April 8, 2025

Trump TANKS Economy While Resurrecting EXTINCT Predators! Military Parade Plans REVEALED!

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield delivers explosive commentary on this week's most outrageous political stories! Listen as he exposes Trump's contradictory market crash statements, reveals the REAL reason behind his multimillion-dollar military parade plans, and takes you inside the secret facility where scientists have brought terrifying dire wolves back from extinction! Corporate elites are jumping ship as tariffs devastate Wall Street - find out which billionaires are panicking! Plus, exclusive details on the prehistoric predators now living at an undisclosed location that could change our ecosystem forever. You won't believe what happens next in this can't-miss episode that has Washington insiders and scientists alike talking!

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Callaroga Shark media from Washington, DC, where winner is coming.

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This is ballot. That's right.

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Dire wolves are back, but my retirement fund is not.

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Let's hit this.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield, and boy do I have a story

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for you that makes less sense than a penguin and

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a sauna. President Trump is either crashing the stock market

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on purpose or he isn't, depending on which minute of

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the day you ask him.

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That's right.

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Our commander in chief reposted a video on truth social

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titled Trump is purposefully crashing the market without any comment.

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Then hours later he called the very notion so stupid

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and said, I don't want anything to go down. This

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is like watching someone set fire to their own house

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while telling the neighbors what No, I love this place.

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Sometimes you just need to burn down the living room

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to really appreciate the kitchen. Some economists are floating the

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theory that Trump is engineering what they call a J curve,

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a short term economic slowdown designed to force the Federal

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Reserve to slash interest rates. You know, like how I

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sometimes pretend to be sick on Monday mornings so my

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producer will let me use the emergency episode.

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Except in this.

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Case, pretending to be sick means tanking the entire global economy.

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Kevin Hassett, the White House National Economic Council Director, insisted

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on ABC that he's not trying to tank the market.

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He's trying to deliver for American workers, right in the

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same way that the captain of the Titanic was just

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trying to deliver ice for everyone's drinks. You know what

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they say about rats and sinking ships. Well, the ss

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Trump tariff is taking on water, and some of the

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biggest rodents in business are suddenly remembering they have swimming lessons.

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Jamie Diamond, the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, who in

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January told everyone to get over the tariffs because they

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were a valuable economic weapon, is now writing shareholder letters

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warning that these same tarriffs will likely increase inflation and

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cause a greater probability of a recession.

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That's quite the flip flop.

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I haven't seen someone change positions that fast since well.

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Ted Cruz on literally any issue involving Trump. Speaking of

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Ted Cruz, despite calling himself Trump's strongest supporter in the Senate,

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the Texas Senator is now warning these tariffs carry enormous

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risk Apparently Cruz just discovered that a tariff is a tax,

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and it is a tax principally on American consumers.

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Wow.

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Did he figure that out all by himself or did

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he have to ask his economic advisor?

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Captain obvious.

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Bill Ackman, the billionaire who jumped on the Trump train

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after the July assassination attempt, is now comparing these tariffs

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to launching an economic nuclear war. He even tweeted, and

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I quote, this is not what we voted for. Really, Bill,

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you voted for Donald Trump and you're surprised he's doing

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exactly what he promised to do for eight years, ordering

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a steak at a steakhouse and being shocked when they

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bring you meet. The stock market has been in free fall,

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with two successive days of more than one thy five

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hundred point declines.

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But don't worry.

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Fifty one Republican senators just voted for a budget framework

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to start drafting Trump's big, beautiful bill to cut taxes,

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because when your house is burning down, the best solution

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is obviously to add more kindling. Just remember this is

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only day seventy of his presidency. We still have three

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years and two hundred and ninety five days. To go,

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But who's counting? Oh right, the stock market? Straight down,

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Ladies and gentlemen, we have breaking news from Washington, d C.

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Where President Trump is planning to celebrate his seventy ninth

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birthday with a military parade.

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Because nothing says I'm not.

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Insecure about aging like having tanks roll through the capital

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in your honor. The parade is scheduled for June fourteenth

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and will stretch almost four miles from the Pentagon to

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the White House. Four miles that's the exact distance between

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Trump's ego and reality. Now, technically, this parade is also

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meant to celebrate the Army's two one hundred and fiftieth anniversary.

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But let's be honest, when has Trump ever let someone

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else share the spotlight. I'm surprised he didn't ask them

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to change their founding date to match his birthday. You

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might remember that Trump tried this same stunt back in

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twenty eighteen, after he watched France's Best Deal Day parade.

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He reportedly told French President Emmanuel Macron, We're going to

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have to try to top it, because international relations is

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just one big game of My military.

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Is bigger than yours.

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That parade was eventually canceled when the price tag hit

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ninety two million dollars.

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Ninety two million dollars.

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For that kind of money, you could buy thirteen thousand

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sets of White House silverware for the first.

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Lady to never use.

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Washington officials are concerned that heavy military equipment would damage

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the city's roads, but I'm sure Trump will just tell

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them what he tells everyone else. The roads were already

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broken when I got here. So mark your calendars for

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June fourteenth, when Washington, DC will look less like the

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capital of a democracy and more like Red Square Circle

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nineteen fifty five. I'll be watching from my bunker. Scientists

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at a Dallas biotech firm just announced they brought back

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dire wolves from extinction. That's right, those terrifying canines from

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Game of Thrones that we all assumed were made up

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fantasy creatures. Turns out they were real, and now they're back.

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Colossal Biosciences, a company valued at ten billion dollars, has

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created three dire wolves using DNA from a thirteen thousand

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year old tooth and a seventy two thousand year old skull.

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Because nothing says responsible science like recreating massive predators that

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nature decided to eliminate over thirteen millennia ago. The company

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named two of the wolves Romulus and Remus, after the

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mythical founders of Rome. Dire Wolves weighed around on one

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hundred and forty pounds when fully grown, about twenty five

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percent larger than today's gray wolves. They had more muscular bodies,

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larger heads, and sharper teeth. Basically, they were designed by

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nature to star in their own horror movie. The company

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is keeping these wolves in a fenced in nature preserve

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at a secret location in the United States. You know,

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because when you create prehistoric predators, the first rule is

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don't tell anyone.

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Where you're keeping them. What could possibly go wrong.

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Colossal Biosciences isn't stopping with dire wolves. They're also working

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on bringing back the wooly mammoth, the Dodo, and the

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Tasmanian tiger. I wonder if the tech works on four

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oh one k's At this point, I'm just waiting for

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them to announce they're opening a theme park called Jurassic Park,

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but with different animals.

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So there you have it.

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Thirteen thousand years after going extinct, dire wolves are back

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among us, and I, for one welcome our new K

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nine overlords. I just hope none of them develop a

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taste for podcast hosts. Portions of today's program were made

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with the help of extinct animals and a maniac tanking

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the stock market.