June 16, 2025

Trump Wants More Babies, China Wants Fewer Chatbots

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield unpacks America’s "fertility crisis" as Trump declares himself the “Fertilization President” and floats a $1,000 baby bonus—because diapers apparently cost three bucks? Meanwhile, JD Vance thinks cat ladies shouldn’t vote, and Trump’s solution to low birth rates is… less immigration. Across the globe, China is locking down AI tools like Tencent and ByteDance during the gaokao exam to stop students from cheating. Steel-reinforced rooms, fingerprint heists, drones, and pantsless test-takers—just another week in education. And yes, we used AI to help make this episode. Don’t tell Beijing.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:10.039
Calaruga Shark media from Washington, DC, where now we're even

2
00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:13.400
running out of babies. This is Dallent. Hey, ladies, I

3
00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:15.320
have a solution for that, and I'll be at the

4
00:00:15.320 --> 00:00:20.320
hotel bar after the show. Hi. I'm Patrick Guttfield. And

5
00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:23.839
apparently America has a fertility crisis and Trump has declared

6
00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:29.199
himself the fertilization President, the fertilization President. That's not a

7
00:00:29.239 --> 00:00:31.600
campaign slogan. That's what you'd call someone who runs a

8
00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:34.560
plant nursery. Vote for me. I'll make your gardens grow,

9
00:00:35.399 --> 00:00:38.000
unless it's the rose garden, in which case we'll pave

10
00:00:38.039 --> 00:00:41.159
it over. America's birth rate has dropped to one point

11
00:00:41.159 --> 00:00:43.960
six children per woman, well below the replacement rate of

12
00:00:43.960 --> 00:00:47.200
two point one. That means we're not making enough Americans

13
00:00:47.240 --> 00:00:49.679
to replace the ones we already have. It's like a

14
00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:52.759
subscription service where more people are canceling than signing up.

15
00:00:53.399 --> 00:00:57.880
America is now literally a Ponzi scheme. Trump's solution includes

16
00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:01.159
a one thousand dollars baby bonus and a national Medal

17
00:01:01.200 --> 00:01:04.519
of Motherhood for women with lots of kids. Vice President

18
00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:07.840
JD Vance suggested parents should have more voting rights than

19
00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:13.319
childless cat ladies. What's next requiring a parenting license to vote. Sorry,

20
00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:15.599
you only have one kid, you get half a ballot.

21
00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:20.079
Other countries have been dealing with this problem for decades. Japan,

22
00:01:20.280 --> 00:01:24.000
South Korea, Spain, and Italy all dropped below one point

23
00:01:24.040 --> 00:01:27.760
five births per woman over twenty five years ago. By

24
00:01:27.799 --> 00:01:31.079
twenty fifteen, fifty five countries had made raising birth rates

25
00:01:31.079 --> 00:01:34.120
a policy goal. One theory is that men feel less

26
00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:36.560
inclined to have children if they're expected to actually help

27
00:01:36.599 --> 00:01:40.680
with childcare men. Apparently, some guys are like, I want kids,

28
00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:43.959
but only if someone else raises them. That's like wanting

29
00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:46.879
to own a dog, but refusing to walk it, feed it,

30
00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:51.359
or acknowledge its existence. Trump could solve this by accepting immigration,

31
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:55.480
since immigrants have higher fertility rates, but Trump wants to

32
00:01:55.560 --> 00:01:59.280
end birthright citizenship instead, So his solution to not having

33
00:01:59.400 --> 00:02:02.400
enough American babies is to make sure fewer babies count

34
00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:06.000
as American. That's like solving a food shortage by making

35
00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:10.280
smaller plates. The baby bonus of one thousand dollars is

36
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:15.199
supposed to encourage childbirth one thousand dollars. Have these people

37
00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:18.439
seen the cost of diapers? That's like offering a five

38
00:02:18.479 --> 00:02:22.680
dollars gas card to encourage people to buy SUVs. Here's

39
00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:25.719
your baby bonus. This should cover about two weeks of formula.

40
00:02:28.199 --> 00:02:30.879
Trump announced he's planning to phase out FEMA after this

41
00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:35.240
year's hurricane season. FEMA the agency that shows up when

42
00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:39.800
Mother Nature decides to redecorate your entire state. Trump's solution

43
00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:44.039
let governors handle it themselves. That's like firing the fire

44
00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:48.319
department and telling homeowners to figure out garden hoses. Trump said,

45
00:02:48.400 --> 00:02:51.039
a governor should be able to handle it, and frankly,

46
00:02:51.319 --> 00:02:55.120
if they can't handle it, then maybe they shouldn't be governor, right,

47
00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:59.680
because natural disasters are really just a test of gubernatorial competence.

