May 5, 2025

Trump Goes Off-Script at Bama Graduation, Declares War on Big Bird

Patrick Gutfield hilariously skewers Trump's rambling University of Alabama commencement speech and his executive order slashing PBS funding. From renaming Veterans Day to firing Elmo, The American Dream might be back, but apparently so is...

Show Notes
Transcript

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Callaroga Shark media.

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From Alabama, where at least the commencement speech was entertaining.

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This is ballot, that's right, and I have a few

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new holidays for you to celebrate.

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So let's hit this. Hi.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield, and President Trump gave a commencement speech

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at the University of Alabama that was about as focused

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as a toddler in a toy store. Trump told the

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graduates they were the first graduating class of the Golden

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Age of America, which I guess means their student loans

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will now be repaid in actual gold. The speech was

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held at Coleman Coliseum with signs that read the American

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Dream is back, though for many graduates, the American dream

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is just finding an apartment where the bathroom isn't also

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the kitchen. The President ditched his teleprompter for most of

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the speech and went full freestyle, bouncing from graduation advice

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to political.

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Rants faster than a caffe a squirrel.

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He veered from egg prices to transgender rights while the

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crowd cheered because nothing says memorable graduation moment like hearing

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about tariffs instead of your bright future. At one point,

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Trump told students not to think of themselves as victims,

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and then immediately launched into how the twenty twenty election

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was rigged against him self. Awareness isn't exactly his strong suit.

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It's like telling someone not to eat junk food while

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you're elbow deep in a bag of Cheetos. Despite Trump's

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falling approval ratings, the crowd was full of Maga hats.

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There were as many red caps as there were special

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red graduation hats for four point zero students. The crowd

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even broke into chants of USA when he praised their

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sports teams and the clean shores of the Gulf of America.

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Trump even used the speech to take shots at Harvard,

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bragging about withholding billions from the university. He told the crowd,

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it is clear to see the next chapter of the

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American story will not be written by the Harvard Crimson.

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It will be written by you, the Crimson Tide. So essentially,

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he's trying to start a college rivalry with more than

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just football. Next up, Harvard versus Alabama in the Electoral

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College Bowl. Trump announced he wants to rename Veterans Day

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to Victory Day for World War One and make May

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eighth Victory Day for world War two. You know what

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this country needs more rebranding. Trump made this announcement on

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truth Social, his own social media platform where he can

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say whatever he wants without anyone putting a little fact

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check box underneath.

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He wrote, and I'm not making this up. We won

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both wars.

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Nobody was close to us in terms of strength, bravery,

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or military brilliance. But we never celebrate anything. We are

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going to start celebrating our victories again. Now, before you

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start planning your Victory Day barbecues. There's no executive order yet.

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And Trump seems to have forgotten that creating federal holidays

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is Congress's job. It's like when you promise to take

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everyone to Disney World, but forget you need to actually

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buy the tickets. Trump mentioned seeing all these V Day

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celebrations in other countries and thought, hey, why aren't we

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getting more credit here? He claimed America did more than

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any other country to win World War Two, which is

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a statement that might not go over well in Russia.

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For those keeping score at home.

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Veterans Day used to be Armistice Day, marking the end

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of World War One. Then after World War II in

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the Korean War, they renamed it to honor all veterans.

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We already have Memorial Day in May to honor those

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who died serving our country, but apparently that's not enough

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celebrating for Trump. He didn't specify what kind of celebrations

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he wants for these renamed holidays. Maybe military parades down

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Pennsylvania Avenue, or perhaps a series of commemorative coins with

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his face on them, or maybe just a really big

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cake that says.

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We're number one.

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Because nothing says honoring our veterans like telling everyone else

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they didn't do as good a job. President Trump just

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signed an executive order to cut funding for NPR and

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PBS because apparently Big Bird has been spreading fake news

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about the letter Q. The order, signed Thursday evening, accuses

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the broadcasters of biased and partisan coverage, which is honestly

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rich coming from a guy whose go to news source

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thinks the moon landing was filmed in Stanley Kubrick's basement.

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The order instructs the Corporation for Public Broadcasting to stop

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sending its five hundred and thirty five million dollars to

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NPR and PBS, both directly and through local stations. Trump's

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basically telling Elmo, you're fired. The CPB has been funding

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public broadcasting since nineteen sixty seven, but now stations that

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receive grants can't use that money for NPR or PBS programming.

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I guess it's time for Sesame Street to start accepting cryptocurrency.

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Trump and his allies have long accused public broadcasting of

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liberal bias. Just this March, PBS president Paula Kerger and

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NPR executives were grilled at a congressional hearing literally titled

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anti American Airwaves, led by Marjorie Taylor Green. Because nothing

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says fair and balanced like a hearing with a title

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that already decided the outcome. It's like holding a trial

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called this guy definitely did it. The White House provided

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examples of what it calls biased content, including an NPR

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article about queer animals and a PBS documentary about a

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transgender teenager. Apparently documenting that gay penguins exist is now

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considered leftist propaganda. What's next banning nature documentaries because bears

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don't wear pants? This executive order might face legal challenges,

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especially since the CPB is already suing the Trump administration

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for trying to fire three board members. The CPB argues

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it's a private, nonprofit corporation, not a federal agency, which

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means the White House can't just waltz in and start

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calling the shots. It's like Trump showing up at your

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neighborhood book club and demanding everyone read the Art of

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the deal. PBS CEO Paula Kerger previously stated that there's

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nothing more American than PBS, though I'm pretty sure most

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Americans would argue that title belongs to deep fried oreos

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or guns that shoot smaller guns. NPR pointed out that

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millions of Americans depend on NPR member stations for rigorous,

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fact based public service journalism, which frankly sounds like socialist

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talk to me. The good news for public broadcasting fans

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is that government funding only accounts for about sixteen percent

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of PBS's budget and just one percent of nprs. The

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rest comes from viewers like you, corporate sponsors, and that

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tote bag guilt trip they lay on you twice a year.

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So don't worry, Terry Gross will still be making celebrities

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uncomfortable with probing question.

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For years to come.

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Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to stock up

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on mister Rogers sweaters before they become contraband. Portions of

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today's program were made with the help of AI, the Allies,

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and Alabama