Stormy Daniels says real men take the stand

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Calaroga Shark media from New York City, where real men are sworn in and

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testified. This is ballad today.
Stormy's back on the stand, Trump's falling

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asleep, and Christy Nome jokes are
still the rage. Let's hit this.

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Stephen Colbert joked, but this was
not her first rodeo, and they would

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have known that if they'd seen her
movie, My third rodeo, Jimmy Kimmel

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said. Trump's lawyers spent much of
the day trying to paint Daniels as a

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sleazy money grubbing liar, which if
that is true, you can see why

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they hit it off. Fallon tagged
it with. Trump's attorneys finished their cross

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examination of Stormy Daniels and they accused
her of lying and hawking merchandise for personal

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gain, and Trump was like,
this also feels like a shot at me

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too. Ooh, things just got
spicy in the Stormy Daniels versus Trump saga,

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the adult film star took a brutal
shot at the former president after her

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saucy testimony this week, trolling him
in spectacular fashion on social media. Real

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men respond to testimony by being sworn
in and taking the stand in court.

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Daniels taunted in her ex post,
oh wait, never mind, damn,

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throwing down the gauntlet by questioning Trump's
manhood and essentially calling him too cowardly to

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take the witness stand himself. The
zinger came after Team Trump spent days complaining

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bitterly about Daniel's riskue courtroom revelations regarding
their alleged two thousand and six liaison.

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His lawyers tried and failed to get
a mistrial declared based on her salacious testimony

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being too prejudicial. They also pushed
unsuccessfully to get the gag order amended so

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Trump could personally clap back at Daniel's
claims without risk of being held in contempt,

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you know, because the former president
is just so renowned for his calm,

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measured rebuttals. Instead, it was
Daniels gleefully twisting the knife, overtly

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baiting Trump to quit hiding behind his
legal teams skirts and finally confront her under

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oath mano amano, calling his bluff
in the most deliciously shady way possible.

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And let's be real, we all
know Trump's chances of actually taking the stand

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are roughly equivalent to him admitting the
hush money payoffs where a scumbag move that

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is zero. The man is terrified
of any scenario where he's not fully in

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control of the narrative. We're talking
about a guy who couldn't even bring himself

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to testify at his own impeachment trials, So the likelihood of him subjecting himself

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to Daniels' legal team for a rigorous
cross on the most tawdry, embarrassing chapter

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of his personal history laughable at best. That said, you've got to admire

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Stormy's sheer audacity in taunting the former
president so brazenly proving once again she's not

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going to be cowed or shamed into
silence. Despite Team Trump's best and predictably

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misogynistic attempts in the battle of the
tell all memoir versus long standing non disclosure

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agreements, It's looking more and more
like Daniels is the one boasting the stamina

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to go the full distance, truly
illegal in pr circus for the ages,

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Nicky Haley, who dropped out of
the race, still did around twenty percent

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in the Indiana primary. Stephen Colebear
joked, Wow, that's got a sting

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for Trump. That's like a boss
telling you sorry, we're passing you over

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for the promotion and giving it to
Mark. May he rest in peace,

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Jimmy Kimmel added, Nicki Haley disappeared
at the beginning of March, and she

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still took home over twenty percent of
the vote, which means that either a

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large chunk of Indiana voters are not
planning to vote for Trump or Mike Pence

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voted one hundred twenty eight thousand times. Meanwhile, apparently RFK Junior has a

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dead worm in his brain. Seth
Meyer said, this explains everything and nothing.

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Jimmy Fallon joked, you know what's
really suspicious though, before it died,

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that worm was vaccinated. Jordan Klepper
with a simple schoolyard joke. Cause

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of death starvation and with Trump facing
jail time if he violates the gag order,

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seth Meyer said, please, you
think Trump is scared of jail.

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That place is full of mobsters and
white supremacists. He'll walk into jail like

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Norm walks into cheers. Jordan Klepper
was still joking about Christy. Noam,

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I'm not a political expert, but
if I had to give a politician advice,

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I would say the top thing is
not to shoot your puppy. The

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second top thing would be to not
write about shooting your puppy. And Jimmy

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Kimmel adds, I really love that
she thinks she still has a shot.

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I mean she had a shot.
She used it on her dog. Jordan

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Klepper feels bad for the goat.
What did the goat do? It sounds

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like she saw it and was like, well, I can't leave any witnesses.

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Trump had fallen asleep in court again. Seth Meyer said, can you

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imagine going back in time and telling
yourself ten years ago that an ex president

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who staged a coup to stay in
power would fall asleep multiple times and at

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one point reportedly even pass gas during
his criminal trial. Not for waging the

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coup, which is a different trial
that we might not even get to,

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but for paying hush money to a
porn star to stop her from telling the

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world about his weirdly shaped penis.
And it wouldn't be the biggest headline in

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the newspaper every single day. You'd
be like, no way, I'm gonna

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tell everyone about this. On my
favorite well functioning website, Twitter, Seth

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Myers talked about Trump, saying he'd
only accept the results of the twenty twenty

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four election. If it's honest and
joked, dude, if everything was honest,

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the only results you'd have to accept
would be the results of the Prison

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Talent Show. Parts of today's show
were made with the help of AI.

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I'll be back tomorrow with a Saturday
episode with a bunch of RFK stuff.

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There just wasn't time to get to
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