Sept. 5, 2024

Trump vs. Rogan, Twinkies, and Tinfoil Hats

Show Notes
Transcript

Buckle up, folks, because this week we’re diving into the wild world of Trump vs. Rogan, Biden’s bizarre history lessons, and a Trump campaign bug-gate that could’ve been solved with a $14 Amazon purchase. From Trump’s imaginary school surgeries to the many flavors of Twinkies, this episode is packed with enough twists, turns, and laughs to keep you entertained and informed. Spoiler alert: No actual facts were harmed in the making of this podcast—just some bruised egos and misplaced Twinkies.

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WEBVTT

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Calaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where we just learned

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Twinkies come in twenty one flavors. Stay with us, it

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will eventually make sense.

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This is ballad, that's right, and Trump hooked us up

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with a legit way to seo Joe Rogan's name into

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the episode title, Welcome new listeners, let's hit this well. Well, well, folks,

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it looks like we've got ourselves a real life soap

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opera brewing between the Apprentice in Chief and the fear

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factor of podcasting. That's right, it's Donald Trump versus Joe

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Rogan in the Battle of the egos. Trump, in his

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infinite wisdom, decided to play it cool when asked about.

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His beef with Rogan.

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He's basically the high school jock pretending he doesn't know

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the name of the girl who turned him down for

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prom Joe who never heard of him?

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Is he the guy who sells those little cigars?

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But let's not forget this is the same Trump who

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took the truth social his personal digital megaphone to wonder

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how loudly Rogan would get booed at UFC because nothing

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says I don't care about you like publicly fantasizing about

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your humiliation. Right. Meanwhile, Rogan's over here playing hard to get.

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He's turned down Trump's advances more times than a vegetarian

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at a BBQ joint. I don't want to help him,

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Rogan says. Translation, Sorry, Donald, but your ratings just aren't

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high enough for my show. Trump, ever, the master of

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alternative facts, claims he's never been asked to do Rogan's podcast.

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It's like watching a game of he said, he said,

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where both sides are using different dictionaries. And let's not

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forget the supporting character in this drama, Robert F.

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Kennedy Junior.

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He's like the popular kid that both Trump and Rogan

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are trying to impress. Trump's practically doing backflips, trying to

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show how cool he is with Rogan liking Kennedy.

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See, I'm not jealous. I'm totally fine with it.

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Really, Trump, in his infinite wisdom, decided to enlighten us

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all on the transgender thing. And let me tell you,

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it's incredible. His words, not mine. Apparently, in Trump's America,

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kids are going to school on Monday as Little Timmy

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and coming home on Friday as Little Tammy, complete with

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a brand new set of books. According to the Donald,

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schools are now performing drive through gender reassignment surgeries between

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math and social studies.

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Who knew.

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I guess those school nurses have really up their game

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since I was a kid. Back then, all they had

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was an ice pack and a band aid.

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But wait, there's more.

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Trump claims the schools are making these decisions all by themselves,

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because obviously that's how medical procedures work. You send your

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kid to school with a packed lunch and they come

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home with a packed something else. Now you might be thinking,

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surely someone corrected him. Right wrong, Tiffany Justice, the co

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founder of Moms for Liberty, was right there nodding along.

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I guess fact checking isn't part of their curriculum. So

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there you have it, folks. Trump's latest blockbuster, Honey, I

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Shrunk the Fact, coming soon to a rally near you.

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Just remember, in Trump's world, the truth is whatever you

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want it to be, as long as it's not, you know,

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actually true.

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Joe Biden remember him? Don't worry he doesn't either.

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It looks like Grandpa Joe decided to take a stroll

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down memory lane at a Harris Walls campaign event in

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Pennsylvania and boy did he take a wrong turn somewhere.

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Our esteemed President, in his infinite wisdom, regaled union workers

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with a tale that would make even the most creative

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fiction writer's blush. Apparently, Biden's great Grandpapy was once accused

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of being part of a secret Irish society called the

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Molly mcguires. You know, just your average run of the mill,

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violent gang that occasionally murdered people.

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No, biggie, But wait, it gets better.

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Biden, with all the enthusiasm of a kid telling a

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ghost story at summer camp, went on to describe how

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these molly mcguires would literally kill foreman who were mean

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to Catholic immigrants, because nothing says fighting for workers' rights

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like a good old fashioned murder.

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Am I right?

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And just when you thought the story couldn't get any wilder,

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Biden drops the punchline, we were so damn disappointed that

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his great grandfather wasn't actually a member of this.

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Charming little club. Ha, good one, Joe.

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Nothing like a bit of homicidal nostalgia to really get

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those union workers fired up. Of course, Biden quickly added

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that was a joke. Thanks for the clarification, mister President.

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We were all worried.

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You might actually be disappointed your ancestor wasn't part of.

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A murderous gang.

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Oh boy, folks, grab your tinfoil hats and your magnifying glasses,

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because we've got ourselves a real life spy thriller, or

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should I say spy comedy. Last week, the Trump campaign

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and RNC offices in West Palm Beach turned into a

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scene straight out of Austin Powers International Man of Mystery.

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Apparently someone heard beeping under a desk, and suddenly everyone

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was channeling their inner James Bond. The offices were evacuated

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faster than Marra a Lago during a classified document raid.

