Nov. 26, 2025

Trump pardons two turkeys - are the turkeys in The Epstein Files?

Show Notes
Transcript

President Trump pardons Gobble and Waddle while taking a swing at Biden’s “invalid” autopen turkey pardon. Melania sets a record with the shortest Christmas tree ceremony in White House history, delivering a drive-by “beautiful.” Plus: Trump teases a Ukraine peace deal and personally revives Rush Hour 4 like he’s running a Hollywood agency with nuclear codes. A very twenty-twenty-five Thanksgiving.

We’re going to try to take the holiday weekend off but its 2025 so there’s bound to be 40 crazy things we have to react to. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

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This episode includes AI-generated content.

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Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, d C. Where Goblin Wattle

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just got cabinet positions. This is ballot. That's right, it's

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a holiday edition of Ballot where Donald and Malania bring

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all the warmth. Donald Trump just pardoned two turkeys, and

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no these aren't his former campaign managers. Meet Gobble and Waddle,

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the luckiest birds in America, who coincidentally happen to be

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the only turkeys mentioned in the Epstein files. Trump was

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doing his annual turkey pardon and he couldn't resist taking

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a swing at Joe Biden. Apparently Biden's turkey pardon last

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year was done with an auto pen, which Trump declares

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totally invalid because nothing says presidential power like personally saving

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two turkeys from becoming Thanksgiving dinner. These turkeys are living

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better than most vacation packages. Born in July, weighing fifty

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two and fifty pounds, they've been prepping for their White

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House debut at the Willard Intercontinental Hotel. That's right, these

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birds have a more luxurious hotel stay than most of us.

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Get on our honeymoon, and I bet somehow your tax

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dollars are involved, and get this turkey prices have gone

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up seventy five percent. A fifteen pound bird now costs

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thirty one dollars. At this rate, the turkey is more

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expensive than the entire Thanksgiving side dish. Budget Inflation's got

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everyone saying maybe we should pardon this meal. Trump's also

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teasing a Ukraine peace deal, dropping hints like he's promoting

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a new reality show. We're getting very close to a deal,

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he says. Diplomacy brought to you by the same guy

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who just saved two turkeys from becoming dinner. Milania. Trump

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just set a new world record for the shortest Christmas

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tree ceremony in presidential history. Two minutes and fifty seconds.

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That's less time than it takes to microwave a TV dinner.

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Picture this. Milania rolls up to the chrisp like she's

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been sentenced to community service. Beautiful, she mutters, circling the

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horse drawn carriage with the enthusiasm of someone checking off

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a mandatory work obligation. It's like watching someone do a

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drive by holiday greeting. Remember her leaked audio from twenty eighteen,

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She basically said what we're all thinking about holiday decorations,

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except most of us don't have a White House to

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complain about who gives a bleep about Christmas decorations? Mood,

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absolute mood, and let's talk about her previous Christmas decor

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those white, spindly branches and blood red trees. Tim Burton

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called he wants his esthetic back. The White House claimed

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it was a symbol of valor and bravery. Sure Nowhing

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says holiday cheer like a Christmas tree that looks like

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it crawled out of a horror movie. This year's tree

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comes from Michigan, a state that apparently takes its Christmas

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trees more seriously than Malania takes Christmas events. They've been

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crowned the National Grand Champion Tree Growers. It's like the

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Nobel Prize of pine trees. And don't say President Trump

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can't get things done. I have an update on Rush

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Hour four. According to Deadline, Warner Brothers will distribute a

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Brett Ratner directed sequel to Rush Hour three, just like

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the President wanted. Brett Ratner, the director who's been more

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canceled than a Netflix show, is getting another shot. He

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recently directed a Malania Trump documentary, which sounds like the

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most niche films since watching Paint Dry, the musical Warner

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Brothers passed. New line passed, but Trump he personally stepped

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in like a Hollywood agent with nuclear codes. I'm gonna

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make this movie happen, he probably said, negotiating film rights

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with the same energy he negotiates international treaties. Jackie Chan

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and Chris Tucker are returning, proving that in Hollywood, like

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in politics, nothing stays dead forever. These guys have more

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comebacks than a late night comedian's career. And here's a coincidence.

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Paramount's owner is currently trying to buy Warner Brothers and

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seeks White House approval. Trump saying rush hour four in

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twenty twenty five, this is what passes for foreign policy.

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At least someone's bringing action and comedy back to Washington.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of AI.

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We're going to try to take the holiday weekend off,

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but it's twenty twenty five, so there's bound to be

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forty crazy things we have to react to enjoy your

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Thanksgiving