May 15, 2024
Sharpie Scrawled Signatures - Michael Cohen testifies in Trump trial
t was billed as the trial that could finally see a former U.S. president incarcerated. But in true Trump fashion, the hush money proceedings in Manhattan have turned into a carnival of loyal Republican sycophants and potential VP candidates treating...
t was billed as the trial that could finally see a former U.S. president incarcerated. But in true Trump fashion, the hush money proceedings in Manhattan have turned into a carnival of loyal Republican sycophants and potential VP candidates treating the courtroom like a backstage meet-and-greet. We'll break down the parade of MAGA luminaries who showed up for cameo appearances, from Senators like Rick Scott and J.D. Vance to former 2024 candidates Doug Burgum and Vivek Ramaswamy. We'll roast their obvious attempts to curry favor with Trump, with Ramaswamy providing a masterclass in contrived detachment by utterly zoning out as damning evidence played out right in front of him. Of course, no circus is complete without the ringleader himself! We'll dive into Trump's transparency as Michael Cohen took the stand to confirm all the details of the $130,000 hush money coverup - complete with trumped-up invoices, Trump's own sharpie-scrawled signatures, and Cohen's admissions of fraud. It was such a grotesque display of guilt that even Congressman Byron Donalds had to take a breather at one point. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/daily-comedy-news-the-daily-show-about-comedians-and-comedy--4522158/support.
WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:10.039
Callaroga Shark Media from New York City, where the only thing more riveting than
2
00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:14.240
a former president on trial is the
circus parade of sycophants treating it like a
3
00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:19.160
Maga meet and greet. This is
ballot today. We have sharpi signed checks,
4
00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:23.640
bogus legal invoices, and admissions of
fraud that would make even John Grisham
5
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:31.280
blush. Let's hit this. It
seems the gloves are finally coming off in
6
00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:38.000
Donald Trump's hush money trial. The
former President's legal team kicked off their quest
7
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:42.159
to discredit his former fixer turned foe, Michael Cohen, with all the subtlety
8
00:00:42.200 --> 00:00:46.600
of a sledgehammer to the kneecaps.
The cross examination got off to a fiery,
9
00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:51.119
profanity lace start, as Trump's lead
attorney, Todd Blanche wasted no time
10
00:00:51.159 --> 00:00:56.079
painting Cohen as a lying, fame
hungry grifter. He cited past instances of
11
00:00:56.119 --> 00:01:00.920
Cohen singing Trump's praises before they're falling
out, noted his current anti Trump merch
12
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.519
side hustle, and even asked if
Cohen had called him a crying little shit
13
00:01:03.560 --> 00:01:10.319
on TikTok classy. Cohen, being
the natural straight man he is, simply
14
00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:14.799
responded sounds like something I would say, setting the stage for what's sure to
15
00:01:14.840 --> 00:01:19.879
be a riveting courtroom drama full of
witty barb's and backhanded insults. Hey,
16
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:23.879
when your key witness is a convicted
felon, you have to expect some fireworks,
17
00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:27.680
but never one to be upstaged.
Trump rolled into court with an ever
18
00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:33.920
growing entourage of sycophants and supporters,
including the newly minted Speaker of the House,
19
00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:38.040
Mike Johnson, denouncing the trial as
a sham and Cohen as a revenge
20
00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:45.799
obsessed grifter. Johnson's appearance was a
stark reminder that the once unimaginable is now
21
00:01:45.959 --> 00:01:49.519
just another day in Trump World trademark. I mean, who could have predicted,
22
00:01:49.560 --> 00:01:53.319
even a decade ago that the Speaker
would show up to publicly defend a
23
00:01:53.319 --> 00:01:59.120
former president on trial for thirty four
felonies with three more trials still to come.
24
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:04.719
It's almost impressive in its sheer brazenness. Meanwhile, Cohen kept chugging along,
25
00:02:05.079 --> 00:02:08.520
repeatedly testifying that the money Trump paid
him wasn't for legal fees as claimed,
26
00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:13.879
but was very much related to buying
Stormy Daniel silence during the twenty sixteen
27
00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:17.680
campaign. He even regaled the court
with tales of an Oval office meeting where
28
00:02:17.719 --> 00:02:23.599
Trump discussed the hush money reimbursements.
