June 6, 2024
The Fogeys Fight Back
It's an explosive battle of the septuagenarians as Biden and Trump trade shocking blows in the race for the White House! We'll take you through all the cringe-worthy highlights.
First, disturbing accounts emerge of Grandpa Joe practically zoning out...
It's an explosive battle of the septuagenarians as Biden and Trump trade shocking blows in the race for the White House! We'll take you through all the cringe-worthy highlights.
First, disturbing accounts emerge of Grandpa Joe practically zoning out during crucial meetings on Ukraine aid and energy policy. Sources claim a barely-there, blink-and-you-missed-it POTUS who needed triple espresso shots just to mumble "more javelins".
Then it's on to the dueling dementia as Kevin McCarthy details Biden's wild PM/AM lucidity swings during the debt ceiling psycho-bidergy. One minute a lively negotiator, the next a drooling Jell-O cups pitchman! The White House shrugs it off as just some 9D chess brain work.
Not to be outdone, Trump's 2016 rants about indicting Hillary for a "crisis" and "government halting" get thrown back in his now felonious face. The sheer obliviousness required to become the very situation he once fear-mongered over is simply *chef's kiss*.
But chin up, Don! Those new swing state polls showing Biden inching ahead in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania should totally revive your campaign trail pep! Or...maybe give your MAGA base anxiety over losing its fabled "Blue Wall" stranglehold?
It's a true clash of the Crypt Keeper titans - fromDeliriumDonald to SlurryJoe, no ageist insult will be spared! Drool rags at the ready, this one's gonna get gnarrrrrly! Forget the largest promissory lead, it may come down to whoever can simply stay conscious the longest.
So settle in for all the golden giggles as we gleefully mock the dueling den-tures of our archetypal American candidates. 'Cause Lord knows, if we don't get some sick yucks out of their escalating decrepitude, we'd probably just have to cry into our prune juices!
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See the full list of shows and sign up for our newsletter for more great news from Caloroga Shark Media.
WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:12.759
Calaroga Shark media from Washington, DC, where there's a Trump quote for everything.
2
00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:16.440
This is ballot today. The journal
suggests Uncle Joe as starting to slip,
3
00:00:16.679 --> 00:00:20.719
and Trump forgets he didn't think indicted
people should run. Oops, let's
4
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:27.280
hit this. Uh oh. The
Wall Street Journal published a scary article.
5
00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:32.359
It looks like Grandpa Joe has been
showing some serious signs of vintage bidenisms during
6
00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:36.799
his latest round of meetings on Capitol
Hill. Can you just picture the scene
7
00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:41.960
as the President addressed congressional leaders to
discuss Ukraine aid. Sources say Sleepy Joe
8
00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:46.520
was practically in rem cycle mode,
speaking so softly people struggle to hear him
9
00:00:46.759 --> 00:00:51.479
zoning out with his eyes closed for
extended espresso nap periods. At one point
10
00:00:51.719 --> 00:00:55.359
they probably had to triple Cortado Espresso
shot him just to get him to blink
11
00:00:55.399 --> 00:00:59.920
twice. For Yes, I approved
forty seven billion dollars in javelins for Kiev,
12
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:04.159
although, knowing Biden's legendary avoidance of
caffeine after seven pm, he was
13
00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:08.680
more likely sip in a lukewarm ovaltine. The real kicker, though, his
14
00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:12.439
one on one brain freeze with Speaker
Johnson, where Biden tried passing off a
15
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:18.280
major energy policy as just a study, according to reports, as if Grandpa
16
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:23.000
hadn't already greenlit jeopardizing those projects and
then plumb forgot. You can practically hear
17
00:01:23.079 --> 00:01:29.280
Johnson's inner monologue, mister President,
with all due respect, are you even
18
00:01:29.319 --> 00:01:33.280
reading your own eos anymore? Or
just doing mad libs with the fine print?
19
00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:37.879
Then we've got last year's debt sealing
psychobider g where, according to Kevin
20
00:01:37.959 --> 00:01:42.680
McCarthy, the Leader of the Free
World was a veritable chia pet, alternating
21
00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:48.599
between lively banter one day and total
mumbling incoherence the next, an inconsistent jerrying
22
00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:51.760
tour. If you will, oh
man, I can see it now.
