Nov. 11, 2024

Sand beats Biden worse than Trump beat Harris

Show Notes
Transcript

Joe Biden hit the beach, in the northeast, in November, and foinda tough opponent in the sand. No, there wasn't an oppoinent in the sand, the opponent WAS sand.

Meanwhile, looks like the Harris campaign wasted your money.

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Calarogu Shark Media from Delaware, where walking on the sand

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is tougher than winning even one of the swing states.

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This is valid, that's right.

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And we have tales of how the Harris campaign wasted

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the money you donated to them on celebrities when they

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should have just invested in bitcoin like I did to

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the Moon.

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Let's hit this according to Fox News, and why would

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they lie?

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The campaign finance reports are in, and it turns out

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Kamala Harris tried to win the presidency by recreating the

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Grammy Awards.

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Let me paint you a picture.

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While Trump was out there doing his usual arena rallies,

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Harris's campaign decided to spend money like they found the

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cheat codes to the US Treasury. First up, and this

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is my favorite part. They paid Oprah Winfrey's production company

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one million dollars for basically a fancy town hall and

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a last minute endorsement. That's right, the same amount of

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money Doctor Evil once held the world ransom for. For

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that kind of cash, you'd think Oprah would at least

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throw in a free car for every voter. You get

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a vote, and you get a vote, but I still

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don't get to be president.

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But Wait, there's more.

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The campaign went full call Her Daddy podcast, spending six

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figures to build a.

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Set in a hotel room.

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That's right, they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to

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make a hotel room look like a different room. That's

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like ordering door Dash to deliver food from your own fridge.

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And then there's the concert lineup that would make Woodstock jealous.

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John bon Jovi, Christina Aguilera, Katie Perry, Lady Gaga, and

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two Chains. It's like they were trying to win a

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presidential election by booking Coachella. They even tried to get

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Alanis more set, which is ironic, don't you think. Republican

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strategist Brad Todd said money can't buy you love or

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a good candidate. Well, no kidding, Brad. That's why they

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had to hire bon Jovi because nothing says vote for

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change like a guy who's been seeinginging the same song

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about living on.

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A prayer since the eighties.

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The best part they spent twenty million dollars on swing

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state concerts.

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Twenty million dollars.

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That's enough money to buy everyone in Michigan a copy

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of Livin' on a Prayer and still have enough leftover

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for a Taylor Swift ticket.

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Well, maybe just the handling fees.

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I haven't seen money wasted like this since the Podsave

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America guys started overpaying their producers and giving them nine

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weeks vacation. Well, folks, looks like we've entered the desperate

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suggestions phase of the election aftermath. Former Harris A Jamal

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Simmons just went on CNN with a plan so wild

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it makes House of Cards look like c SPAN on

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a quiet Tuesday picture. This Simmons is sitting there on

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State of the Union while everyone else is talking about

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normal things like Israeli hostages and transition plans, when he

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basically suggests Biden should.

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Just quit that's right.

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While other panelists are living in reality, is out here

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playing presidential musical chairs. His brilliant plan, Biden should resign

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in the next thirty days to make Harris president because

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get this, it would disrupt Trump's merchandise. That's right, folks,

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forget democracy, forget stability. We're apparently now picking presidents based

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on gift shop inventory. Sorry, Trump, you can't be the

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forty seventh president because we already printed the T shirts.

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Even better, he calls Biden a phenomenal president, right before

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suggesting he should quit. That's like telling your spouse they're

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the love of your life and then asking them to

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move out so your backup plan can move in. Well, folks,

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Charlemagne the God just dropped some truth bombs about the

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election that hit harder than your stomach after Thanksgiving dinner.

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And speaking of dinner, that's exactly what this whole thing

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was about. The radio host who interviewed Harris back in October,

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you know, back when Democrats still thought they had a shot,

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went on ABC's This Week to breakdown why Trump won,

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and his explanation was simpler than a Trump campaign slogan

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dinner table issues.

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That's right.

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While Harris was out there booking Bonjovie concerts, Trump was

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talking about people's wallets and their worries. Charlemagne gave Harris

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credit for at least getting people to sit up on

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the couch and pay attention, which is the political equivalent

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of saying, hey, at least you didn't fall asleep during

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the movie. He said, with Biden, everyone was knocked out,

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sleep gone, which, let's be honest, is probably why that

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debate went so badly. The best part his breakdown of

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Trump's build the Wall slogan. He's like, look, it may

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sound elementary, but you know what that signals to people

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border security. Meanwhile, Democrats were out here trying to explain

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their policies like they were teaching a graduate level seminar

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and get this. Charlemagne even reached out to Laura Trump

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to congratulate her, saying he hopes the White House is

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going to be an administration for all Americans, which is

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kind of like telling your ex's new partner, I hope

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you two are very happy together. His final message to

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Harris nothing to be ashamed about, which is exactly what

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your friends tell you after a really bad karaoke performance.

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Although if you can sing, Harris might pay you one

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million dollars to show up.

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Joe Biden remember him. Don't worry he doesn't either.

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It looks like President Biden has found his toughest opponent

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yet Beach Sand, and let me tell you, the sand

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is currently leading in the polls.

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Biden hit the.

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Delaware beach this weekend in November because the war in

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Ukraine is over and the Middle East is solved. He

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ended up starring in what looks like a deleted scene

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from Baywatch minus the running part. The videos going viral

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faster than a Trump tweet about election fraud, showing Biden

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struggling through the sand while doctor Jill holds on to

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him like she's trying to keep a balloon from floating away.

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The Secret Service is standing there watching, probably thinking nobody trained.

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Us for beach rescue. The timing couldn't be worse.

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Biden's about to host Trump at the White House on

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Wednesday for their traditional post election meeting. You know that

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awkward ritual where the outgoing president has to pretend they're

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thrilled to show the incoming president where all the good snacks.

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Are hidden in the Oval office.

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And somewhere in Delaware, there's a beach that's about to

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get a strongly worded executive order about its walking conditions.

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Though honestly, at this point the sand probably has better

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approval ratings. Personally, I think everyone is missing the big story. Sure,

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Biden is old and the sand was tough to walk on,

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but why was he at a beach in the Northeast

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in November.

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If you're going to do that, you do that in Florida.

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Looks like, for once, Trump got something right.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of

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Ai Sand and Oprah