Sept. 16, 2024

Taylor Swift's Kamala Era, and now they're eating the geese!

Show Notes
Transcript

Dive into the hilarious world of political satire as we dissect Taylor Swift's endorsement of Kamala Harris, Trump's ice cream flavors, and Nancy Pelosi's stock market prowess.

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Calarogu Shark Media from Springfield where now they're eating the geese.

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This is ballid, that's right, And Taylor Swift is in

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her Kamala era, which, let's be honest, is good for

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podcast title seo. Let's hit this. Oh boy, folks, it

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looks like Taylor Swift has decided to shake off her

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political neutrality and jump headfirst into the twenty twenty four

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election circus. And let me tell you, she's not just

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dipping her toe in the water. She's doing a full

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on cannonball into the deep end of the Kamala Harris pool.

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Now we've got Times Square in the Las Vegas strip

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lit up like a Christmas tree with Swift inspired slogans

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for Harris. We're in our Kamala era, they're screaming. I

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guess that means we're trading in red lipstick for pantsuits

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and swapping out guitar solos for filibuster marathons. Can't wait

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to see Harris try to work look what you made

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me do into her next debate rebuttal and get this,

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the Harris campaign is now selling friendship bracelets. That's right, folks.

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Nothing says I'm ready to lead the free world. Quite

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like accessorizing like a tween at summer camp. They sold

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out faster than Trump's hair dye at a MAGA rally.

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I hear the next batch will come with a free

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dump Trump temporary tattoo, Jimmy Fallon joked, and not to

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be outdone, Trump's campaign is now selling friendship ankle monitors.

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But the real kicker, Swift's endorsement sent over three hundred

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thousand people rushing to voter registration sites. That's more people

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than have actually listened to a full Kamala Harris speech

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without nodding off. Tim Walls must be feeling pretty good

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right now. He's gone from Tim Who to Tim Wow

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faster than you can say swifty for VEEP. And let's

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not forget Trump's response. He claims Swift will pay a

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price for endorsing Harris. Yeah, because nothing says I'm not

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a sore loser like threatening America's sweetheart. Maybe he's just

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mad that covefa fe never caught on, like shake it off.

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So there you have it, folks, we're living in a

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world where pop stars are influencing presidential elections, politicians are

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hawking friendship bracelets, and the fate of democracy might just

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hinge on whether Taylor decides to write a breakup song

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about the electoral college. Trump was in Arizona and gave

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a speech Let's listen, because.

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Could you imagine your child goes to school and they

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don't even call you and they change the sex of

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your child.

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Well, no, I can't imagine that anyway. I'm more focused

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on the imprisoned transgendered illegal aliens who have been eating

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our cats? Is there any update on that?

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Of nine to one to one calls even show residents

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are reporting that the migrants are walking off with the

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town's geese. They take in the geese. You know where

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the geese are in the park, in the leg and

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even walking off with that pets. My dog's been taken.

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Wait, they're taking the geese. Where are they taking them?

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Trump probably just hates geese because they tend to hang

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out on golf courses. He probably wants you to take

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the geese.

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They're eating the dogs. They're eating the cats. Eat the cat,

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eat eat the cat. They're eating the dogs. They're eating

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the cats, eat the cat, eat the cat.

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They're eating the cats.

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They're eating the dogs, eat the cat, eat the cat.

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The cat, I don't know about you. I was singing

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this one all weekend. Springfield native John Legend posted a

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video on Instagram and said, nobody's eating cats, Nobody's eating dogs.

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Notice he didn't say anything about the geese. Oh man,

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it looks like Kathy Griffin's Crystal Ball is working overtime

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these days. She's predicting that if Trump gets back in

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the Oval office, he'll turn the White House into a

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comedy club, but not the kind where you laugh, more

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like the kind where comedians mysteriously disappear faster than Trump's

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hairline in a windstorm. Griffin's got this wild idea that

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the Donald's got a hit list tucked away in his

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golden toilet, and comedians are right at the top, she

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told Entertainment Weekly, And I quote, He's gonna pick us

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off one by one like bowling pins. Man. That's gotta

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be scary for those comedians who make fun of Trump

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day after day, but not me. Don knows when he wins.

