April 2, 2025

Trump defines what a woman is

Show Notes
Transcript

Outspoken comedian Patrick Gutfield delivers a devastating takedown of everything from President Trump's gender definitions to Earth's soil crisis in his latest viral monologue. Gutfield's razor-sharp commentary doesn't spare anyone - taking aim at politicians, tech billionaires, and even breakfast spreads with his trademark sarcastic style. Watch as he hilariously explains what really happens to Gen X careers and why Bluesky's anti-Zuckerberg t-shirts might actually save their business model.

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Calarocus Shark media from Washington, DC, where Trump is explaining

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what a woman is. This is ballad. I can tell

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you what a woman is.

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She's the person saying no to me at the hotel

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bar around eleven thirty. Let's hit this, ladies and gentlemen,

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our president has officially weighed on biology. When asked to

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define what a woman is, a question he claimed was easy,

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Trump delivered this groundbreaking scientific definition. A woman is somebody

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they can have a baby under certain circumstances. She has

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a quality. A woman is a person who is much

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smarter than a man. I've always found a woman is

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a person that doesn't give a man even a chance

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of success. The press room erupted and laughter, But I'm

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not sure if they were laughing with him or at

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the fact that his definition of women included them being

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much smarter than men. Coming from a man who once

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said he was like really smart, this is quite the admission.

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The question came.

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After a reporter praised Trump for appointing women to powerful

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positions in his administration, including Chief of Staff Susie Wiles,

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Press Secretary Caroline Levitt, and Attorney General Pambondi. The reporter

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then asked Trump to define a woman, since Democrats seem

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to struggle answering this question nothing like a softball question

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wrapped in flattery and partisan jabs. But then Trump pivoted

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to his favorite culture war topic, transgender athletes and women's sports,

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calling it crazy and very demeaning to women. He couldn't

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resist taking a political swipe, saying Democrats who support trans

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athletes and women's sports will never win another election because

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nothing says addressing complex issues with nuance like reducing them

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to election talking points. Trump has been busy signing executive

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orders with subtle titles like keeping men out of women's

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sports and defending women from gender ideology extremism and restoring

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biological truth. I'm shocked he didn't call it the men

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are men and women are women, period. End of story,

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No further questions Act of twenty twenty five. His administration

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has also launched an investigation into California for allegedly hiding

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children's gender identity from parents, though California maintains parents still

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have full guaranteed.

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Access to their students' education records.

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Trump concluded by declaring women are basically incredible. People do

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so much for our country and we love our women,

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and we're going to take care of our women, because

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nothing says respecting women like repeatedly referring to them as

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our women, like they're a collection of commemorative plates. So

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there you have it. Women are smarter than men, can

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sometimes have babies and are incredible people who need to

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be taken care of. Just don't ask about the equal

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pay thing. Blue skuy is making money the old fashioned

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way by trolling Mark Zuckerberg. In a stunning twist of

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business strategy, Blue s Guy has discovered that mocking tech

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billionaires is apparently more profitable than selling digital real estate.

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The social media company raked in more cash in one

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day selling t shirts that poke fun at Mark Zuckerberg

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than it made in two years of selling custom domains.

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The saga began when Blue Sky CEO Jay Graber walked

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on stage at SXSW wearing a shirt that read Mondu's

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CNA sesl rebuse Latin for a world without Caesar's. This

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was a direct jab at Zuckerberg, who recently wore a

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shirt saying out Zuck out in the heel, a reworking

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of either Caesar or nothing to basically mean either Zuckerberg

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or nothing. The irony laden fashion statement was such a

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hit that Blue Sky started selling the shirts for forty

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dollars each.

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They sold out almost immediately.

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Chief operating officer Rose Wang joked, that's it pivoting to

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a T shirt company, which.

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Might not actually be a terrible business plan.

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Blue Sky has now put a second batch of shirts

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up for sale, but only until March twenty fifth. The

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proceeds will benefit the AT protocol developer Ecosystem, which powers

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the Blue Sky network. Who knew that Latin phrases on

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T shirts would be the key to tech profitability? Perhaps

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next quarter's earnings call will feature Blue Sky executives in

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togas explaining their revolutionary business model. We've found that people

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will pay good money to publicly declare they want fewer

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tech overlords. Revolutionary scientists just published a study saying earth

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soil is drying up at staggering levels and it's likely

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irreversible while humans are alive. Well, that's a cheery way

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to start your morning. Nothing says have a great day

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like learning the planet is turning into beef jerky. According

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to this research from nineteen seventy nine to twenty sixteen,

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we lost a ton of soil moisture, and when I

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say a ton, I mean one six hundred and fourteen

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gigatons between two thousand and two thousand and two alone.

