Dec. 17, 2024

Trump Talks Drones, Harris Plans Comebacks, and the DNC's Scrooge-y Christmas

Show Notes
Transcript

Join Patrick Gutfield as he navigates through today's political circus, where Trump claims the government is playing hide-and-seek with mystery drones, Kamala Harris delivers fortune cookie wisdom to laid-off staffers at their own goodbye party, and Democratic strategists are already planning Harris's comeback tour before she's finished unpacking from her last campaign. It's just another normal day in American politics, where every story seems like it was written by a comedy writer having an existential crisis.

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Callaroga Shark media.

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From Washington, DC, where we believe in the polio vaccine.

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This is valid, that's right. Today we have more drones

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and Harris droning on. Let's hit this.

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Hey, Welcome to another day of political headlines that make

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you wonder if we're living in a simulation programmed by

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a caffeinated squirrel. I'm Patrick Gutfield, and boy do we

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have some stories. Trump held his first post election press

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conference at mar A Lago, which is like a country

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club designed by someone who only learned about luxury from

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playing monopoly.

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Let's dive in first up.

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Trump declared himself a big believer in the polio vaccine,

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which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in

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twenty twenty four.

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I mean, what's next?

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Trump confirms earth still round, water still wet. He's picked

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RFK Junior for Health Secretary, a guy who probably thinks

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vaccines are just tiny government spies and lab coats. Speaking

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of interesting choices, Trump wants Pete Hegseth as Defense Secretary.

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You might remember him from Fox News, where he was

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basically auditioning to be the next Gi Joe. Trump praised

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him for giving up his TV career, saying he'll never

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have that opportunity again. Yeah, because nothing tanks your TV

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career quite like Check's notes running the entire US military.

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Here's a fun one. Trump's considering pardoning NYC mayor Eric Adams.

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According to Trump, Adam's got in trouble for basically getting

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a flight upgrade. I don't know about you, but my

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flight upgrades usually don't come with federal indictments. And apparently

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Trump's been chatting with tech CEOs like Mark Zuckerberg and

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Tim Cook. It's like a Silicon Valley reunion show, but

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instead of a garage in Palo Alto, it's happening at

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a golf resort in Florida. Oh and get this, Trump's

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invited the Chinese president to his inauguration because nothing says

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America First quite like having your swearing in ceremonies sponsored

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by Beijing. The best part, Trump claims he's spoken to

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representatives from more than one hundred countries. That's impressive, considering

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there are days when I can barely handle talking to

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three people at Starbucks. Trump says, Biden knows what these

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mystery drones are, but won't tell us. Meanwhile, Chuck Schumer

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is out here consulting a magic eight ball about national security.

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I'm not kidding.

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He literally brought one to a press conference, and Trump,

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master of suspense that he is, claims our military knows

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exactly where these drones are coming from. According to him,

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they could walk right into the garage where they're launching from,

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because apparently these high tech mystery drones are being operated

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out of someone's garage, next to their dusty treadmill and

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collection of half empty paint cans. Trump says he can't

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imagine it's the enemy because if it was the enemy,

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they'd blast it, which is somereal you can't fire me.

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I quit energy applied to national security, and when asked

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if he'd received any classified briefings about the situation, Trump said,

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I don't want to comment on that, which in Trump

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speak is like saying maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

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Maybe I'm about to tell you anyway. In three two one,

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so picture this, the DNC throws a holiday party for

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staffers they just laid off without severance. That's like inviting

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someone to their own surprise firing party. Surprise, and by

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the way, clean out your desk before you grab any cake.

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Vice President Harris showed up to give what I can

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only describe as a motivational speech written by an AI

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that was fed nothing but fortune cookies. Our spirit will

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not be defeated, she declared to a room full of

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people whose spirits were probably feeling pretty defeated about not

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getting severance packages before Christmas. Then President Biden took the stage,

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and I swear I'm not making this up told Harris,

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You're not going anywhere, kid, because we're not gonna let you,

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which is exactly what you want to hear from your

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boss after losing an election, vague, slightly threatening encouragement.

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The DNC union.

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Called the layoffs cruel, which seems fair since getting fired

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without severance during the holidays is basically the corporate equivalent

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of getting coal in your stocking, except the coal might

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have actually been worth something. But hey, at least they

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had a party. Nothing says happy holidays quite like watching

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your former employer celebrate how much better the country is

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while you update your LinkedIn profile. Harris's team is already

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plotting her comeback to her, because when you lose an election,

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the first thing you should do is start planning to

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lose another one.

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According to The Washington post.

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Some Democrats think Trump broke all the rules about losing

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candidates not running again, so now Harris can too.

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One Harris advisor actually.

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Said it's almost Shakespearean that Joe Biden didn't just kill

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his own campaign, he killed her. They're also floating the

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idea of Harris running for California governor, because if at

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first you don't succeed, try running for a completely different office.

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It's like applying to be CEO and when that doesn't

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work out, saying, you know what, I'll manage the local

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franchise instead. Portions of today's show were made with the

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help of AI, DNC layoffs, and the drones, And don't

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underestimate how much we use drones.