Oct. 22, 2024

Trump admires Arnold Palmer's Big Putter

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump made some comments about Arnold Palmer in the locker room. Um, OK.

Trump also took a shift at McDonald's.

Tim Walz went on The Daily Show

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Caalarogu shark media from McDonald's. Where would you like fries

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with that? This is ballot?

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Well, I don't want fries from the creepy old guy

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behind the counter.

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He looks like he has no idea what he's doing. Anyway,

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let's hit this.

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So Trump held a rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, this weekend,

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you know, trying to make his closing argument to voters. Instead,

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he spent fifteen minutes talking about Arnold Palmer in the shower.

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Yeah you heard that right.

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Apparently Trump thinks the best way to honor a golf

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legend is by discussing his naked body. I guess grab

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him by the putter wasn't shocking enough anymore. Apparently, according

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to Trump, Arnie was carrying around at least one big club.

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Trump said, Arnold Palmer was all man.

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And I say that in all due respect to women.

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I love women. This man was strong and tough, and

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I refuse to say it. But when he took showers

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with the other pros they came out of there, they said,

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oh my god, that's unbelievable. One of Palmer's daughters said

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it was a poor choice of approaches to remembering my father.

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But what are you going to do then?

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Because one questionable character wasn't enough, Trump brought up Antonio Brown,

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you know, the guy who makes the average NFL scandal

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look like a parking ticket. It's like he's collecting controversial

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athletes like their Pokemon, the real kicker. While Trump was

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ranting about mail in voting being corrupt, his own campaign

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was showing instructions for mail in voting. That's like giving

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a lecture on sobriety while doing Jaeger bombs. Palmer's daughter

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called Trump's shower story a poor choice, which is probably

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the nicest way anyone's ever described a Trump rally.

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Even the crowd seemed confused.

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One person said, I didn't expect to hear that tonight,

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which is also what everyone said after Trump's first debate

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in twenty sixteen and pretty much every day since. Trump's

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campaign promised he'd start framing his message better. Instead, he

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gave us a one hundred minute matter masterclass in how

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to turn a campaign speech into an open mic night

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at the world's worst comedy club. It looks like Donald

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Trump has found his true calling, not his president, but

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as a short order cook at McDonald's. I guess when

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they said make America great again, they meant make America's

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fries crispy again.

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There's our man, Trump, decked.

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Out in an apron, probably wondering why it doesn't have

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his name embroidered in gold. He's slinging fries like he's

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tossing classified documents, with reckless abandon and a complete disregard

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for proper procedure. And get this, the whole thing was

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more staged than a Broadway musical. The drive through customers

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handpicked by the Secret Service. I guess they were worried

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someone might ask for a McRib and send Trump into

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a tailspin.

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But here's the real kicker.

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Trump dodged a question about raising the minimum wage faster

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than he dodges subpoenas. Instead, he focused on the beautiful

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process of fry making. Yeah, Donald, that's exactly what the

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underpaid workers are worried about the esthetics of deep frying potatoes.

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And of course, he couldn't resist taking a swipe at

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Kamala Harris, claiming she never worked at McDonald's. Trump said, now,

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I've worked for fifteen minutes more than Kamala. The best

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part Trump's fascination with the fact that the Fries never

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touch a human hand. I guess he's not used to

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things that aren't grabbed without consent. It looks like we've

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got a new sport in town. Extreme political cheerleading move

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over football. We've got a fan who decided to turn

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the gridiron into a personal campaign rally.

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Picture this.

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There's Donald Trump perched in his VIP box like a

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golden haired eagle, probably wondering why no one's offered him

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a hot dog yet. Meanwhile, down on the field, we've

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got a one woman political parade sprinting across the fifty

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yard line faster than you can say border Wall. Our

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mystery runner managed to make it all the way to

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the forty yard line before security caught up. I guess

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they were too busy trying to figure out if this

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was part of a new halftime show called Dancing with

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the Politically Starved.

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The best part the crowd went wild.

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Apparently nothing gets Pittsburgh fans more excited than a game

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of cat and mouse between a political activist and stadium security.

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And there's Trump waving to the crowd like he's the

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Queen of England on a balcony. The only thing missing

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was him tossing MAGA hats into the stands like t

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shirt cannons at a minor league baseball game. I do

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have to point out the woman makes terrible decisions. Running

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on the field is bad enough, as you're going to

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be arrested, but attending a Jets game that's just crazy.

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So Tim Walls made his Daily Show debut with John

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Stewart talking about convincing Republicans to jump off the MAGA train.

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It's like trying to convince people to leave a cult,

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but with fewer turtlenecks and more red hats. Walls called

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the McDonald's stunt costplaying as a McDonald's worker, which is

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probably the first time Trump and cosplay have been used

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in the the same sentence outside of a MAGA convention

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or maybe something involving Stormy Daniels. The best part trump

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bragging I've now worked for fifteen minutes more than Kamala,

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which is like saying you're a better basketball player than

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Lebron James because you once made a free throw at

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David Buster's. The whole thing feels like a rejected episode

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of Undercover Boss, where the boss forgot to go undercover

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and just showed up in his normal outfit. Meanwhile, Stuart

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took us through Trump's latest Greatest Hits tour. We've got

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Trump working the McDonald's drive through, because nothing says man

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of the people like pretending to work at the place

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you actually eat at five times a week. It's like

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method acting, but with more big Max. Then there's Trump's

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bizarre Arnold Palmer shower story. Stuart called it Trump's kids

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Bob genitals rant, which is definitely a phrase I never

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thought i'd hear, and honestly kind of wish I hadn't.

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But the real kicker was Trump's enemy from within speech.

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When Republicans tried claiming he meant border crossers, Trump clarified

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that no, no, he met Nancy Pelosi. Because nothing says

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totally normal campaign rhetoric like calling the former Speaker of

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the House an enemy of the state. Stuart summed it

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up perfectly. Is any of this shit Trump says real?

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It's like trying to fact check a fever dream. We're

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living in a world where Trump's absurdity is treated like

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a get out of consequences free card. Oh, he just

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threatened to use the military against Democrats.

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Classic Trump. What a kidder?

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As Stuart pointed out, attempted insurrection is still attempted insurrection,

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even if you follow it up with golf Penis jokes.

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It's like trying to rob.

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A bank but claiming it was just a prank because

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you were wearing a funny hat.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of AI.

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And remember, if your girlfriend says she's in the mood

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for an Arnold Palmer, it may or may not be

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your lucky Knight.