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I had his back all along. I mean, who wouldn't

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back such a good looking guy with great hair and

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big hands. But let's be real here, if Trump starts

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going after comedians, he's gonna have a hard time finding

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them all. I mean, have you seen how many late

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night hosts we've got these days? It's like a game

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of whack a mole out there. Cole Bear pops up here,

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John Oliver pops up there. Trump's gonna need more than

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tiny hands to catch them all. Soon to be gulaged

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comedian Seth Myers told us in a new interview, film

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director Ron Howard, who directed the movie adaptation of Ohio

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Senator J. D Vance's memoir Hill Billy Ellogy, said he

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does not support former President Trump. Also, could you describe

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me as Apollo thirteen? Director? Instead? Seth also had this one.

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The Taliban recently released a new one hundred and fourteen

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page manifesto of laws, including a ban on women's voices

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in public. But there's some bad stuff in there too,

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said jd Vance. It looks like we've got a new

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contender in the twenty twenty four election. Kamala Harris's Taste Buds.

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That's right, the Vice President is getting her very own

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ice cream flavor. Ben and Jerry's is coming out with

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Kamala's Coconut Jubilee Jubilee. Really, I haven't seen a jubilee

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this force since the last time Tim Walls tried to

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dance at a campaign rally. But I digress. Now you

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might be wondering why coconut Well, apparently Harris went viral

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after asking about a coconut tree. I guess that's what

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passes for breaking news these days. Vice President notices tall

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plant film at eleven. But hey, at least she's branching

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out from her usual diet of word salad. Now here's

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the kicker. They're taking this ice cream on tour to

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battleground states because nothing says serious political discourse like bribing

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voters with free dessert. I can see the campaign slogans,

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Now vote for Harris. She's got the scoop on America.

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We ask the AI to come up with some Trump flavors.

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All right, folks, buckle up for a brain freeze of

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presidential proportions. If Harris is getting her own ice cream,

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you know Trump's not far behind. Let's scoop up some

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potential Trump inspired flavors that'll make your taste buds great again.

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How about Maga mint chocolate chip red white and blue

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but mostly orange, or maybe walnut extra nutty with a

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price tag Mexico somehow ends up paying for fake moves.

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It's not actually dairy, but it'll tell you it is

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until you believe it. Big Lee Berry, the hugest berries

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you've ever seen, tremendous berries. Everyone's talking about these berries,

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alternative fats. It's definitely not ice cream, but we'll keep

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insisting it is. Hey, AI, we kind of did that

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joke already. Two pay talk fuf comes with a weird,

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stringy topping that mysteriously never melts. Remember, folks, these flavors

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are guaranteed to make your taste buds say Russia. If

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you're listening, I hope you're able to find the thirty

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thousand calories I just consumed. Now, if you'll excuse me,

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I need to go trademark Stormy Daniel swirl before someone

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beats me to it. Meanwhile, it looks like we've got

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a real life Wolf of Wall Street situation on our hands,

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except instead of Leonardo DiCaprio, we've got Nancy Pelosi signing

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books and dodging stock tips faster than she can say

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insider trading, which is just a thing she could say

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really fast. We aren't accusing her of anything. Look, man,

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I have a legal team. I'm lucky I got the

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joke in and I was totally doing satire there. Comedian

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Alex Stranger, apparently auditioning for the role of undercover Democrat,

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decided to crash Pelosi's book signing in Texas. Stranger approached

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Pelosi with all the subtlety of a bull in a

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China shop, praising her fierce, staunch defending of democracy. He

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even threw in some fear mongering about Trump for good measure.

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Nice touch, Alex, but the real kicker, calling Pelosi the

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greatest options trader of all time. As security started to

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escort our intrepid comedian away, he couldn't resist one last

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job about closing the wealth gap, because nothing says equality

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like asking a multi millionaire politician for stock tips. Right,

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But don't worry, folks, Nancy assures us her husband makes

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these trades independently, totally legit. Nothing to see here, move along.

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In the end, Stranger got escorted out, Pelosi got to

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keep signing books, and the rest of us are left

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wondering if we should have majored in political science instead

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of economics. After all, who needs a finance degree when

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you've got a seat in Congress,