48
00:03:00.639 --> 00:03:05.039
Hurricane Katrina wasn't a catastrophe. It was apparently a performance review.

49
00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:08.719
The plan is to wean off of FEMA and bring

50
00:03:08.759 --> 00:03:12.800
disaster response down to the state level. Ween off like

51
00:03:12.919 --> 00:03:16.919
FEMA is some kind of addiction. Hi, my name is America,

52
00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:20.199
and I've been dependent on federal disaster relief for decades.

53
00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:25.159
What's next a twelve step program for emergency management. Trump

54
00:03:25.199 --> 00:03:31.120
called FEMA not a very successful experiment, an experiment. FEMA

55
00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:35.159
has been around since nineteen seventy nine. Homeland Security Secretary

56
00:03:35.240 --> 00:03:38.919
Christy Nome claims FEMA has failed thousands, if not millions,

57
00:03:38.919 --> 00:03:43.000
of people. Thousands, if not millions, that's quite arranged. That's

58
00:03:43.039 --> 00:03:46.479
like saying I've eaten dozens, if not hundreds, of tacos.

59
00:03:47.319 --> 00:03:51.360
Trump appointed David Richardson to lead FEMA, a former marine

60
00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:55.159
combat veteran and martial arts instructor with no prior experience

61
00:03:55.199 --> 00:03:59.840
managing natural disasters. No experience. That's like making Gordon Ramsey

62
00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:03.360
the Secretary of Transportation because he knows how to handle pressure.

63
00:04:04.039 --> 00:04:07.840
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration projects this year's hurricane

64
00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:12.639
season to be particularly intense and potentially deadly, so naturally,

65
00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:16.000
this is the perfect time to dismantle the disaster relief agency.

66
00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:21.519
FEMA entered hurricane season understaffed and underprepared, with plummeting morale.

67
00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:26.000
Plummeting morale. Nothing boost team spirit like telling employees their

68
00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:29.759
jobs will be eliminated after the next natural disaster. Good

69
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:33.279
luck with those hurricanes, everyone, Also, you're all fired. In December,

70
00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:47.240
so China just held their college entrance exam and they

71
00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:51.399
had to shut down AI chatbots to prevent cheating. Thirteen

72
00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:55.360
million students taking one test and The country's response was basically,

73
00:04:55.480 --> 00:04:59.000
turn off the robots. That's like fighting a food fight

74
00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:02.720
by confiscating all the spoons. The Gaucow exam is so

75
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:07.439
secure they treat the test papers like state secrets. State secrets.

76
00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:11.959
These aren't nuclear launch codes, they're math problems. The test

77
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.439
copies are stored in steel reinforced rooms that require three

78
00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:18.959
different people with three different keys to open. That's more

79
00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:23.800
security than most banks. Sorry, can't access the algebra questions

80
00:05:23.800 --> 00:05:29.759
without the chairman's approval. They have facial recognition technology, metal detectors, drones,

81
00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:34.600
and cell phone signal blockers monitoring the exam drones. They're

82
00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:38.319
using military great surveillance to watch teenagers solve word problems.

83
00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:41.839
That's like hiring the Secret Service to monitor a spelling beat.

84
00:05:42.759 --> 00:05:46.519
Ten cents chatbot displayed a message saying, dear user, to

85
00:05:46.680 --> 00:05:50.759
ensure the fairness of Gaucow, this function is unavailable during

86
00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:56.079
Gaucow hours. The AI is apologizing for not helping students cheat.

87
00:05:57.199 --> 00:06:00.720
That's like a getaway car sending a polite text, Sorry,

88
00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:04.439
can't assist with your bank robbery today, Please try again tomorrow.

89
00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:09.519
Chinese AI model deep Seek told users it could temporarily

90
00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:13.319
suspend photo recognition for test question search. During Gaokao and

91
00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:17.439
other important exams, the AI knows its exam season and

92
00:06:17.519 --> 00:06:21.560
goes into hibernation mode. These chatbots are more responsible than

93
00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:25.399
most college students. The message from ten Cent even wished

94
00:06:25.399 --> 00:06:29.720
students all success in the exams, so they're blocking cheating

95
00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:33.920
while simultaneously cheering for the students. That's like a security

96
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:37.639
guard confiscating your contraband while saying good luck in there.

