Feb. 20, 2025

Trump Crowns Himself King, IRS Gets Fired, and Ohio's DIY SWAT Team

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield takes aim at Trump's royal ambitions after killing NYC's congestion pricing, breaks down the bizarre Trump-Musk bromance on Fox News, and dives into the surreal story of an Ohio neighborhood where the local watch group went full tactical. Plus, the IRS layoffs have Patrick planning some creative tax deductions. A sharp, satirical take on the week's political chaos, delivered with a punch and zero regard for traffic laws or proper police credentials.

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Callaroga Shark media.

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From New York City, where inflation is up and the

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batteries down.

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This is ballot.

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That's right, New York City, home of pizza rats so

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big they make the other cities jealous.

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LA wishes they had rats this big. Let's hit this. Hi.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield, and I had to check to make sure.

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The AI didn't make up this first story.

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Let me tell you about the latest episode of As

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the White House Turns. Yesterday, the Trump administration decided to

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take Trump's long Live the King post and turn it

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into actual royal fan fiction. They took his truth social

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post about congestion pricing and added a crown subtle because

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nothing says champion of the common man like cosplaying as

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medieval royalty.

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So here's what happened.

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Trump's Transportation secret Harry sent a letter to New York

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telling them their congestion pricing plan was dead, and Trump

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celebrated by declaring himself king, which is a totally normal

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thing to do when you kill a traffic policy. It's

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like winning a game of monopoly and declaring yourself Emperor

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of Baltic Avenue. The White House then took this moment

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and thought, you know what, this needs a fake Time

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magazine cover, but instead of Time, they wrote Trump because

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apparently subtle isn't in the White House style guide anymore.

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They basically created a meme that looks like it was

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designed by someone who just discovered photoshop and royal clipbart

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In the same afternoon. The other night, Trump and Elon

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Musk did this buddy comedy interview on Fox News with

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Sean Hannity. Sean was gushing like a proud dad at

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his kid's piano recital, except his ex wife has custody.

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And when I say gushing, he literally said, I feel

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like I'm interviewing two brothers.

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Yeah, two brothers.

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If one brother was a former president and the other

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was a billionaire who spent two hundred and eighty eight

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million dollars to help get him elected, you know, typical

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family dynamics. They spent the whole hour talking about how

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they were going to save money with this thing called doge,

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not the cryptocurrency, but though honestly that would make just

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as much sense. They claimed they'll save hundreds of billions

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in fraud, which is fascinating because when you actually look

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at the numbers, it's more like four billion. That's like

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saying you have one thousand dollars in your wallet, but

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when you open it, there's just four bucks in an

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expired subway coupon. Musk describe his role as tech support

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for Trump's executive orders the world's richest man is basically

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saying he's the guy you call when the government printer

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says PC load letter.

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He even compared his current.

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Situation to getting a daily proctology exam. I mean, that's

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one way to describe working in Washington. And then there's

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Trump making promises like he's Santa Claus at the mall.

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But we won't touch social secus, ccurity, Medicare or Medicaid,

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he says, while also planning a five trillion dollar tax cut.

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That's like me telling my wife I won't touch our

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savings while also buying a yacht and a private island.

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The math just doesn't add up. People.

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Trump's been in office for two and a half weeks

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and he's already pulling the I just started working here

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card about inflation. That's like showing up late to a

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party and blaming the mess on the host who left

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three hours ago. Oh those empty pizza boxes, those beer cans.

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That was all Steve, I just got here, and by

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Steve he means Joe Biden. Now inflation is up to

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three percent, which economists say probably has nothing to do

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with Trump's policies yet, but Trump went on social media

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anyway to write Biden inflation up, because apparently typing in

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all caps makes economic analysis more credible.

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The really interesting.

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Part Trump promised on the campaign trail he'd fixed prices

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on day one, but then told Time magazine that it's

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hard to bring things down once they're up, which is

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basically the economic equivalent of saying the dog ate my homework,

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and also homework is really hard. Let me tell you

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about Lincoln Heights, Ohio, a place where the Neighborhood Watch

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has apparently gone full call of duty. Now we've got

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this situation where some neo Nazis showed up to demonstrate

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on February seventh, which is already a terrible way to

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start any story, and in response, a s group of

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guys decided, you know what, this tense situation needs more guns,

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because that's what you do when you see a problem, right,

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you just add guns. It's like when your soup is

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too hot and you cool it down by adding more

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soup that's on fire. These guys are out there dressed

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like tactical Johnny Cash, I'll black everything, masks, rifles, stopping

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cars like they're running the world's most intimidating toll booth.

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They even approach someone in a Wendy's drive through. I mean,

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I know the baconator is intense, but this seems excessive.

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The local sheriff, Charmaine McGuffey, who sounds like someone the

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AI made up but is a real person, says she

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had no idea this was happening, which is fascinating because

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there were thirty six different nine to one one calls

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about it, and she's the sheriff. One business owner, Jim,

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had these guys point a rifle at him on his

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own property when he said he was calling the police.

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They said, we are the police, which is exactly what

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not the police would say. That's like walking into a

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bank wearing a name tag that says definitely a bank

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employee and asking where they keep the money for work purposes.

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If you guys are the police, which one of you

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is sting and which one is Andy Summers. The sheriff

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says she doesn't want neighborhood and militias because it leads.

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Back to neo Nazi tactics.

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Meanwhile, the actual neighborhood is caught between wannabe Navy Seals

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and actual neo Nazis, making this the worst episode of

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Who's Watching the Neighborhood ever produced? And remember this all

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started because Lincoln Heights had to disband its police department

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in twenty fourteen to save money. Oops, well, well, well,

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looks like Trump is putting the IRS on a diet

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right in the middle of tax season.

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Talk about aggressive weight loss.

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Six thousand employees getting pink slips faster than you can

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say audit, and the timing is just chef's kiss perfect.

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It's like firing all the lifeguards in the middle of

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summer because you decided pools are overrated. Hey, I know

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everyone's swimming right now, but have you considered just not drowning.

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They're specifically targeting the new hires who don't have job

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protection yet.

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You know what that means.

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If you got hired at the IRS recently, you might

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want to update your LinkedIn faster than you can say.

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Previous employment experience includes understanding.

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The tax code.

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And get this, they're making these people come back to

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the office one lass in time to return their government equipment.

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It's like a breakup where your ex demands their hoodie back,

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except the hoodie is a Dell laptop from twenty seventeen.

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Trump's even nominated Billy Long to run the agency, a

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guy who wants to abolish the very agency he's supposed

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to leave. That's like making a vegetarian the CEO of

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Burger King my first order of business. Less business. Meanwhile,

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Homeland Security is asking for IRS agents to help with

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immigration enforcement, because apparently, when you can't figure out what

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to do with tax collectors, you just make them border patrol.

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That's like asking your accountant to be a bouncer. Sorry, sir,

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your W two doesn't meet the dress code requirements. You

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know what this means for me? I can finally claim

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my pet goldfish as a dependent. Who's going to audit me?

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The ghost of tax collectors passed? And my home office

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it's wherever I'm holding my phone.

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That kitchen counter that's corporate headquarters.

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Baby, and my yacht it's actually a mobile maritime research

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facility for Phish Research. Yeah, that's it, Phish research. Who

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knew tax season could be so much fun,