March 18, 2025

SECRET CIA RESTAURANT EXPOSED! Plus AIRPORT BANANA SCANDAL & The SHOCKING Truth About AGING That Big Pharma Doesn't Want You to Know! 🍌🕵️‍

Show Notes
Transcript

Man faces five hundred dollar FINE and LIFETIME BAN for this common TRAVEL MISTAKE at JFK! Meanwhile, a Washington Post critic INFILTRATES the CIA's most CLASSIFIED restaurant where spies reveal their TRUE IDENTITIES! And scientists discover the REAL reason you're aging faster than everyone else (HINT: It's NOT your genes)! PLUS: Flight passenger REFUSES to give up seat to larger man and the INTERNET is DIVIDED! The FORBIDDEN FRUIT that could get YOU detained at customs and the TOP SECRET menu item George H.W. Bush BANNED forever!

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:10.560
Callaroga shark media from JFK Airport. Where is that a banana?

2
00:00:10.759 --> 00:00:13.199
Or are you just happy to be home? This is ballas.

3
00:00:13.599 --> 00:00:16.199
That's right, don't worry, the banana joke will make sense

4
00:00:16.199 --> 00:00:17.239
in about three minutes.

5
00:00:17.480 --> 00:00:18.079
Let's hit this.

6
00:00:20.239 --> 00:00:24.679
Scientists have discovered something revolutionary about aging. Turns out it's

7
00:00:24.760 --> 00:00:28.120
not just your parents' fault after all. A new study

8
00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:30.760
published in Nature Medicine looked at half a million people

9
00:00:31.039 --> 00:00:33.920
and found that your genes might be the least important

10
00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:37.159
factor in how quickly you're becoming that person who yells

11
00:00:37.159 --> 00:00:41.640
at clouds. According to this research, environmental and lifestyle factors

12
00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:44.840
play a much bigger role in biological aging than genetics.

13
00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:48.399
That's right, Your genes explain less than two percent of

14
00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:52.039
your risk of death, while environmental factors account for seventeen percent.

15
00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:57.079
The remaining eighty one percent is probably just spite and coffee.

16
00:00:57.159 --> 00:01:00.000
The researchers discovered that whether you live with a partner

17
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:04.040
is one of the biggest environmental factors affecting aging. So

18
00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:07.599
all those people whose spouses ask do you really need

19
00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:12.159
another slice of cake? Are actually extending their lifespan. Who

20
00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:16.760
knew nagging was nature's fountain of youth. As for lifestyle factors,

21
00:01:16.959 --> 00:01:19.280
physical activity and hitting the gym at least once a

22
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:22.159
week made the biggest difference. In related news, I've just

23
00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:24.599
fired my personal trainer and hired someone to follow me

24
00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:26.280
around saying put down that doughnut.

25
00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:26.719
Patrick.

26
00:01:27.519 --> 00:01:32.560
Weirdly, the study couldn't properly assess diet's impact. The lead researcher,

27
00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:36.480
doctor Argentieri, claims this is because they didn't have reliable

28
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:39.760
enough assessments. I think we all know the real reason.

29
00:01:40.280 --> 00:01:42.640
Nobody wants to admit how many times they've eaten ice

30
00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:46.680
cream for breakfast. Disease can also accelerate aging because fighting

31
00:01:46.680 --> 00:01:49.799
illness damages cells. It's like your cells are in a

32
00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:53.359
bar fight, but instead of throwing punches, they're throwing inflammation

33
00:01:53.480 --> 00:01:54.799
and cellular disruption.

34
00:01:55.879 --> 00:01:56.840
So what can you do to.

