April 16, 2025

TROPHY FUMBLE! JD Vance DESTROYS National Championship Prize as Trump Sends WARSHIPS to Iran & SLAMS Zelensky

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield roasts Vice President JD Vance's fumble of the fifty-pound College Football trophy, Trump's power move sending two aircraft carriers to Iran nuclear talks, and the president's shocking blame of Zelensky for "millions dead" in Ukraine. Plus, Boeing's latest crisis - airplane bathroom doors trapping passengers at thirty thousand feet! Gutfield delivers the news with a sharp wit that cuts through political absurdity faster than Vance dropped that trophy!

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Callaroga Shark media from Washington, DC, where maybe I should

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hold the trophy? This is ballot, that's right. JD. Vance

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had one job, hold the trophy.

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That's it and oops, Hi, I'm Patrick Gutfield and our

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esteemed second in command decided to show off his butterfingers

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on the south lawn when he dropped the College Football

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Playoffs National Championship trophy. This wasn't just any fumble. This

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was primetime spotlight. Everyone's watching fumble. You know what's impressive?

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Vance actually managed to break the trophy in half. The base,

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which weighs about fifty pounds according to Ohio State, came

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crashing down while the players desperately clung to the top

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part like it was the last slice.

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Of pizza at three in the morning.

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The crowd gasped, I mean, what else do you do

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when you witness history? Vance and Ohio State Gradam's later

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joked on social media that he didn't want anyone after

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Ohio State to get the trophy, so he decided to

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break it. This puts Vance in the prestigious trophy Droppers

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Hall of Fame, joining tennis star Maria Sharapova, who lost

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control of her US Open Trophy in two thousand and six,

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Real Madrid, who somehow managed to have a bus run

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over their copa del Ray Cup and race car driver

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Lando Norris who knocked max Ver Staffan's trophy to the

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ground with a champagne bottle.

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You know what they say.

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You can take the man out of Ohio, but you

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can't take the Actually, let's just get.

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Him some stronger wrists.

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From breaking trophies to breaking news from the Middle East.

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President Trump has sent a second aircraft carrier to the region,

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which is basically the presidential equivalent of sending your friend

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a text that says we need to talk, followed by

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another text saying no, really, we need to talk. The

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USS Carl Vinson has joined the USS Harry S. Truman

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in Mid East waters. Just as the US and Iran

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prepare for round two of nuclear talks, thing says, let's

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have a friendly diplomatic chat. Quite like positioning two massive

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floating war machines within striking distance. These negotiations come with

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sky high stakes. Trump has threatened airstrikes if no deal

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is reached, while Iran is sitting on enough uranium to

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make things that go boom. It's like the world's most

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terrifying game of chicken, except instead of cars, it's nuclear weapons.

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Even Iran Supreme Leader Ayatola Kamene said the first round

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of talks went well, though he added they shouldn't be

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overly optimistic. That's Iranian diplomatic speak for I'm smiling, but

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I've also got my finger hovering over a big red button. Meanwhile,

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Trump's envoy Steve Whitcoff went on Fox News suggesting Iran

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should only enrich uranium to three point sixty seven percent

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instead of their current sixty percent. For context, weapons grade

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is ninety percent. So basically, the US position is, we'd

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prefer if your nuclear program was more like a kitchen

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knife and less like a machete. The Vincent is cruising

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northeast of an island called Sokotra, accompanied by three warships

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with exciting names like Princeton when Sturett and William P. Lawrence,

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I'm no military expert, but I think we'd intimidate our

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enemies more if we named our destroyer something like the

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Widow Maker or your Worst Nightmare. Footage shows the Vincent

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preparing ordnance and launching fighter jets, which is military speak

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for just doing some routine exercises that absolutely shouldn't be

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interpreted as a threat.

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Wink wink, These talks might actually work.

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Though I've never related more to an Ayatola than when

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he says he doesn't fully trust the other party in negotiations.

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That's just common sense when dealing with well anyone. After

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Russia launched missiles into the Ukrainian city of Sumi, killing

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thirty five people and injuring one hundred and seventeen others,

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Trump decided this was the perfect moment to blame Ukraine's

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president Zelenski. That's right, our commander, And he declared that

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Zelensky shares the blame with Putin for what he called

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millions of people.

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Dead in the conflict.

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And when I say millions, I should clarify that actual

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estimates put casualties in the hundreds of thousands. Trump's exact words,

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and I'm not making this up, were you don't start

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a war against someone twenty times your size and then

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hope that people give you some missiles. I haven't heard

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logic that sounds since my cousins tried to convince me

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that with cereal is technically a soup. Meanwhile, a NATO

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Secretary General Mark Rutu visited Ukraine on Tuesday and had

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the audacity to state obvious facts like Russia is the

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aggressor and Russia started this war. Crazy talk. Trump did

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call the Sumi attack terrible, but quickly added that Russia

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had made a mistake, you know, like when you accidentally

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text your boss instead of your friend, except with deadly

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missiles killing dozens of civilians. The awkward part Russia invaded

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Ukraine in twenty fourteen, that's five years before Zelenski even

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became president. But Trump insisted millions of people dead because

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of three people. Putin number one, Biden, number two, and Zelensky.

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I'm also blaming mister Rogers and Chuck Cunningham. I guess

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this is what happens when your foreign policy strategy is

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complement the dictator, blame the victim, and then send a

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portrait as a thank you gift. That's some real art

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of the deal right there. The Federal Aviation Administration just

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issued a warning about Boeing aircraft, and no, this time

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it's not about parts falling off mid flight. It's about

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bathroom doors that won't open because apparently being trapped at

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thirty thousand feet with nothing but your phone and mounting anxiety.

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Wasn't already the airline experience we all signed up for.

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The FAA revealed that two thousand, six hundred and twelve

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Boeing planes registered in the US might have defective bathroom

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door latches. This came after a passenger got trapped in

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an airplane bathroom and couldn't get out. The flight attendants

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couldn't open it either, forcing the pilots to make an

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unscheduled landing. You know your day is going poorly when

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we're making an emergency landing is.

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Actually good news. Thank god.

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I thought I'd be stuck in here forever with these

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tiny soaps and that blue chemical toilet water. According to

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the FAA, if passengers get trapped during emergencies like severe turbulence,

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they could face serious injury, which is bureaucrats speak for

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being violently tossed around inside what is essentially a fancy

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porta potty. The fix will cost airlines up to three million,

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four hundred thousand dollars. That's roughly two hundred and ninety

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one thousand bags of pretzels or one hundred and twenty

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five thousand tiny bottles of vodka in airline math. This

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directive applies to various seven hundred and thirty seven models,

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including the Max series, so up to three quarters of

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Boeing's US fleet might have a bathroom doors just waiting

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to turn your quick trip to the lavatory into a

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claustrophobic nightmare. Airlines have until May twenty seventh to respond,

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which feels like an awfully long time to address a

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problem that literally prevents people from going number one or

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number two.

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And then leaving.

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And this isn't even the first bathroom related flight diversion.

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Last month, an Air India flight had to return to

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Chicago after a passenger tried to flush bags, rags, and

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clothes down the toilet, and in February, a KLM flight

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turned around over the Atlantic when eight of nine bathroom

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stopped working. So the next time you're on a Boeing

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aircraft in nature calls, maybe just hold it or bring

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a crowbar. Portions of today's show were made with the

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help of AI and a made up story to cover

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the Mile High Club