July 31, 2024

Trump says Harris ‘happened to turn Black’

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump says Harris ‘happened to turn Black’ which, well, distarcts us from some great sofa jokes.

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Calarogus shark media from Washington, DC, where JD.

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Vance made a joke about sleeping with sorry, sleeping on

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a couch.

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This is ballot, that's right.

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And I just looked up uncancellable in the dictionary. And

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there's a picture of Donald Trump. Buckle up, let's hit

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this so picture this. Trump's at the National Association of

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Black Journalist convention, which somehow both sides thought was a

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good idea. When asked about Vice President Kamala Harris, Trump

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launched into a monologue that was about as coherent as

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a game of telephone played by drunk parrots. He claimed

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Harris happened to turn black and was only promoting Indian heritage,

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before Trump then posed the philosophical question, is she Indian

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or is she black? Well, Donald, here's a wild concept.

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She can be both. I know, I know it's shocking.

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Next thing, you know, we'll discover that people can be

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more than one thing at a time. Mind blowing.

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Right, someone could be married and be a sofa sexual.

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It happens. Don't put everyone in a box.

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Donald, When the journalist Rachel Scott tried to clarify that

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Harris has always identified as a black woman, Trump accused

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her of having a hostile and nasty tone because nothing

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says I'm comfortable with this topic, like accusing your interviewer

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of hostility when they state a fact. Meanwhile, Democrats are

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reacting to Trump's comments like they've just watched a car

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crash in slow motion. Senator Raphael Warnock called it the

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politics of insult, of revenge and resentment and retribution. That's

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a lot of our words, Senator, are you sure you're

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not trying to audition for Sesame Street. Earlier in the week,

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in an interview with Fox News Laura Ingraham, Trump said

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world leaders would treat Vice President Kamala Harris like a

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playtoy if she's elected president. She'll be so easy for them.

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She'll be like a playtoy. They look at her and

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they say, we can't believe we got so lucky.

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They're gonna walk all over her.

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Looking directly into the camp, Trump said, I don't want

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to say as to why, but a lot of people

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understand it. Time out, can I tell you the weirdest part.

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Of my job.

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I'm supposed to take serious news stories and goof on them.

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We haven't had a serious news story all week.

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Speaking of which we have more on today's episode of

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Politicians Say the Darnedest Things. Next up none other than

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Ohio Senator jd Vance, who's been caught in a bizarre

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love triangle with himself and a couch. Just when we

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thought this sofa saga was finally over, Vance decided to

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resurrect it himself. At a rally, he joked about potentially

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sleeping on the couch if he made his wife speak

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on stage. Now, I'm no relationship expert, but if your

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go to punchline involves furniture in fidelity, you might want

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to rethink your material. The crowd's reaction was about as

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enthusiastic as a group of teenagers at a library. But

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the Internet, Oh, they had a field day. One user

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quipped a reminder that jd Vance hasn't publicly denied the

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couch allegations. It seems the viral rumor about J. D

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Vance's alleged intimate relationship with a couch wasn't born in

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a think tank or a political war room, but in

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the produce isle of a grocery store. Our anonymous hero,

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let's call him grocery Store Rick, claims he was inspired

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by Hunter s Thompson's tale of Lyndon B. Johnson spreading

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rumors about his rival being a how can I clean

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this up?

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A pig enthusiast.

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Rick says he didn't intend to spread misinformation. He just

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wanted to mock the Republican candidate. Gather around for another

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episode of As the Trump Turns, the soap opera that

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just keeps on giving today's drama a family feud that

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makes the Hatfields and McCoy's look like the Brady Bunch.

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So here's the scoop.

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Fred Trump, Donald Trump's nephew, has decided to endorse Vice

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President Kamala Harris for the twenty twenty four election. Yes

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you heard that right, a Trump supporting a Democrat. Fred

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made his announcement on the View, saying he believes in

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policy over politics. Now that's a concept as rare in

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Washington as a politician turning down a free lunch.

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Now, enter stage right. Eric Trump, looking about as happy

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as a cat in a bathtub.

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He took to Twitter because only crazy people like my

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ex girlfriend Norma call it X to express his let's

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call it displeasure. Eric's post reads like a Thanksgiving dinner

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argument put through a pr firm spin cycle. He talks

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about decades of unwavering love, support, golf memberships, family vacations,

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and millions of dollars in support because nothing says family

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love like a golf membership, Am I right? He goes

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on to accuse Fred of cashing in and following his

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troubled sister Mary Trump. Now, I'm no family therapist, but

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I'm pretty sure airing your dirty laundry on social media

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isn't in the how to heal family riff's handbook. I'm

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starting to really like the Harris campaign because reports are

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that she'll reveal her VP pick on Tuesday in the

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middle of the day, as opposed to say, one forty

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six pm on a Sunday afternoon when I'm in the pool.

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When asked if she's picked her VP, Kamala drops a

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not yet, like she's teasing the season finale. Now let's

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talk about the contenders. We've got a real mixed bag here, folks.

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Mark Kelly, the astronaut turned senator from Arizona. Tim Waltz,

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Minnesota's governor who probably hopes Harris likes lakes and Minnesota.

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Nice Andy Basheer, Kentucky's governor who might be hoping Harris

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has a sudden craving for bourbon and horse racing, and

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of course Pete Buddha, judge whose name I will eventually

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learn how to say three years into his presidency someday,

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who's probably hoping his experience as Transportation Secretary will help

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him navigate his way to the VP spot. But the

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real star of this political soap opera, Josh Shapiro, Pennsylvania's governor.

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Shapiro's even throwing some shade at Trump's running mate jd. Vance,

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saying he's not exactly off to a good start. May

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the best candidate win, and may the rest get a

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consolation tote bag or something. Just when you thought the

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twenty twenty four election couldn't get any more bizarre, along

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comes Willie Brown with a plot twist that would make

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even the writers of House of Cards blush.

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So picture this. It's the nineteen nineties.

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Kamala Harris is just a bright eyed lawyer, Donald Trump

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is just a real estate mogul with a penchant for

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gold plate at everything, and Willie Brown is playing political

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matchmaker like it's a game of the dating game Power Edition.

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According to Brown, he introduced Harris to Trump back when

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parachute pants were still in style. And not only that,

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he claims to have photographic evidence of Harris on Trump's plane.

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That's right, folks, before they were political rivals, they were

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airplane acquaintances. It's like finding out Batman and the Joker

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once shared an Uber and let me just give.

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Some free advice here.

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Trump probably doesn't want anyone googling Trump and plane in

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the same sentence. Throw those words into Google and you

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get search results that include the word island. Brown also

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claims he arranged for Trump to write a check for

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Harris's attorney general campaign in twenty eleven.

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Talk about a plot twist. It's like finding out Darth.

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Vader once sent Luke Skywalker a good luck on your

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Jedi training card. Portions of today's show were created with

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the help of AI, just like the photo of me

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on Trump's plane.