through

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the metal detectors. Portions of today's show were made with

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the help of AI, the CIA in the NFL.