Trump Speed-Reads Victory Speech As Ratings Tank And Epstein Ties Resurface

President Trump races through a rambling prime-time address as his approval sinks to thirty-nine percent, unveils a last-minute “Warrior Dividend” with no clear funding, shrugs off war talk, and faces fresh scrutiny after a New York Times investigation reveals his long-denied closeness to Jeffrey Epstein.

Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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