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Callaroga shark media.
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From Washington, DC, where at least the stock market can't
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crash today, but only because it's a Sunday. This is ballot,
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that's right, and we've all lived long enough that we're
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siding with Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz.
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Even Ted Cruz doesn't like Ted Cruz.
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Hi am Patrick Guttfield, and I love working seven days
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a week so I can afford eggs. Ted Cruz is
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now warning everyone about Trump's trade war. Can you believe it?
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Ted Cruz, the same guy who once called himself Trump's
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strongest supporter in the Senate, is now saying this could
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be the biggest tax hike in a long long time.
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You know things are getting serious when Ted Cruz starts
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sounding the alarm. This is a man who would normally
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defend Trump if he declared the moon was made of cheese.
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But now he's on his podcast saying these tariffs could
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hurt jobs and hurt America. Coming from Cruise, that's basical.
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Believe the economic equivalent of running down the street screaming
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that the sky is falling. Cruz said he talked to
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one of the Big three automakers who told him these
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tariffs could raise car prices by five hundred dollars starting
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as early as June. Five hundred dollars. That's not a
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price increase, that's a down payment on another car.
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And here's the kicker.
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Cruz says foreign car companies might actually benefit more than
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American ones because if you ship a completed car here,
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you pay one tariff. But if you're making cars in
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America with important parts, you're getting hit with tariffs on
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every single part. That's like paying a cover charge at
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a restaurant and then also.
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Paying an entrance fee for each ingredient in your meal.
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Cruz even went full doomsday profit, saying, if we go
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into a bad recession, the twenty twenty six midterms would
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be a bloodbath for Republicans, although I'm not sure if
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he meant that at a warning or if he was
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pitching a new Netflix political thriller. Barack Obama is deeply
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concerned about the Trump administration's actions. That's like you're ex
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texting you that they're a little worried about your choices lately.
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You know something serious is happening when Obama breaks his
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presidential retirement code of silence. Obama spoke at Hamilton College,
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which is fitting because he delivered more shots than the musical.
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He criticized Trump's policies without ever actually saying his name.
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That's classic Obama surgical precision in his attacks while maintaining
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plausible deniability. I never said Trump could have been talking
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about anyone who happens to be a president. Right now,
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Obama's worried about the government threatening universities if they don't
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hand over students exercising free speech.
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I mean, what's next?
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Are we going to start monitoring what people check out
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at libraries? Sir? I'm going to need to see some
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ID for that copy of nineteen eighty four. It seems
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you've been using it as an instruction manual.
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And get this.
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The White House barred the Associated Press from coverage because
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they won't call the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America.
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That's like me refusing to talk to my neighbor because
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he won't refer to my apartment as the palace of Patrick.
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Obama even called out Republicans for their seawins, saying, imagine
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if I had pulled Fox News' credentials from the White
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House Press Corps. He's right if Obama had done that
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Sean Hannity would have spontaneously combusted on live television. The
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best part was when Obama said, I know it's a
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little crazy right now, but we're going to be okay.
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That's such a dad thing to say.
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It's like when your father tries to comfort you after
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the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
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This is fine.
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We're only twenty three miles from civilization, with no cell
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service and one granola bar between us.
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We're going to be okay.
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Meanwhile, Kamala Harris also spoke out, saying there's a sense
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of fear taking hold nationwide. She's kept a low profile
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since November, probably just chilling and thinking, Thank goodness, I
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don't have to deal with any of this. But she
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did say courage is contagious, which is true, unlike the
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Gulf of America, which I'm pretty sure isn't catching on
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anytime soon. Breaking news from across the pond, King Charles
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just played a carrot. Not with a carrot, He played
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an actual carrot.
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That's right.
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His Royal Highness performed Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star on a
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carrot recorder at a musical reception. And you thought Prince
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Harry was the wild one in the family. This vegetable
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virtuoso performance happened at an event celebrating community music groups
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across the United Kingdom. Among the performers was the London
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Vegetable Orchestra. And no, I didn't just make that up.
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These people turn produce into instruments. Apparently the Royal pr
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team is just a bunch of dads with crowns.
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Three hundred and.
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Fifty musical groups showed up to this thing. Can you
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imagine three hundred and forty nine legitimate musical organizations and
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then some guy with a hollowed out zucchini. Yes, hello,
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I'm the first chair rutabaga in the London Vegetable Orchestra.
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Where shall I put my turnip trumpet? After his carrot performance,
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the King reportedly said he hopes they eat the carrots
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because he wouldn't want any food to go to waste.
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That's Charles for you, saving the environment, one musical vegetable
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at a time. The man waited seventy three years to
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become king, and this is what he's doing with his power.
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His mother must be looking down thinking, I held onto
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the throne as long as I could. Other performers included
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the London Gay Men's Chorus and the songs for Ukraine Chorus.
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Which makes sense.
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But the Vegetable Orchestra, that's the kind of group that
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gets invited when you're the king and nobody can tell
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you no, your Majesty, should we invite the Royal Philharmonic?
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No, get me the people who play broccoli.
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Meanwhile, have you seen what's happening in Birmingham, England this week?
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The garbage collectors are on strike and there's seventeen thousand
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tons of trash piling up on the streets. Seventeen thousand tons.
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That's approximately the weight of my last relationship's emotional baggage.
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Welcome to Birmingham, England, where the city's new tourism slogan
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is mine the Rats. They've gone from Britain's second city
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to Britain's stinkiest city faster than you can say, where's
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my respirator? This standoff between garbage workers and city officials
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has gotten so bad that Birmingham had to declare a
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major incident.
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You know you've got problems when your garbage.
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Situation qualifies as a disaster on par with floods and
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terror attacks. Their emergency response plan have you tried holding
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your nose. One resident said, and I quote, there are
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so many rats that the cats don't chase them when
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your cats are looking at rats saying nah, I'm good.
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You know the situation is gotten out of hand. These
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rats aren't even scared anymore. They're organizing, forming committees discussing
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rent control. Some desperate residents are loading twenty bags of
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trash in their cars to drive to the dump themselves.
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Can you imagine that smell?
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That car is basically a moving biohazard. You'd have to
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burn the vehicle afterward, which would probably.
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Smell better than the garbage.
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The workers are striking because some could lose up to
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eight thousand pounds a year with the new restructuring plan.
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That's about ten four hundred dollars.
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The city disputes this, saying only seventeen people would lose
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just over six thousand pounds. Oh, only six thousand pounds.
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That makes it fine. Then, sorry about your rent payment,
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but the good news is you're only one of seventeen
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people who can't afford it anymore. The garbage crisis has
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gotten so desperate that one Birmingham lawmaker set a constituent
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had written to say they'd been bitten by a rat.
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Bitten by a rat in England that's supposed to have
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but in New York, not the UK, those British rats
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are getting up petied forgetting their place in the social hierarchy.
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Portions of today's show were made with the help of
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high tariffs, AI carrots and garbage eating rats.