23
00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:57.480
One minute Biden's rambling semi coherently about
Armageddon options, followed by an aid gently
24
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:00.879
guiding him off stage as he trails
off about getting everyone some jello cups and
25
00:02:00.920 --> 00:02:06.920
Werther's originals the roller coaster no one
asked for. Of course, the White
26
00:02:06.920 --> 00:02:12.240
House staffers are gobsmacked this could ever
be perceived as cognitive impairment. He's just
27
00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:16.240
thinking reality hard, you guys,
that furrowed brow and drool puddling. Just
28
00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:22.599
the nine dimensional chess calculations of a
stable genius. Let's face it, though,
29
00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:28.759
between struggling to stay awake forgetting his
own policies and those wild lucidity swings,
30
00:02:29.319 --> 00:02:31.360
it's starting to look like we may
need to get President Grandpa a life
31
00:02:31.400 --> 00:02:37.520
alert implant before Cornpop really pops off, assuming he can still remember who corn
32
00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:43.520
Pop is by then. Wow.
Talk about an absolutely stunning reversal from Donald
33
00:02:43.560 --> 00:02:47.159
Trump on the idea of criminally accused
candidates running for president. His twenty sixteen
34
00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:53.960
rhetoric railing against Hillary Clinton is aging
poorly to put it mildly. Back then,
35
00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:59.000
Trump was positively apoplectic at the very
notion that Clinton could potentially face indictment
36
00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:02.919
yet still pursue the White House.
He painted this hypothetical as an existential threat,
37
00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:08.960
an unprecedented constitutional crisis that would grind
government to a halt. The sheer
38
00:03:09.000 --> 00:03:14.840
melodrama of Trump's warnings is pretty rich
in hindsight, pausing for dramatic effect to
39
00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:20.599
rasp folks, folks, folks,
she shouldn't be allowed to run. Okay,
40
00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:24.840
as if Clinton merely being investigated was
grounds to disqualify her from participating in
41
00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:30.120
democracy, you can almost picture present
day Trump having to choke back those sitting
42
00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:35.759
president under felony indictment lines at his
own rallies. The lack of self awareness
43
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:39.039
required to spew that kind of fire
and brimstone only to become that very situation
44
00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:44.439
must be staggering. Of course,
his campaign is trying to brush it all
45
00:03:44.439 --> 00:03:47.680
off as no big deal, just
Trump being wrongfully persecuted in a big witch
46
00:03:47.719 --> 00:03:53.319
hunt double standard, as if facing
actual criminal conviction amid multiple other indictments is
47
00:03:53.360 --> 00:03:59.000
at all comparable to Clinton's email probe. In any case, it's a stark
48
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:01.319
reminder that Trump is always been a
bump on a log passenger to his own
49
00:04:01.400 --> 00:04:06.520
stated principles. As long as it
benefits impersonally in the moment, anything goes.
50
00:04:08.039 --> 00:04:15.879
Ethics, consistency, and democratic norms
be damned. It seems the tides
51
00:04:15.959 --> 00:04:20.040
may be turning a bit in some
crucial battleground states. According to these new
52
00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:27.199
polls from Florida Atlantic University and Main
Street Research, Biden is showing slight leads
53
00:04:27.240 --> 00:04:31.240
over Trump in Wisconsin, Michigan,
and Pennsylvania, three states that could ultimately
54
00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:36.399
decide the twenty twenty four election.