Of course, the biggest question still looms,
29
00:02:23.159 --> 00:02:27.919
will the star of the show,
mister Donald J. Trump himself take
30
00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:31.560
the stand. The defense is keeping
that card deliciously close to the vest for
31
00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:37.360
now, though. Can you even
imagine the ratings bonanza if he subjects himself
32
00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:42.479
to cross examination? It would make
appointment viewing. In the meantime, the
33
00:02:42.599 --> 00:02:46.400
oft ignored gag order against Trump remains
firmly in place, much to his chagrin.
34
00:02:46.439 --> 00:02:51.919
I'm sure Trump is scheduled to give
the keynote speech at the State Republican
35
00:02:51.960 --> 00:02:57.280
Party's big Lincoln Reagan dinner on May
seventeenth, but, in a classic Trumpian
36
00:02:57.319 --> 00:03:00.159
juggling act, that just so happens
to be the same day he requested off
37
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:06.680
from his criminal trial to attend Sun
Baron's graduation ceremony. Of course, Trump
38
00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.560
being Trump, he had to make
a big show of the graduation scheduling conflict
39
00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:15.479
in the first place, taking to
truth Social to complain about potentially missing his
40
00:03:15.599 --> 00:03:21.039
wonderful son Baron's big day, clearly
aiming for maximum patriarch points from his base
41
00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:24.680
because heaven forbid the man miss an
opportunity for a self aggrandizing humble brag.
42
00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:30.000
Luckily, the judge in Trump's hush
money case was accommodating enough to clear the
43
00:03:30.039 --> 00:03:35.840
court calendar for the seventeenth after Trump's
public gripe, although you've got to wonder
44
00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:38.680
if the jurist had this whole Minnesota
dinner double booking situation in mind too.
45
00:03:39.719 --> 00:03:44.360
Maybe he just figured it was easier
to give Trump the day than deal with
46
00:03:44.400 --> 00:03:50.719
a mess of delays in scheduling chaos. Trump has turned the courtroom into a
47
00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:55.199
veritable maga souvenir photo op, parading
his most loyal lapdogs through the proceedings like
48
00:03:55.240 --> 00:04:00.080
they're on some deranged field trip.
We've had everyone from Senator Rick Scott and
49
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:05.719
Tommy Tuberville to the bright eyed JD
Vance tweeting away and nearly nodding off from
50
00:04:05.719 --> 00:04:11.960
sheer boredom. But this week's guests
were the real piece to resistance. Rolling
51
00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:15.399
up in their matching red power ties
and Trump approved dark suits, were none
52
00:04:15.399 --> 00:04:21.519
other than former twenty four hopefuls Doug
Bergham and Vivick Ramaswami, joined by Congressman
53
00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:28.399
Byron Donalds. The holy trinity of
potential Trump VP contenders. They even dressed
54
00:04:28.439 --> 00:04:32.519
down in the requisite uniform of ill
fitting suits and scuffed dress shoes, or,
55
00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:36.000
in Donald's case, straight up sneakers, because rules were made to be
56
00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:42.560
broken. And what an auspicious day
for their little courtroom cameo. Michael Cohen,
57
00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:46.040
Trump's former fixer turned prime accusator,
was on the stand, dishing all
58
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:50.480
the delectable details about that one hundred
and thirty thousand dollars hush money payment to
59
00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:57.240
Stormy Daniels, with faux invoices,
checks bearing Trump's distinctive sharpie scribble, and
60
00:04:57.319 --> 00:05:00.759
Cohen's own admissions that, yes,
ma'am, it was all all a fraudulent
61
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:04.759
cover up. The evidence was pretty
damning stuff. You'd think the VP hopefuls
62
00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:09.600
would be watching with rapt attention as
their potential future boss's fate played out,
63
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:14.199
But you'd be wrong. While Bergam
and Donald's at least pretended to pay attention,
64
00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:17.639
Ramaswami was totally zoned out, never
once looking up from his little doodle
65
00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:23.360
book as the damning evidence cycled across
the courtroom screens. In fact, Vivick
66
00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:27.519
was so utterly disinterested in aloof throughout
the proceedings that he had to crane his
67
00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:30.079
neck up towards the fluorescent lights during
one of the breaks, likely just to
68
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:34.000
confirm the room had a ceiling.
