Sept. 25, 2025

Trump Replaces Biden's Portrait With An Autopen While Demanding UN Investigate The Escalator

Trump Replaces Biden's Portrait With An Autopen While Demanding UN Investigate The Escalator
Patrick Gutfield covers the week's most absurd political theater: Anonymous artists install a bronze statue of Trump and Epstein holding hands on the National Mall (spoiler: it doesn't last), Trump replaces Biden's presidential portrait with a picture of an autopen machine in his new "Walk of Fame," and the President demands a UN investigation into "triple sabotage" involving a broken escalator, malfunctioning teleprompter, and bad audio. Plus, why every political distraction seems designed to avoid one topic: releasing the Epstein files.
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Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, d C. Where we'll release

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the Epstein files. This is ballad. They've tried their best

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to distract everyone and it worked for a week. But

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let's hit this. Now that Kimmelgate is over, we can

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get back to releasing the Epstein files. Hi, I'm Patrick

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Gutfield and an anonymous group of artists. The side of

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the National Mall needed more awkward bronze moments and installed

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a statue called best Friends Forever, showing Trump and Jeffrey

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Epstein holding hands. The plaque celebrates their long lasting bond

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and calls Epstein Trump's closest friend, which is about as

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subtle as a brick through a window. The timing is perfect.

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Right as people are calling for the full release of

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Epstein files. Nothing says let's have a calm, rational discussion

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about government transparency, like a bronze statue of two controversial

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figures having a moment on the lawn in front of

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the Capitol. Trump and Epstein were neighbors and Florida back

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in the eighties and hung out regularly. They flew around together,

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appeared at parties, the usual wealthy guy social circuit stuff.

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Then in two thousand and four, they had some falling

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out over a real estate deal, because apparently even friendships

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among the ultra rich come down to property disputes. When

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Epstein got arrested in twenty nineteen, Trump was quick to

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distance himself, saying I had a falling out with him

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a long time ago. Trump even filed a defamation lawsuit

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against The Wall Street Journal in July over an article

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claiming he gave Epstein a drawing of a naked woman

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for his fiftieth birthday. That's a very specific thing to

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sue about. Most people argue over whether they borrowed twenty dollars,

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but here we are with naked lady drawings as legal evidence.

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The National Park Service actually issued a permit for this

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thing to stay up until Sunday at eight pm. The

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stated purpose on the application to demonstrate freedom of speech

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and artistic expression using political imagery. That's bureaucratic language for

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we can't stop people from being weird with bronze. This

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is the same anonymous group that brought us other greatest

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hits like Dictator approved a sculpture featuring supportive quotes from Putin,

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Victor Orbon, and Kim Jong Un. They also did that

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replica of Nancy Pelosi's desk with fake poop on it,

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paying tribute to January sixth. These artists really have a

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theme going awkward political moments rendered in permanent materials. The

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Washington Post got tipped off by someone claiming to be

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one of the artists, though they can't confirm his identity.

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He's like the Banksy of uncomfortable political bronze work, except

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instead of stencils on walls, its statues of people holding

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hands in the most loaded way possible. The Parks Department

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hauled it away. They claimed it violated the permit terms,

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though they didn't specify exactly how. Maybe there's a no

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creepy bronze dancing clause in the fine print. So Trump

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just unveiled his latest White House project, the Presidential Walk

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of Fame, which sounds less like presidential history and more

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like something you'd find on Hollywood Boulevard next to SpongeBob Star.

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The walkway features black and white portraits of presidents in

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gold frames along the West wing colonnade. Very dignified, very traditional,

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except for one tiny detail. Instead of Joe Biden's presidential portrait,

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Trump hung up a picture of an autopen, yes, the

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machine that signs documents automatically. This stems from Trump's ongoing

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obsession with Biden's use of the autopen for official documents.

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Trump ordered an investigation into Biden's cognitive decline back in June,

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complete with a memo calling for a probe into whether

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people conspired to hide Biden's mental state. Nothing says moving

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forward like relitigating your predecessor's signature habits. Biden dismissed the

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whole thing at the time, saying, let me be clear,

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I made the decisions during my presidency. But apparently Trump

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wasn't satisfied with that explanation. So now visitors to the

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West Wing get to see a photo of office equipment

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where a president's portrait should be. Trump had telegraphed this

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move weeks ago in an interview with The Daily Caller,

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saying we'll put up a picture of the auto pen

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when asked about Biden's portrait. At least he kept his word.

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That's consistency and pettiness. The White House Press Corps noticed

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the setup coming together this week, with a gold banner

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reading Presidential Walk of Fame hanging above brown paper squares

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on the wall very mysterious, very dramatic reveal. Chris Maher,

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Biden's former deputy press secretary, took a shot at the priorities,

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continually impressed at how laser focused the White House continues

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to be. On Trump's Day one promise to lower prices. Translation,

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glad to see we're focusing on the important stuff like

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the portrait politics instead of you know, governing. Now, before

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you get annoyed at this, just remember it's one more

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thing to distract you from Trump not releasing the Epstein files.

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So President Trump is officially escalated escalator Gate into an

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international incident, demanding the United Nations investigate what he's calling

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triple sabotage during his visit. We've gone from a minor

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technical hiccup to a full blown conspiracy theory in record time.

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Trump posted on truth Social that not one, not two,

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but three very sinister events occurred during his un trip.

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First the escalator stopped, then his teleprompter malfunctioned, and finally

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he says the sound was completely off. That's right. Trump

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is treating routine technical difficulties like they're the Pentagon papers.

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He's particularly dramatic about the escalator incident. It's amazing that

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Milania and I didn't fall forward onto the sharp edges

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of these steel steps face first. He credits their tight

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grip on the handrail for preventing what would have been

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a disaster. Most people would call this walking upstairs, where

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Trump's treating it like surviving a death trap. The teleprompter

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broke fifteen minutes into his hour long speech, forcing him

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to read from printed remarks. The horror a politician having

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to use paper notes instead of a screen. That hasn't

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happened since well most of human history. Trump's convinced this

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was all coordinated. This wasn't a coincidence. This was triple

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sabotage at the UN. He's demanding an immediate investigation and

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wants all security tapes from the escalator saved, especially the

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emergency stop button. The Secret Service is apparently involved now,

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because nothing says national security threat like malfunctioning audio visual equipment.

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How about you's look into serious things like Jeffrey Epstein,

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you know, the guy photographed with Donald Trump released the

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Epstein files, and yeah, we use some AI today.