March 2, 2025

"Trump's five Million Dollar 'Gold Card' For Rich Foreigners While Musk Claims 'Canada Is Not a Real Country'"

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump unveils luxurious new immigration plan selling "gold cards" to wealthy foreigners for five million dollars each, promising citizenship to "very nice" Russian oligarchs. Meanwhile, over two hundred fifty thousand Canadians sign petition to revoke Elon Musk's citizenship after he declared "Canada is not a real country" on social media. All this as JD Vance's hometown paper eviscerates him as a "lapdog vice-president," Fyre Festival scammer returns with mysterious million-dollar tickets to a show with no announced acts, and California's perfectly-coiffed governor launches a podcast where he'll interview "MAGA architects." Patrick Gutfield delivers these headlines with his signature razor-sharp commentary and zero sympathy for politicians or their hair products.

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Callaroga Shark Media.

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From the American nightclub where you can just come on

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in if you pay the five million dollar cover charge.

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This is ballot.

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Normally a joke goes here, but Elon laid Off the

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guy who writes it. Hi, I'm Patrick Guttfield and President

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Goldfingers has a shiny new.

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Plan for immigration reform.

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Donald Trump announced Tuesday that the US will be selling

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a special gold card to wealthy foreigners, giving them the

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right to live and work in America, all for the

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bargain basement price of five million dollars. That's right, forget

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the Green card, now we've got the Gold card. Because

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nothing says land of opportunity like literally selling citizenship to

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the highest bidder. Trump announced from the Oval Office, We're

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going to be putting a price on that card of

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about five million dollars, and that's going to give you

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Green card privileges.

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Plus it's going to be a root to citizens.

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When asked if these cards would be available to Russian oligarchs,

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Trump didn't miss a beat. Yeah. Possibly, I know some

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Russian oligarchs that are very nice people.

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Of course, he does.

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Nothing inspires confidence in immigration policy like personal vouchers from

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the president. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnik chimed in that these

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gold plated immigrants will have to go through vetting, of course,

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to make sure they're wonderful, world class global citizens. You know,

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the kind of vetting that can only be done with

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a five million dollar price tag. This gold card will

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replace the current EB five Investor Visa program, which already

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allows wealthy foreigners to buy their way into America for

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just over one million dollars.

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Apparently that was too affordable.

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Trump's businesses have previously used this program to fund property developments,

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but why settle for one million when you can charge five.

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The sale of these cards will begin in about two weeks,

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with Trump suggesting millions could be sold at five million

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dollars a pop. That's quite the fundraiser coming soon. The

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Platinum card includes citizenship and a photo op with the

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President for ten million dollars. Meanwhile, over two hundred and

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fifty thousand Canadians have signed a petition to revoke Musk's

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maple Leaf membership card amid rising tensions with the Trump administration.

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The petition, launched on February twentieth, accuses Musk of acting

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against Canada's national interests and undermining its sovereignty.

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But here's the kicker.

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Musk responded on x with Canada is not a real country.

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Nothing says diplomatic finesse like telling an entire nation it

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doesn't exist. He later deleted the post, probably after remembering

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his mom was born in Saskatchewan. For those keeping score

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at home, the petition claims Musk has used his wealth

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and power to influence our elections and has now become

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a member of a foreign government that is attempting to

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erase Canadian sovereignty. That's quite the accusation for someone whose

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citizenship comes through his mother's side. The petition is largely symbolic,

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since Canadian citizenship can only be revoked if someone has

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committed fraud or misrepresentation on their application. But it's already

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gathered over two hundred and fifty thousand signatures, which is

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a lot considering Canada's entire population is just thirty eight

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million people. That's like if over two million Americans signed

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a petition saying they didn't want Ted Cruz anymore, which

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let's be honest, they probably would. The petition remains open

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until June twentieth, but with a spring election potentially dissolving parliament.

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It may not receive an official response. I guess Musk

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will have to settle for being a citizen of just

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the United States, South Africa, and whatever planet he's planning

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to colonize next.

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Vice President JD.

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Vance's hometown paper has decided to give him a little

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feedback on his job performance. And let's just say they're

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not exactly planning a parade in his honor. The Ohio

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Capitol Journal published what can only be described as a

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literary beatdown, referring to Vance as a lap dog vice

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president with nondescript role as an appendage in the Trump

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Musk administration. That's the political equivalent of your mom saying

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she's not mad, just disappointed. Reporter Mary Lou Johannack didn't

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hold back, writing that Vance, the shameless election denier in

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service to an authoritarian regime lawlessly dismantling a democratic republic,

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had the towering audacity and historical blindness to lecture his

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European audience on democracy. I haven't seen burns that severe

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since I accidentally touched my dinner plate after the waiter

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said careful, it's hot. Despite building his entire brand around

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his rust Belt roots and writing hillbilly elegy about growing

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up poor in Appalachia. Vance doesn't seem to be making

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his home state very proud.