I can only assume maintaining that bundle of
69
00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:39.519
concentrated apathy was a real workout for
the guy. Later, he tried to
70
00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:43.720
gaslight the whole world by claiming the
stormy saga and cover up made less sense
71
00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:47.040
to him after watching it all unfold. Granted, cognitive dissonance is kind of
72
00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:51.160
his brand, but come on,
man, the whole grotesque display was just
73
00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:56.920
Trump turning his criminal trial into some
sort of deranged campaign event. Maga Cab
74
00:05:56.959 --> 00:06:00.279
calling convention a circus where the stars, the one Bears, and the die
75
00:06:00.279 --> 00:06:04.879
hard fans keep streaming in to soak
up the mayhem like courtroom tourists. At
76
00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:09.720
this rate, I wouldn't be surprised
if Trump started hawking signed copies of his
77
00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:15.480
mugshot outside the courthouse between cross examinations. Hey, you gotta really maximize those
78
00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:17.839
grifting opportunities when you can, am
I right, strap in, folks,
79
00:06:18.160 --> 00:06:23.120
because the crazy train has no brakes. This trial is shaping up to be
80
00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:27.040
a vaudeville freak show for the ages
with Trump as the ringleader. Somebody grabbed
81
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.720
the popcorn. The snark is just
getting started. And yeah, I didn't
82
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:33.920
make fun of Biden again, but
come on, Trump has a full circus
83
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:38.720
going, and Joe's raising tariffs on
Chinese electric vehicles. That's not really that
84
00:06:38.839 --> 00:06:42.360
fun. Do you want me to
do these jokes? Biden's raising tariffs on
85
00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:46.959
Chinese semiconductors finally a reason for our
slow computers and buffering Netflix other than bad
86
00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:53.800
Wi Fi. Biden's new tariffs on
Chinese electric vehicles and batteries might just make
87
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:57.720
the Flintstones foot powered cars the next
big thing in America. None of us
88
00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:01.800
want that anyway. Biden is so
old. When he was born, the
89
00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:06.120
Dead Sea was just sick. Joe
Biden is so old his Social Security number
90
00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:10.399
is one. And Joe Biden is
so old. When he took a history
91
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:14.839
class, it was just called current
events. If you'd like this podcast without
92
00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:18.040
commercial interruption, open up the show
on the Apple Podcasts app and become a
93
00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:23.600
subscriber before someone goes and raises the
tariffs on that. For just four ninety
94
00:07:23.680 --> 00:07:27.000
nine a month, you can get
this and other shows on the Calaruga Shark
95
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:31.199
Network, including daily comedy news without
commercials. Portions of the podcast were made
96
00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:33.680
with the help of AI. Some
portions were not
1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:10.039
Callaroga Shark Media from New York City, where the only thing more riveting than
2
00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:14.240
a former president on trial is the
circus parade of sycophants treating it like a
3
00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:19.160
Maga meet and greet. This is
ballot today. We have sharpi signed checks,
4
00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:23.640
bogus legal invoices, and admissions of
fraud that would make even John Grisham
5
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:31.280
blush. Let's hit this. It
seems the gloves are finally coming off in
6
00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:38.000
Donald Trump's hush money trial. The
former President's legal team kicked off their quest
7
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:42.159
to discredit his former fixer turned foe, Michael Cohen, with all the subtlety
8
00:00:42.200 --> 00:00:46.600
of a sledgehammer to the kneecaps.
The cross examination got off to a fiery,
9
00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:51.119
profanity lace start, as Trump's lead
attorney, Todd Blanche wasted no time
10
00:00:51.159 --> 00:00:56.079
painting Cohen as a lying, fame
hungry grifter. He cited past instances of
11
00:00:56.119 --> 00:01:00.920
Cohen singing Trump's praises before they're falling
out, noted his current anti Trump merch
12
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.519
side hustle, and even asked if
Cohen had called him a crying little shit
13
00:01:03.560 --> 00:01:10.319
on TikTok classy. Cohen, being
the natural straight man he is, simply
14
00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:14.799
responded sounds like something I would say, setting the stage for what's sure to
15
00:01:14.840 --> 00:01:19.879
be a riveting courtroom drama full of
witty barb's and backhanded insults. Hey,
16
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:23.879
when your key witness is a convicted
felon, you have to expect some fireworks,
17
00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:27.680
but never one to be upstaged.