35
00:01:56.760 --> 00:02:01.599
Potentially reverse biological aging? The researcher recommend seven hours of

36
00:02:01.640 --> 00:02:04.719
sleep a night, maintaining a healthy weight, getting one hundred

37
00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:08.159
and fifty minutes of exercise weekly, good oral hygiene, and

38
00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:11.719
managing stress, or as I call it, the exact opposite

39
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:14.840
of hosting a podcast. The good news is even small

40
00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:17.759
changes can have a big impact. So if you've been

41
00:02:17.800 --> 00:02:20.360
blaming your grandmother for your bad back. It might be

42
00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:24.039
time to blame your couch instead. Now, if you'll excuse me,

43
00:02:24.280 --> 00:02:25.960
I need to go find a partner to live with

44
00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:28.840
before my cells realize I've been single handedly aging them

45
00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:33.159
with my lifestyle choices. Speaking of food, the Washington Post

46
00:02:33.199 --> 00:02:36.639
sent their food critic to the CIA's secret restaurant, because

47
00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:39.120
apparently even spies need to be told their soup needs

48
00:02:39.159 --> 00:02:42.840
more salt. The toughest restaurant reservation in America isn't some

49
00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:45.439
trendy spot in New York or LA. It's in a

50
00:02:45.479 --> 00:02:48.879
bland concrete building in Virginia where the servers might actually

51
00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:52.199
kill you. And I'm not talking about with food poisoning.

52
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.280
The CIA dining room, which sounds like a place where

53
00:02:55.319 --> 00:02:58.360
they water board your taste buds, serves high quality meals

54
00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:00.000
at government prices.

55
00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:02.080
Dollars for soup. That's right.

56
00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:05.680
Our intelligence budget can afford drone strikes, but heaven forbid

57
00:03:05.719 --> 00:03:09.319
they charge five dollars for bisk The food critic had

58
00:03:09.319 --> 00:03:11.840
to go through more security than getting into Taylor Swift's

59
00:03:11.879 --> 00:03:15.879
birthday party. No phones allowed, which means for once, people

60
00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:21.759
actually had conversations instead of instagramming their appetizers revolutionary concept.

61
00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:23.800
You know who's eaten there?

62
00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:28.520
Willie Nelson, Shirley Temple Black, and James bond Well, an

63
00:03:28.599 --> 00:03:33.159
actor who played James bond So basically a country music legend,

64
00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:37.400
a child star diplomat, and a fictional spy. That's the

65
00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:41.439
most random guest list since Trump's first cabinet meeting. And

66
00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:44.319
get this, some CIA parents use the dining room to

67
00:03:44.360 --> 00:03:48.439
tell their kids they're actually spies. Imagine finding out your

68
00:03:48.520 --> 00:03:52.199
boring accountant dad is actually Jason Bourne over some government

69
00:03:52.199 --> 00:03:56.479
funded pasta. Pass the salt, and by the way, everything

70
00:03:56.520 --> 00:03:59.840
you know about me is a lie. The former CIA

71
00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:05.400
director George hw Bush banned broccoli from the menu. That's

72
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:08.479
the most presidential abuse of power I've heard of since

73
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:12.400
well last week. They don't accept tips because the servers

74
00:04:12.439 --> 00:04:16.360
are doing mission critical work, which I assume means they're

75
00:04:16.399 --> 00:04:19.480
either recording your conversation or checking if you're a Russian

76
00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:22.639
asset based on how you eat your bread. The most

77
00:04:22.680 --> 00:04:27.120
popular item is apparently a smash burger, because nothing says

78
00:04:27.160 --> 00:04:29.759
I'm going to overthrow a foreign government after lunch like

79
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:33.040
eating a burger smashed as flat as our foreign policy.

80
00:04:33.879 --> 00:04:36.800
So remember, if you want to eat at the CIA,

81
00:04:36.839 --> 00:04:40.519
You'll need cash, an escort, and probably a really good

82
00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:43.639
cover story. Just don't order the Russian dressing. They might

83
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:48.519
think you're a double agent. Listen, We've got a real

84
00:04:48.600 --> 00:04:49.839
Sophie's Choice situation.

85
00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:51.079
At thirty thousand feet.

