Feb. 11, 2025

Trump's Bathroom Obsession & Boebert's Late Night with Kid Rock! | Wild Political Headlines

Show Notes
Transcript

Today we're diving into the absolutely bonkers world of politics where Trump is waging war on your shower head, Lauren Boebert and Kid Rock are having two thirty AM taxi adventures, and plastic straws are apparently a matter of national security. Watch Trump explain how sharks eating plastic will save America, and find out why he's reviewing Kennedy Center shows he's never seen! Plus, the real reason your bathroom isn't making America great again. It's an episode packed with more plot twists than a soap opera written by a congressional committee.

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Calarokas shark media from Washington, DC, where plastic straws are back.

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This is ballot that's right.

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No more communist paper straws for losers. We've made straws

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great again. That's why we're winners.

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Let's hit this.

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Now that we have peace in the Middle East, cancer

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has been eradicated, and the climate emergency solved, the White

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House has moved on to the big issue of our time, straws.

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Trump's focusing on the real enemy, drinking implements that get

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soggy in your diet coke. He signed an executive order

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that basically says make American straws plastic again. The administration

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claims paper straws are non functional, which, let's be honest,

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is the nicest thing anyone's ever said about paper straws.

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They're like drinking through a rolled up homework assignment that's

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been left in the rain. Trump justified this by saying,

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and I'm not making this up. I don't think plastic

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is going to affect a shark very much as they're

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munching their way through the ocean, which is quite possibly

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the most creative interpretation of marine biology since finding NEMO.

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He announced this move on social media with the energy

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of someone declaring independence. Back to plastic, because nothing says

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presidential like typing in all caps about drinking utensils. Now,

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environmental scientists say that by twenty fifty there'll be more

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plastic in the ocean than fish. But Trump's argument is essentially, hey,

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if we're using plastic plates and wrappers, why pick on straws,

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which is like saying, well, the house is already on fire,

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might as well throw some gasoline on it. The best part,

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during his twenty twenty campaign, Trump actually sold his own

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brand of plastic straws. You know what else is making headlines? Sinks, showers,

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and toilets. Trump posted on true social which is basically

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Twitter if it shopped exclusively at my pillow, demanding that

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his team reverse Biden's water conservation standards.

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And I mean he.

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Wrote sinks, showers, toilets in all caps, which is exactly

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how my grandmother texts when she's angry about her cable built.

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Trump claims these water restrictions are ruining his shower experience.

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Back in twenty twenty, he went on this whole tangent

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about his hair care routine.

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I have this beautiful head of hair. I need a

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lot of water. Now.

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I don't want to question anyone's hair maintenance routine, but

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when your hairstyle looks like cotton candy made out of

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gold leaf, maybe the problem isn't the water pressure. He's

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convinced that these low flow fixtures are making people use

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more water, which makes about as much sense as saying

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you need to eat two big macs to lose weight.

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And let me tell you, I've seen the research. That's

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not how it works. Although I'm pretty sure Trump's research

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consists of standing in his.

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Shower yelling not good, sad.

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The best part He's instructing Secretary Lee Zelden to handle

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this crisis, because as nothing says pressing national emergency like

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a federal investigation into why your shower isn't hitting you

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like a fire hose. So while most politicians are focused

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on the economy or foreign policy, Trump is out here

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trying to make American plumbing great again. At this rate,

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his next campaign slogan will be Trump twenty twenty eight

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because your toilet deserves better. Let me tell you about

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Donald Trump's latest adventure in art criticism. You know how

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most people watch a show before reviewing it well. Trump's

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taking a bold new approach reviewing shows he's proudly never seen.

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So here's what happened.

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Trump announced he's becoming chair of the board at the

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Kennedy Center. Now, usually when someone takes a job at

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a theater, they at least pretend to like theater. But

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Trump he immediately started trashing their shows, which is a

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fascinating management strategy, like becoming CEO of McDonald's and announcing

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you hate hamburgers. When reporters asked him about these terrible shows,

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he admitted he'd never actually been.

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To any of them.

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I got reports, he said, reports from who, the Broadway,

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deep State, the musical theater industrial complex. He actually said

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they were so bad I didn't want to go. That's

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like saying you won't try broccoli because someone told you

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it tastes terrible, except you're forty five and you're in charge.

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Of the broccoli factory.

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And when pressed further about his criticism, Trump just ended

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the conversation, because nothing says I'm qualified to run this

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cultural institution like rage quitting a conversation about culture. His

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supporters are defending him, saying he doesn't need to see

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the shows to know what they're about.

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Right, Just like you don't need to read.

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A book to join a book club, you can just

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show up and yell about how woke the cover looks.

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So there you have it.

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Trump's ready to make the Kennedy Center great again, just

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as soon as he actually visits it, though at this

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rate his first show there might be waiting for GOODO.

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All right, gather around.

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I've got a story that reads like a mad libs

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written by a political science major having a fever dream.

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Let me paint you a picture. It's two thirty in

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the morning after the inauguration. Most of Washington is winding down,

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but apparently Lauren bober and Kid Rock are just getting started.

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TMZ reports these two Second Amendment super fans were spotted

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hopping into a taxi together earlier that night. Bobert was

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seen at an inaugural party, according to witnesses, absolutely living

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her best life around Kid Rock. We're talking dancing, clapping,

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basically acting like she just won front row tickets to

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a nineteen ninety eight Monster Truck rally. Now, maybe they

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were just talking business. After all, they're both in the

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hospitality game. She used to own a gun themed restaurant

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called Shooters, while he runs a place called and I

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didn't make this up, Kid Rock's Big Honky Tonk and

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Rock and Roll Steakhouse, which, by the way, sounds like

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what you'd get if Guy Fieri designed a restaurant in

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Grand Theft Auto. Both of them have had quite the

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year in the romance department. Bubert made headlines after that

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Beetlejuice musical incident, which is a sentence I never thought

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I'd say about a member of Congress.

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Meanwhile, Kid Rock's been out.

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Here turning BBC interviews into dating shows, proving that some

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people's idea of diplomacy is hitting on foreign journalists.

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And just to really round.

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Out this story, Boebert recently spent a Congressional hearing asking

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experts about underwater alien bases. When asked for comment, Boubert's

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team said, I think we'll pass, which might be the

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first time anyone associated with this story has shown any restraint.

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Today's episode was made with the help of sinks, showers, toilets,

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and Ai