I wonder what changed now? The margins
55
00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:42.120
are still pretty razor thin. We're
talking Biden advantages of just three seven points
56
00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:46.240
in each of those swing states when
third party candidates are factored in. But
57
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:50.240
in an electoral college fight where every
last vote matters, those narrow leads could
58
00:04:50.279 --> 00:04:56.000
prove immensely significant. If they hold, it's a potential warning sign for Team
59
00:04:56.040 --> 00:04:59.959
Trump that they may be losing their
grip on the blue wall states that famously
60
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:04.680
flipped red in twenty sixteen before flipping
back in twenty twenty. Having to seriously
61
00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:10.639
sweat places like Wisconsin and Michigan again
is not an ideal scenario for the former
62
00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:15.000
president. That said, We're still
half a year out from election day,
63
00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:20.079
which is just an eternity in modern
American politics. As that UK professor notes,
64
00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:25.720
the landscape could shift radically based on
any number of volatile factors, the
65
00:05:25.800 --> 00:05:30.800
Hunter Biden case, Trump's eventual sentencing, random October surprises, you name it.
66
00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:35.040
Biden's team certainly can't get too confident
writing these small swing state polling bumps
67
00:05:35.240 --> 00:05:41.480
when national trackers still show a virtual
dead heat, Nor can Trump supporters take
68
00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:46.639
too much solace in hypotheticals about the
race remaining highly volatile. Portions of today's
69
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:53.399
program were made with the help of
ai Wait. I never said that, said what
1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:12.759
Calaroga Shark media from Washington, DC, where there's a Trump quote for everything.
2
00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:16.440
This is ballot today. The journal
suggests Uncle Joe as starting to slip,
3
00:00:16.679 --> 00:00:20.719
and Trump forgets he didn't think indicted
people should run. Oops, let's
4
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:27.280
hit this. Uh oh. The
Wall Street Journal published a scary article.
5
00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:32.359
It looks like Grandpa Joe has been
showing some serious signs of vintage bidenisms during
6
00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:36.799
his latest round of meetings on Capitol
Hill. Can you just picture the scene
7
00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:41.960
as the President addressed congressional leaders to
discuss Ukraine aid. Sources say Sleepy Joe
8
00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:46.520
was practically in rem cycle mode,
speaking so softly people struggle to hear him
9
00:00:46.759 --> 00:00:51.479
zoning out with his eyes closed for
extended espresso nap periods. At one point
10
00:00:51.719 --> 00:00:55.359
they probably had to triple Cortado Espresso
shot him just to get him to blink
11
00:00:55.399 --> 00:00:59.920
twice. For Yes, I approved
forty seven billion dollars in javelins for Kiev,
12
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:04.159
although, knowing Biden's legendary avoidance of
caffeine after seven pm, he was
13
00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:08.680
more likely sip in a lukewarm ovaltine. The real kicker, though, his
14
00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:12.439
one on one brain freeze with Speaker
Johnson, where Biden tried passing off a
15
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:18.280
major energy policy as just a study, according to reports, as if Grandpa
16
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:23.000
hadn't already greenlit jeopardizing those projects and
then plumb forgot. You can practically hear
17
00:01:23.079 --> 00:01:29.280
Johnson's inner monologue, mister President,
with all due respect, are you even
18
00:01:29.319 --> 00:01:33.280
reading your own eos anymore? Or
just doing mad libs with the fine print?
19
00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:37.879
Then we've got last year's debt sealing
psychobider g where, according to Kevin
20
00:01:37.959 --> 00:01:42.680
McCarthy, the Leader of the Free
World was a veritable chia pet, alternating
21
00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:48.599
between lively banter one day and total
mumbling incoherence the next, an inconsistent jerrying
22
00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:51.760
tour. If you will, oh
man, I can see it now.
23
00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:57.480
One minute Biden's rambling semi coherently about
Armageddon options, followed by an aid gently
24
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:00.879
guiding him off stage as he trails
off about getting everyone some jello cups and
25
00:02:00.920 --> 00:02:06.920
Werther's originals the roller coaster no one
asked for. Of course, the White
26
00:02:06.920 --> 00:02:12.240
House staffers are gobsmacked this could ever
be perceived as cognitive impairment. He's just
27
00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:16.240
thinking reality hard, you guys,
that furrowed brow and drool puddling. Just
28
00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:22.599
the nine dimensional chess calculations of a
stable genius. Let's face it, though,
29
00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:28.759
between struggling to stay awake forgetting his
own policies and those wild lucidity swings,
30
00:02:29.319 --> 00:02:31.360
it's starting to look like we may
need to get President Grandpa a life
31
00:02:31.400 --> 00:02:37.520
alert implant before Cornpop really pops off, assuming he can still remember who corn
32
00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:43.520
Pop is by then. Wow.