86
00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:53.839
A woman on a flight refused to give up her

87
00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:57.399
aisle seat that she specifically paid for to a larger

88
00:04:57.439 --> 00:04:59.920
gentleman who was having trouble fitting into his window seat.

89
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:03.480
This woman went on Mom's Net, which I believe is

90
00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:06.720
where British mothers go to confess their sins and occasionally

91
00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:09.879
talk about how disappointing their children's birthday parties were, and

92
00:05:09.920 --> 00:05:13.600
she asked if she was being unreasonable. So here's the scenario.

93
00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:16.560
She paid extra for an aisle seat because she has

94
00:05:16.600 --> 00:05:20.199
what she describes as a weak bladder. I love how

95
00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:24.240
British people can make even bodily functions sound polite. In America,

96
00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:28.160
we just say IP constantly and everyone with an earshot

97
00:05:28.160 --> 00:05:32.680
would immediately change seats. This larger gentleman boards the plane,

98
00:05:32.759 --> 00:05:36.480
last sees his window seat assignment and realizes he's going

99
00:05:36.519 --> 00:05:40.040
to be playing human Tetris to get there, so naturally

100
00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:42.079
he asks if he can have her aisle seat instead.

101
00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.319
When she refuses, the flight attendant gets involved, asking if

102
00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:50.160
she could just move over, as if selecting airplane seats

103
00:05:50.399 --> 00:05:52.879
is as casual as choosing where to sit at a picnic.

104
00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:56.279
The woman held her ground, though, and you know what

105
00:05:56.519 --> 00:05:57.120
good for her.

106
00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:01.000
She paid for that seat specifically so she could easily

107
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:03.759
access the bathroom eight hundred times during a four and

108
00:06:03.800 --> 00:06:06.959
a half hour flight. That's like paying for front row

109
00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:10.439
seats at a concert and then someone saying, hey, mind

110
00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:12.800
if I stand directly in front of you, I'm really

111
00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:16.000
tall and can see better from there. The best part

112
00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:18.600
is that whenever this man needed to use the bathroom,

113
00:06:18.720 --> 00:06:22.399
she happily let him out, like she had a choice.

114
00:06:22.519 --> 00:06:23.600
What was the alternative?

115
00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:28.319
No, sir, you're trapped forever by my incredibly average sized legs.

116
00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:30.600
I guess you should have thought about that before choosing

117
00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:34.800
a window seat. The internet was split on this moral dilemma.

118
00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:37.920
Some people sided with the woman, saying he should have

119
00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:41.160
pre booked if he had special requirements. Others took a

120
00:06:41.160 --> 00:06:45.759
more diplomatic approach. He asked, she refused, everyone moved on

121
00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:48.920
with their lives. I don't know about you, but I'm

122
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:52.000
impressed They managed to resolve this without someone getting duct

123
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:55.040
taped to their seat, which seems to be standard procedure

124
00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:58.480
for airline disputes these days. In the end, she kept

125
00:06:58.480 --> 00:07:01.680
her precious aisle seats squeezed into the window seat, and

126
00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:03.480
both of them now have a story they can tell

127
00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:06.920
at dinner parties for years to come, although I suspect

128
00:07:07.000 --> 00:07:10.240
his version might be slightly different. So there I was

129
00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:13.639
being denied basic human dignity by someone with the bladder

130
00:07:13.639 --> 00:07:17.279
of a nervous chihuahua. And as if flying wasn't horrible enough,

131
00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:19.879
a New jerseyman just found out that bringing a banana

132
00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:23.920
into America is apparently a matter of national security. Dylan

133
00:07:23.959 --> 00:07:26.680
O'Byrne was returning from Southeast Asia when he committed the

134
00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:30.240
heinous crime of forgetting he had a banana in his bag.

135
00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:32.240
After landing at JFK.

136
00:07:32.720 --> 00:07:35.720
This hardened criminal told customs he had nothing to declare.

