Seinfeld booed, Trump hits the beach, and Biden taps Julia Roberts

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Calaroga Shark Media from the sandy shores
of Wildwood, New Jersey, where the

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only thing bigger than the beach crowds
was the former president's ego. This is

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ballad today. Donald hits the beach, Biden taps Julia Roberts, No,

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not like that, and college kids
walk out on Jerry Seinfeld. Let's hit

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this, but not like that.
You guys have filthy minds. What's the

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deal with walking out on Jerry Seinfeld? Some folks at Duke University decided to

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spice up their graduation ceremony with a
little political theater. Jerry Seinfeld, the

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legendary comedian and vocal supporter of Israel, was all set to deliver the commencement

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speech, but a group of students
had other plans. As soon as Seinfeld

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was introduced, a bunch of them
got up and walked out, chanting Free

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Palestine and waving Palestinian flags like they
were at a protest instead of a graduation

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I mean, talk about killing the
festive mood. Am I right? Meanwhile,

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the other graduates and guests were shouting
Jerry Jerry like they were at a

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taping of his old show. I
can only imagine the look on Seinfeld's face

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as he watched this whole scene unfold
probably something like what's the deal with these

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protesters? But ever, the professional
Seinfeld powered through and delivered his speech without

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any major interruptions unless you count the
elephant sized political statement in the room.

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Of course, this whole debacle stems
from Seinfeld's outspoken support for Israel, which

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he's been quite vocal about ever since
Hamas launched those surprise attacks back in October.

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The Jersey Shore was the place to
be for Maga Mania this weekend.

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Former President Donald Trump rolled into Wildwood
like a Category five hurricane of pure,

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unfiltered trumpiness. He stood on a
stage smack dab in the middle of the

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sand with his fiercest supporters gathered at
the foot of Wildwood's famous great white rollercoats,

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because when you're holding a Trump rally, you gotta have some subtile phallic

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imagery. In the background, the
crowd was a veritable sea of pickup trucks

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decked out in Trump flags from up
and down the East Coast. I'm talking

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license plates from Maine all the way
down to Florida, because why resist a

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chance to get a sweet tan while
worshiping at the altar of the former Guy.

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One. Particularly dedicated supporter, Kelly
Carter Courier, wore a literal Trump

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New Hampshire license plate around her neck
as a stylish accessory. When asked about

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the country's direction, she ominously warned
of World War three if the wrong person

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gets elected. Yikes a bit much, don't you think, kel. But

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hey, that's just Trump's core supporters
being their usual Passionateselves a loud, proud,

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seemingly immovable block who've spent the last
eight years learning Trump's greatest hits like

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devoted groupies, and Trump didn't disappoint, delivering a predictable but rambling, expletive

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heavy rally for the Ages. He
hit all the classics, slamming Biden on

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inflation by listing off hot dog and
bacon prices, which got an understandable boo,

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calling himself more indicted than al Capone, and of course decrying the charges

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against him as Bull's asterisk asterisk t, which prompted a rousing crowd chant of

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the same word, Stay classy,
Wildwood. The festival atmosphere was in full

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swing too, digital signs blaring make
America Great Again, people camping overnight on

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the boardwalk and vendors hawking brash t
shirts celebrating misogyny in transphobia. Nothing says

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family fun like a little hate merch. While Trump has little chance of actually

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winning New Jersey, Wildwood is a
big red spot in a blue state.

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Plus it's a popular VACA destination for
Pennsylvania Nians whose votes Trump desperately needs to

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well stay out of prison by the
look of things. Speaking of Pennsylvania,

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Trump bizarrely claimed there were riots at
penn over pro Palestinian protests. Yeah,

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no riots there, buddy, just
some peaceful protesting that you probably think is

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worse than the January sixth huddle at
the Capitol. He also tossed some insults

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Chris Christie's way, referring to the
former governor as a fat pig, among

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other niceties. But I guess that's
just Trump being Trump, an insult comedian

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without the comedy. All in all, it was a true tour de force

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of Trumpian rhetoric and showmanship. The
crowd lapped it up like the inebriated beach

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goers they likely were, while the
Democrats tried to downplay its relevance. You

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just know, campaigns on both sides
were taking notes for the next time they

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need to tap into America's underutilized beach
bum voter block. Meanwhile, Joe Biden,

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who's so old he remembers when the
grains of sand were full sized boulders,

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is pulling out all the stops for
his re election campaign fundraising. He's

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lining up a star studded event in
Lalla Land that would make even the ritziest

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Hollywood premiers jealous. That's right.
Next month, Biden hosting a major money

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bash in Los Angeles featuring none other
than former President Barack Obama and Hollywood royalty

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George Clooney and Julia Roberts. Because
what better way to rake in those campaign

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dollars than by trotting out some A
listers. This glitzy affair is expected to

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be a shot in the arm for
Biden's fundraising at a crucial time when Donald

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Trump and the Republicans are aiming to
close that cash gap now that the former

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president has secured the nomination. You
know what they say, it takes celebrity

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wattage to battle an unstoppable political force
like Trump. The event will feature the

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usual trappings, a contest with Clooney
and Roberts run across social media to really

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engage those grassroots donors, because what
working class American doesn't dream of rubbing elbows

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with acclaimed actors at a hoity toity
fundraiser. It'll be just like that episode

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of Veep. And of course,
the two Oscar winners will be lending their

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famous names to campaign emails and texts
too, because there's no better way to

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get people to open the endless stream
of fundraising spam than putting Julia Robert's moniker

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on it. The Biden team is
hoping to recreate the magic of that NYC

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fundraiser in March with Obama and Bill
Clinton that brought in a record breaking twenty

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six million dollars haul. Hey,
if you've got two former presidents on the

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bill, you may as well make
it a three ring circus and toss in

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some bona fide celebrities too. They're
even planning another East Coast fundraiser with the

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Clintons early this summer, because nothing
sells these days quite like the aura of

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the nineties. For months, Biden
has had a big cash advantage over Trump,

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but his campaign knows that lead won't
last forever. As one advisor put

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it, we're not under any illusion
that he's not going to narrow the gap.

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Its campaign strategy meets midlife crisis,
an a stellar example of why big

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money in politics continues to thoroughly corrupt
the entire system. But hey, at

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least there will be beautiful people involved, you know, with all these A

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listers and former presidents involved in Biden's
campaign, I can't help but wonder if

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they helped get some AI assistants in
writing today's show. I mean, surely

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some of these jokes have to be
machine generated based on how hilarious they are.

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See you tomorrow,