April 10, 2025

Trump Heads to Walter Reed: Does the Presidential Scale Add 2 Inches and subtract 50 pounds?

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield delivers hilarious commentary on President Trump's upcoming Walter Reed physical. From Truth Social announcements to imaginary presidential scales that magically add height and subtract weight, Gutfield explores the funny side of White House health checks. Watch Gutfield's take on what Trump's "never felt better" really means and why presidential medical exams might be different from yours.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:04.759
Callaroga Shark Media.

2
00:00:08.039 --> 00:00:10.679
From Washington, DC, where some poor doctor is going to

3
00:00:10.759 --> 00:00:13.119
have to claim Trump is in perfect health.

4
00:00:13.599 --> 00:00:15.519
This is ballot, that's.

5
00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:18.039
Right, it's annual physical time for the six foot three,

6
00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:21.280
two hundred and fifteen pound genius with perfect hair. Let's

7
00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:27.320
hit this good morning. I'm Patrick Guttfield, and we have

8
00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:30.399
breaking news from the billionaires. Are just like us, except

9
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:34.600
when their worst department Elon Musk, the man currently helping

10
00:00:34.600 --> 00:00:38.359
dismantle our government while simultaneously building rockets, had a complete

11
00:00:38.359 --> 00:00:41.799
meltdown during a gaming live stream this weekend. Musk was

12
00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:45.799
streaming himself playing Path of Exile two from his private jet,

13
00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:50.000
which he claimed was an airborne continuity test for SpaceX's Starling.

14
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:54.439
Because when I think essential testing for satellite Internet, I

15
00:00:54.439 --> 00:00:58.759
think boss fights at thirty thousand feet. The world's richest

16
00:00:58.759 --> 00:01:02.000
man repeatedly died to the game's first boss. Not the

17
00:01:02.039 --> 00:01:06.079
final boss, not some hidden, super challenging boss. The first boss,

18
00:01:07.159 --> 00:01:09.000
the one they designed for people who've never held a

19
00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:12.239
controller before, the gaming equivalent of the bunny hill at

20
00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:16.159
a ski resort. After thirty minutes of complete failure, Musk

21
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:19.480
rage quit the stream. But the real entertainment was the

22
00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:22.599
in game chat where players ruthlessly mocked him, saying he

23
00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:26.359
had no friends while also looking dumb and ugly. I've

24
00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:30.480
seen kindergarten playgrounds with more mature insults, but hey, sometimes

25
00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:35.000
the classics work best. This gaming disaster comes just months

26
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:38.480
after Musk admitted to secretly paying talented gamers to build

27
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:40.719
highly leveled characters for him to make it look like

28
00:01:40.760 --> 00:01:44.079
he was good at the game. That's right, the man

29
00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:48.200
running the Department of Government Efficiency couldn't even efficiently cheat

30
00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:52.640
at a video game. Vice President JD. Vance's wife Busha,

31
00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:55.879
just gave her first interview since becoming second Lady, and

32
00:01:55.959 --> 00:01:58.599
apparently being married to the vice President can.

33
00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:02.200
Be very lonely, not as only as being married to the.

34
00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:07.000
Actual president, where you communicate exclusively through lawyers and separate residences,

35
00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:10.960
but still pretty lonely. Oosha Vance told the Free Press

36
00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:14.479
that JD relies on her as his closest advisor, with

37
00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:17.719
the pair discussing the news in their naval observatory residence,

38
00:02:18.199 --> 00:02:20.560
which suggests she's the one who had to explain to

39
00:02:20.599 --> 00:02:23.360
him that Europe is actually our ally, not our enemy.

40
00:02:23.520 --> 00:02:28.080
After his disastrous Munich Security Conference speech. Usha said, I

41
00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:30.759
don't know that he's asking me for advice so much

42
00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:33.319
as it can be a very lonely, lonely world not.

43
00:02:33.319 --> 00:02:35.120
To share with someone.

44
00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:39.719
Translation, my husband keeps texting me questions like is Greenland

45
00:02:39.719 --> 00:02:41.639
the one with ice or the one with vikings?

46
00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:44.199
And I have to respond while on conference calls.

47
00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:47.599
The couple met at Yale in twenty ten when they

48
00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:50.560
joined a discussion group on social decline in White America.

49
00:02:51.400 --> 00:02:52.520
How romantic.

50
00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:56.400
Other couples meet in bars or dating apps, but these

51
00:02:56.439 --> 00:03:01.360
two bonded over depressing sociological trends. Their first date must

52
00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:04.560
have been magical. So what do you think about the

53
00:03:04.599 --> 00:03:08.240
collapse of manufacturing jobs in Ohio? Want to split an appetizer?

54
00:03:09.199 --> 00:03:12.000
Last month, the Vances were booed while attending a concert

55
00:03:12.039 --> 00:03:13.719
at the Kennedy Center in Washington.

56
00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:15.599
Usha insists they.

