May 9, 2025

Trump's Alcatraz Revival, Hollywood Tariffs, and Belichick's Girlfriend Drama

Patrick Gutfield skewers Trump's bizarre plan to reopen Alcatraz prison, his one hundred percent tariff on foreign films that has Whoopi Goldberg fuming, and the twenty-four-year-old girlfriend possibly perhaps maybe conceivably controlling Bill...

Show Notes
Transcript

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Calaruca shark media from San Francisco, where operating a prison

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in shark infested waters makes a lot of sense. This

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is ballot and it's just a coincidence that escape from

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Alcatraz just hit Netflix. Boy, there are so many crazy

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news stories we can't even keep up This week. I'm

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Patrick Guttfield, and Trump wants to turn Alcatraz back into

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America's naughty corner. President Trump has announced his latest plan

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to make America great again by reopening Alcatraz Prison. That's right,

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the infamous island prison that closed over sixty years ago

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is getting the Trump renovation treatment. The Commander in Chief

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declared on truth Social that he's directing the Bureau of

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Prisons to dust off the old cells for what he

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calls the dregs of society, which sounds like something a

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villain would say in a movie that critics describe as

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a bit on the nose. According to Trump's social media

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deck claration, when America was more serious, we did not

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hesitate to lock up the most dangerous criminals and keep

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them far away from anyone they could harm. Because apparently

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the sign of a truly serious nation is having an

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island prison that looks like it was designed by someone

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who watched too many James Bond movies. Trump says he

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wants the prison substantially enlarged and rebuilt to serve as

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a symbol of law, order, and justice. And you know

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it serious justice because he wrote it in all caps. Now,

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there are just a few tiny problems with this plan. First,

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Alcatraz is currently a National landmark and major tourist attraction

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run by the National Park Service. Thousands of visitors tour

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the island each year, which I'm guessing would create some

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awkward moments if half the facility is giving history tours

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while the other half is processing new inmates. Also worth noting,

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Alcatraz was originally closed because it was literally falling apart

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and incredibly expensive to operate. Everything food supplies, guard rotation

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had to come by boat. It's like running a prison

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with the logistics of planning a destination wedding. During its

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twenty nine years of operation, Alcatraz housed famous gangsters like

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Al Capone and George Machine Gun Kelly. It was nearly

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a scape proof thanks to strong currents and freezing cold

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water surrounding the island, though there were thirty six escape attempts.

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Only three men, the Anglin brothers and Frank Morris, might

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have actually made it out alive in nineteen sixty two,

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but no one knows for sure. When Trump announced reopening

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Guantanamo Bay for migrants earlier this year, his son Donald

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Trump Junior actually tweeted, maybe we should also reopen Alcatraz.

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And now here we are, Because apparently presidential policy is

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now determined by whatever gets the most retweets from family members.

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President Trump announced his brilliant plan to save Hollywood by

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slapping a one hundred percent tariff on foreign films. Picture

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this scene, Trump standing on the White House lawn dramatically

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declaring that Hollywood is dying, not just dying, dying in

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all caps, because nothing captures nuance like shouting on social media,

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Trump wrote, and I swear this is real. Other countries

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are offering all sorts of incentives to draw our filmmakers

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and studios away. He called it a national security threat

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and messaging and propaganda. Now when I hear national security threat,

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I think of spies and missiles, not whether the next

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Marvel movie gets filmed in Atlanta or Toronto. But apparently

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President Trump stayed up all night doing what he called

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very strong research on the film industry. Very strong research.

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That's like saying you did extremely powerful homework or aggressively

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thorough googling. Well, President Trump wants to slap a one

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hundred percent tariff on foreign made films, and whoopee Goldberg

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isn't having it. I haven't seen someone this upset about

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international trade policy since my uncle discovered his aic Italian

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leather shoes were made in New Jersey. Trump declared on

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truth Social that he wants a one hundred percent tariff

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on any and all movies coming into our country that

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are produced in foreign lands, because nothing says make America

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great again like making sure Americans can't watch the next

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squid game without taking out a second mortgage. Woopy Goldberg

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went on the view and pointed out some minor flaws

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in this brilliant plan. She said, you can't shoot Gladiator

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without going to Rome, which is true. Do you think

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you can just film Star Wars without going to space?

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Alissa Fara Griffin, who used to work for Trump, suggested

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we might end up with Emily in Paris, Texas or

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White Lotus mar A Lago Edition, which are both way

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better jokes to anything the ai that writes this show

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has ever come up with I would actually watch White

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Lotus mar A Lago. Imagine the drama when someone orders

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a well done steak with ketchup. Trump's spokesperson is already

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walking it back, saying no final decisions have been made. Translation.

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The President tweeted something without thinking it through, and now

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we have to pretend it's a carefully considered policy position.

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His Commerce Secretary, Howard Lutnick, immediately jumped on social media

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with We're on it, which I'm pretty sure as governments

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speak for, I have no idea what he's talking about,

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but I value my job. Entertainment consultant Catherine Arnold pointed out,

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and I'm paraphrasing here, this makes absolutely no sense. The

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best part America is actually a net exporter of films.

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We send more movies out to the world than we

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bring in. So Trump's plan is basically like putting a

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tariff on something we're winning at. It's like charging yourself

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extra to win. So there you have it, President Trump's

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latest blockbuster policy tariffs too electric Boogaloo coming soon to

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a failed economic policy near you. The most important story

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this week was figuring out how Bill Belichick's girlfriend got

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in the Duncan Donuts commercial. Twenty four year old girlfriend

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Jordan Hudson has apparently become the new power broker behind

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the legendary coach. A sports source told Page six she

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forced her way into Belichick's Super Bowl Dunkin Donuts commercial

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with Ben Affleck. The source claimed people said they've never

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seen anything like it. I'm guessing they've never googled Megan Markle.

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In the ad, Hudson doesn't speak, but does pump her

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fist alongside Aflet. Meanwhile, Belichick delivers a zinger about how

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the competitions drink sounds like what's in my garbage disposal.

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Sources told Page six that Hudson demanded to be an

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executive producer on Belichick's planned Hard Knocks docuseries. Apparently, she

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wanted to see dailies and told execs they needed to

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respect her or they wouldn't get to use the coach

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as ip. The Hard Knocks team reportedly responded by saying,

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we can't deal with this and walked away. Hudson's company,

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Trouble Cup Enterprises. Now there's a name with a red

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flag on it, has filed for fourteen trademarks with the

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Federal Trademark Office to reclaim various phrases coined by the

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coach because nothing says I'm in this relationship for love

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like aggressively trademarking your boyfriend's catch phrases. During a recent

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CBS Sunday Morning interview, when Belichick was asked about how

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they met on an airplane, Hudson interrupted with, we're not

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talking about that. Oh, yes we are, Jordan. Remember in

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the game of love, sometimes the best offense is a

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good defense, and apparently a twenty four year old girlfriend

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who runs your business affairs. Portions of today's program were

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made with the help of Duncan Donuts, the movie The Rock,

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and Ai