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Fifty employees fled the scene, probably practicing their best spy

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rolls as they exited. The police were called, forensic teams

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were alerted, and I'm pretty sure someone tried to get

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Q on the line. But hold onto your wigs and keys, people.

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The culprit behind this high stakes espionage a thirteen dollars

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ninety seven cents prank.

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Device from Amazon.

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That's right, folks, the Trump campaign was outsmarted by something

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you could buy with the change in your couch cushions.

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Now I know what you're thinking. But Mack, surely they

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had reason to be suspicious. Well sure, if you consider

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a plastic beeping toy suspicious, I mean, who doesn't. The

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Trump team has been on high alert since an email

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hacking incident earlier this summer.

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They've been so paranoid.

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I heard they've started communicating via carrier pigeon and smoke signals.

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So there you have it, folks, the great Trump campaign

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buggate of twenty twenty four.

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Turns out the only thing bugging them was their own

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overactive imagination. Maybe next time they'll invest in some spy

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grade earplugs, or, better yet, a sense of humor. Remember,

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in politics, sometimes the biggest joke is the one you

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play on yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need

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to go check under my desk for any rogue Amazon deliveries.

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Apparently Trump was smitten with the idea of a Trump

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Kennedy ticket, because nothing says make America great again like

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teaming up with someone whose family name you've been dragging

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through the mud. Right, It's like a rom com where

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the lead characters hate each other until they suddenly don't.

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Hollywood, are you taking notes?

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Trump liked the way Trump Kennedy sounded and considered making

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RFK his running mate. Hey, look I get it. I

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like the sound of Cheryl Hines Davies. Of course, this

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budding romance had its hurdles. Kennedy's wife thought Trump was

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untrustworthy shocking, I know, and Trump's team was worried about

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Kennedy's legal battles. It's like meeting the parents and realizing

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they don't approve. But instead of parents, it's political advisors,

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and instead of disapproval, it's mounting legal fees. She might

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as well leave her husband and start dating a younger

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guy with his own podcast. In the end, Kennedy dropped

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out and backed Trump, proving that in politics, yesterday's enemy

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is today's.

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Well, still kind of an enemy, but one that's useful. Now.

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Kennedy's fighting to get his name off ballots he fought

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to get on. It's like desperately trying to UNSND that

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embarrassing drunk text you sent at two am. According to RFK,

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Trump is now more focused on his legacy because nothing

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says legacy building like check's notes potentially facing ninety one

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felony charges. I guess Make America Great Again has been

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updated to make my mugshot look fabulous. Apparently Trump has

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had a real come to Jesus moment about his first term.

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He's admitted he appointed some people he shouldn't have, which

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is a bit like saying the Titanic had a slight navigation.

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Ishs you, but hey, growth is growth, right. Kennedy assures

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us that Trump is now listening to a wider range

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of voices, and by wider range, he means himself and

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Tulsi Gabbard. Because nothing says diverse perspectives like two people

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who've been booted from their own parties. It's like claiming

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you have a diverse diet because you eat both types

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of twinkies.

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Now, hold on.

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At first, I was like, what do you mean both

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types of Twinkies? I thought there was only one? But

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boy was I wrong. I might as well have suggested

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you inject bleach. It turns out Twinkies have been released

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in a variety of flavors over the years. While the

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classic Twinkie is vanilla sponge cake with a creamy filling,

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Hostess has experimented with numerous flavors, some of which have

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been limited edition.

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Here are some of the Twinkies flavors.

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One original Vanilla the classic Golden sponge cake with creamy filling.

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Two Chocolate crem sponge cake with chocolate cream filling. Three

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Banana crem sponge cake with banana flavored cream filling. Four

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Strawberry crem sponge cake with strawberry flavored cream filling. Five

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Chocolate cake chocolate sponge cake with vanilla cream filling. Six

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Peanut butter sponge cake with peanut butter cream filling. Seven

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Pumpkin spice seasonal flavor with pumpkin spice cream filling.

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I should have seen that one coming.

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Eight Mint chocolate chocolate sponge cake with mint flavored cream filling.

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Nine fudge covered Mint Twinkie covered in fudge with mint

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flavored filling. Ten Cinnamon sugar sponge cake with cinnamon sugar

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flavored filling. Eleven Cotton candy sponge cake with cotton candy

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flavored cream filling. Twelve Orange cream Pop orange flavored sponge

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cake with cream filling, thirteen Mixed berry sponge cake with

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mixed berry flavored cream filling. Fourteen Key Lime Slime Ghostbusters

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Edition lime flavored filling in sponge cake. Fifteen Red, White,

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and Blue Patriotic themed with colored filling.

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Make Twinkies Great Again.

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Sixteen Blue Raspberry sponge cake with blue raspberry flavored filling.

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Seventeen Peanut Butter and Chocolate sponge cake with peanut butter

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filling covered in chocolate. Eighteen Cookies and Cream Chocolate sponge

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cake with cream filling and cookie pieces. Nineteen Iced Lemon

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sponge cake with lemon flavored filling and icing. Twenty tigertail

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sponge cake with strawberry and coconut filling. Twenty one Twinkie

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Cereal not an actual Twinkie, but a cereal inspired by

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the classic flavor. Portions of today's program were made with

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the help of AI and Twinkies. I bet that over

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at Crooked Media, the union bully John, John and Tommy

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into providing the staff with Twinkies for free.