57
00:03:15.479 --> 00:03:18.879
Weren't bothered by the booing, complaining instead about media bias

58
00:03:18.919 --> 00:03:22.919
and imagined narratives. It was about twenty or thirty seconds

59
00:03:22.919 --> 00:03:25.759
of some people booing and delaying the start of the concert,

60
00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:30.520
which coincidentally is also how jd. Vance describes the January

61
00:03:30.599 --> 00:03:34.080
sixth insurrection. When asked what it's like to be an

62
00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:38.240
Indian American woman in Magaaland, which her interviewer described as

63
00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:42.800
full of blondes and botox and facelifts. Usha said, I'm

64
00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:45.240
laughing because it would be really hard for me to

65
00:03:45.240 --> 00:03:50.159
be blonde. That color would look totally absurd. Usha has

66
00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:52.759
let her hair go gray and even appeared at last

67
00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:56.800
year's Republican National Convention without makeup, which is brave in

68
00:03:56.840 --> 00:03:59.759
any political setting, but especially in a party where the

69
00:03:59.759 --> 00:04:02.960
stand for women's appearance was set by someone who thinks

70
00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:07.520
natural look means only three layers of foundation. Breaking news

71
00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:09.759
from the Do as I Say, not as I Fly

72
00:04:09.879 --> 00:04:15.560
Department Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortes was spotted getting cozy in

73
00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:18.000
first class on a Jet Blue flight from New York

74
00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:21.199
to Las Vegas on March nineteenth. That's right, She was

75
00:04:21.240 --> 00:04:24.000
spotted by another passenger while traveling to a rally with

76
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.800
Bernie Sanders titled Fighting Oligarchy.

77
00:04:27.399 --> 00:04:28.680
You can't make this stuff up.

78
00:04:29.480 --> 00:04:33.560
She's literally flying first class to a rally called fighting Oligarchy.

79
00:04:34.600 --> 00:04:37.680
That's like showing up to a PEEDA fundraiser wearing a

80
00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:41.360
full length mink coat while eating a veal sandwich. The

81
00:04:41.439 --> 00:04:44.759
passenger who took the photo claimed AOC didn't respond to

82
00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:48.519
friendly comments once she sat down. Maybe she was too

83
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:51.720
busy calculating how many economy seats you could fit in

84
00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:52.480
the space.

85
00:04:52.199 --> 00:04:53.720
Of one first class cabin.

86
00:04:54.600 --> 00:04:57.759
The answer is a lot, which is also how many

87
00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:01.800
working class voters could have fit in her seat. According

88
00:05:01.839 --> 00:05:05.000
to our source, a passenger named Tracy from Brooklyn who

89
00:05:05.079 --> 00:05:09.240
is sitting in economy and I quote AOC is fighting

90
00:05:09.279 --> 00:05:13.120
the system one first class mimosa at a time. Now,

91
00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:16.839
that's what I call democratic socialism with a twist of orange.

92
00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:18.759
A first class Jet.

93
00:05:18.519 --> 00:05:21.519
Blue seat on that same route costs upward of one

94
00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:27.199
one hundred dollars, but hey, who's counting well besides the

95
00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:32.639
IRS and campaign finance regulators. AOC's office declined to comment,

96
00:05:33.560 --> 00:05:35.959
probably because their mouths were full of those little warm

97
00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:39.680
first class nuts they serve you at the rallies. Afterward,

98
00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:43.480
AOC declared, we need a Democratic party that fights harder

99
00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:46.839
for us too, and by fights harder, she apparently means

100
00:05:46.920 --> 00:05:55.839
upgrades your seat assignment. Jessica Simpson has a secret to

101
00:05:55.879 --> 00:05:59.399
her singing voice that's causing quite a stir. The singer

102
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:02.199
recently how she's kept her vocal so strong all these

103
00:06:02.279 --> 00:06:04.279
years and I promise you're not ready for this answer.

104
00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:08.839
In an Instagram video, Simpson attributed her vocal longevity to

105
00:06:08.920 --> 00:06:12.240
some kind of Chinese herbal beverage recommended by her vocal coach.

106
00:06:12.680 --> 00:06:15.319
And what's the secret ingredient in this magical elixir?

107
00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:16.160
Snake semen?

108
00:06:16.279 --> 00:06:19.560
Yes, you heard that correctly, snake semen. Now, when most

109
00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:22.600
people want to improve their singing, they take lessons or

110
00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:26.480
drink tea with honey. Jessica Simpson went straight to I'll

111
00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:29.759
have what the snake is having, and she's doubling down.

112
00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:33.439
When TMZ caught up with her at lax on Sunday,

113
00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:36.800
this forty four year old woman vowed to continue drinking it.

114
00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:40.240
She said, it just really clears my throat. I'm just

115
00:06:40.279 --> 00:06:43.360
a great singer when I have some. She even described

116
00:06:43.399 --> 00:06:46.879
the taste. According to Simpson, it the tastes like honey,

117
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:50.560
but like a really dark honey. You know what, I

118
00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:53.720
don't think I needed that detail. That's information I could

119
00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:57.879
have happily lived my entire life without knowing. President Trump

120
00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:01.120
is headed to the doctor, everybody. Trump announced on truth

121
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:05.000
Social that his long scheduled annual physical examination is booked

122
00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:08.600
for Friday at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. He wrote,

123
00:07:08.920 --> 00:07:12.759
I have never felt better, but nevertheless, these things must

124
00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:17.199
be done. Sir, your blood pressure is so high it's

125
00:07:17.240 --> 00:07:20.680
technically considered a weapon in seven states. I bet the

126
00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:23.680
doctor's office has a special scale for presidents that automatically

127
00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:28.000
subtracts twenty pounds and adds two inches of height. Congratulations,

128
00:07:28.040 --> 00:07:31.920
mister president. According to our presidential scale, you're six foot

129
00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:34.519
eight and weigh the same as a professional ballet ancer.

130
00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:39.240
And maybe the doctors will even prescribe. Snake semen Portions

131
00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:41.439
of today's show were made with the help of Snake

132
00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:43.680
semen Ai and AOC