Nov. 15, 2024

Trump picks guy with brain worms to run Health

Show Notes
Transcript

Man what's crazier? Picking a guy with brain worms to run things, or cheating on Cheryl Hines? Not that anyone has ever chated o Cheryl Hines. Definitely not. Just to be clear, nobody did that.

At least today is "less crazy" than yesterday, so that's good right? RIGHT? Insert meme of Padme and Anakin here.

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From Washington, DC, where at least today can't be as

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crazy as yesterday. It's not like a guy with brain

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worms would be put in charge of health.

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This is balid. That's right.

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Somehow the country is still here for now. But give

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Trump the weekend and we'll see what happens.

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Let's hit this.

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Yesterday was so nuts, I didn't even have time to

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tell you. Trump met with You'd think that would be

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a big story, right, Trump and Biden had their post

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election meeting, which is like your mom forcing you to

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be nice to your cousin at Thanksgiving after you've spent

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the whole year trash talking each other on Facebook. Trump

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says they really enjoyed seeing each other, which might be

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the biggest plot twist since m Night discovered endings. Trump

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called Biden very gracious, marking the first time he's used

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that word without following it with loser or sleepy. They

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apparently discussed Ukraine in the Middle East, probably right after

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they finished awkwardly avoiding eye contact like two ex's at

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a mutual friend's wedding. The best part, Trump's promising a

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smooth transition, which is quite the upgrade from last time,

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when his idea of a smooth transition involved suggesting his

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supporters take an unscheduled tour of the Capitol. Trump also

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mentioned how beautiful the Oval Office is, probably checking to

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make sure none of his old sharpies are still in

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the desk drawers, and they're planning another meeting before inauguration

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because apparently one awkward encounter wasn't enough.

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Trump announced he's picking Robert F.

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Kennedy Junior to lead Health and Human Services because nothing

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says making America great again like putting an anti vaxer

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in charge of public health. Kennedy's been busy claiming vaccines

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cause autism, which has been debunked more times than Trump's

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election fraud claims.

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And that's saying something.

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He even wrote a book accusing doctor Fauci of conspiring

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with Bill Gates to sell COVID vaccines. Yeah, because if

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there's one thing Bill Gates needs, it's more money. Kennedy's

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now promising he won't take vaccines away from anyone. He

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just wants people to make their own choices, right, because

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that worked out great with COVID, Remember when everyone became

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their own epidemiologist on Facebook. Kennedy also wants to remove

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fluoride from drinking water because he thinks it's lowering kids IQ.

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Four out of five dentists surveyed say that's insane. House

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Minority Leader Hakim j asked if RFK Junior was the

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best qualified person to lead HHS, which is a really

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stupid question because the answer is obviously no. That's like

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asking if a squirrel is the best qualified animal to

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perform brain surgery. Actually, the squirrel might be more qualified.

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At least it believes in nuts and science and has

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never strapped a whale carcass to the top of his car,

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left a dead bear in a park, or cheated on

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Cheryl Hines. The lawyers want me to remind you this

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show is parody, So let me be clear. A squirrel

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has never cheated on Cheryl Hines. You'd have to be

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a nutcase to cheat on Cheryl Hines, like the sort

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of nut job that thinks fluoride lower's IQ.

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Anyway, A squirrel would never do that. Are you happy now, lawyers?

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TMZ caught up with Oprah, you know that person who

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used to give away cars like they were business cards,

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to ask if she got paid a cool million to

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hype up Kamala Harris's campaign, and Oprah was like, you

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get nothing, and I get nothing. Everybody gets nothing. I mean,

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imagine thinking you need to pay Oprah Winfrey a million dollars.

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That's like trying to bribe Jeff Bezos with an Amazon

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gift card or Elon Musk a free buffet at mar

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A Lago.

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Talk about not reading the room.

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When TMZ ambushed her because apparently that's still their entire

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business model, Oprah shut that rumor down faster than she

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shut down her talk show when she realized she could

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just own an entire network instead. And let's be honest,

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if Oprah wanted to make a quick million, she could

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just point at literally anything and say I like this

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and watch the money roll in. Remember when she mentioned

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she liked bread. Wheat futures probably went through the roof.

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I mean, do you think the Democrats are stupid and

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wasted money on things like having Beyonce stand next to

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Kamala and not sing. That would be as stupid as

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thinking floor I'd lower's IQ or cheating on Cheryl Hines.

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And let me be clear, Oprah has never cheated on

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Cheryl Hines, not to my knowledge anyway, did I mention

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this show as parody? Let's play even more commercials. Dogecoin

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Doge support our sponsors, they'll support you, you know, the

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way RFK supports Cheryl Hines.

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And he's the most loyal husband there is.

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On November seven, Thundercatcrosoft in a video, teamed up to

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Man.

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I don't know about you, but I spent that whole

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break thinking about how RFK is a great loyal husband

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who would never cheat on Cheryl Hines, not like that

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stupid squirrel. Anyway, Apparently Elon Musk has been hanging around

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mar A Lago like that one friend who crashes on

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your couch and three months later is still asking if

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you've got any more pop tarts. He's sitting in on

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World Leader calls like it's a Zoom meeting he wasn't

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invited to but showed up for any way. And get this,

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he's even giving staffing advice, because if there's one thing

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you want when picking your administration, it's input from the

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guy who thought buying Twitter was a good investment. Sources

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say Trump's team is unnerved by Musk's constant presence. You

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know it's bad when even the people who signed up

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to work for Trump are like, Okay, this is getting weird.

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Dick Van Dyke just proved that at ninety eight, he's

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still sharper than most MAGA supporters. When asked about Trump's victory,

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Van Dyke said he won't be around for the next

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four years. That's pretty dark coming from the guy who

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danced with penguins, though to be fair, those penguins.

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Probably had a better cabinet strategy than Trump.

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You know things are bad when the star of Chitty

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Chitty Bang Bang is basically saying I'd rather die than

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see this. I mean, this is a man who survived

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dancing on rooftops with Julie Andrews, and even he thinks

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Trump's return is too dangerous And can we talk about

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that moment? When they asked if Trump could make America

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great again? Van Dyke gave the kind of smile that says,

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I lived through the Great Depression and I'm still not

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as depressed as I am about this news. The really

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00:08:52.440 --> 00:08:55.879
wild part Van Dyke is turning ninety nine next month,

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which means he's lived through eighteen presidents eighteen and this

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is the one that makes them go, yeah, I'm good.

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Thanks.

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When the guy who sang step in time is saying

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it's time for me to step out, maybe we should

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00:09:09.279 --> 00:09:13.480
listen quick fact check. Though Van Dyke's still doing better

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at ninety eight than Trump is at seventy eight. One

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of them can still dance and the other one, well,

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let's just say his idea of exercise is writing a

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00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:26.519
golf cart through classified documents. A reminder that this entire

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show is parody, so stop getting so upset at the jokes,

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00:09:30.120 --> 00:09:32.000
a lot of which were written with the help of AI.

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00:09:32.600 --> 00:09:35.679
You're mad at a computer. You sound crazier than a

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00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:38.679
guy who would cheat on Cheryl Hines. I know I

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00:09:38.720 --> 00:09:41.879
say this every Friday, but I'm actually taking the weekend

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00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:45.279
off this time. Nobody do anything crazy, Okay, it's been

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so crazy even the music bed ran out. Don't name

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Rudy Giuliani the Secretary of hair, and don't pay Oprah

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a million dollars for no reason.

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See you Monday.

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