Jan. 8, 2025

Trump Wants to Rename Gulf of Mexico, Buy Greenland, and Meta Just Surrendered to MAGA

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump plans to rename an ocean, Don Jr's Arctic adventure falls flat, and Mark Zuckerberg does the world's most expensive apology tour. Plus, scientists reveal you can skip the diet and just take a walk!

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Calaroga Shark media from Greenland, soon to be the home

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of the new Trump Casino and golf course. This is ballot.

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That's right. We're annexing Greenland, Canada and the Panama Canal,

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which should be good for downloads. Let's hit this. You

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know things are getting wild when Trump's talking about expanding

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America like it's a game of risk. At his latest

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press conference, which lasted longer than most Marvel movies, Trump

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laid out his vision for America two point zero now

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with more countries. He wants Greenland, he wants Panama, and

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he's eyeing Canada like it's the last slice of pizza

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at three in the morning. Justin Trudeau responded by saying,

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there isn't a snowballs chance in hell Canada would join

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the US. I mean they already have healthcare and Tim

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Horton's what could we possibly offer them. Trump said he

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wants to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf

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of America, because apparently, when you're running for president, even

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bodies of water need a rebrand. What's next, renaming the

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Pacific Ocean to Trump's big wet area. And get this,

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he did this whole press conference from mar A Lago

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in a room so gold plated it makes Liberachi's house

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look like a monastery. He's literally sitting there talking about

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making America great again, while surrounded by enough gold to

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make King Midas say, hey, man, maybe tone it down

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a bit. When asked if he'd use military force to

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take Greenland and Panama, he wouldn't rule it out, but

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he did promise not to invade Canada. How generous. I

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guess he figured their winter would defeat us before we

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even got to Toronto. And of course, no Trump press

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conference would be complete without him going off on electric heaters,

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because nothing strikes fear into the hearts of America's enemies

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like a firm stance against energy star appliances. You know

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what's really something? He did all this while supposedly announcing

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some UAE investment deal. That's like going to a wedding

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and announcing you're planning to take over the reception hall permanently.

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But hey, that's Trump for you, turning a business announcement

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into a full blown world domination pitch meeting. Now, as

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for renaming the golf, Marjorie Taylor Green jumped in faster

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than a Freshman at a spring break pool party, announcing

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she's drafting legislation to make it happen. She wants to

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change every map in the federal government, every single map.

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That's the kind of fiscal responsibility we've come to expect

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from Washington. But here's the thing. Changing the name of

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an international body of water isn't like renaming your boat

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the second Missus Trump. You need other countries to agree.

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It's similar to how Trump tried to buy Greenland, and

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Denmark was like, sir, this is not a real estate deal.

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The last time we had a naming dispute this big

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was with the Persian golf versus Arabian golf situation, and

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that one's been going on longer than law and order.

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At least in that case, both names made geographical sense.

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This would be like Canada deciding to rename the Pacific

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Ocean Maple Syrup Waters. So can Trump actually do this? Well,

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he has about as much authority to rename the Gulf

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of Mexico as I have to rename Texas New New York.

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But hey, at least it's giving Marjorie Taylor Green something

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to do besides investigating space lasers. Trump trying to buy

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Greenland again. It's like watching someone repeatedly try to purchase

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their neighbor's house just because they like the view. And

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this time he sent Junior up there, probably with one

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of those giant novelty checks. Meanwhile, Denmark's new King Frederick

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is responding in the most royal way possible by redesigning

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his coat of arms. That's right, while Trump's making grand

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proclamations on truth social Frederick's out here playing medieval photoshop,

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making Greenland's polar bear bigger on his fancy shield. It's

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like passive aggressive heraldry. Trump keeps insisting Greenland is an

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absolute necessity for national security. Yes, because nothing says protecting

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America like buying an island covered in ice that's literally melting.