137
00:07:36.199 --> 00:07:39.439
He was probably thinking of diamonds or exotic animals, not

138
00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:42.879
the deadly weapon of mass destruction sitting in his carry

139
00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:47.279
on a single yellow banana. O'burne and his parents were

140
00:07:47.319 --> 00:07:50.240
just trying to call an uber when Border patrol agents

141
00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:54.879
and their highly trained banana detecting dogs surrounded them. The dog,

142
00:07:55.160 --> 00:07:58.199
showing incredible skill that could only come from years of

143
00:07:58.279 --> 00:08:03.120
intensive fruit sniffing training, immediately identified the dangerous contraband. And

144
00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:07.120
where was this banana hidden in some elaborate secret compartment

145
00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:10.720
taped to his body? No, it was sitting right on

146
00:08:10.759 --> 00:08:15.120
top of his bag, the perfect crime. O'burne explained he

147
00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:17.480
grabbed it from an airport lounge in Germany during his

148
00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:18.759
layover and simply.

149
00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:19.240
Forgot about it.

150
00:08:20.040 --> 00:08:22.920
But those border patrol agents weren't falling for the old

151
00:08:23.319 --> 00:08:25.399
I forgot, I had a banana excuse.

152
00:08:25.879 --> 00:08:27.199
They've heard that one before.

153
00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:31.920
Next thing, you know, everyone's forgetting they have bananas, and

154
00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:34.960
suddenly America is overrun with potassium.

155
00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:36.720
The agents informed.

156
00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:39.279
O'burne he could face a five hundred dollars fine and

157
00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:43.240
be banned from global entry because nothing says threat to

158
00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:46.159
national security like a man who accidentally brought a snack

159
00:08:46.200 --> 00:08:49.919
through customs after forty two hours of travel. Oberne told

160
00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:54.200
Newsweek he was rightfully flabbergasted, which is coincidentally also the

161
00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:58.879
name of my upcoming autobiography. According to the Department of Agriculture,

162
00:08:59.000 --> 00:09:03.080
these rules exist because foreign produce can carry pests and diseases.

163
00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:07.159
They cited an incident from the nineteen eighties when a

164
00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:10.879
single piece of contaminated fruit caused a fruitfly outbreak that

165
00:09:10.919 --> 00:09:14.200
cost millions to clean up. So I guess what I'm

166
00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:20.320
saying is the banana police might actually have a point TikTok. Commenters,

167
00:09:20.519 --> 00:09:24.120
who are known for their measured and reasonable reactions, were split.

168
00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:28.360
Some told oburn this was indeed a serious violation, while

169
00:09:28.399 --> 00:09:32.039
others sympathized with how easy it is to forget about airports. Next,

170
00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:36.279
Oburne is now calling for lawmakers to distinguish between an

171
00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:38.960
honest mistake and an intentional attempt.

172
00:09:38.639 --> 00:09:40.320
To circumvent border regulations.

173
00:09:41.159 --> 00:09:44.480
I agree there should be different punishments based on fruit intent.

174
00:09:45.320 --> 00:09:49.960
Bringing a banana by accident warning, bringing twenty bananas tape

175
00:09:49.960 --> 00:09:52.960
to your chest, that's a five hundred dollars fine and

176
00:09:53.000 --> 00:09:58.159
a psychological evaluation. So remember, travelers, the next time you're

177
00:09:58.200 --> 00:10:01.840
returning from abroad, check your bag for any illicit apples, bananas,

178
00:10:02.039 --> 00:10:06.159
or other fruit based contraband, because at American customs, they're

179
00:10:06.200 --> 00:10:07.360
not monkeying around.

180
00:10:08.200 --> 00:10:09.559
Portions of today's program

181
00:10:09.559 --> 00:10:12.320
Were made with the help of AI, the TSA, and

182
00:10:12.399 --> 00:10:15.600
a banana