Dec. 13, 2024

Time's Person of the Year Trump Drops Bombs While Accused CEO Killer Loses Fortune: Trump's 2025 Vision Meets McDonald's Manhunt

Show Notes
Transcript

From mass deportation plans to vaccine skepticism, Trump's triumphant return to Time's cover collides with a stranger-than-fiction manhunt, as an Ivy League heir allegedly kills a healthcare CEO only to get caught at McDonald's - and lose his grandmother's millions thanks to her prophetic "no felonies" inheritance clause. A tale of two Americas in December 2024: presidential promises and fast food justice.

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Caalaroga shark media.

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From Altuona, where you never know who is ordering a

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Fialleo fish.

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This is ballot.

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That's right, we have a jam packed Friday. Trump is

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Time Magazine's Person of the Year. If we can't find

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any jokes in that, we're not trying. And we'll tell

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you how Luigi the alleged assassin might be out a

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lot of coin.

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Let's hit this.

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Time dropped their person of the Year interview with Trump,

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and it's like a preview of coming distractions. Let's break

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down this greatest hits album of Trump promises. Shall we

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first up? He vehemently disagrees with letting Ukraine fire missiles

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into Russia. I guess he prefers his international conflicts more

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like his real estate deals. I'll talk no missiles. On immigration,

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Trump wants to use the military for mass deportations to

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the maximum level of what the law allows. He's planning

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to build new detention camps too, because apparently his build

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the Wall policy has evolved, and to build everything. When

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it comes to January sixth, pardons he's going case by case.

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It's like he's planning to become.

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The world's most powerful HR Department reviewing each insurrectionist performance

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review individually.

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But the real showstopper.

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Trump's bringing back the vaccines cause autism conspiracy theory, and

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he's putting RFK Junior in charge of studying it because

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nothing says trust the science like putting an anti vaxxer

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in charge of Health and Human Services. It's like putting

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a flat earther in charge of NASA. On the Israel

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Palestine conflict, Trump says there are other alternatives to a

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two state solution, though he didn't specify what those are.

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Maybe he's thinking of timeshare territories. It looks like Trump's

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trying to thread the needle on transgender issues the way

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he threads his Actually, let's not go there. In his

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Time Person of the Year interview, he basically said he

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agrees with incoming Representative Sarah McBride that maybe, just maybe

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Congress has bigger fish to fry than policing bathrooms. This

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all started when Nancy Mace introduced what we'll call the

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which door resolution, targeting the first transgender member of Congress

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before she even gets there.

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Talk about an unconventional welcome wagon.

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Trump's response, He's playing at cooler than a mar a

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Lago air conditioner in August. It's a very small number

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of people, he said, presumably while calculating exactly how many

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electoral votes are at stake. He's basically saying, can't we

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all just focus on my bigger plans to upend democracy?

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Trump's finally discovering what every grocery shopper already knows. Those

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prices are stubbornly high, like his hair in a windstorm.

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In his interview, he admitted bringing down food prices might

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be hard. You don't say his brilliant plan lower energy costs,

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which are already at MO year lows, and fixing the

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supply chain, which he says is broken but doesn't explain

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how to fix It's like saying you'll solve traffic by

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making cars go faster and roads work better. Thanks for

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clearing that up. And get this. He wants to slap

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new tariffs on imports, which is like trying to put

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out a fire with gasoline soaked blankets. Last time he

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tried this in twenty eighteen, shipping costs shot up faster

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than the price of eggs during an Avian flu outbreak,

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speaking of which, egg prices are climbing again. But I

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don't think we can blame that one on Biden unless

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he's been personally teaching chickens to unionize. The best part

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his mass deportation plan could actually make food prices even higher.

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Turns out, those farm workers he wants to deport are

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kind of important for, you know, actually getting food onto

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our tables. Who knew farming was more complicated than just

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posting angry tweets about produce prices. Meanwhile, food price inflation

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has actually slowed to less than two percent, which Trump

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is probably going to take credit for not being in

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office yet It's like bragging about how well you parallel

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parked while sitting.