97
00:06:38.600 --> 00:06:43.480
Some schools used real time eye patrol systems to detect whispering, peaking,

98
00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:49.079
passing objects, answering early, or using prohibited tools. AI watching

99
00:06:49.120 --> 00:06:52.519
for cheating, while other AI refuses to help with cheating.

100
00:06:53.639 --> 00:06:56.360
The robots are having an ethics debate while the humans

101
00:06:56.399 --> 00:07:00.680
take their test. The AI can detect suspicious behavior during

102
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:04.560
the exam and also do a post exam intelligent search

103
00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:09.399
post exam analysis. They're running instant replay on pencil movements.

104
00:07:10.279 --> 00:07:13.920
After reviewing the footage, we've determined that student number forty

105
00:07:13.959 --> 00:07:17.319
seven looked to the left suspiciously at question number twelve.

106
00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:22.040
In twenty fourteen, one hundred and twenty university students allegedly

107
00:07:22.120 --> 00:07:25.600
use fake fingerprint membranes to take the test for high schoolers,

108
00:07:26.439 --> 00:07:30.839
fake fingerprints. They turned college entrance exams into a Mission

109
00:07:30.839 --> 00:07:34.759
Impossible movie. Next, they'll be repelling from the ceiling to

110
00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:39.160
steal answer sheets. In twenty eighteen, law enforcement arrested more

111
00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:42.600
than fifty criminal suspects from twelve gangs and seized over

112
00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:45.800
one hundred thousand sets of wireless equipment for gaioco cheating.

113
00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:50.120
One hundred thousand sets. That's not cheating, that's running a

114
00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:54.680
small electronics store. Welcome to Bob's exam fraud Imporium. We've

115
00:07:54.720 --> 00:07:59.839
got earpieces, transmitters, and bulk discounts. Six teachers were imprisoned

116
00:07:59.879 --> 00:08:03.600
in twenty sixteen for illegally obtaining state secrets after helping

117
00:08:03.639 --> 00:08:07.920
students cheat state secrets. The teachers got convicted like they

118
00:08:07.920 --> 00:08:12.120
were selling military intel instead of sharing geometry answers. The

119
00:08:12.199 --> 00:08:16.639
defendant stands accused of treason and also explaining quadratic equations.

120
00:08:17.480 --> 00:08:20.800
There's video of parents helping a student remove his pant

121
00:08:20.920 --> 00:08:25.759
zipper because the metal was setting off detectors his pants zipper.

122
00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:29.439
They had to perform emergency clothing surgery so he could

123
00:08:29.439 --> 00:08:32.559
take his test. That's like being late for your wedding

124
00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:35.799
because your belt buckle is too suspicious. The student had

125
00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:38.120
to sprint into the school building after removing his zipper

126
00:08:38.120 --> 00:08:42.759
pull tabs. Picture that scene, a teenager running pantsless into

127
00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:47.240
his most important exam because his zipper was a security threat. Sorry,

128
00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:50.919
I'm late. My clothing was considered a weapon. After the exam,

129
00:08:51.000 --> 00:08:54.120
ended parents waited outside with flower bouquets in high fives.

130
00:08:54.879 --> 00:08:58.360
Flower bouquets for a test. That's the kind of celebration

131
00:08:58.559 --> 00:09:04.000
usually reserved for Olympic or surviving natural disasters. Congratulations on

132
00:09:04.080 --> 00:09:08.279
not getting caught cheating. The Communist Party calls this standardized

133
00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:12.120
test a social equalizer for one point four billion people.

134
00:09:12.840 --> 00:09:17.320
Social equalizer. One test determining everyone's future is equality, the

135
00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:19.799
same way Russian roulette is a fair game. Everyone gets

136
00:09:19.840 --> 00:09:23.159
the same chance to have their dreams crushed. The nine

137
00:09:23.159 --> 00:09:27.320
hour exam covers math, language, and foreign language. Nine hours.

138
00:09:27.639 --> 00:09:31.600
That's longer than most workdays. By hour seven, students are

139
00:09:31.639 --> 00:09:36.240
probably hallucinating logarithms and conjugating verbs and languages that don't exist.

140
00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:39.200
The Chinese are not going to be happy when they

141
00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:41.840
find out we used AI to help make this podcast.