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Poles showed he was one of the.

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Least popular vice presidential picks in history, which is saying

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something considering the competition. The article concludes with the question, seriously,

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what is wrong with JD? A query that feels less

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like journalism and more like something you're therapist asks when

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you tell them about your ex.

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The good news for Vance is that.

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The bar for vice presidential accomplishments is so low it's

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practically a tripping hazard in hell. The bad news is

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he somehow still managed to limbo under it. Embark on

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an extraordinary journey into the heart of one of the

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world's most ancient and mysterious institutions with White Smoke The

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Path to a New Pope. This captivating podcast series takes

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listeners behind the scenes of the Catholic Church's most solemn

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and consequential event, the passing of a pope and the

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selection of his successor. From the moment the silver hammer

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strikes the Pope's forehead three times to confirm his death,

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to the burning of his papal ring. White Smoke unveils

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the intricate rituals and closely guarded traditions that mark this

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sacred transition. Listeners will gain unprecedented insight into the secret

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conversations and centuries old customs that guide the Cardinals in

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their selection of the next leader of the world's one

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billion Catholics. Whether you are a devout Catholic, a student

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of history, or simply fast by the workings of one

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of the world's most enduring institutions, White Smoke is an

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immersive and illuminating journey that will leave you with a

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new found appreciation for the timeless traditions and profound mysteries

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White Smoke wherever you get your shows.

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The Washington Post has an article about Fire Festival two,

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Revenge of the Scammer. That's right, Billy McFarlane, the guy

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who brought you cheese sandwiches where luxury cabanas should be,

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is back with another festival in Mexico, eight years after

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maybe perhaps possibly allegedly scamming people out of their life

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savings and serving prison time. McFarland announced tickets are now

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on sale for Fire Festival two. Because if there's one

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thing Americans love. It sequels that no one asked for.

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The new festival will take place on Isla MoU Harrison, Mexico,

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from May thirtieth to June second, And what amazing musical

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acts will be there, Well, none that they're willing to

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name yet. McFarlane told NBC, I'm not in charge of

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booking the talent, which is exactly what you want to

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hear from the guy selling you music festival tickets. Tickets

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start at a mere four hundred dollars and go all

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the way up to one million, one hundred thousand dollars.

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And what do you get for that?

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Access to something called the water stage and front row viewing.

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Of a fight pit.

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I haven't heard something that terrifying since the last presidential debate.

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The good news is if you buy the million dollar package,

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you get helicopter transportation.

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The bad news is the helicopter.

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Might just be a drawing of a helicopter that McFarland

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made in prison. When asked if he's even allowed to

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travel to Mexico given his probation status, McFarland said, I

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don't know.

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Inspiring confidence there.

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Billy ja Rule, who co founded the original Disaster is

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nowhere to be found this time. Even he knows when

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to get off a sinking yacht, which coincidentally might be

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what you'll be staying on if you buy the Prometheus package.

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So if you have one million dollars burning a hole

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in your pocket and absolutely hate yourself, boy, do I

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have a festival for you? Or you could just set

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your money on fire while listening to Spotify same experience,

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fewer lawsuits. Speaking of setting money on fire, the California

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Governor with the Perfect hair is added again.

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Gavin Newsom.

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You know him, You've seen him, You've watched him gel

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that hair to perfection is launching a new podcast called

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This Is Gavin Newsom. He's promising it'll be anything but

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the ordinary politician podcast. You know what else is an ordinary?

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The amount of product that man puts in his hair.

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I'm surprised the podcast microphone doesn't just slide right off

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his head. This iHeartMedia production will feature Newsome talking to

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people he disagrees with and people he looks up to.

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In the first few weeks, he says he'll be sitting

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down with some of the biggest leaders and architects in

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the MAGA movement, which is a bit like inviting wolves

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over to discuss your sheet protection strategy. Newsom also claims

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he'll answer listener questions about egg prices, tariffs doge. Hey,

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if you want financial advice from a politician, you might

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as well ask a casino owner about retirement planning. This

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isn't Newsom's first rodeo in the podcast world.

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He's already co hosting.

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Something called Politiken with Marshawn Lynch and Doug Hendrickson. I

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hear that one's great if you enjoy the sound of

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hair being combed for forty five minutes straight. Newsom told

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Politico his new podcast will be modeled after Bill Maher's show,

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featuring personalities from both sides of the political divide. With

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less than two years left in his term, Newsom is

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widely viewed as a presidential prospect for twenty twenty eight.

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I guess he's the Yakov Smirnoff of politics. This candidate

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doesn't go on political podcasts, podcast go on him. Portions

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of today's program were made with the help of a

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thirty year old Yakov Smirnoff reference Ai and the Fire

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Your Festival