Talk about an absolutely stunning reversal from Donald
33
00:02:43.560 --> 00:02:47.159
Trump on the idea of criminally accused
candidates running for president. His twenty sixteen
34
00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:53.960
rhetoric railing against Hillary Clinton is aging
poorly to put it mildly. Back then,
35
00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:59.000
Trump was positively apoplectic at the very
notion that Clinton could potentially face indictment
36
00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:02.919
yet still pursue the White House.
He painted this hypothetical as an existential threat,
37
00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:08.960
an unprecedented constitutional crisis that would grind
government to a halt. The sheer
38
00:03:09.000 --> 00:03:14.840
melodrama of Trump's warnings is pretty rich
in hindsight, pausing for dramatic effect to
39
00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:20.599
rasp folks, folks, folks,
she shouldn't be allowed to run. Okay,
40
00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:24.840
as if Clinton merely being investigated was
grounds to disqualify her from participating in
41
00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:30.120
democracy, you can almost picture present
day Trump having to choke back those sitting
42
00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:35.759
president under felony indictment lines at his
own rallies. The lack of self awareness
43
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:39.039
required to spew that kind of fire
and brimstone only to become that very situation
44
00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:44.439
must be staggering. Of course,
his campaign is trying to brush it all
45
00:03:44.439 --> 00:03:47.680
off as no big deal, just
Trump being wrongfully persecuted in a big witch
46
00:03:47.719 --> 00:03:53.319
hunt double standard, as if facing
actual criminal conviction amid multiple other indictments is
47
00:03:53.360 --> 00:03:59.000
at all comparable to Clinton's email probe. In any case, it's a stark
48
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:01.319
reminder that Trump is always been a
bump on a log passenger to his own
49
00:04:01.400 --> 00:04:06.520
stated principles. As long as it
benefits impersonally in the moment, anything goes.
50
00:04:08.039 --> 00:04:15.879
Ethics, consistency, and democratic norms
be damned. It seems the tides
51
00:04:15.959 --> 00:04:20.040
may be turning a bit in some
crucial battleground states. According to these new
52
00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:27.199
polls from Florida Atlantic University and Main
Street Research, Biden is showing slight leads
53
00:04:27.240 --> 00:04:31.240
over Trump in Wisconsin, Michigan,
and Pennsylvania, three states that could ultimately
54
00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:36.399
decide the twenty twenty four election.
I wonder what changed now? The margins
55
00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:42.120
are still pretty razor thin. We're
talking Biden advantages of just three seven points
56
00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:46.240
in each of those swing states when
third party candidates are factored in. But
57
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:50.240
in an electoral college fight where every
last vote matters, those narrow leads could
58
00:04:50.279 --> 00:04:56.000
prove immensely significant. If they hold, it's a potential warning sign for Team
59
00:04:56.040 --> 00:04:59.959
Trump that they may be losing their
grip on the blue wall states that famously
60
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:04.680
flipped red in twenty sixteen before flipping
back in twenty twenty. Having to seriously
61
00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:10.639
sweat places like Wisconsin and Michigan again
is not an ideal scenario for the former
62
00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:15.000
president. That said, We're still
half a year out from election day,
63
00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:20.079
which is just an eternity in modern
American politics. As that UK professor notes,
64
00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:25.720
the landscape could shift radically based on
any number of volatile factors, the
65
00:05:25.800 --> 00:05:30.800
Hunter Biden case, Trump's eventual sentencing, random October surprises, you name it.
66
00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:35.040
Biden's team certainly can't get too confident
writing these small swing state polling bumps
67
00:05:35.240 --> 00:05:41.480
when national trackers still show a virtual
dead heat, Nor can Trump supporters take
68
00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:46.639
too much solace in hypotheticals about the
race remaining highly volatile. Portions of today's
69
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:53.399
program were made with the help of
ai Wait. I never said that, said what