April 3, 2025

Trump's Liberation Day Tariffs, Bill Maher's MAGA Makeover, and NYC's Useless New Subway Map

Patrick Gutfield delivers savage takes on Trump's 'Liberation Day' tariffs, Russia's pearl-clutching, Bill Maher's mind-blowing White House dinner with Kid Rock, and NYC's subway map redesign that somehow forgets to include the rats. Your daily dose...

Show Notes
Transcript

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Calaruga Shark Media from Washington, DC, official headquarters of Liberation Day.

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This is ballot Oh good, higher prices on everything, just

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what everyone voted for. Let's hit this. So Trump held

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what he called Liberation Day because nothing says freedom like

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making everything you buy more expensive. He announced a ten

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percent tariff on all countries. Not five percent, not fifteen percent,

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ten percent. It's like he's running the world's worst discount store.

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And get this, he's calling it a baseline tariff. A

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baseline as if ten percent is just the starting point

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of pain for countries he really doesn't like. The numbers

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get even spicier. China thirty four percent, Vietnam forty six percent.

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I mean, what did Vietnam do to deserve forty six percent?

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Did they personally insult his golf swing? Trump said the

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tariffs will not be a full reciprocal I could have

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done that, yes, but it would have been tough for

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a lot of countries, which is like saying I could

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have punched you in the face five times, but I

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only did it three times because I'm such a nice guy.

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And he's slapping a twenty five percent tariff on all

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foreign made automobiles starting tomorrow. You know what that means.

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Your Toyota just got twenty five percent more American. Not

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actually made in America, just more expensive in America. So congratulations, America,

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We've been liberated from our money. Oh, Russia has thoughts

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on Trump threatening to bomb Iran. Let me tackle this

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one for you. So Russia is now condemning ultimatums after

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Trump threatened to bomb Iran if they don't make a

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nuclear deal. Because when it comes to international diplomacy, nothing

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says let's negotiate peacefully like threatening to unleash unprecedented bombing.

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Trump told NBC News and I quote, if they don't

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make a deal, there will be bombing. It will be

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bombing the likes of which they have never seen before.

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Very normal, very cool way to invite someone to the

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negotiating table. Hey, Iran, come chat or I'll obliterate you.

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Russia's deputy Foreign Minister Sergei Riabkov called these threats inappropriate,

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which might be the understatement of the year twenty twenty five.

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It's like calling a hurricane a bit breezy. He warned

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that strikes on nuclear infrastructure could be catastrophic for the

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entire region. You think the most ridiculous part Russia's offering

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to mediate between Trump and Iran. That's like having your

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arsonist neighbor offer to mediate between you and your smoke detector.

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Trust me, I know. Fire Bill Maher had dinner at

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the White House with Trump, and apparently his mind was blown.

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I'm guessing not in the way most of his fans

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would hope. According to Kid Rock, yes that Kid Rock

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who broke her this unlikely meeting. Mar was absolutely dazzled

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by the President, because nothing says serious political discourse like

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having Kid Rock as your diplomatic go between. The MAGA

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musician told Fox and Friends that Trump is the type

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of person you have to meet him to understand him,

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which is what people usually say about exotic fish or

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performance art, not the leader of the free world. Kid

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Rock claims that everybody's mind was blown, even the presidents.

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Trump's mind was blown by Trump. That's like saying the

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sun was impressed by its own brightness. The group bonded

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over their shared hatred of wokeness and discussed policy on

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Iran and Israel. Because when I think nuanced Middle East

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policy discussions, I immediately think Kid Rock and the guy

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from UFC. Kid Rock also revealed that Trump gave them

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a tour of the private residence and showed them the

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Gettysburg address in the Lincoln bedroom. I'm surprised Trump didn't

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say this is a beautiful Lincoln wrote it to me personally.

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New York City's subway map is getting its first major

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redesign in almost fifty years, Finally a solution to everything

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wrong with the subway system a new map. The MTA

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revealed this cartographic masterpiece of Times Square, taking inspiration from

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a controversial nineteen seventy two design. Because nothing says modern

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transit like reverting to fashions from the Nixon administration, This

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new map is described as a brightly colored variation that

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sacrifices some geographic detail for clarity. Oddly enough, they forgot

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to include several key subway features, like the colony of

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Rats having their bar mitzvah on the Downtown platform, or

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that special yellow puddle that's definitely not lemonade. The map

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also fails to indicate which stations have that distinct O

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do urine fragrance versus the more complex bouquet of bodily

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fluids with notes of yesterday's vomit. These are critical navigational

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details for New Yorkers, and where's the special notation for

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what to do while waiting thirty five minutes for the

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next train at one point fifteen in the morning. You

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know important symbols like good spot to contemplate life choices,

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area where screaming man will deliver conspiracy theories, or the

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classic corner where everyone avoids eye contact while someone's having

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a full meltdown. MTA Chairman Jano Lieber is using this

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redesigned to beg for sixty eight billion dollars to upgrade

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the system. Maybe spend some of that on explaining why

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the express train suddenly decides to run local local trains

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go express and how train traffic ahead exists when you

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haven't seen another train in forty minutes. The original nineteen

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seventy two map colored water beige, which actually makes sense

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if you've ever seen what floats in the East River. Meanwhile,

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station benches are getting skinnier because the one thing New

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Yorkers love after standing on a delayed train is less

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comfortable seating. Next they'll be installing bench spikes with a

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sign that reads, don't get too comfortable. As for public reaction,

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one morningside Heights resident looked at it and said, mah,

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it looks cluttered. That's the most positive subway review in

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New York history. Usually it's more like I saw a

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rat dragging a slice of pizza while a man without

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pants played the harmonica with his nose. So next time

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you're visiting the Big Apple, don't worry if you get

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lost on the subway. Just follow the smell of desperation

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and the sound of someone's phone blasting music. Without headphones,

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it's more reliable than any map. Portions of today's program

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were made with the help of the A Train AI

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and for some reason, Kid Rock, Enjoy your liberation.