Trump's All-Caps Rants, Porn Star Problems, and a Pecker Named Witness

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Calaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where court cases involve porn stars,

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witnesses named Pecker, and a former
president who just can't stop posting in all

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caps. This is Ballad, the
podcast that dares to find the humor in

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the most bizarre political stories of our
time. Today we're diving deep into the

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wild world of Donald Trump's legal troubles. We've got an analysis from the Washington

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Post that shows just how much Trump
loves to post online. Apparently he's been

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averaging twenty nine posts a day on
truth Social with a whopping seven hundred and

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sixty all caps rants in just a
few months. But that's not even the

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craziest part of this day. We've
also got a court case involving a porn

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star and a witness named, wait
for it, Pecker. You can't make

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this stuff up, folks. Buckle
up, because it's going to be a

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wild ride on today ballot folks.
The saga of Donald Trump's legal troubles just

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keeps getting more and more surreal.
First we had the whole paying hush money

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to a porn star thing, and
now, as if that wasn't enough,

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we've got a witness in the case
named wait for it, Pecker. That's

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right, Pecker. I mean,
you can't make this stuff up. It's

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like the universe looked at this case
and said, you know what, this

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needs a witness with a name that
sounds like a bad joke from a middle

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school locker room, and thus mister
Pecker was born. But let's be real

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here. If you told me a
few years ago that we'd be discussing a

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court case involving a former president,
a porn star, and a guy named

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Pecker, I would have thought you
were pitching me a rejected script for a

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bad adult film. And you know
what, the craziest part is, this

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isn't even the most bizarre thing to
happen in Trump's legal saga. I mean,

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we've had Rudy Giuliani holding press conferences
at landscaping companies, Sidney Powell claiming

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that Hugo Chaves rigged voting machines from
beyond the grave, and now Pecker.

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It's like Trump's legal team is just
playing a giant game of how weird can

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we make this? I can't wait
to see what other absurdly named witnesses and

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bizarre plot twists are in store.
Maybe we'll get a surprise appearance from a

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guy named Hugh Grection, or a
last minute bombshell from Avona Humplott with Trump

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anything as possible. John Stewart commented
on the media coverage of Trump's trial,

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saying, We've got a long ways
to go here. It's the first day

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of the first of his four hundred
and thirty eight trials to come. Jimmy

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Kimmel said, that's like a bank
robber going. I went into the bank,

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I took out money, I came
out of the bank with the money.

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Millions of people do that every day. Now I'm a criminal. Kimmel

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also said he could get Trump to
admit to having sex with Stormy Daniels.

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I could get him to admit that
in one second. All you have to

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do is say, clearly, mister
Trump is not attractive, famous, nor

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wealthy enough to entice such a desirable
adult film star. He jump up on

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his hands and knees and show you
every position they did it in. On

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Tuesday, proceedings are expected to resume
at nine thirty am. At eleven am,

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he first witnessed is the wonderfully named
David Pecker, the former publisher of

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the National Inquirer. If there's one
thing we can all agree on. It's

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that Donald Trump loves to post online. But just how much does he love

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it? Well, thanks to a
new analysis from The Washington Post, we

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now have a pretty good idea.
According to the Post, Trump's posting frequency

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has skyrocketed since his twenty sixteen campaign. Back then, he was averaging a

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measly eighteen tweets a day, But
now on his own social media platform,

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truth Social, he's cranking out a
whopping twenty nine posts a day. That's

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almost double the output. But it's
not just the quantity that's impressive, it's

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the quality too. The Post found
that between November fifteenth, twenty twenty two,

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and March fifteenth, Trump wrote seven
hundred and sixty all caps posts.

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That's right, seven hundred and sixty
posts that looked like they were written by

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an angry grandpa who just discovered the
caps lock key. And if you thought

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the all caps posts were something,
wait until you hear about the insults.

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In that same timeframe, Trump wrote
five hundred and seventy posts insulting his political

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opponents like President Biden and the prosecutors
and judges working on his cases. But

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don't worry folks. According to Trump's
campaign spokesperson Stephen chungk, the former president

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is just using truth social to speak
truth to power and get his message out

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unfiltered, and apparently that message is
best conveyed through all caps, rants and

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petty insults. Remember, folks,
if you ever find yourself involved in a

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court case with a porn star and
a witness named Pecker, maybe it's time

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to reevaluate your life choices. Until
next time, keep laughing through the craziness.

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We'll be checking in daily during this
crazy trial. Portions of today's program

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were created with the help of AI
and our nickname for our AI is It's

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mister Happy.