Oct. 16, 2024

Trump Roasts Detroit… While in Detroit

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump rolls into Detroit, insults the city, and compares it to a developing nation. Gretchen Whitmer and Mayor Duggan clap back harder than Lions fans at a touchdown, while Trump waves around a fake “Man of the Year” award. Oh, and his “Detroit is doomed under Kamala” line? Absolute chef’s kiss.

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Calarogu shark media from Detroit the worst city in the world.

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This is ballot Patrick.

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I don't think you're supposed to bash Detroit while we're

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in Detroit.

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You're never going to be president. Now, okay, let's hit this.

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Oh boy.

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Folks talk about biting the hand that feeds you, or,

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in this case, the city that's hosting you. Trump made

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fun of Detroit while giving a speech in Detroit. Trump

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rolled into Detroit like a bull in a china shop,

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except the china shop is motor City and the bull

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is wearing a red tie that's way too long. He

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looked at Detroit and thought, you know what, this place

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needs a good old fashioned Trump style put down, because

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nothing says vote for me like telling people their city

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is a disaster. Right. He compared Detroit to a developing

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nation in China. I guess in Trump's world that's a compliment.

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Next thing you know, he'll be calling New York a

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quaint fishing village and Los Angeles a charming little hamlet.

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But wait, it gets better.

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Trump warned that if Kamala Harris wins, the whole country

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will end up like Detroit. I'm not sure if he

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meant we'd all get better at making cars, or if

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we'd all start rooting for the Lions. Either way, I'm

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not sure that's the slam Donkey thinks it is. Governor

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Gretchen Whitmer wasn't having any of it. She basically told

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Trump to keep Detroit's name out of his mouth. I

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haven't seen a governor that fired up since Governor Walls

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found out someone was trying to build a wall around

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Minnesota and make both Dakotas pay for it. And let's

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not forget Mayor Mike Duggan, who clapped back harder than

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a Lions fan after a touchdown. He listed off Detroit's

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recent wins like he was reading Trump's indictment list, NFL

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draft check, Tiger's in the playoffs. You bet, Lions headed

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to the super Bowl. Now that's what I call make

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America great again.

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Picture this.

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Trump's in Detroit, trying to convince auto workers he's their savior,

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when suddenly he whips out a piece of paper from

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his suit pocket like it's the golden ticket to Willy

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Wonka's chocolate factory. Look what I found, he exclaims, waving

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around what he claims is proof he was named Michigan's

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Man of the Year back in the day.

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Now, I know what you're thinking.

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Man of the Year was that before or after he

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was crowned King of the bankruptcy, an emperor of bad

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spray tns.

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But hang on, it gets better.

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Trump's been bragging about this phantom award for years, like

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it's his long lost Nobel prize. He's mentioned at more

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times than he's had wives, which is saying something.

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But here's the kicker.

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It turns out this award is about as real as

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his natural hair color. The story he's waving around it's

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been corrected faster than Trump changes his positions on well everything.

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Turns out he wasn't Man of the Year in twenty thirteen.

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He was just a keynote speaker at a dinner where

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they handed him a participation trophy. I mean a statuette

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of Abraham Lincoln. Honest, Abe must be rolling in his grave.

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But wait, there's more. The Oakland County GOP, blessed their hearts,

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are now scrambling to back up Trump's cl like it's

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their last chance to get on the Trump train. They're

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insisting he did get the award, but they can't seem

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to find any proof. It's like looking for Trump's tax returns.

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Always promised, never delivered. And let's not forget the grand finale.

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Trump did get a Man of the Decade award in

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twenty twenty three, because nothing says Man of the Decade

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like a guy who lost the popular vote twice and

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got impeached more times than he's read the Constitution. Trump came,

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he saw, he insulted, Just another day in the life

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of a guy who thinks diplomatic is a type of immunity.

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He should have stay tuned for his next.

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Rally, where he'll probably tell Chicago their pizza isn't all

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that great and New Orleans that their jazz is too jazzy.

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Oh, Donald, never change, or actually maybe do Look.

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I know some of you are upset that I'm endorsing Trump.

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How could I not with his great hair, big manly hands,

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and all his great ideas that make total sense the

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more you think about them.

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But let me ask you this.

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Do you want this show to be me telling you

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President Harris's new economic policy went into effect or would

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you rather it be something like President Trump's Secretary of

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State Willie Nelson announced sanctions against East Vietnam. Besides, I

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don't want to time in the gulag with Jimmy Kimmel.

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John Stewart says he's leaning towards Harris, impressed by her

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ability to switch from Indian to Black quicker than most

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people change their socks.

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Talk about a diverse candidate.

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She's got more identities than a spy novel protagonist leaning

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John leaning, But don't worry Trump fans. Stuart didn't forget

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about your guy. He tore into the Donald's economic policy plan,

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or should I say lack thereof. Apparently Trump's economic strategy

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is about as clear as a foggy day in London.

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Maybe he's saving his brilliant ideas for a surprise reveal,

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or maybe he's just winging it.

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Who knows it's Trump?

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And let's talk about that worker friendly image Trump's trying

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to cultivate.

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Stuart compared it to a Christmas Carol, but in reverse.

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Picture, this Trump is Scrooge trying to fire three ghosts

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for asking for overtime. You're fired, Spirit of Christmas past,

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No time and a half for you.

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Now that's a holiday special. I'd watch.

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Donnie Boy is back at it again, playing hide and

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seek with his medical records. You'd think after promising to

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release them, he'd follow through, but nope. Turns out keeping

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secrets is the only exercise Trump gets these days. Now,

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we all know Trump's not exactly a spring chicken. If

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he wins, he'll be older than Betty White's first pair

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of dentures by the end of his turn. But don't worry, folks,

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he assures us he's in tip top shape. Just look

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at how gracefully he dodges questions about his health. It's

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like watching a three hundred pound ballerina. Remember when Trump's

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doctor said he'd be the healthiest president ever. That letter

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was about as believable as Trump's hair color. Grab your popcorn,

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because the irony train just pulled into the station, and

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its conductor is none other than Donald Trump himself, our

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favorite orange tinted hair to ying ex president has been

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busy selling God Bless the USA Bibles because nothing says

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I Love America quite like slapping some Lee Greenwood lyrics

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onto the good book. Right, But hold onto your maga hats,

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because these star spangled scriptures have a dirty little secret.

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They're made in China.

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That's right, the same China that Trump claims is stealing

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American jobs faster than he can say. Kamabla is churning

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out these patriotic pew fillers for less than three bucks

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a pop. And here's the kicker, they're selling them for

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a cool fifty nine dollars ninety nine cents. Talk about

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turning water into wine, or in this case, turning Chinese

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labor into American profit.

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But wait, there's more.

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For the low low price of one thousand dollars, you

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can get a signed copy. Because nothing says blessed are

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the meek quite like dropping a grand on a Bible

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autographed by a guy who's been married three times Divine intervention.

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Indeed, Meanwhile, Trump's running mate JD.

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Vance is out there praising Trump's wisdom and courage to

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bring manufacturing back from China. I guess he missed the

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memo about these Bibles being as made in China as

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a plastic souvenir from the Great Walls. So there you

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have it, folks, Donald Trump making America great again, one

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Chinese made Bible at a time. I guess when Jesus

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said render unto Caesar, Trump heard render unto China or

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maybe Detroit. Portions of today's program were made with the

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help of AI. And remember you can spell Detroit without

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A and I. Well, I guess you need the I