Jan. 20, 2025

Trump's Indoor Inauguration, TikTok Drama, and Crypto Chaos

Show Notes
Transcript

Join host Patrick Gutfield for a comedic take on today's biggest political stories. Watch as we break down Trump's last-minute indoor inauguration plans, his surprising TikTok save, and the launch of Trump cryptocurrency that has Wall Street scratching their heads. Plus, get ready for a flurry of executive orders that could reshape America as we know it.

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Calaruga shark media from Washington, d C. Where Trump's back

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and so is TikTok. Maybe this is ballot. That's right.

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Trump is preparing so many executive orders. The White House

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had to order morphens. They tried to get them from Canada,

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but with these new tariffs, it was cheaper to have

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them made out of solid goal. Let's hit this. Donald

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Trump and Jadie Vance visited Arlington National Cemetery on Sunday,

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and it was kind of like when you visit your

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in laws. You show up, you stand there quietly, and

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everyone pretends they want to be there. They brought the

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whole Trump clan, Don Junior, Eric Milania. The only one

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missing was Avanka, probably because she remembered she had to

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return some ceremonial wreaths to bed bath and beyond. Marco

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Rubio was there as the incoming Secretary of State. He's

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perfect for the job. He already has experience standing behind

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Trump looking uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Joe Biden spent his last day

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in office like a college kid before winter break, frantically

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trying to get everything done before he has to leave.

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He's pardoning people, signing executive orders. I haven't seen someone

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try to accomplish this much at the last minute, since

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me trying to file my taxes at eleven fifty seven

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pm on April fifteenth. Trump's about to sign so many

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executive orders his hand might qualify for workers comp First up,

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bringing everyone back to the office, because nothing says make

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America great again like making sure federal employees can experience

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traffic jams and cold coffee in person again. Then there's

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the twenty five percent tariff on Canada and Mexico. I

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guess Trump took good fences make good neighbors and decided

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to add expensive price tags make them even better. And

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he's planning to pardon January sixth defendants within the first

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nine minutes of his president seat. That's faster than most

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people can decide what to order at Chipotle. Talk about

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speed running the presidential pardon process. Meanwhile, his team is

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still debating the language of these orders, probably trying to

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figure out how to spell tremendous consistently across all documents.

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They're working harder than me trying to explain to my

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parents what TikTok is. TikTok went dark, which was devastating

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for everyone who needs to watch seventeen year olds explain

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why they think they could fix the Federal Reserve. But

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good news, kids, TikTok was hinting it might come back

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today if it hasn't already. Trump swooped in like a

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social media superman, promising to save TikTok on day one,

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because nothing says make America great again like preserving our

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constitutional right to watch people lip sync to Taylor Swift

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while making pasta. The CEO of TikTok is even coming

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to Trump's inauguration. He's getting prime seating right between the

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MyPillow guy and that person who keeps posting, let's go

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Brandon on truth social You know things are wild when

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Trump is the one trying to save a social media

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platform instead of getting banned from it. This is like

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when your dad, who once said video games would rot

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your brain, suddenly gets really into Minecraft and Apple had

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to remove not just TikTok but also something called Lemon eight,

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which I assume is what happens when life gives you

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lemons and you're terrible at math. Trump launched his own cryptocurrency,

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which is basically monopoly money, but with fewer rules and

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worse graphics. The token is worth thirteen billion dollars on paper.

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Paper being the keyword here, since that value has about

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as much stability as a Jenga tower in an earthquake.

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Eric Trump announced this at something called the Crypto Ball,

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which sounds like what happens when the Wolf of Wall

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Street meets Cinderella. They even had Snoop Dogg performing, proving

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once again that nothing says legitimate financial instrument like having

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a rapper who once made a song about gin and

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juice headline your launch party and get this. Within minutes,

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somebody made twenty million dollars trading these tokens. Trump's new

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SEC pick is apparently pro crypto, which makes sense. Nothing

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says drain the swamp like filling it with digital waterworks.

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Trump's inauguration is moving indoors due to freezing weather. Finally

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something that could actually get Republicans to acknowledge climate change

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is real. They're like, wait, you mean the weather can

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affect important political events? Interesting? The ceremonies being moved to

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the capital rotunda, marking the first indoor inauguration in forty years, Though,

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to be fair, most inaugurations feel indoor when you're watching

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them from your couch while eating leftover Chinese food. They're

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moving the parade to Capital One Arena. Nothing says peaceful

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transfer of power quite like doing it in the same

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place where the Wizards consistently transfer victories to other teams.

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President Biden is planning to attend, showing more commitment to

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tradition than my aunt, who still sends everyone AOL chain emails.

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And that's today's news, well so far, anyway, it's kind

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of a big day. Portions of today's show were made

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by the help of Ai TikTok and Joe Biden. Five

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Stars