Oct. 18, 2024

The Father of IVF, Tech Tycoon Buys Trump a White House Ticket, Snoopy's Political Dogfight Unleashed

Show Notes
Transcript

1. "Trump Claims 'Father of IVF' Title: Is He Fertilizing the Truth?"
2. "Harris Goes Off-Script: Ventriloquist's Dummy Comes to Life!"
3. "Cartoon Chaos: Snoopy's Political Dogfight Unleashed!"
4. "Musk's Millions: Tech Tycoon Buys Trump a Ticket to White House 2.0!"
5. "Trump's 'Love and Peace' January 6th: Insurrection or Hippie Love-In?"
6. "Harris Drops the F-Bomb: Fascism Accusation Rocks Campaign Trail!"
7. "IVF for Free? Trump's Latest Promise Has Voters Conceiving Doubts!"
8. "Vance's Trust Issues: Can GOP Win Back Hearts on Abortion Debate?"
9. "Garfield for Trump? Fat Cats Unite in Cartoon Election Showdown!"

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WEBVTT

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Calarogus shark media from Washington, DC, where the only thing

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more unpredictable than the weather is the politician's stances on issues.

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This is ballot, that's right, folks, and today we're serving

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up a steaming hot plate of political absurdity with a

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side of cartoon controversy. Let's hit this, grab your popcorn

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and your fact checkers, because the Trump and Harris Show

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is back on tour and it's wilder than ever. Trump's

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out there trying to reinvent himself faster than a chameleon

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in a Skittles factory. He's now claiming to be the

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father of IVF. I guess when you've been married as

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many times as Trump, you've got to get creative with

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reproductive methods. And here I thought his only contribution to

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reproduction was proving that spray tans are not in fact genetic. Meanwhile,

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Harris is finally ditching the script and going off book.

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It's like watching a ventriloquist dummy suddenly come to life

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and start doing improv.

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She's even venturing into the lions den of Fox News.

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I haven't seen a Democrat this brave since Bernie Sanders

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tried to explain democratic socialism at a Koch Brothers family reunion.

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But let's talk about Trump's performance at the Economic Club

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of Chicago. He's now claiming his incoherence is actually a

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sophisticated weave of ideas, finally, a hairstyle metaphor that actually

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works for him. And don't forget his revisionist history of

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January sixth.

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According to Trump, it was all love and peace.

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Yeah, and the Titanic was just a romantic boat ride

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with a slight iceberg inconvenience. Harris, on the other hand,

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is courting blackmail voters. She went on Charlemagne the Gods

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Show and actually answered some tough questions. It's like watching

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a politician, remember what accountability looks like. She even agreed

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that Trump's political creed equates to fascism. I haven't seen

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a Democrat drop an F bomb that hard since Biden

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thought his mic was off at a fundraiser. But the

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real showstopper is Trump's declaration that he's the father of IVF.

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I didn't know IVF stood for incredibly big falsehoods. He's

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out there saying we really are the party for IVF.

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We want fertilization and it's all the way. I haven't

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heard someone talk about fertilization with this much enthusiasm since

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my uncle discovered composting. And let's not forget his promise

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to make IVF free of charge, because if there's one

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thing Trump's known for, it's giving things away for free.

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Just ask his contractors.

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Meanwhile, Harris is calling Trump's comments bizarre and saying he's

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increasingly unstable. In other news, water is wet and the

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sky is blue. But the real kicker is Trump's stance

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on abortion. He's criticizing some states for being too tough

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on restrictions. It's like watching a bull in a china

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shop suddenly worry about the feng Shue.

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And his running mate JD.

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Vance is out there saying Republicans need to earn the

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American people's trust back on this issue.

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Good luck with that, JD.

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You've got a better chance of convincing people that Trump's

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ten is on naturrelle. But wait, folks, We've got more

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news hotter than a Tesla battery on a summer day.

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Elon Musk, the man who's made more U turns than

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a GPS in a maze, has just dropped a cool

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seventy million dollars into Trump's campaign.

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Coffers, that's right.

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The guy who can't decide if he loves or hates

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Twitter has decided he definitely loves the Donald. Musk calls

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his new super Pac America pack and claims it's aiming

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for common sense centrist values, because nothing says centrist quite

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like backing a guy who thinks the Constitution is more

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of a suggestion than a law. Now, these super PACs

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aren't supposed to coordinate with campaigns, but apparently Trump's team

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found a loophole big enough to drive a SpaceX rocket through.

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They're using Musk's millions for ground game efforts. I guess

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when your campaign is as broke as a Tesla cyber

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truck window, you've got to get creative. But here's the kicker.

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Trump's outsourcing his get out the vote efforts to these packs.

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It's like hiring an uber driver to teach your kid

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how to parallel park.

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What could possibly go wrong?

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And let's not forget the Winklevoss twins who've also chipped.

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I guess when you can't create Facebook, you might as

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well try to buy the presidency. So there you have it, folks,

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Elon Musk, the man who wants to colonize Mars, is

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now trying to help Trump recolonize the White House.

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Maybe he's hoping for a new Twitter deal.

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Buy one social media platform, get one country free.

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Well, folks, that's all for this segment.

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Stay tuned because after the break, we're diving into the

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hard hitting world of cartoon character political endorsements.

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You won't want to miss it.

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Welcome back to ballot, where we're about to get more

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animated than a Disney movie marathon. Bill MAHA's latest segment

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has us wondering, if Snoopy could vote, would he be a.

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Democrat or a Republican.

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Apparently, this burning question has set social media on fire

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faster than Trump's Twitter account before it was suspended.

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Mar didn't pull any punches.

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He said Garfield would be team Trump because they're both fat,

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orange pussies. I haven't heard of cat comparison that savage

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since my grandmother described her neighbor's new haircut.

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And let's not forget Charlie Brown.

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Mars says he'd backed Trump because they both take a

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single strand of hair and make it cover their head.

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Talk about a follicle. Follies. But the real gems were

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the other cartoon endorsements.

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SpongeBob and Mickey for Harris because of pot legalization.

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I guess just keep.

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Swimming takes on a whole new meaning when you're high

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as a kite. And Pepe leapew for Trump, I guess

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when it comes to grabbing, birds of a feather really

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do flock together. But my personal favorite was Bambi endorsing

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Harris because Don Junior shot his mom. Now that's what

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I call a deer in the headlights moment. Well, folks,

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that's all for today's ballad. Remember, in the world of politics,

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sometimes reality is stranger than cartoons.

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Portions of this program may have

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Been produced with the assistance of AI, but we assure

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no cartoon characters were harmed.