Trump rolled into court with an ever
18
00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:33.920
growing entourage of sycophants and supporters,
including the newly minted Speaker of the House,
19
00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:38.040
Mike Johnson, denouncing the trial as
a sham and Cohen as a revenge
20
00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:45.799
obsessed grifter. Johnson's appearance was a
stark reminder that the once unimaginable is now
21
00:01:45.959 --> 00:01:49.519
just another day in Trump World trademark. I mean, who could have predicted,
22
00:01:49.560 --> 00:01:53.319
even a decade ago that the Speaker
would show up to publicly defend a
23
00:01:53.319 --> 00:01:59.120
former president on trial for thirty four
felonies with three more trials still to come.
24
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:04.719
It's almost impressive in its sheer brazenness. Meanwhile, Cohen kept chugging along,
25
00:02:05.079 --> 00:02:08.520
repeatedly testifying that the money Trump paid
him wasn't for legal fees as claimed,
26
00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:13.879
but was very much related to buying
Stormy Daniel silence during the twenty sixteen
27
00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:17.680
campaign. He even regaled the court
with tales of an Oval office meeting where
28
00:02:17.719 --> 00:02:23.599
Trump discussed the hush money reimbursements.
Of course, the biggest question still looms,
29
00:02:23.159 --> 00:02:27.919
will the star of the show,
mister Donald J. Trump himself take
30
00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:31.560
the stand. The defense is keeping
that card deliciously close to the vest for
31
00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:37.360
now, though. Can you even
imagine the ratings bonanza if he subjects himself
32
00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:42.479
to cross examination? It would make
appointment viewing. In the meantime, the
33
00:02:42.599 --> 00:02:46.400
oft ignored gag order against Trump remains
firmly in place, much to his chagrin.
34
00:02:46.439 --> 00:02:51.919
I'm sure Trump is scheduled to give
the keynote speech at the State Republican
35
00:02:51.960 --> 00:02:57.280
Party's big Lincoln Reagan dinner on May
seventeenth, but, in a classic Trumpian
36
00:02:57.319 --> 00:03:00.159
juggling act, that just so happens
to be the same day he requested off
37
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:06.680
from his criminal trial to attend Sun
Baron's graduation ceremony. Of course, Trump
38
00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.560
being Trump, he had to make
a big show of the graduation scheduling conflict
39
00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:15.479
in the first place, taking to
truth Social to complain about potentially missing his
40
00:03:15.599 --> 00:03:21.039
wonderful son Baron's big day, clearly
aiming for maximum patriarch points from his base
41
00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:24.680
because heaven forbid the man miss an
opportunity for a self aggrandizing humble brag.
42
00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:30.000
Luckily, the judge in Trump's hush
money case was accommodating enough to clear the
43
00:03:30.039 --> 00:03:35.840
court calendar for the seventeenth after Trump's
public gripe, although you've got to wonder
44
00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:38.680
if the jurist had this whole Minnesota
dinner double booking situation in mind too.
45
00:03:39.719 --> 00:03:44.360
Maybe he just figured it was easier
to give Trump the day than deal with
46
00:03:44.400 --> 00:03:50.719
a mess of delays in scheduling chaos. Trump has turned the courtroom into a
47
00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:55.199
veritable maga souvenir photo op, parading
his most loyal lapdogs through the proceedings like
48
00:03:55.240 --> 00:04:00.080
they're on some deranged field trip.