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For reference, a gigatar is the approximate weight of my

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anxiety after reading this news. This massive soil drying is

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apparently contributing to sea level rise more than previously thought,

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at a rate of about one point nine to five

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millimeters per year. That's even more than Greenland's ice loss

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was contributing during that time. So next time someone blames

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the melting ice caps for rising seas, you can be

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that annoying person who says, actually, it's the dirt. The

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researchers tracked Earth's water storage using sea level rise data,

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and I'll get this changes in Earth's tilt.

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That's right.

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Moving all that water from land to ocean literally changed

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how the planet wobbles. The study found removing groundwater shifted

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Earth's tilt thirty one point.

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Five inches eastward.

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So if you've been feeling a little off balance lately,

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it's not just the political news.

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The planet itself is leaning.

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Scientists say soil moisture still has not recovered and likely

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won't under the current climate conditions. Great news for people

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selling moisturizer, terrible news for literally every thing else. In

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related news, the Sauni bottled water just updated their slogan

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to drink up. There might not be more where that

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came from. Just when you thought your morning toast was safe,

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researchers have dropped a bombshell that might make you reconsider

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your breakfast routine. According to a new study published in

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jama Internal Medicine, butter lovers might be spreading themselves thin

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in the lifespan department. The study tracked over two hundred

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and twenty thousand people for thirty years and found that

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those who consumed the most butter had a fifteen percent

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higher chance of early death compared to those who rarely

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used it. Meanwhile, plant oil enthusiasts enjoyed a sixteen percent

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reduction in mortality. Talk about adding years to your life

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one tablespoon at a time. Doctor William Lee explains that

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this isn't exactly shocking news. Butter is packed with saturated

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fat about seven grams per tablespoon. That's thirty six percent

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of your daily recommended value, which is probably not what

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your cardiologist had in mind when they said, to live

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life to the fullest.

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But before you throw your butter.

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Dish out the window in a panic, the experts say,

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moderation is key. Doctor Bernadette Anderson reassures us, you don't.

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Have to quit butter. Cold turkey.

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Cold turkey on toast with butter is still probably a

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bad idea, though.

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The New York Times looked at gen X.

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Remember gen X, they're that forgotten middle child between boomers

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and millennials who once dominated media and creative industries. Well,

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now they're experiencing what experts call a career apocalypse, or

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what the rest of us call becoming increasingly irrelevant. If

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you entered the glamorous worlds of magazines, newspapers, photography, or

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advertising in the nineties, there's a decent chance you're now

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doing something completely different, like explaining to teenagers what magazines

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and newspapers were. I am having conversations every day with

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people whose careers are sort of over, says Chris Wilcha,

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a fifty three year old director in Los Angeles. Nothing

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says midlife crisis quite like realizing your entire skill set

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has the market value of a Blockbuster video membership card.

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These Gen xers grew up in an.

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Analog wonderland of landline phones, tube TVs, vinyl records, and

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newspapers that left actual ink on your hands, not just

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digital icetrain and carpal tunnel syndrome. When digital technology first

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appeared with AOL email in MySpace, they thought it was

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just another fun toy, not the career destroying monster it

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would become. And just when gen X thought it couldn't

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get worse, here comes artificial intelligence, ready to replace the

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remaining jobs that haven't already been devoured by the Internet.

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By twenty thirty, AD agencies will lose thirty two thousand

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jobs to AI because nothing says progress like replacing humans

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with algorithms that can create mediocre content at lightning speed.

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It's like gen X was making candlesticks when electricity was invented,

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except instead of pivoting to making lamps, they're watching twenty

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three year olds with TikTok accounts get their dream jobs.

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The timing couldn't be worse for this generation.

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They're facing mortgages, college tuition for their kids, and caring

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for aging parents, all while watching their retirement accounts look

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more like sad piggybanks than actual nest Eggs. As one

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really good looking media veteran put it, you host the

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eleven PM news for twenty years, and the next thing

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you know, you wind up posting some dope podcast. So

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pour one out for gen X's media careers. They're going

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the way of MTV playing actual music videos, which ironically

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is something only gen X remembers anyway,