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Though I guess he could turn it into the world's

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largest golf course once it thaws out. Denmark's Prime Minister

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Meta Fredrickson had to come out and basically say stop

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trying to make Greenland happen. It's not going to happen,

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though she probably wished she could just update her coat

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of arms with a giant no in Latin. Well, here's

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a fun story about Elon Musk's grand experiment in digital democracy,

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which is going about as well as letting YouTube comment

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section moderate itself. Remember when Musk bought Twitter and was like,

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you know what, this place needs less professional fact checkers

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and more random people from the internet than he created

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community notes, which he called the best source of truth

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on the Internet. That's like calling a gas station hot

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dog the pinnacle of fine dining. The numbers are in,

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and they're about as impressive as a participation trophy. According

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to research, ninety one percent of accurate fact checks never

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even make it to the public. That's right. These truth

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bombs are basically sitting in digital purgatory while misinformation is

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running around like a toddler who just discovered espresso. And

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when a fact check does finally get approved, it takes

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eleven hours. Eleven hours that's longer than it takes to

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fly from New York to Hawaii. By then, the false

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information has already gone viral, gotten a book deal, and

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started its own podcast. But don't worry. Ex's vice president

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Keith Coleman says they're maintaining a high bar. Yeah, so

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high that truth apparently needs a pole vault to get

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over it. They've even introduced something called lightning notes, which

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can push updates in under fifteen minutes, because nothing says

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thorough fact checking like the speed of a microwave dinner.

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Even Musk himself isn't immune. When he shared a manipulated

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video of Kamala Harris, twenty five different people tried to

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fact check it, but twenty four others said, nah, it's

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clearly satire. And now that post has been viewed one

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hundred and thirty six point six million times. That's not

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a social media platform. That's just a really efficient misinformation

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delivery system. You know what they say in the land

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of alternative facts, the man with no fact checkers is king.

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You know who's really mastered the art of corporate backpedaling?

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Meta Mark Zuckerberg just pulled off a move so smooth

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it makes a politician's pivot look like a three point

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turn and an eighteen wheeler. Picture this four years ago,

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Zuckerberg standing there like a disappointed parent, wagging his finger

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at Trump and banning him from Facebook. Now he's basically

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redecorating the whole platform in maga red. That's not a pivot,

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that's a full Olympic gymnastics routine. And get this, they're

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moving their content moderation team from California to Texas because

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apparently truth has a different zip code. Now it's like

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saying we're not biased anymore because we bought cowboy boots

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for all our fact checkers. They even hired Dana White

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from UFC to their board. I guess when your platform

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is about to become a free for all, you might

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as well bring in someone who understands cage fights. The

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funniest part is Zuckerberg trying to dress this up as

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some noble stand for free speech. He's acting like he

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had this grand epiphany about expression, when really it's more

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like he noticed which way the political winds were blowing

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and decided to become a weather vane. I mean, this

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is the same company that was just caught creating fake

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AI accounts to make Instagram look more diverse. That's like

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putting mannequins at your party to make it look crowded.

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At least the mannequins weren't spreading misinformation yet. Wow, here's

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a study that basically says your treadmill is more important

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than your scale. Scientists looked at almost four hundred thousand

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people and found that being out of shape is basically

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playing double or triple jeopardy with your life no matter

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what size pants you wear. But if you're carrying extra

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weight and you can still chase down a bus, you're

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actually healthier than that thin person who gets winded opening

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their mail. Doctor Siddartha Angatti from the University of Virginia,

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who I assume knows more about health than I know

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about anything, says we should focus less on fatness and

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more on fitness, which is great because one of those

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is way more fun to work on than the other.

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Here's the wild part. You don't even have to become

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a gym influencer to get the benefits. Just move enough

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to get out of the bottom twenty percent of fitness

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for your age group. That's like being the sixth worst

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player on a really bad baseball team. You're still not great,

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but hey, you're not the worst anymore. And what counts

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as enough exercise brisk walks. That's it. Just walk fast

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enough that you can still talk but not sing, though

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if you're anything like me, that probably rules out your

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dramatic rendition of don't stop a believe in while power

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walking through the neighborhood. So there you have it. Science

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is officially telling us to worry less about the size

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of our genes and more about whether we can climb

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a flight of stairs without sounding like Darth Vader. Now,

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if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a

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brisk walk to the kitchen and maybe back a few times.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of Greenland,

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AI and Fatness