We've had everyone from Senator Rick Scott and
49
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:05.719
Tommy Tuberville to the bright eyed JD
Vance tweeting away and nearly nodding off from
50
00:04:05.719 --> 00:04:11.960
sheer boredom. But this week's guests
were the real piece to resistance. Rolling
51
00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:15.399
up in their matching red power ties
and Trump approved dark suits, were none
52
00:04:15.399 --> 00:04:21.519
other than former twenty four hopefuls Doug
Bergham and Vivick Ramaswami, joined by Congressman
53
00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:28.399
Byron Donalds. The holy trinity of
potential Trump VP contenders. They even dressed
54
00:04:28.439 --> 00:04:32.519
down in the requisite uniform of ill
fitting suits and scuffed dress shoes, or,
55
00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:36.000
in Donald's case, straight up sneakers, because rules were made to be
56
00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:42.560
broken. And what an auspicious day
for their little courtroom cameo. Michael Cohen,
57
00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:46.040
Trump's former fixer turned prime accusator,
was on the stand, dishing all
58
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:50.480
the delectable details about that one hundred
and thirty thousand dollars hush money payment to
59
00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:57.240
Stormy Daniels, with faux invoices,
checks bearing Trump's distinctive sharpie scribble, and
60
00:04:57.319 --> 00:05:00.759
Cohen's own admissions that, yes,
ma'am, it was all all a fraudulent
61
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:04.759
cover up. The evidence was pretty
damning stuff. You'd think the VP hopefuls
62
00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:09.600
would be watching with rapt attention as
their potential future boss's fate played out,
63
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:14.199
But you'd be wrong. While Bergam
and Donald's at least pretended to pay attention,
64
00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:17.639
Ramaswami was totally zoned out, never
once looking up from his little doodle
65
00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:23.360
book as the damning evidence cycled across
the courtroom screens. In fact, Vivick
66
00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:27.519
was so utterly disinterested in aloof throughout
the proceedings that he had to crane his
67
00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:30.079
neck up towards the fluorescent lights during
one of the breaks, likely just to
68
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:34.000
confirm the room had a ceiling.
I can only assume maintaining that bundle of
69
00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:39.519
concentrated apathy was a real workout for
the guy. Later, he tried to
70
00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:43.720
gaslight the whole world by claiming the
stormy saga and cover up made less sense
71
00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:47.040
to him after watching it all unfold. Granted, cognitive dissonance is kind of
72
00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:51.160
his brand, but come on,
man, the whole grotesque display was just
73
00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:56.920
Trump turning his criminal trial into some
sort of deranged campaign event. Maga Cab
74
00:05:56.959 --> 00:06:00.279
calling convention a circus where the stars, the one Bears, and the die
75
00:06:00.279 --> 00:06:04.879
hard fans keep streaming in to soak
up the mayhem like courtroom tourists. At
76
00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:09.720
this rate, I wouldn't be surprised
if Trump started hawking signed copies of his
77
00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:15.480
mugshot outside the courthouse between cross examinations. Hey, you gotta really maximize those
78
00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:17.839
grifting opportunities when you can, am
I right, strap in, folks,
79
00:06:18.160 --> 00:06:23.120
because the crazy train has no brakes. This trial is shaping up to be
80
00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:27.040
a vaudeville freak show for the ages
with Trump as the ringleader. Somebody grabbed
81
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.720
the popcorn. The snark is just
getting started. And yeah, I didn't
82
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:33.920
make fun of Biden again, but
come on, Trump has a full circus
83
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:38.720
going, and Joe's raising tariffs on
Chinese electric vehicles. That's not really that
84
00:06:38.839 --> 00:06:42.360
fun. Do you want me to
do these jokes? Biden's raising tariffs on
85
00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:46.959
Chinese semiconductors finally a reason for our
slow computers and buffering Netflix other than bad
86
00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:53.800
Wi Fi. Biden's new tariffs on
Chinese electric vehicles and batteries might just make
87
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:57.720
the Flintstones foot powered cars the next
big thing in America. None of us
88
00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:01.800
want that anyway. Biden is so
old. When he was born, the
89
00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:06.120
Dead Sea was just sick. Joe
Biden is so old his Social Security number
90
00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:10.399
is one. And Joe Biden is
so old. When he took a history
91
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:14.839
class, it was just called current
events. If you'd like this podcast without
92
00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:18.040
commercial interruption, open up the show
on the Apple Podcasts app and become a
93
00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:23.600
subscriber before someone goes and raises the
tariffs on that. For just four ninety
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00:07:23.680 --> 00:07:27.000
nine a month, you can get
this and other shows on the Calaruga Shark
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Network, including daily comedy news without
commercials. Portions of the podcast were made
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with the help of AI. Some
portions were not