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In your living room.

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And finally, he wants a virtual closure of the Department

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of Education because apparently the only three rs we need

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are really rich Republican Speaking of rich people, it looks

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like Silicon Valley's biggest names are suddenly Trump's biggest fans.

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Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos are both dropping cool millions

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into Trump's inauguration fund faster than you can say.

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What happened to all that fighting?

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Zuckerberg, He's gone from banning Trump after January sixth to

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giving him private demos of Meta's ray ban smart glasses,

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because nothing says we're cool now like gifting someone glasses

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that can record everything you do. I'm sure Trump will

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only use those for totally innocent purposes, like checking if

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the FBI is in his bushes. Trump literally threatened to

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send Zuckerberg to prison in a coffee table book, which

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has to be the most mar Alaga way possible to

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threaten someone. But now they're having dinner together like old pals.

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I guess in Trump's world, prison threats are just his

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way of saying, let's do lunch, and let's not forget

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Google's CEO Sunder Pitchi making his pilgrimage to mar A Lago.

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At this rate, Trump's Club is turning into the world's

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most exclusive tech conference, though instead of disrupting the future,

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the theme is more like, please don't disrupt our companies.

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It's like watching the world's richest game of make Nice

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with the new boss. These tech CEOs are switching sides

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faster than Elon Musk switches Twitter profile picks. Speaking of Musk,

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he's probably watching all this from his position as Trump's bff,

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thinking I liked him before it was cool. Looks like

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Silicon Valley finally found something scarier than a bad quarterly report,

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a second Trump term with a grudge.

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Who knew all it.

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Would take to unite big tech was the threat of

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big government coming after them. Democracy might be hanging by

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a thread, but hey, at least the inauguration will be

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streaming an HD on Prime. So it turns out the

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person who spotted America's most wanted healthcare CEO shooter.

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Was just trying to grab a big mac.

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In Altoona, Pennsylvania, a group of friends was hanging out

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at McDonald's when one of them said, hey, doesn't that

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guy look like the shooter from a New York Which

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is probably not the first time someone's joked about a

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suspicious looking person at McDonald's at two am, but this

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time it actually was the guy. The tip could net

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this observant fast food patron up to sixty grand, though

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they'll have to wait for a conviction. That's a lot

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of McNuggets. The reward includes fifty from the FBI and

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ten from NYPD crime stoppers, who apparently up their usual

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five hundred dollars max. Because this was definitely not your

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average case of someone stealing quarters from the Ronald McDonald

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house donation box. Meanwhile, though, the grandmother of alleged United

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Healthcare CEO shooter Luigi Mangione, had a very specific clause

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in her will. Commit a felony, kiss your inheritance goodbye.

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It's like the world's most expensive crime doesn't pay lesson.

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Mary Mangioni left somewhere between thirty million and one hundred

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million to her family. That's we have our own country

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clubs kind of money. But she apparently had a sixth

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sense about potential troublemakers, because she specifically wrote in her

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will that anyone charged with heinous or violent crimes gets

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cut off faster than a mar A Lago membership. After

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criticizing Trump, Luigi, who went to all the fancy schools

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money can buy, might have missed the fine print in

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grandma's will. He's pleaded not guilty to murder charges, but

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none of Mary's will is pretty clear. Even being charged

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with a felony can get you booted from the family fortune.

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It's like ther first game of Monopoly ever. Go directly

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to jail, do not collect thirty million dollars. His cousin,

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a state legislator, said the family is shocked and devastated,

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which is probably not how they plan to use those

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inheritance checks. Remember, folks, when your grandmother specifically mentions heinous

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felonies in her will, she's probably trying to tell you something.

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The best part the will keeps emphasizing how conclusive, final,

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and binding this decision is. Grandma Mary was apparently the

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type who didn't believe in three strikes, one felony charge

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and you're out. The good news for Luigi he still

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could be the Republican candidate for president.

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In twenty twenty eight.

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Portions of Today's podcast were made with the help of

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Time Magazine, AI and Luigi's grandma